Stay With Me (13 page)

“I understand very well, Andrew. You’re the one who doesn’t. Your memory is too short. Don’t you remember that the woman you love is in the garden?”

“No, I don’t—”

“You’re just doing all of this so you can still take me to bed,” I whispered.

He suddenly let go of his grip on my shoulders and took a step back. “Is that what you believe?”

“I don’t know what to believe. With you, everything is so complicated. You are so damned complicated.” My voice cracked. “I’m only certain of one thing: you don’t love me and you never have. Because if you had loved me, you would have never allowed what is happening here tonight.” And for once, I allowed my tears to flow freely. I didn’t have the strength to stop them. I could barely manage to breathe.

Andrew looked at me in silence, and then he left, just the way he came. Leaving me alone with myself again.

13

The evening didn’t seem to want to end. It was only ten and I was in pieces. I felt bad for Mag, but all I wanted to do was go home and forget about everything. I looked at Lucas, who didn’t look like a stranger. He got along really well with Carl, whereas Andrew seemed lost in his own world. Well, it wasn’t my problem, at least not anymore. After the incident in the bathroom, I wouldn’t allow him to interfere with my life again, or for him to expect something from me which didn’t belong to him.

God, his behavior was driving me crazy. He didn’t know half measures and he spoke in riddles.

I couldn’t take him.

Ashley watched me. After she’d noticed Lucas’s distracted caress on my fingers, she’d seemed to come out of her usual egocentric bubble, and her irises lit up. With what emotion, I wasn’t sure, but it didn’t look benevolent.

“Oh, you’re so cute together!” she remarked with her petulant voice. “I’m happy for you, Zoe, I mean it. It’s about time you got your head on straight.” She said it in a playful tone, but the effect it had was akin to a knife twisting in the same old wound. I smiled tightly, hoping she’d go back to praising her extensions or her money or her man, but I was too optimistic.

Imagine if things could go the way I wanted them to, for once, one damned time.

“I think Olivia really needs a father and Lucas is so nice.”

Andrew jerked his head in her direction. His hands were suspended midair, then he grabbed the silverware and prepared to cut a piece of steak.

Ashley looked at him, bewildered, and held her smile, neither understanding what had happened nor what was about to happen. She was too self-absorbed to pick up on the clues.

“You should close that mouth of yours once in a while!” he burst out. He let go of the silverware, which fell brusquely onto the plate. “Olivia has a father. It’s me!” He raised his voice. “Now cut it out once and for all with your bullshit.”

An icy silence descended. Ashley turned as pale as a ghost, Lucas too, while the other guests’ eyes opened wide.

I . . .

I was full of satisfaction. Not satisfied where Ashley was concerned, but with regard to life. I’d finally been vindicated. It’s what I’d wanted since Andrew had returned to my life and met our child—that he’d at least show some heart to Olivia. And he’d done it. It was his first step toward claiming his paternity.

Perhaps it was his answer to his silences and unspoken words.

Ashley’s mouth was shaking while Andrew’s face grew angrier.

“Darling, what are you saying?” she said.

“Don’t look at me like that. Do you think I don’t get your game, Ashley? That I don’t know why I’m here this evening?” He took in a breath. “God, you thought I was so stupid?”

“Andrew!” I called out as I saw his rage overwhelm him. I didn’t want him to lose it in front of everyone, more so than he’d already done. He looked at me for a moment, then pushed his chair back.

“Excuse me.” And he got up and walked away.

Ashley got up to follow him, but I indicated to her to stay away from him, and she ran off in tears. Mag and I exchanged a look.

And I immediately knew what I had to do.

I looked Lucas in the eyes. “I’m sorry . . .”

He didn’t answer, but he understood and nodded.

I got up quickly to follow Andrew wherever he was going.

His legs were longer than mine and he was certainly in better shape than me. I didn’t want to run. I would have looked pathetic. Only an hour ago I’d slapped him, and now I was chasing him without knowing what I would say once we were face to face.

When I saw him, my heart began to race. It was aware that what was about to happen would tip the scales forever.

“Andrew?” I said quietly, but he didn’t move.

His back was to me, his hands were in his pockets, and his eyes were fixed on the house in front of him. I gave a start when I realized where we were: my old house.

“So this is where you grew up.” His voice was low and deep.

“Yes.”

“It’s a beautiful house.”

“Andrew,” I moved closer to him and rested my hand on his back. His muscles tensed under my touch.

“I never asked you anything about your life. I thought I could keep you at a distance,” he said, almost fearful.

“You succeeded.” My voice trembled.

“Do you know me so little, Zoe?” he asked, finally turning toward me.

“W-what are you trying to say?” I stuttered.

He tilted his head, smiled at me, and gave me his hand, which I took without thinking twice, and he led me inside the garden where I’d played growing up.

“Tell me about them,” he said, sitting down on the porch.

“Now?” I asked.

“Yes, now.”

“Shouldn’t we first discuss what just happened?”

“No,” he stated authoritatively. “I want to know about your parents.”

I sat down next to him and took a deep breath. I really needed it.

“My parents were fantastic. It’s not the usual cliché; they really were. They loved each other and they loved me madly.” As soon as their happy faces appeared in my mind, I smiled.

“I never saw anyone look at a woman the way my father did with my mother. They had an extraordinary relationship. They argued, of course, but they never stayed angry with each other for more than a day. They were always an example for me,” I admitted with sincere pride.

“It must have been beautiful to grow up in a family like that,” Andrew said as he stroked my hair.

“Yes, it was, and that was the reason I moved away after the accident. Being within these walls, knowing they’d never come back, hurt too much. And I was only nineteen . . .” My voice trailed off.

“Accident?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

I nodded. “Ashley . . .” It took effort to say her name. “She told you about her father?”

“Yes.”

“She must have left out that my parents were in the car with him. They were coming back from the airport in Sacramento. Mr. Green had gone with my mother to pick up my father, and on the way back, a trailer crushed them . . .” An uncontrollable hiccup escaped my mouth. Andrew pulled me toward him and placed a kiss on my hair.

“I’m sorry, baby.”

“So much time has passed, but I still miss them every single day, and I realize how selfish I’ve been in not telling you about Olivia. I denied her a father just because he didn’t want me.”

“Don’t blame yourself.” He caressed my back. “I have my faults too.”

I shook my head. “Not reciprocating someone’s love is not a fault, Andrew. I knew what I was getting into, and then—” I stopped when I realized what I was admitting.

My love.

“And then?” he asked in a thin voice.

“Don’t make me say it, I beg you.”

He sighed deeply.

“Do you want me to tell you about my parents?” he asked after a moment of silence. I nodded, relieved he wasn’t forcing me to admit my feelings. I could relax and enjoy his warm and comforting embrace.

“My mother was truly an exceptional woman. She grew up in a small town in Virginia. Her family, in contrast with my father’s, was of humble origins.” His warm breath tickled the skin next to my ear. “She met my father in college and she fell in love with him. Unfortunately.”

“Why do you say that?” I asked, turning to look into his eyes.

“My father is a bastard. He ruined her life.” He uttered the words with a hostility I’d never heard from him before. “He married her and catapulted her into a world that didn’t belong to her, without giving her any sort of help. All he needed was a woman to show off. According to my father, she was only useful to make him look good and pop out his heirs.”

“You have a brother, right?” I said.

“Yes, Brian. He’s two years older than me,” he confirmed. “You read it online?”

I nodded.

“Anyway, after a few months of marriage, my mother got pregnant with Brian and then came me.” He sighed deeply. “After my birth, the true identity of my father came out: a devious traitor.” I saw his eyes close a bit, as though he were reliving something truly terrible. I rested my hand on his leg to make him feel my presence, as if having me in his arms hadn’t been enough.

“He put her through hell for years, but she never left him. Despite knowing he’d been showing off his lovers everywhere, my mother stayed by his side. Until she couldn’t take it anymore and . . . she tried to take her life.”

I was shocked, but I remained quiet and allowed him to continue.

“She cut her veins while Brian and I were at school. The doctors managed to save her, but she was no longer herself.”

“What happened to her?” I whispered.

“From that day forward, she never came out of the private clinic again. Her head . . . depression and exhaustion had depleted her. She has some good days, but unfortunately, she has many more bad ones. All while my father enjoys his retirement with one of his new ‘friends’ on the French Riviera.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re a lot like her.” My eyes widened. “Your eyes . . . even hers were so full of light and love. In her college photos she was so radiant, happy, so much like you.” His hold became more solid. “That’s why I lied to you. But for you, it was easy not to see the truth even though it was right in front of you. Every day for a year, I was there in front of you, and you never saw me.”

My heart sped up. “What didn’t I see?”

“How much I loved you.”

Everything began to spin around me. My mind refused to absorb the information. He loved me and was telling me this four years later?

He loved me, but he’d left me.

He loved me . . .

“You what?” I asked, confused.

“I was in love with you.” He said it without taking his eyes off of mine. He caressed my cheek, but as soon as his skin came into contact with mine, I jumped back as though I’d been burnt.

“Why?” I whispered.

“Why what, Zoe?”

I put my trembling hands on my temples and massaged them. “Why did you lie to me?” I felt the earth yielding beneath me. “Why did you let me believe I meant nothing to you? Why did you do that to me?”

“I didn’t want you to become like her.”

“You’re lying now!” I moved away from him. “You didn’t love me.”

He took my face in his hands and raised it so our eyes locked.

“You’re right, Zoe, I’m lying. I didn’t love you just in the past.” He smiled with shiny eyes. “I love you. I’ve always loved you.”

Warm tears rolled down my cheeks.

“You are everything I want out of life. You and Olivia.”

I’d dreamt of this moment so many times that it didn’t seem real. How could it be? He . . . loved me?

“Andrew . . .” I wanted to say so many things. My head was full of questions. But the only thing I managed to do was to break down and cry like a little girl.

“Shhh, don’t cry, my love.” He kissed my cheeks tenderly and tried to dry my damp skin. “I’m sorry. I thought I was protecting you. Instead I only made a big mess out of everything. But now you’re here in my arms, and I won’t make the same mistake again.”

“Andrew, it’s not just us anymore,” I said as my heart beat like mad.

“I’ll fix everything. I’ll do whatever I need to. But you—” He took in a breath and continued, full of emotion. “You have to promise me something.”

“What?”

The confusion was compounding, and if it hadn’t been for his arms, which I’d grabbed onto, I would have fainted.

“Don’t run away like I did, Zoe.” He kissed me, then whispered,
“Stay with me.”

14

“Olivia, will you eat, please?” I was starting to lose my patience.

Her arms crossed, my daughter stared at me seriously with the look of someone who wasn’t going to let me get off easy.

“No!”

“Stop acting up. You won’t get up from this chair until you finish all of the pasta. Do you understand?”

“So I’ll sweep here!”

I raised my eyes upward, exasperated to the umpteenth power. I wasn’t stupid. I knew it was because of Andrew that Olivia was acting up. He’d flown to New York with Ashley the morning after Mag’s party and I hadn’t heard from him since.

In fact, after Andrew had confessed his love, I told him he needed to go home and think.

While I’d waited years to hear those words, he’d purposely concealed them from me. And to make matters worse, he’d kept me at a distance, having me believe I hadn’t mattered to him at all. It wasn’t an easy thing to forgive.

I needed time. I had to reflect, and if he wanted me, he had to fix his life. The circumstances weren’t right, and doing everything in a hurry wouldn’t be the best choice.

Of course I didn’t think he’d go back home without notifying me or calling me for ten long days, and yet that man was the opposite of everything that made sense.

“Mommy, I’m not
hungry
,” Olivia growled.
“Where’s Andew?”

It was the twentieth time she’d asked me that, and I honestly didn’t know what story I could invent for her. I knew he would be back, but I didn’t know when.

Had he changed his mind?

Did he not want me anymore?

Was he staying with Ash?

Logic told me he would come back to us, we would talk, clear things up, and in the end I would faint in his arms. Because what I wanted was him. It had always been Andrew, and separating from him that night had caused me near physical pain. But it was the right thing to do. We had things to take care of.

In the meantime, I hoped he didn’t change his mind. Because I wasn’t sure I was able to trust him one hundred percent.

First he didn’t love me, then he did, then he was going back to New York without saying anything, and if it hadn’t been for Mag, I wouldn’t have known anything.

So . . .

The intercom rang and I jumped up off the chair. My heart raced with the hope it was him. Olly didn’t even give me time to get up as she ran to open the door.

“Who is it?” she asked, excited. “Oh . . .”

The obvious drop in enthusiasm made me guess it wasn’t him.

“Who is it, Olly?”

“Aunt Alys. Mommy when is
Andew
coming?”

I wanted to avoid answering her, but her insistence wouldn’t allow for any silence on my end. “Soon, my love.”

“For weal?”

“I promise.”

And I hoped with all my heart to be right, because if he didn’t come back, there’d be two women stuck with broken hearts: my child and me.

“Sweetheart, go watch
Rapunzel
.”

“I don’t need to finish the pasta?”

I shook my head. “No, sweetheart, you can go.”

She threw herself onto the sofa while I turned on the TV and started the cartoon for her. I knew I shouldn’t have been that indulgent, but I didn’t feel like pushing her too much. Her state of mind wasn’t the best, and watching that smile spread on her face filled my heart with joy.

“Hey!” Alys’s voice reverberated in the living room. “I brought ice cream.”

“Hi,” I said.

“I’m going to kill that—”

“Alys!” I said, nodding toward Olivia.

She took me by the elbow and led me into the kitchen. “How could he have not called yet?”

“Don’t ask me. If I knew, I wouldn’t be feeling so anxious. Fortunately tomorrow I’ll open up the café again and I’ll have less time to think about it.”

“That’s certainly a plus.” She grabbed a large spoon, put it in the ice cream, then in her mouth.

“God, can’t you wait?”

“Mmm, it’s good . . .” she said with her mouth full.

“I already have a three-year-old, Alys. Try to control yourself.”

“If you want to take out your nerves on me, go right ahead, but don’t yell, because you’ll startle Olly,” she said. “I hope that asshole gets back as soon as possible. You seem perennially on the rag.”

“Sorry, it’s just that . . .” I allowed myself to fall on the chair. “I can’t take it anymore.”

“I know. Though, despite the fact that I can’t stand him, I believe he’ll come back. He must have needed to reorder his life.” She stopped to eat another spoonful of ice cream. “But if that isn’t the case, I promise you that I’ll personally go to New York and peel the skin off—”

“Alys!” I interrupted. “I get the point.”

“Good. Olly’s not having any ice cream?” she asked, surprised.

“Look at her.”

She turned around toward the kitchen door and saw my little girl asleep on the sofa in the living room.

“Wow!” she exclaimed. “Three minutes ago she was wide awake.”

“Lately, she’s been excited because of Andrew. She’s grown quite attached to him. It’s as though she knew that he’s . . .” I lowered my voice. “Her father.”

Alyssa nodded. “The guy is very popular with you Evans girls.”

“Indeed.”

After bringing me up-to-date on her umpteenth failed date, Alys went to the hospital for the night shift, leaving me alone again with my thoughts and all my fears.

I’d put Olly to bed and when the doorbell rang, I jumped. I went into the living room and looked around to see whether Alys had forgotten her phone or keys. It wouldn’t have been the first time, but I didn’t see anything. I opened the door to find the most beautiful eyes I’d ever seen.

“Andrew.”

Was I hallucinating? Was the man in front of me real or just a projection of my desires?

“May I come in?” he asked, flashing a breathtaking smile.

“O-of course . . .” I stammered.

“Olly?” he asked, looking around.

“In bed.” I seemed to have regressed to age four. I talked with a piercing voice, struggling to string more than two words together.

It was him.

He walked around my living room as though it were his. I watched him go into the kitchen and get himself some coffee. My eyes stopped to admire his body.

He must have just showered. I could smell the fragrance of his body wash.

“Andrew . . .”

He raised an eyebrow and looked at me with the cup at his lips.

“Why are you here?” I finally managed to say.

Andrew sipped the coffee slowly, then put the cup on the table and stood in front of me.

“I always planned on coming back once I straightened things out in New York.”

“And are they?” I asked in a thin voice.

“Since I’m here and not there, I’d say yes.” He tilted his head and looked at me, sure of himself. His expression was one of someone who’d confidently sealed victory. “How about you, Zoe?”

“Me? What?”

“Have you thought about everything I told you? Did you decide whether you want me in your life again?”

“Olivia . . . she . . .”

He shot forward, putting a hand behind my neck and bringing my gaze to collide with his.

“We’ll talk about Olivia later.” He exhaled a few inches away from my lips. “Right now I want to know whether you’re still mine.”

Had I ever been someone else’s?

“Andrew . . .” My knees were shaking. “We need to talk first.”

“Oh no, baby, we’re going to have all of our lives to talk.”

All of our lives? Would we have really have that? Or would he run away again?

“Andrew, you left me!” I said, moving away from him. His closeness never allowed me to think clearly.

“I didn’t want to do it.”

“And yet it was so easy for you to leave me and turn the page. To go back to your life in New York.” I felt a pang in my heart at the memory of those sleepless nights. “You got engaged to someone else. How can I erase that?”

I went to the couch. Andrew kneeled in front of me and took my hand.

“There wasn’t a single day I didn’t think of you.” His eyes were shiny. “There wasn’t one night I didn’t long for your body next to mine.”

“I’ve always been here. Why didn’t you come here before? Why now? What’s different?”

“I . . .” he said. “I am not my father, and you’re not my mother. I could never do to you what he did to her. I couldn’t live without you.” He stretched out his hand to caress my cheek. “Four years ago, when I told you I’d finished my business here, I was lying.”

“You were lying?”

He nodded. “I was supposed to stay another six months, but when my feelings for you became unmanageable, I had to leave, convinced you would forget me.”

“How could you think something like that?”

“We were young, and I thought it’d be better that way.”

I stared at him, confused. Knowing we’d lost four years because of his insecurities was a stab to the heart.

“You should have been honest.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Zoe, you never made your feelings known to me either. To tell the truth, I don’t know what you feel for me now. And don’t forget you hid Olivia from me.”

“I didn’t hide her . . . I just omitted telling you I was pregnant.” I was trying to justify the unjustifiable.

“That means we both made mistakes. But now . . .”

“Now?”

“Now we can make up for all the time we’ve lost. Turn the page.”

His lips slowly came close to mine, and I closed my eyes, awaiting a kiss that didn’t arrive.

I opened my eyes to Andrew’s grin.

“I won’t kiss you until you tell me what I want to hear, baby.” His breath was hot and smelled of menthol.

“What am I supposed to say?” I asked in a shaky voice.

“You know.”

Of course I did.

“I love you,” I said.

His grin transformed into a radiant smile and a moment before assaulting my lips, he reciprocated my words.

“I love you more.”

The kiss soon became hot and demanding. The repressed desire we both had was so strong that we found ourselves clutching one another as though there were no tomorrow.

His hands moved over my body, wandering without neglecting an inch of my skin.

I was wearing shorts and a Victoria’s Secret tank top. This facilitated his access to my most intimate parts and when I finally felt his touch on my nipples, I gasped.

“Olivia’s sleeping?”

“Yes . . .” I tried to regain control over my mind. We couldn’t do it there. Olly might wake up. “Andrew, no . . .”

“Don’t even think about it, baby,” he whispered, rubbing against me. “I can’t wait any longer, Zoe.” I felt his erection on my thigh. “I have to sink into you right away. Do you understand? My sanity is at stake.”

I laughed, completely understanding what he was saying, since it’s what I was feeling too.

“Just not here. Let’s go into my room.”

He got up and lifted me into his arms. I held on tight to his neck and wrapped my legs around his waist. The thin fabric of my shorts allowed his erection to pulsate against my pubic bone.

God, was it possible to desire someone so much?

He walked while kissing me.

His hands were plastered to my butt.

“Where is it?” he whispered on my lips.

“To the right . . . the door on the . . . right . . .”

Luckily, it was open. He crossed the threshold easily and closed the door behind him.

There were no pleasantries or niceties; he threw me on the mattress and liberated himself from every item of clothing in order to dive on top of me and tear my clothes off.

What happened left us both out of breath. To feel him inside of me, have him take me the way only he knew how, giving him total control of my body . . . I’d missed him in a way that was indescribable.

It was like I’d lived deprived of a vital organ for four long years. When he’d left, he’d taken my heart with him.

“Baby . . . God . . .” he gasped, moving on top of me and pulling me toward him. “I missed you so much.”

I hugged him, closed my eyes, and got lost in listening to the rapid beat of his heart.

“Zoe?”

I murmured something that even I couldn’t understand.

“I need to know something.” The inflection of his voice made me understand it was an uncomfortable question. “Have you been with many men?”

I raised my face to look him in his eyes, but his gaze was turned toward the ceiling, and his other arm was against his forehead.

“Andrew, this really doesn’t seem like the right moment.”

I found him on top of me again, beautiful and naked. His hands held my wrists down above my head. And his eyes burned my soul.

“I need to know, Zoe. You said—”

“One . . . just one other.”

The blue of his irises became anguished. “That’s one more than I would have wanted.”

“Andrew—”

In one fell swoop, he was inside of me again, making me pant. “You’re mine, baby.” His decisive movements took my breath away and gave me no chance to retaliate. I threw my head back and opened my legs wider to feel him entirely.

“You’re mine alone.” Having free access to my neck, he took to biting it. “Say it, Zoe!”