Starless Nights (Hale Brothers Series Book 2) (8 page)

She couldn’t afford any more?
I don’t know what to say so I don’t say anything. It’s strange because in so many ways, I know this girl, everything about her, but then she says stuff like this and I wonder, how well do I know her now?

“Beau, why are you not talking to me? You have to know how much this hurts my feelings.”

Her words shake me from the ‘what ifs’ running through my head, reality slams into me, and I recoil from her. I instantly let her go, push her off of me, and look down at her face.

She flinches at the change in my body language and the expression on my face.

“Hurt
your
feelings? Leila, you were the one who cut me off and told me that you were going to forget me. I will never forget that and you will never know what you did to
me
.”

“I’m sorry, I thought it was for the best.”

“For the best! Best for who? No, you aren’t sorry or you wouldn’t have done it. Did you honestly think after everything that happened, you could move back here and I would welcome you with open arms? No way. You and I are no more and you made sure of that.”

She was already pale before but the little color she did have drains away. She looks a little confused, but then a piece of her hair falls over her face and her eyes once again fill with tears.

Just seeing her like this is breaking my heart and I need to get out of this room and away from her.

“Listen, I’m so sorry to hear about your grandmother and for your loss. We may not be friends anymore but that doesn’t mean that I don’t still care about you.”

“So, that’s it, we aren’t friends anymore?”

“No.” I wanted it to sound more firm, but it came out almost like a whisper instead.

She flinches and takes another step back from me as more tears roll down her face. By the way she just pulled away and folds into herself, I know that I made her day worse and now I feel like the worst person in the world. I shouldn’t though; she’s the one that sealed our fate, not me.

“Okay Beau.” Defeated, the only word to describe the way she sounds.

THE DOORMAN CHECKS his list, sees that I’m on it for Ali, and lets me pass. I pound on the elevator button to her floor willing it to move faster.

It finally dings open, I sprint down the hallway to her apartment, and bang on the door.

Ali opens it. Shock and alarm are on her face.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” I yell at her.

“Tell you what?” she sees how upset I am.

“That Beau is already here.” I push past her and walk into the living room, throwing myself on the couch.

“No he isn’t.” She says as she follows behind me.

“Oh, wow, so you really didn’t know? Well, he is! He came into the café this morning and I felt ambushed. I wasn’t ready to see him and I certainly wasn’t ready to talk to him after all of this time.”

“I didn’t know he was here and how does he know where you work?” Ali doesn’t sit. She just stares down at me.

“He didn’t. It was completely random and right after I opened the door.”

“At five in the morning?”

“Yep, and he looked terrible too.” Worry lines slowly seep into Ali’s face.

“Explain that to me,” she says, as she starts pacing back and forth in front of the couch.

“I don’t know, he just didn’t look like himself. His usual spark was gone. He looked tired and stressed.”

“Maybe he is. I wonder why he didn’t tell us he was here.” Ali walks over to the window and looks out, although I doubt she is actually looking at anything.

“Matt came with him and he said that he just wanted to get settled in.” The hurt on her face is evident and now I feel bad. Here I had been thinking that she was keeping this from me, when really he was keeping this from all of us. Not that he would ever tell me but I would have liked to of known that he was in town.

“I wonder if Drew knows,” she says, more to herself than me.

“Wouldn’t he have told you? I got the impression from Beau that he hasn’t told anyone. Charlie came in and met him.”

She turns back to me and her face is lit up with interest. “How did that go?”

“Of course Charlie acted like he didn’t know who he was, but he did. It was awkward.”

“Poor Beau.” The worry lines are back.

“What do you mean poor Beau? Did you forget . . . he is the one who left me?” I can’t sit still anymore so I get up and start pacing around the room too.

“I still don’t understand why you never asked him why he left.”

“Because it doesn’t matter.” Ali’s watching me closely. It does matter. I know this and so does she.

“Come on, I’m going to make you a margarita.”

Sitting outside on her little balcony, my heart races. Ali left to take a phone call from her father and now here I sit staring out at the surrounding skyline of New York City. This city always seemed so big to me, but now that I know he’s here, it feels so small.

Taking a sip of the margarita, I think back to the one and only time I have ever been drunk.

Grant, a friend of Beau’s, is throwing one of his infamous parties and this one is to celebrate the end of the school year. It is the beginning of the summer before my senior year, almost to the day of my return, one year prior.

I don’t really want to go to the party but Chase, my cousin, convinced me that it would be fun. And it is, until about half way through the evening. Every school has that one group of guys and one group of girls, that no matter what, they sit at the top. Of course Beau, Drew, and their friends are those guys; but the girls are Cassidy, Lisa and their friends.

They are all sitting together and laughing and as the minutes tick by, Lisa gets closer and closer to Beau. There are always rumors about Beau and Drew with some girl or another, but this is the first time that I am seeing it up close and personal. The margaritas, which are the drink of the evening, are going down a little too easily.

At some point in the evening, I wander inside to go to the bathroom. The door isn’t closed all the way so I push it open only to find Lisa sitting on the counter with her legs and arms wrapped around Beau.

They didn’t hear the door open and the way they are kissing breaks every piece of my heart. A noise escapes me, both of them jerk their heads my way, and Beau’s eyes lock with mine. I’m certain that I look like a deer in headlights but I am frozen and can’t move.

Beau doesn’t say anything, he’s just stares at me.

Beside him, Lisa starts snapping her fingers. “Earth to Leila,” she drawls out in a sarcastic tone.

My eyes skip to her.

“We’re kind of busy here. Can you leave?” Complete distaste drips off of her words.

My eyes jump back to Beau’s. My chin trembles. Tears fill my eyes and his brows furrow.

Why?

Why did I have to see this? Maybe this is what I needed, the final nail in the coffin to make me move past him, this—this feeling of hope I carry around for him. All this time, all these years, there really has been no point.

“Sorry.” That’s all I can get out. One tear falls and Beau’s breathing picks up. I can’t tell if he looks angry or concerned. It doesn’t matter, not any more. I slowly back out of the bathroom. His eyes never leave mine. As I’m closing the door, I hear Lisa call me a freak.

My sudden need to go to the bathroom has left me and I wander back out to the party. I need Chase to take me home but I can’t find him. Wandering over to the bar, I pick up two more drinks and take them down to the end of the dock.

There are people everywhere but I just don’t care. Before I moved, Beau was my only real friend. I spent all of my time with him, and since I’ve been back, it’s been hard to make new ones.

I wanted to move back here so badly to see him, be near him, just anything that had to do with him, but seeing him tonight I wish I never had. Throughout this entire year, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake him. He’s ignored me, laughed at me, and once again, he’s hurt me. And what upsets me the most is he just doesn’t care.

Finishing the first drink, I set the cup down and press the heels of my hand to my eyes. Everything has started to feel numb and I’m glad. I just want to go home.

“Leila.”

I freeze at the sound of his voice. He’s behind me. I can feel my heart rate as it picks up. Saying nothing, I bring the second drink to my lips and then throw my head back to swallow every last drop.

“Leila, why don’t you let me take you home?” he says quietly.

Is he joking? Why on earth is he offering this? And, I’m pretty certain that what I saw a few minutes ago meant he is too busy to have to deal with me. Or maybe they’ve finished; the thought sickens me and breaks me further.

“What makes you think I would go anywhere with you?” I don’t look at him. I just continue to stare out across the water wishing my cup was still full.

“Chase left,” he says.

What?
My head whips around and my eyes dart up to his. “What do you mean he left?!” Beau’s eyes travel over my face and I feel heat spread through my cheeks. His gaze switches to one of pity. He doesn’t get to feel that way about me.

“He couldn’t find you and told Grant so you would know to get a ride home.”

Fury burns in my veins. I’m going to kill Chase. I didn’t even want to come to this stupid party in the first place. Mixtures of emotions flip through me: anger, humiliation, sadness, loneliness.

All of the fight that I have left in me vanishes. I don’t know who to ask, and I really don’t want to walk home. “Fine, but I want to go now.”

“Okay.”

Very ungracefully I stand up. Now that I’m moving, I realize these drinks have affected me more than I initially thought. Walking towards Beau, I stumble, and he reaches out to catch me. For a split second, his hands on me calm me, but then I smell Lisa’s perfume.

“Don’t touch me,” I say in a low tone.

He pulls his hands back like I have stung him, and has the audacity to look upset.

Together we walk back up the dock and through the party. The music is too loud and the lights are now too bright. My head hurts. My stomach aches. My heart is broken. I can’t get home fast enough.

We are silent for most of the ride. I look over at him discreetly and try to memorize every detail of him: his profile, his hand on the steering wheel, the way his jeans fit his thighs. I’ve never been in a car with him before, where he is driving. How I wish this spot in the passenger seat was mine, but I know it’s not and never will be. The thought of Lisa sitting here causes my stomach to clinch. I roll down the window so the fresh air can hit my face.

Beau pulls up in front of my little house and puts the car in park. I don’t even know how he knows where I live I’ve certainly never told him.

He turns and focuses on me. My entire body blushes, and the space in the Tahoe suddenly feels like it’s shrinking. I continue to look out the window at my tiny home.

“I’m sorry if what you saw tonight hurt you,” he says into the quiet space between us.

Hurt me?
He has no idea how much he has hurt me. Pulling in every amount of self-control and strength that I have, I turn to face him.

“You didn’t hurt me. You can’t hurt me. I stopped allowing that three and half years ago on the day I moved. You lost your right to hurt me.” I had been hoping this would have come out more firm and assertive, but it didn’t, and knowing him, he probably saw right through my words.