Steel My Heart (10 page)

Chapter 19

Emmy

Robert breathed deeply in bed next to me. Soft vibrations that used to lull me to sleep, but now kept me awake, taut and vibrating with fear. Thoughts flashed quickly through my head, never pausing long enough to let me focus. Over and over, my own brain showed me my face in the mirror as Robert forced himself inside of me. Over and over I saw my own eyes widen in terror and humiliation.

The only constant was the pain. The delicate flesh down there was raw and ragged and I felt bruised deep inside.

Robert rolled over in his sleep and flopped his arm across my chest. I froze, resisting the urge to fling it off in horror. He was reaching for me in his sleep. That had to be a good thing, right? Maybe he subconsciously felt bad about what he had done to me.

I felt a tickle on my cheek and realized I was crying again. The weight of his arm crushed into my chest, but if I closed my eyes I could pretend he was holding me. If I concentrated very hard on the feel of his skin against mine, I could imagine it was a loving embrace. How a fiancé should hold the woman he loved most in the world. If he would just stay asleep, I could pretend that he was the man the world thought he was. The man everyone told me how lucky I was to be with.

I ran my hand over the sheets and held on to that thought. The man I loved was holding me. He hadn't meant to hurt me. He had seen me naked in the shower and was so overcome with lust that he had to have me right then. I should be flattered that he wanted me so much. I should be grateful he found a fat girl like me so attractive. And as for what he had said to me? That was harder to wish away, but I thought harder and eventually realized that I deserved it for sneaking around on him. I would stop this minute. I would put all thoughts of J. from my mind and I would be good from now on. The next time Robert and I made love it would be nice. Proper, like a man and woman who loved it each other should make love. Face to face and gently.

The throbbing down in my core beat steadily on, but I was able to push it away. It was just a reminder of how much he wanted me. It was just a reminder of how much he wanted me.

When all the thoughts were gone, pushed into their proper places in my head, I was finally able to fall asleep.

*****

The last thing I felt was Robert pull away. The last thing I heard was a motorcycle down on the street below. The sound wormed its way into my fevered dreams and I woke up with the taste of J.'s lips still on my tongue.

Robert was already up and in the shower. I squirmed in bed, wondering why I was so sore, until the shock of yesterday rushed over me anew. All the carefully shelving I had done last night broke apart in the light of the day. The deep, raw hurt inside of my belly throbbed as painfully as my private places did. There was no ignoring the pain any longer.

I closed my fists around the bed sheets and gasped when I felt pain there too. Pulling my fists to my face, I rubbed my sore knuckles in wonder and confusion. I rolled over in bed and felt the soreness in my hips.
Twist back and forth. Punch through my arm.
I suddenly remembered why I was sore there too.

J. was teaching me how to fight.

The memory of my eyes in the mirror, shocked and terrified, propelled me from the bed. I winced as my feet hit the floor.

The water in the bathroom stopped running and I balled my fists tightly, working the stiffness from the joints of my fingers.
Twist and punch. Twist and punch.

"You're up early," Robert commented, padding barefoot across the floor with a towel tucked around his waist.

I looked at him as if for the first time. He was repulsive. His furious brows, his cruel expression, how had I not seen it before? How had I been so blind to what he was, what he was capable of?

"Busy day," I lied smoothly and calmly. The story flowed from my lips like water, as easily and naturally as the truth. "Remember the commission I told you about?"

"Of course," he replied, pulling his work trousers from their hanger and shaking out the crease.

He was lying too. I could tell. But it didn't matter. All that mattered was that he believed me. "I'm meeting with the client today. He liked my work."

"Will you be alone?" he asked sharply.

I quickly embellished. "Oh no of course not. Sammie suggested I use the studios at the University to do my studies. Since I don't have studio space anymore," I couldn't help but clarify. "She's going to let us in. It's the week before the summer session starts, so people will be around, but we should be able to work without people noticing I don't go there anymore."

"Hmmm," Robert didn't like it, I could tell. But pretending to support me was too important to his image. "How long will you be gone?"

I hedged. "I'll be sure I'm here for you, don't worry baby," I soothed. "What do you have going on today?" I prodded.

"Meetings, all day long," he sighed, pulling on another crisp white shirt.

"All day?" I moaned sympathetically. That was good.

"The New York office is visiting," he elaborated and I nodded enthusiastically.

"At least it's Friday," I smiled. "You don't have to work this weekend too, do you?"

He looked in the mirror, checking his profile as he straightened his tie. He looked pleased. My questions were making him feel important. This was good, it meant he'd keep talking and tell me how much time he'd be gone.

"The New York team may be staying the weekend." He chuckled. "They want me to give them a cheesesteak tour."

I smiled back, remembering the smell of perfume on his skin. "Be sure to take them to DeNic's too," I reminded him. "I think they're better than cheesesteaks."

He walked over to where I stood. My fists clenched, but he only brushed a quick kiss across my cheek. "That's a good idea. We'll show them the whole market."

I didn't realize I had been holding my breath until he left. "Have a good day!" I called to the empty room.

I stood in the middle of the room with my fists clenched. I scanned the room. It was all Robert’s. Bought with his money and his name. Those things I had owned, the treasures I had rescued from my parents’ home, those had been discarded. I had nothing.

Except...I ran over and pulled out the nightstand drawer, then breathed a sigh of relief when I saw the fat envelope still taped to the bottom. How much money would I have to start my life over again?

I leafed through the stack twice before laughing loudly into the empty room.

Four hundred and thirty eight dollars. It was all I had in the world.

Chapter 20

J.

He was in the country. The air was fresh and clean and the noises of the city were replaced by the twittering of birds. The blond woman walked barefoot out onto the porch where he sat watching the trees sway in the wind. She smiled at him, her raspberry colored lips curving into a grin both sweet and wicked. He motioned for her to come to him and she leapt into his lap, resting her head on his shoulder. Her hair was soft and tickled his face. He brushed it away, laughing, knowing that there was nothing more he could ask for than what he had right then. He tipped her chin up and tasted those lips. The rush of desire that surged through him was so strong it caused him pain. He winced and groaned as she wiggled in his lap, positioning herself to make it easier for him. He was enveloped in warmth and softness, the likes of which he had never known. His groans came louder.

She punched him in the arm. Hard.

J. woke up cursing. "Goddamnit, what the hell?" he demanded, rubbing his sore arm.

Case looked alarmed. "I barely touched you, you pussy. You were freaking me out with all those noises you were making in your sleep." He looked down at the remnants of the dream still standing proudly in J.'s boxers and grinned pointedly.

J. grabbed his pillow and jammed it into his lap, wincing all the while. His arm was surprisingly sore. He rubbed the bruise quickly, but Case saw everything. "What'd you do to yourself?"

J. debated. Bringing women into the clubhouse was a delicate tightrope. He sucked in his breath, hoping he could trust his best friend not to ruin it. "The girl from the bar. Saw her again yesterday."

Case's blond eyebrows shot up so high they nearly disappeared into his hairline. "The chick with the great rack? Nice!" He looked at J.'s arm again. "Why'd she hit you? Dang, that's an ugly color."

J. chuckled. "I told her to. I was, ah, teaching her how to fight."

Case snorted, then looked surprised. "Oh you're serious? What's a little blond princess need to fight for?"

"To fend off assholes like you." J. felt a rush of defensiveness. He stood up from his bunk, still clutching the pillow to his groin, and stalked over to his cubby. Grabbing his shower pack, he turned towards the communal showers.

"The hell got into you? I was just messing around." Case looked wounded and J. felt sudden remorse.

"Sorry man. It's just, she's not a princess like we thought. She got mixed up in some shit that's turning out real bad." He thought for a minute. "I'm actually worried for her."

"Wow," Case whistled softly. "She's really got a hold of you. You guys even bang yet?"

J. laughed at his friend's ability to get to the point. "Haven't even banged yet," he echoed sarcastically.

All the mocking went out of Case's eyes. "Then she's something real. Got it. You tell me if you need backup." He extended his hand.

J. shifted the pillow into his left hand and grabbed his brother's hand with the right. "Thank you, you know I will."

Case held his gaze seriously for as long as he could, then smirked and started laughing. "I can't hold your hand when you've got a boner, man. I love you and all, but that's where I draw the line."

"Aw fuck you, you're jealous and you know it."

"Saw you in the shower once. Really fucking wish I hadn't," Case grimaced and J. laughed loudly.

"That you Johnson?" Teach's voice floated from the front office.

"Yeah Teach, I'm up."

"How'd the delivery go?" The old man appeared in the doorway, a mug of steaming coffee in hand. J. could smell the whiskey he'd added and smiled.

"The guy was happy. Tipped me pretty well."

"And then you had yourself a nice day off I hope?"

"He got punched by a chick and he liked it," Case interjected. "J.'s got a new old lady." He laughed and ducked out of the way of J.'s smack.

Teach's eyebrows shot up. "You know the drill, J."

J. nodded. "The club has to agree. I got it." He sighed. "Can you fuckers at least sweep the place before I bring her by? Spray an air freshener or something? It smells like a wet ball sack in here."

Teach nodded then called over to the bunks where the sleeping forms of Crash and MacDougal still snored away. "Listen up! In an hour we hose this place down. Not your girl, J." he clarified. "The Storm Riders from down in Richmond are doing a long distance ride up to Maine and they contacted me to get permission to pass through. I invited them to party here tonight."

Case looked at J. excitedly. Crash popped up from his bunk like a jack-in-the-box. "We finally gonna have a proper fucking party around here? Shit! It's about time." He bounded from his bed, ignoring his stiff, scarred leg, and scurried over to where Teach was standing. "When're they coming?"

"Tonight, whenever they get here. I want the place in party shape. You know the drill. Sensitive shit on lockdown. Fridges full. Ammo locked up." He nodded significantly at Case who snapped to attention.

"The Storm Riders, huh? Who're they?" J. ventured. Since he'd joined the Sons of Steel, they had kept pretty well to themselves and he was finding he preferred it that way. The less people in your circle, the less chances there were of them fucking you over.

"Support club out of Ric
hmond. They support the Storm MC." Case whistled at the name. The Storm MC was the biggest club on the East Coast and their reputation was one of almost militant precision.

But that wasn't what concerned J. "They an integrated club?"

Teach nodded at the question. "They don't go in for that swastika, Nazi shit, if that's what you mean. They have a problem with you, they have a problem with me, they have a problem with all of us, right?"

Case and Crash both nodded, but J. was unconvinced. "I'm not dealing with any skinhead shit in my territory." He could feel his fists balling instinctively. "They're coming to us, make sure they know that."

Teach nodded, his gray dreads swinging. "I wouldn't have invited them if I thought there'd be trouble. But I hear you." He turned to Case and Crash. "No getting shitfaced tonight. We watch our backs."

Case nodded. Crash looked crestfallen, but nodded as well. MacDougal grunted in his bunk and raised his fist in understanding, then rolled back over to the wall.

"All right, one hour," Teach clapped his hands together like an elementary school teacher and the three men made to scatter. But Teach held J. by the arm. "Johnson. Your sister. She left another message. She was crying into the phone."

J. felt his blood run cold. "Fuck," was his only reply.

Teach nodded. "I hope you're close to being able to deal with it. Because I'm honestly getting sick of her taking up all my tape."

"You could get voicemail and join the 21st century like the rest of us," J. pointed out. But Teach's eyes blazed at him and J. ducked his head at his mentor's fury. "Fine. Tomorrow. After the party."

"Good." The old man turned back to the front of the store. He had heard J. give his word and that meant it was law now. J. sighed and turned to the showers, hoping the hot water hadn't run out. Though a cold shower might help cool the fury that pumped through him like fire in his veins.