Steel and Sorrow (19 page)

She wondered how long it would be before she’d be able to once again enjoy innocent conversations with Drake, the cackle of Hag, or the sage advice of Wiqua and Krytien. She missed Grayer’s stoic nature, the sound of Yanasi pushing her men to perfection and even Raker’s crude comments. Most of all, she missed Kaz.

Elyse’s stomach tightened as she finished dressing in a simple gown and did up her hair. She looked herself over one last time in the long stand-up mirror and sighed. Bags hung heavy under her eyes.

But then again, everyone should be used to seeing me like this.

She pivoted on her heel and strode to the door. She opened it to find Kroke waiting in the same position she had left him in the night before.

He inclined his head with a silent question and she answered with a deep breath and a small nod. He set out before her and Elyse followed.

* * *

Kroke glanced up over his shoulder and looked at the queen while she sat behind the raised half-wall of the council chambers. With her head down, Elyse rubbed the bridge of her nose between forefinger and thumb. She looked up and tried to hide her thoughts. But she couldn’t hide the flexing cords in her neck or the tension filling her face. He didn’t know what exactly ran through her mind, but he had an idea. His own shoulders bunched from the sneers and condescending looks cast his way.

I’d just as soon kill them all.

Only one of Elyse’s advisors had even bothered to meet Kroke’s eye since he entered the chamber. The short man with curly hair had even given him a slight, sincere bow that caught Kroke off guard. If he didn’t know Elyse hated the man, Kroke might have even returned the gesture with a nod.

Nearly two hours into the meeting, Kroke wondered if it would ever end. His head pounded from the commotion of Elyse’s advisors as they tried to make their voices heard above others.

Some minor lords near the border of Tomalt’s territory raised a fuss over armies decimating their land and possessions in the prior year’s campaign. After months of pleading their case, they had finally won a chance to bring the matter before the queen. The lords expected the crown to compensate them for their losses.

As Kroke watched Elyse fight a dreary look, Gauge did his best to handle the situation. “We are at war,” said Gauge. “The crown cannot afford to ease the strain of every person affected by it.”

“I am not asking that the crown offer aid to everyone,” said one of the advisors.

“No,” said the other in an accusatory tone to the first advisor. “You only expect our queen to aid the lords you serve while ignoring the others.”

“Again,” said Gauge. “It is impossible—”

Elyse interrupted in a weary voice. “Gauge, see that we reimburse the lords represented here at half the market value of their land. That should account for any crops or structures lost in the series of battles along the border.”

“But Your Majesty,” started Gauge. “That is too much.”

“I say it isn’t enough, Your Majesty,” said the first advisor.

Kroke saw that the man would never be satisfied and since Elyse had caved in, he would push for more.

“The lords I represent have contributed twice the amount of foodstuffs and men to the queen’s army than anyone else in the area. It only stands to reason that they be given twice the compensation.”

“That’s ridiculous. The quality of the goods and men the lords I represent provided to the crown were thrice the quality of yours. Should we not then receive three times the amount of anyone else?” said the other advisor.

“Now hold on,” said Gauge.

Elyse shot up from her chair like an arrow. “Enough!” A wave of silence washed over the drab chamber. Kroke had never seen Elyse look as she did, nostrils flared and eyes narrowed at the two men cowering below their queen. “How dare you squabble over such things at a time like this? You speak of men that were sent to the army, yet when is the last time that any of you prayed that the One Above might spare their lives and end this conflict peaceably? People are marching to their deaths and you argue over whether you should receive more money than your neighbor? Who gave you the right?”

The question hung in the air for a moment until the first advisor cleared his throat. His whispering voice contrasted to the tone he had used only minutes before. “I beg your pardon, Your Majesty, but in a way you gave us this right. Aurnon the First set up the government to operate in this manner and for generations those in my position have sought to do what we can for those we represent.” He looked over to the advisor next to him. “I apologize if we got carried away, but I assure you it was not our intent to disrespect those men who are fighting for the kingdom. I cannot speak personally for the lords I represent but I know that each day I do indeed pray to the One Above for their success and in turn, yours.” He paused and raised his head. “Again, I mean no disrespect, Your Majesty, but why should I not fight for the livelihood of the men I represent just as you fight for the livelihood of the kingdom?”

Kroke watched Elyse meet the gaze of the rest of her council. After circling the room, her gaze settled on him and her eyes widened. He flinched and quickly scanned the room, sure he must have missed something. The gasps continued as the rest of the nobles turned in his direction.

“Kroke, please put those away,” said Elyse.

Kroke looked down and realized that he held two of his more wicked daggers in his hands. One was the long blade he took from the sailor on Estul Island. The other was a jagged, curved blade with an eagle shaped pommel that Jonrell had given him more than a decade ago. He usually pulled that particular blade when he felt most threatened.

He looked around at the piercing stares and disapproval cast toward him and his hands began to tingle. He gripped the blades tighter as he felt his mind empty. Although he didn’t remember drawing the blades, he knew it had to do with the hostile atmosphere of the chamber.

I should just kill them all and be done with it. That would make things easier on everyone, especially Elyse.
He seethed in anger.

“Kroke! Put. Those. Away.” Elyse repeated.

The queen’s voice had taken on a scolding tone and he felt suddenly self-conscious. He sheathed his weapons. Elyse lowered her head as she rubbed at her temple again.

I only made matters worse.

“My lords and ladies, I’m sorry,” said Elyse.

The first advisor looked to Kroke and forced a nervous grin. “No need to apologize, Your Majesty. It was just a misunderstanding. That’s all.”

“Perhaps,” came a loud voice. “we can drop this matter altogether for today. We are all obviously distressed. I’m sure others would agree that the best course of action would be to finish these discussions at a later time.”

All heads turned to Illyan and Kroke saw Gauge struggle with his words. “That isn’t a terrible idea,” he said, begrudgingly. “Any opposed?”

Silence.

“Then dismissed.”

* * *

Elyse jumped as Kroke cleared his throat. She walked along in such a daze after exiting the council meeting, she had forgotten him.

“I . . . wasn’t trying to cause any problems,” said Kroke.

He isn’t used to this. Kaz was on edge in those meetings as well. Though they were more cautious around him than they were with Kroke. I guess they see the difference in size and assume Kroke is not as threatening. If only they knew.

“I know,” she said finally. A sigh followed. “Neither was I.”

“I don’t understand. I was the one who made everyone uncomfortable.”

Elyse shook her head. “No one is completely comfortable in there. Some may seem more at ease than others, but trust me, everyone is working to undermine someone else in an effort to grasp at any morsel of power dangling in front of them.”

“It seems like those two men were doing more than that.”

“Perhaps, but they weren’t anything compared to Phasin or Illyan.” She paused. “I overreacted and did exactly what I didn’t want to do. Exactly what people like Illyan want me to do as it gives them something else to use against me when garnering support from the others.”

They took a sharp right and walked up a flight of stairs. “Do you ever wish you could be doing something else with your life?” Elyse asked.

Kroke flinched at the question. “I’m not sure I understand.”

“I guess what I mean is, what would you want to do if you weren’t in the Hell Patrol?”

“I’m not sure,” said Kroke after a pause. “This life or some version of it is all I’ve known since I was a boy. I don’t know if I’d be good at anything else.”

“I see.”

“Do you ever wish to be doing something else?”

All the time. But you wouldn’t understand. The life I want is probably the farthest thing from your mind.

“Yes, but it doesn’t matter, does it?” They turned another corner and she forced a smile as Kroke waited for her to elaborate. “I’m sorry I asked the question. Come, Gillian is waiting for me to discuss matters of the castle.” She picked up her pace, hoping to leave her troubles behind.

Chapter 15

Elyse walked down the long hallway in anticipation of her next appointment. Kroke walked out front, Gauge at her side. A sense of unease hung over her as she contemplated the most recent council meetings. They had been shorter and less tedious.

Something just seems off, but I can’t put my finger on what it is.

“Gauge, have you noticed the change in the council?”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

“What do you think is the cause?”

Gauge cleared his throat. “Well, uh. . . I thought it was obvious, Your Majesty.”

Elyse thought for a moment. “Do you mean because I lost my temper?”

Gauge shook his head, then gestured with a nod toward Kroke as they crossed through the long hallway. The mercenary’s eyes darted about, searching every passing hallway, door, or window.

“Kroke is the reason for the change?” asked Elyse.

As if on cue, the mercenary whipped out a knife and began twirling it in his hand, seemingly oblivious to Elyse and Gauge’s discussion. At one time Kroke’s habits had annoyed her, but lately the repetitiveness of his quirks brought her a surprising comfort.

Gauge leaned in to whisper. “Well, many have expressed a certain level of discomfort at having him in council.”

Elyse kept her voice low as she responded. “That doesn’t make sense. Why would he make anyone more uncomfortable than Kaz?”

“I beg your pardon, Your Majesty, but Kaz kept himself presentable. He had a hard look, but he carried a certain amount of . . .” he lowered his voice further, “. . . civility that Kroke lacks. Frankly, he scares many of the council. Most are worried that if they say something wrong, it could be their end.”

“And how do you feel about him?”

“What is there to say? He seems like someone who is good at what he does.” Gauge noticeably shivered as if caught by a chill. “Still, he does make me uneasy. And honestly, I don’t like the fact that he’s always with you. I truly wish you would let me replace him with a bodyguard more trustworthy.”

“Absolutely not,” Elyse snapped, offended by Gauge’s tone. She remembered the hardships she had endured on the road to Ithanthul and knew that without Kroke she would be dead. “Kaz left him to guard me. There are few people I feel safer with than Kroke. And might I add that it was he who protected me from my last set of bodyguards. People you felt were
trustworthy
.”

Elyse had done her best to look into Hadan and Willum’s betrayal, but even with the help of Kaz, they failed to learn who the two bodyguards had taken their orders from.

Gauge grunted as he tripped over his words. “Yes, of course. I only have your best interests, Your Majesty. And again, I cannot apologize enough for Hadan and Willum’s treachery. I’m sorry I was never able to locate who they received their orders from.”

They continued down the long corridor in an awkward silence.

* * *

Echoing footsteps and the rustling of Elyse’s long gown filled the winding corridor. Elyse and Gauge had assumed Kroke couldn’t hear their hushed voices, but they might as well have been shouting from the rooftops.

The advisors’ worries Gauge spoke of didn’t surprise him. Kroke saw every disdainful look and heard every sly comment cast his way.

And he remembered them all.

Kroke privately wished one would be stupid enough to try something against him, if only so he could recount their offenses as he carved them up.

He almost felt sympathy for Kaz after spending the past couple weeks shadowing Elyse.

The confusing emotions he felt for Kaz only escalated when he thought about Elyse’s response to Gauge’s concerns. Kroke rarely ever heard her use such a tone when speaking to anyone. It held a certain grit, taking on an edge that reminded Kroke of Jonrell. He wondered if her emerald eyes had narrowed and took on a different color like Jonrell’s gray eyes so often had when he made a point.

And she did that for me?

He shook his head. Few people had ever stood up for Kroke and all of them had been in the Hell Patrol.

He thought about Elyse as his mind drifted to places he had done his best to avoid in the waking hours.

He cursed, shaking away the thoughts.

* * *

“Finally, a moment of peace,” said Elyse as she threw herself onto her bed.

Soft footsteps padded up beside her. Lobella sat on her bed. “Is everything alright?”

Elyse sat up and rubbed her temple. “Yes. It’s just been a long day.” She stood up and began undoing her dress. Lobella helped her. As she stepped out of her gown, Elyse yawned.

“Will you be going to bed right away?” asked Lobella.

Elyse sighed. “No, I still have some reading I wanted to do. Drake left several books with me before the army left. I’m hoping to find something in them that might help my worries.”

Lobella smiled. “If not, I’m sure things will find a way to work out.”

“It’s what I pray for each night.”

“Me too,” said Lobella in a distant voice. She put away Elyse’s dress. “Will there be anything else?”