State of Grace (12 page)
My head has a floating feeling, like it’s not attached to my neck properly or something. Now the talk on the balcony is all about what predotliness is and how to find it.
Except I’m not saying anything. I’m focusing on getting off Gil’s balcony as fast as possible. There’s this feeling kind of boiling up inside me. I can’t identify it, not completely.
The sky flashes and rumbles overhead. Then the wind gusts up. It rattles the roof of Gil’s hut so that one whole edge lifts up then crashes back down again. Gil’s entire hut looks like it’s coming apart. Any hut might, including the one with Dennis inside.
I find myself remembering that Dennis isn’t much bigger than Julius. He’s all alone in that hut, small and precalm too, most likely.
And out of nowhere I think,
Not again, I can’t let it happen again.
Fern comes towards me from out of the mass, her eyes all big and glittery. She’s talking to me but I can’t hear her properly. Or more to the point, I’m not listening. I’m trying to make sense of that last thought. Dennis, Julius … I can’t let
what
happen again?
‘Did you know Gil could talk to Dot like that?’ Fern repeats. ‘Come over with me.’
Something’s telling me to leave Gil’s hut right now. I have to get to Dennis. I guess it’s because I want to help Dennis disappear. You know, before anyone finds out about me and him and Dot’s test. Before I’m
exposed
.That has to be it, right?
‘Wren?’ Fern trills, her round face hovering so close to mine our noses are practically touching.
I push her out of the way, literally shove her aside.
‘I can’t now,’ I hear myself snap as Fern recoils.
‘I’ll come talk to Gil!’
It’s Luna. She rushes forward, pulling Fern with her. Somehow Luna scrambles onto someone else’s shoulders until she’s right in front of Gil, kissing him directly on the mouth like the two of them are going to hook up right there on the balcony.
‘I tasted Dot. I really did,’ she squeals.
Then everyone wants to kiss Gil, and Brook’s trying to stop them all by making a barrier with his arms.
I force my way through and kind of tumble down the stairs. Out on the path, the rain’s coming down sideways but I don’t even care. All I want to do is run and run and only stop when I make it to Dennis.
A
T LEAST WHEN
I’m running, I’m not thinking about why I’m running in the first place. My feet slide everywhere on the slick path but all that matters is putting distance between me and Gil’s hut, and getting closer to Dennis. Until somebody comes up behind me.
Brook
, I think, turning around. He has this way of popping up right when I’m feeling my most precalm.
Except it isn’t Brook. It’s Blaze, grabbing onto me so I have to stop running.
‘I went to Gil’s,’ he says.
I give my arm this big shake but apparently not hard enough for Blaze to let go of me or anything.
‘Brook said he saw you run off.’
Brook misses nothing, I swear.
There’s a flash and a roll, still close together. The wind has turned quiet things noisy. Shutters slam, roofs creak and huts groan and shudder on their stilts.
I have to shout so Blaze can hear me. ‘And you care because?’
Since the pond, I’ve had zero interest in talking to Blaze. I’ve done everything I could to avoid it. And then came the whole falling out of the hammock thing and our little encounter after.
That
made me want to act like the guy was never even created.
Blaze, all intense and quiet with his goodnight rhymes and prenormal eyes. Blaze, who acted funny when I suggested hooking up, which is something Dot created us to want. Just being close to him makes me feel prehealthy in the stomach.
Then, straight out, Blaze says, ‘You see things. I know you do.’
Another flash. Another roll. Blaze is leaning in towards me now. Between the rain and the clouds and the whipping wind, I can hardly see him. But I can feel him, right up close, breathing on the top of my wet head.
‘Tell me what you see.’
He makes a grab for my other arm and I’m all caught up trying to pull away. There’s this crack as a branch shears off a tree and circles through the air.
Then, gentler, Blaze says, ‘Come inside.’
‘I’m not going back to Gil’s.’
‘No, my hut.’
‘I need to be somewhere.’
‘Now? You know storms are dangerous.’
Storm
.
Now Blaze says it, I remember the word. There hasn’t been a storm since we were created, and there’s no mention of them in the Books. It’s just one more word I shouldn’t know, and yet I do. I’m not telling Blaze that though. I can hardly admit it to myself.
Anyway, there on the path in the rain, me and Blaze are stuck. We can’t move because I won’t come to his hut and he won’t let me
not
come. According to him, it’s not safe to go anywhere or do anything now there’s a storm. I’m in the middle of wondering whether we’re going to stay like this all night when an even bigger gust of wind blows up. This time it’s so strong it snaps an entire tree. There’s a creaking sound and then I swear to Dot the palm on the edge of the orchard comes crashing down on top of the empty huts. Wood splinters. Two, maybe three, roofs have split.
Dennis’s? It’s too wet, too prelight, too precalm to see anything. All I can do is feel things and hear things, like the rain stinging my face and chunks of wood colliding in the air.
Blaze grabs me again and this time I’m totally sure he’s not going to let go.
‘Come to my hut,’ he yells.
‘No.’ Rain runs in these thick rivers down both our faces. ‘I have to do something first.’
‘Okay,’ Blaze says. ‘Then I’m coming too.’
____________________
I couldn’t tell you which one of us is less enthusiastic. Maybe Blaze, when he figures out we’re running towards the wrecked huts instead of away from them. In fact, he calls me prenormal and presmart and pre-pretty much everything else you can think of. I don’t answer and I don’t stop.
Now I’m about to tell him about Dennis, now that there’s no way I can get out of it, I just want us to get there.
Naturally, Blaze doesn’t want to go inside Dennis’s hut. He stands on the path shouting his head off, but I just barge past him up the stairs. I guess he has to follow me then. Inside, the shutters are banging in the wind and the rain’s coming in. Dot’s portrait’s on the floor in pieces but the roof ’s all there, intact, above our heads.
All I can see of Dennis is his face, a pale circle in the prelight. It’s streaked with dirt and what looks a whole lot like tears.
There’s a lot of things it would make sense for Blaze to do right then. Go over and check if Dennis is real, for one.
Turn to me and say, ‘Where did he come from?’ or ‘How did he get here?’ or ‘What’s going on?’
Anything, really, except for what he does, which is step out of the way and wait for me to go over to Dennis.
Dennis wipes his nose with his sleeve and draws a long, deep ragged breath. I’m pretty sure he’s going to start crying again.
‘I’m not scared,’ he says. ‘Only little kids are scared of storms.’
I tell Dennis what happened with the tree and how the huts next door might be wrecked but the hut he’s in is completely okay. He thinks about it. Then he straightens out his rumpled sungarb and smiles.
In a low voice, I say to Blaze, ‘He’s leaving. He’s going to disappear.’
But Dennis comes over to Blaze and sticks out his little hand. I guess Blaze doesn’t do the right thing though because Dennis suddenly grabs Blaze’s hand in his. Then he sort of pumps Blaze’s hand up and down.
‘Pleased to meet you,’ Dennis says.
Blaze laughs, but in a nice way.
Dennis goes, ‘What? Don’t you know that’s polite?’
‘Yeah?’ says Blaze. In typical Blaze fashion, he doesn’t seem to have a clue what to say next. Finally he manages, ‘You’re … um … you’re smart to know that.’
‘
Everybody
knows that.’ Dennis kind of pauses then, like something’s only just hitting him. ‘I’ve worked it out. You’re aliens. You’re from outer space.’
I have no idea whether Blaze knows what Dennis means by
outer space
.
‘Could be,’ Blaze says. ‘We’re not sure.’
I don’t know if Dennis gets Blaze. I wouldn’t blame him, because I don’t either.
Dennis fixes him with a puzzled look and says, ‘Well, maybe you’re not aliens. But you’re definitely not like anyone else in Woodend.’
‘That’s where you live?’
Now Blaze turns to me. ‘You found him?’
‘Last night, over by the lagoon.’
‘Told anyone?’
I shake my head.
‘No-one?’
Another shake.
‘Why not?’
‘Because it’s my fault he’s here. I mean … it’s because of me.’
Probably Blaze’s losing half of what I’m saying since I’m pretty much whisper-blurting it straight at the floorboards.
‘I’m not predotly, I swear. At least, I’m trying not to be. But I think what’s happening is … I think Dot’s testing me. I don’t know, maybe I …’
I trail off and sneak a glance at Blaze. What’s he going to think about Dot’s test? What’s he going to think about me now he knows Dot’s testing me?
I clear my throat. ‘Like I said, it’s a test. Plus, he’s going. Tonight. Then everything can just go back to the way it was.’
‘Won’t happen.’
‘It will. I’m going to make it. I’m going to pass Dot’s test and show her that I –’
Blaze is fully grinning now as he interrupts me. ‘If he’s here, then the Books are wrong.’
‘Don’t say that. It’s not true. That’s what this whole thing is all about. Dot’s sent Dennis to test how much I believe in her. I’ll never pass if you go around saying the Books are wrong. I’m not going to let you. It’s not even –’
‘Stop.’
‘Why should I? I don’t want to fail. Otherwise I’ll be predotly and I’ll never be chosen and –’
Blaze shakes his head, side to side, really slowly. ‘The Books aren’t real. Maybe even Dot herself isn’t.’
‘Don’t you get it? That’s what she’s testing!’ Then something occurs to me. ‘She could be testing you too.’
I fold my arms, thinking maybe that’s going to change his mind. But it seems like nothing’s going to stop Blaze. Apparently he hasn’t heard one single thing I’ve said.
‘It’s made up. The whole thing.’
That’s when I know for sure what I’d pretty much already guessed. ‘You’re not going to help me, are you? You’re planning on making everything worse.’ I can feel my eyes narrowing, daring Blaze to disagree.
Not that Blaze seems to notice or care. He just says, ‘We have to tell everyone.’
I’m struggling to comprehend this suggestion, to imagine myself announcing to the rest of creation how Dot’s testing me but how, in Blaze’s mind, that means everything we thought was true just so happens not to be.
Blaze seems to be handling the whole concept just fine, though. He’s gone from not knowing how to talk to Dennis to raining questions down on him. You know, like where we are, and how exactly Dennis got here.
Once Dennis gets over the fact Blaze doesn’t know where he is, he tells him that what we call ‘creation’ is actually Club Naturelle.
‘It’s like a resort. For weirdos. For people who want to walk around with their clothes off. Nudists. That’s what it said on the computer anyway.’
Then Blaze wants to know who’s in charge of Club Naturelle, which is when I have to interrupt.
‘Dot’s in charge,’ I remind Blaze. ‘There is no-one else.’
‘It doesn’t work like that out there.’
‘Oh, like you know so much about
out there
?’ In a rush I add, ‘If there even was such a thing.’
Blaze doesn’t exactly meet my eyes. Suddenly, I get the feeling Blaze has seen a whole lot more of
out there
than me. Or thinks he has, anyway. Not everything, obviously, because he didn’t know about the hand thing Dennis did. But a lot.
Part of me is wondering exactly what sort of things he’s seen in his head, and how long he’s been seeing them.
But I don’t ask. That would mean telling Blaze what I’ve seen. That would mean admitting it out loud.
Dennis has no idea who’s in charge of Club Naturelle anyway. He only found out about it on something called the
Tech Specs
forum. According to him, he logs onto it using something he calls a
screen name.
Not his, but Nathan’s, which I can tell from how he’s acting that he shouldn’t have done. From the way Dennis describes things, I’m guessing it was the Tech Specs forum I was reading when the device started to ring.
‘I could search Club Naturelle for you,’ Dennis goes. ‘I’m awesome with the internet.’
‘Yeah,’ Blaze says. ‘Search it.’
It’s clear even to me that Blaze doesn’t really know what this means.
Dennis’s proud smile collapses. ‘I can’t. She wrecked Nathe’s device.’
But Blaze doesn’t give up when he finds this out. Now he wants to know who wrote about Club Naturelle on the forum, and exactly what they said. He tells Dennis even that information might be useful.
‘Some of it had to do with her,’ is all Dennis will say, looking at me. He studies Blaze for a minute, his big build, twisted hair and red-brown skin. ‘And maybe you.’
He tells Blaze exactly what was written there, about how I’m the redhead who was
up for it
and how the big guy with the
dreads
looks like a
choofer
. For some reason, he seems to find it difficult to tell us.
Blaze just goes on asking questions. Next he asks who told Dennis about Club Naturelle.
Dennis says, ‘I only know the screen name. Someone who’s never posted before.’
‘What name?’ Blaze asks. ‘What was it?’ He’s talking quickly now, quicker than I’ve ever heard him talk before.
‘FancyVividBlue. I never forget stuff.’ For a second, Dennis looks pleased with himself. But then he says, ‘I’m not really meant to … Nathe would kill me if he knew I was posting on his forum.’
Blaze turns to me. ‘FancyVividBlue. That’s where we start. Dennis takes us out the gate and we look for FancyVividBlue, whoever that is. Maybe they know something.’
Inside my head, I’m practically screaming. What is Blaze even talking about?