State of Grace (2 page)

Plus, Jasper’s
fun
. You know, the right-in-the-middle-of-everything type. Loud, energetic … out there, if that’s the right expression. The first one awake in the morning and the last one back to his hut at night.

However it is she does it, Dot made me and Jasper from the exact same stuff, I guarantee it.

Jasper grabs me around the waist and pulls me over to him. And then (because, you know, I’m probably not even half his size) he lifts me right out of the water and drapes me over his shoulder so my head’s hanging down his back and my legs are churning the air.

‘Not fair! Put me down!’

I twist around and kind of bite Jasper’s neck but he acts like he doesn’t even feel it. I guess maybe me and Jasper will hook up again later tonight.

We could if we wanted, as long as one of us has hooked up with someone else since the last time we were together. We can’t hook up twice in a row. No-one can. It says so in the Books. It wouldn’t be dotly to do that, since it wouldn’t exactly be loving everyone equally.

I’ll check. There’s a chance me and Jasper might have to wait, maybe till completion night.

It’s not long now, as I remind myself … oh … about every single time I breathe in or out. Three-hundred-and-fifty-eight days down, seven more to go.

Completion night is going to be massive. There’s this whole big description of it in the Book of the Chosen and I’ve read that section so many times, I swear my Books scroll there all by themselves.

You see, Dot wants us to have a big party on the lawn to celebrate the three-hundred-and-sixty-fifth night since we were created. That night, Dot’s announcing her chosen ones. It says in the Books that Dot has a special purpose for them. We don’t know what that’s going to be, how many of us are going to be chosen or why completion night’s even called that.

But we do know that only the dotliest will be getting picked. At least, that’s what we figure. It has to be, doesn’t it?

Anyway, the one sure thing is every single one of us wants to be chosen. It’d literally be the best thing ever.

But anyway. Right now, I’m still upside-down, squealing and flipping around on Jasper’s back when I see Gil wading towards us. Gil’s all white, kind of like the underside of a lizard. He says something I don’t hear, and Jasper lets go of me and I end up in the water. I’m so close to Gil I’m practically standing on his feet.

‘Say again?’ I ask him.

Dot created Gil to talk really softly, so quiet you have to lean in way close to hear him a lot of the time. But it’s also what Gil says that makes him hard to understand. You know, he uses words I wouldn’t think of ever using myself. Gil’s one of Dot’s creations just like the rest of us, but there’s something different about him.

Sometimes I think Gil knows stuff the rest of us don’t. That’s how he acts, anyway.

‘It’s hardly worth repeating,Wren.’ Gil smiles. He has the kind of smile that doesn’t show any teeth. It’s more like his lips are a pair of snakes or centipedes or something, rearranging themselves into a curve. ‘I only asked if you two were having fun.’

‘Fun? Ha! Of course we are. That’s what we’re supposed to do, right? It says so in the Books! Having fun’s a creation’s duty. It’s the dotly thing to do …’ I’m babbling again, obviously.

Just lately, I’ve noticed Gil has this way of making me blank out. When he asks me a question in that soft voice of his, I can’t think of how I should answer. What’s been happening is I get all precalm and start blurting out a whole heap of stuff. I guess I’m hoping Gil will somehow pick an answer out of it all.

I don’t think it’s working though, because Gil’s totally eyeing me right now.

Which makes me feel even more precalm because Gil’s eyes are something out of the ordinary. The black bits in the middle are huge, the same as everyone’s. But the coloured part of Gil’s eyes aren’t a solid shade or anything. They’re mainly brown, but the left one is kind of shot through with bright blue, which makes me think of a squid squirting its ink into the water. I guess you’d call that blue patch Gil’s dotmark.

It’s nothing like mine. Dot created me with dotmarks all over my chest and arms and hands and everything. They’re these thick, rough patches of skin, edged with red that go all draggy and itchy when the sun hits them directly. My dotmarks are the one part of me that never seems to sweat.

‘Dot would be so pleased,’ Gil says.

I don’t tell him I’ve already forgotten what we were meant to be talking about.

Instead I say, ‘I’m going to jump. Who’s coming?’

Jasper drops back into the water and floats on his back, all relaxed. ‘I’m good right here.’

And Gil smiles his snaky smile and says, ‘Why don’t you show us how it’s done,Wren?’

So I leave them there and wade towards the shallow end of the glimmering lagoon. That’s where the rockpools are, and just next to them, three tall, jutting rocks. I’m pretty sure Dot created those rocks especially for me, because climbing to the top and jumping off them into the lagoon is literally my favourite thing to do. There’s this joke that Dot made me part-monkey, since I like climbing and flipping and all of that. Obviously, that’s pretty hilarious because, seriously, how could I have anything in common with a monkey? Talk about prenormal.

When I get out of the water, Blaze is sitting there, dangling his legs in one of the rockpools. It seems to me that Blaze has never really got settled in the body Dot created for him. Tall, with wide shoulders and long legs, which are sort of thick and muscular and powerful-looking, like the rest of him. But I don’t know how he stays that way, since Blaze isn’t the most active person in creation. Dangling his legs in rockpools is about as far as it goes.

I guess the rockpools are superdotly, so that kind of explains why Blaze is so into them. They’re shallow and warm and full of fish in every single colour. Stripes and speckles and one fish that’s completely clear with this bright blue head and an orange spot around its eyes. Probably Dot wanted to have a little fun creating the animals after she finished up with us.

My sungarb’s spread out on the rocks and I figure Blaze must have done that for me, since I’m pretty sure I just dropped it in a ball on the ground earlier. I scoop it up and put it on. Then I walk past Blaze and he doesn’t say a single thing.

It’s only when I’m just about to start climbing the rocks that he goes, ‘It’d be even better off the escarpment.’

I do the blinking thing at him, all slow and everything, but it doesn’t work on Blaze the same as it does on Jasper. Actually, it makes Blaze look away.

‘Um, are you completely prenormal or are you just acting like that right now?’ I ask.

Blaze shrugs. I notice the way his coiled brown hair slides up and down his broad back as he nods up at the escarpment.

‘Up there. That ledge’s perfect for jumping.’

The escarpment runs the entire length of one edge of creation, meeting up with the fringe of trees at either end. It’s sheer, solid rock with these little specks of gold sparkling in the sun. Right here, where the lagoon is, the waterfall rushes down the rock face. The ledge Blaze’s talking about, this little lip of rock, is maybe halfway up.

‘Are you serious? I thought you said you’d read the Books!’

A soft little sigh escapes from between Blaze’s teeth. ‘I’ve read them.’

‘The Book of the Beyond is kind of clear on this particular topic. We’re not meant to do anything presafe.’

‘Wouldn’t be presafe for you.’

He pauses.

‘You can climb anything.’

I don’t know if I’m imagining it, but I think I hear the teensiest bit of admiration in what Blaze is saying. And I’ll admit that low voice of his makes me feel a little bit gooey.

Then the feeling passes and I remember who I’m talking to here.

Blaze. The guy who isn’t quite like everyone else but doesn’t seem to care. The one who comes out with the most prenormal stuff in creation.

‘Trees maybe,’ I tell him. ‘Huts. But I can’t climb halfway up the escarpment.’

‘Say you did climb. What do you think’s going to happen?’

‘I’m not even answering that because there’s no way I
would
climb the escarpment.’

‘Really? Why not?’

‘Um, okay. I could fall backwards and smash my head open on the rocks. How’s that for a reason?’

‘Shouldn’t matter though,’ he says, half to himself.

‘What in creation are you talking about? Smashing my head open on the rocks would matter a whole lot to
me
!’

There’s the sound of rippling water as Blaze goes on skimming.

‘If you fell, you’d go beyond. Beyond’s even better than here.’

There’s this moment when everything goes quiet between us.

Until Blaze adds, ‘Supposedly.’

When we fell from the sky, every one of us had a bag slung over our shoulders. Silver, drawstring, with everything we need inside it. By ‘everything we need’, I mostly mean our capsules and the Books of Dot. The Books are thin and square with a screen that lights up when you touch it. They’re how we found out the way Dot wants us to be.

In the Book of the Everyday, there’s all the practical stuff like which hut each of us should sleep in, who does which chores on what days and what to eat and everything. (It’s pretty easy to remember: we can eat everything in the orchard but never, ever the newfruit in the grove.)

In the Book of Contribution, there’s heaps more about newfruit, how special and important they are to Dot and how we can say thanks for creating us by picking them for her.

And the Book of the Beyond? That tells us the way life’s going to be after we leave where we are right now. No-one’s actually gone beyond yet, obviously.

Creation began with a hundred of us, and we’re still all here now. But it’s not going to be that way forever. One day, every one of us will take a one-way trip beyond the fringe of trees. That’s for certain. It’s written right there in the Book of the Beyond (Chapter 64,Verse 3).

It’s just, when it comes to the actual details of the beyond, Chapter 64’s sort of hazy. Me and Fern have spent ages talking about it, by which I mean Fern’s dreamt up a whole lot of detail and I’ve just sort of listened.

According to Fern, going beyond’s a whole big process. First up, you’d lift off the ground and soar through the air until you reached the fringe. It’d be cool in there and the air would smell all sweet and moist and mossy. You’d keep on soaring until you burst through the other side of the fringe and shoot up into the air. That’s where Dot would be, in the beyond, waiting for you with her arms open. Behind her there’d be a double rainbow and an entire field of daffodils and you’d hear dottracks playing. Dot would smile and this total bliss-wave would break over your head and wash down to your toes and you’d know that you were home forever.

That’s Fern’s theory, anyway.

So now I tell Blaze, ‘Just because the beyond is superawesome doesn’t mean we can act all presafe. Dot chooses when we go beyond, not us.’

‘Right.’

There’s this long, long silence and I start thinking the conversation’s over.

Then Blaze goes, ‘You believe that?’

For some reason, the sound of everyone else splashing and laughing kind of fades away. It’s only Blaze I can hear. In that moment, it’s like there’s only me and him in all of creation.

‘Believe what?’

‘Believe in going beyond.’

I hear the jagged sound of my own laughter, even though nothing’s even remotely funny. My voice seems to come out at half its normal speed, all stretched and everything. Around me, the colours and shapes of the lagoon begin to merge and blend. This blurring thing has happened to me before, but this time’s definitely the worst.

Still, I manage to tell Blaze, ‘Obviously I believe it.’

‘Yeah?’

Pause.

‘Because I’ve noticed stuff about you.’

Inside my mouth, my tongue feels all giant and thick and furry. I get the prenormal sense that my entire head is expanding. It isn’t, though. I have to keep on telling myself it totally, completely, utterly isn’t.

It only feels that way because I’m all precalm. And that would be because I’ve started wondering if there’s any possible way Blaze knows about the stuff that’s been happening to me recently. Stuff like the blurring, yes. But also the clammy skin and trembly hands. The things I keep asking Dot to stop.

‘I
so
don’t know what you’re talking about.’

He nods. Not a
yes
nod, though. A nod that’s really saying,
I think you do
.

‘Oh, so now you’re Dot?’ I joke, reminding myself he couldn’t possibly know about the eyes and the trembling.

It’s not like I’ve shown anyone or told anyone, so how could he? ‘You know everything about me, just like she does?’

His only answer is a shrug. He stands up, shakes himself off and gets ready to walk away. Typical Blaze. He’s so serious all the time, always way too busy thinking for jokes or fun.

‘How about this? Did you know this was going to happen?’

And I do Jasper’s thing to Blaze. I curl my foot around his ankle then suddenly jerk it so Blaze’s thrown off-balance.

Blaze doesn’t even smile. If you want to know, he pulls away like my foot is superheated or something.

If it wasn’t for the Book of Acceptance, I’m guessing the two of us would be keeping our distance from now on. For sure
I
would be, especially now Blaze’s come out with all this prenormal stuff about jumping from the escarpment and noticing stuff and going beyond.

But Chapter 2,Verse 1, says Dot makes all creations different and we should accept everyone for who they are.

So, nice and casual, I say, ‘Okay. If you’re not coming in, I’ll see you later, I guess.’

I walk off, and even though I don’t turn around, I can kind of tell Blaze is watching me the entire time.

03

T
HE THREE ROCKS
next to the pools aren’t even big or anything, definitely not presafe. Plus, I climb them practically every single day. So I’m not expecting anything different or special this time. I mean, why would I? My hands find the holds I always use, sun-warmed chunks of rock that are just as sturdy today as they were when Dot created them. I hoist myself off the ground, my toes curling into a crevice Dot put at the exact right spot for the length of my legs. Five or six more moves and I’m practically at the top of the first rock, closest to the edge of the lagoon.