Starr Fated (19 page)

So when Jamie
suggested we go up to the bedroom before the end of the ball, I
agreed. And I really threw myself into things, practically ripping
Jamie's shirt off him in the lift up to our room, because surely
any second now all those sexual urges would kick in I thought, as I
ignored the voice in my head screaming out that this was all
wrong.

I even
stripped out of my dress, down to the sexy black silk corset I'd
borrowed from Abbey along with the dress. I saw the look of lust in
Jamie’s eyes as he stared hungrily at me. Neither could I miss his
enormous erection when he got me to take his trousers off. The
thought of
that
…going
there
….really scared me,
because it was surely going to be really painful, but I carried on
anyway.

“You can do
this, force yourself to relax, just get it over and done with,” I
kept telling myself as I gritted my teeth, ignoring the fact that I
hated this sleazy, tatty, soulless hotel room where I was finally
going to lose my virginity. I tried to persuade myself that this
was a special occasion, and I encouraged Jamie to say some nice
words to me.

You
shouldn’t have to force yourself. This isn’t right. He isn’t right.
He’s not The One
, the voice in my head kept arguing.

We lay down on
the bed together, but as Jamie tried to touch me and take things
further, the voice in my head screamed so loudly that I just
couldn’t ignore it any longer. I tried to stop him and push him
away as I begged him to stop.

But by then
Jamie wouldn’t take no for an answer as he was way past his point
of no return, and I couldn’t really blame him after the way I’d
acted towards him, could I? He’d been so patient with me for so
long, and all evening I’d led him on and on, but now he scared me
as he held me down and tried to force my legs apart so he could
force me to carry on, and I found myself screaming at him to
stop.

Then there was
a knock at the door, causing Jamie to relax his grip on me for just
a few seconds, and I seized the opportunity to wriggle out of his
grasp and run for the door. Then I grabbed my things and fled the
scene, pushing past the security guy standing there, just anxious
to just get myself as far away as quickly as I could.

I stopped in
the ladies cloakroom along the corridor to slip my dress and shoes
on again, and check how much money I had, regretting the fact that
I’d insisted on going Dutch and buying my own drinks earlier on. I
was hoping I could scrape together enough for a taxi back. In the
shaken state I was in, I really didn’t want to have to use public
transport, especially as in my haste to escape I’d left my coat and
overnight bag behind. I totted up all my cash and thought I had
just about enough, and as I knew I had a little more cash at home
in my emergency fund, I thought I could always get that to pay the
taxi driver if necessary.

So I made my
way down to the reception, and as I asked if they could call me a
taxi, the security guy reappeared. He was a well built, middle aged
man, bald with nice kind grey eyes.

“Are you sure
you’re alright, Miss?” He looked at me with such concern that I
just burst into tears, much to my embarrassment.

“I’m sorry,
I’m fine, really. It was just a misunderstanding,” I managed to
croak out. “It wasn’t really his fault, honestly. But now I would
just like to get out of here, so if you could call a taxi for me,
that would be really great.”

“Of course. I
can certainly organise that for you, if that’s what you want. Come
and sit in the security office while you’re waiting, and I’ll get
you something for that cut on your lip,” he frowned, as he
indicated the way to his small office.

I hadn't even
noticed, but as I tentatively felt my lip with my tongue, I could
taste blood. Then it came back to me, how Jamie had caught my lip
when he’d pulled his hand away after I'd bitten him.

I realised I
was shivering as I sat there in the small office, partly I think
from shock, and partly from cold, so I appreciated the fleece
jacket that was quietly slipped around my shoulders.

“Reception are
just calling our usual taxi firm, so you shouldn’t have too long to
wait. Are you hurt anywhere else? I can get a doctor for you – a
female one if you would prefer. Or I can still call the police for
you. It’s not too late, you know.” He gently placed a cold compress
on my lip, and I realised he was trying to assess whether I'd
actually been raped.

“Thank you,
but I’m fine, really. No major harm done.”

“My name’s
Kevin Smith, by the way. I’m an ex copper, and I still have some
connections in the force. One phone call is all it would take.”

“No, I know
how all this must look, but it really isn’t as bad as it seems. It
was just a… misunderstanding.” I didn't volunteer my name to him. I
didn’t want any record or connection to this place once I left.

“A
misunderstanding? Loud screams were heard, and this is evidence
that you’ve been assaulted,” he pointed out as he gently dabbed my
lip, and I could see him looking at the red marks on my wrists.

“Things just
got a bit out of hand. It’s only a tiny cut, it was an accident, he
didn't mean to hurt me,” I insisted as I tentatively touched my
lip. “He’s really not a bad guy, and I don’t want to make a
fuss.”

“Is there
anyone I can call for you?”

I thought
about contacting Abbey, but I dismissed the idea straight away. The
fewer people who knew any details about tonight’s debacle the
better. And anyway, I remembered she was out at a student fashion
show tonight.

“No, I’ll be
fine once I get home.”

When the taxi
arrived, the security guy insisted on seeing me safely into it,
also insisting I keep hold of his fleece jacket, telling me I could
return it another day.

I told the
taxi to take me back to the house, safe in the knowledge that it
would be empty tonight as the other boys were both away, but I knew
I couldn’t stay on there after what had happened tonight. After I’d
quickly worked through all my possible options, I tried ringing
Abbey, but when she didn't answer, I left a message on her
voicemail asking her to call me back as soon as possible. I had no
intention of telling her all the details of why, but I wanted to
ask if I could crash at her place for a couple of days, just until
I'd handed all my final coursework in at uni. Then I thought I
could use some of my unexpected wages from Starr Capitol to buy
myself an airline ticket to go and spend some time with my family
in Ireland. I really wanted to get completely away, to escape and I
felt a sudden strong urge to see my Gran again. And leaving would
give Jamie the space to work on his finals that his big brother had
warned me were so important, so he’d no doubt be glad to see the
back of me.

When my mobile
started ringing just as I got back to the house, at first I assumed
it was Abbey calling me back. I was horrified when I saw it was
Liam instead. I ignored it, but didn't switch my phone off because
I didn't want to risk missing Abbey’s call.

This could
mean only one thing. Jamie had rung Liam to tell him about the
disastrous outcome tonight, and ever the protective big brother, he
was on the war path to make sure I wasn’t going to make trouble.
Well, he could just go to hell.

I ignored his
calls and texts, but what I hadn’t counted on was him turning up at
the house and letting himself in. Luckily, I had instinctively
locked my bedroom door as soon as I got in there, and although I
didn't think he had a spare of the key to my room, I still propped
a chair against the door.

Despite me
telling him to go away, Liam just wouldn’t leave. He insisted he
would wait outside my room until I came out, even if he had to wait
all night and I knew he probably would do exactly that. So I
reluctantly let him in. And the stupid thing was, the minute I saw
him, all I wanted was for him to hold me. All I could think about
was how wonderful it would feel right now to be wrapped up in those
big strong arms of his, leaning against his broad chest feeling
safe and protected as I had before. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

He wanted me
to tell him what had happened. What could I say?

“I thought I
could go ahead and have sex with Jamie. It turned out I couldn’t.
It wasn’t his fault. I acted badly. I should have put a stop to
things sooner,” I told him as succinctly as I could.

“There’s no
excuse. He had no right to try and force you,” Liam exclaimed
vehemently, much to my surprise. I expected him to be the one
making excuses for his brother.

“Jamie was
severely provoked. It was my fault. I led him on. Don’t be so hard
on him,” I tried to explain.

“No,
Seraphina! How can you possibly make excuses for him? A woman
always has the right to say no. Sex always has to be fully
consensual,” Liam insisted, as he glared at the cut on my lip.

“It wasn’t
really his fault. I couldn’t go through with it… I couldn’t let
him…. because…”

“Because?” He
stared at me intently.

I took a deep
breath. I was going to be out of here, out of his life after this,
so I decided I might as well just tell him the truth, because I
didn't have the energy to try and come up with some sort of
pathetic lie. Then Liam would leave me alone, scared off by this
stupid little girl who had a juvenile crush on him.

“Because when
Jamie kissed me, it didn't feel the way it did when you kissed me.
I wished he was you. It felt all wrong, as if I was with the wrong
person, and I just couldn’t let things carry on. Even though it
would probably have been easier, I couldn’t lie back and just let
it happen.”

I expected
Liam to laugh at me, or make some pithy retort. But he didn't. He
looked pained, and he just sat there, as he kept his distance and
made no move to touch me. He was repulsed it seemed.

“I see.
Seraphina, right now you must be feeling very confused and upset.
Maybe we can talk when things have calmed down a bit. But I do need
to ask you…”

“What?”

“Jamie said
there was talk about getting the police involved. So I have to
ask…”

That was why
he was here, why he was being so nice to me. He was worried I'd
report his brother to the police. I suddenly felt weary and tired,
bone crushingly tired, and I couldn’t wait to be done with all
this.

“I haven’t
involved the police,” I sighed. “There won’t be any come back or
any trouble. I just want to forget about it. I’ll be moving out,
and that will be an end of the matter.”

“Moving out?
But… I thought you liked it here…” Liam looked confused.

“I did, but I
can hardly stay here under the circumstance, can I?” For a
supposedly clever man he was being pretty dense.

“But where
will you go?”

“Abbey will
let me stay with her.
I hope
. Perhaps if I could just ask
you to keep Jamie away until I've moved out, say by lunchtime
tomorrow, that might be easier all round?”

“Of course, if
that’s what you want. But don’t do anything hasty. As I said, we
need to talk.”

“What’s there
talk about, Liam?” I stared at him, willing him to say something
about what had happened between us, to admit that he had felt the
same connection that I had. But of course he didn’t, although he
did have the grace to look uncomfortable.

“You’ve just
been through a terrible experience, so now is not the right time
for any kind of a discussion. But you are going to call into the
office on Monday, aren’t you?”

Of course. He
was worried about his precious designs.

“I’ve already
said you’ll have all the designs first thing on Monday morning,
haven’t I?” I replied frostily. So now he doubted my word?

“Good,” he
smiled in relief. “So, is there anything I can do to help? Anything
I can get you?”

“No, I’m
fine.” He clearly couldn’t wait to see the back of me, and was
willing to offer assistance in order to speed things along.

“I see. Look,
I hate leaving you alone, but I really should go and check on
Jamie.”

“That’s fine,
you go. To be honest, I’d really rather just be left alone right
now,” I smiled weakly at him.

“Okay. But
please keep in touch, and if you need help, in any way at all,
don’t hesitate to ask. And for what it’s worth, I'm really sorry
how things turned out, and I’m truly ashamed of how appallingly my
brother behaved towards you.” He was obviously pissed at having to
get involved in this messy business between Jamie and me.

“Forget about
it. That’s all I want to do, just move on and put it all behind
me.” I stood up and opened the door to encourage him to leave. “Oh,
if you’re headed to the hotel, perhaps you’d drop this back to the
security guy who lent it to me? I think he said his name was
Kevin.” I handed him the fleece.

“You didn't
even have your coat when you left?” he asked, as he stared on the
marks on my arms from where Jamie had held me down. I just
shrugged.
You work it out. I ran out before Jamie could grab me
again
. Then I watched him get up and hopefully walk out of my
life for good.

~*~

Once Liam had
gone, I slowly got undressed, but my mind was in such turmoil that
I knew I was never going to be able to sleep. The more I thought
about escaping to Ireland, the more appealing it became, and so I
decided I might as well get on with finalising all my design work,
both for Starr Capital, and for university. So I worked through the
night until I was satisfied I had everything done.

Abbey rang me
back the following morning, full of apologies for not getting back
to me sooner. I stopped her when she tried to tell me the finer
details of what she’d been up to that had kept her so busily
occupied, because I really did not want to know any of the gory
details of her sex life. But her delay in getting back to me meant
I’d had time to rethink my plans, after making a couple of phone
calls and spending some time online.