Stella Descending (20 page)
“Suddenly Stella sat up in bed and said, ‘Hey, the sun’s come out. Let’s go get everyone something nice to eat.’
“That was fine by me, so we jumped out of bed. We told the kids we were going out to pick up something for dinner and wouldn’t be gone long. We drove past the apartment block on Frognerplass where we had lived in the early days, and I said, ‘Wasn’t it you who said you’d like to start all over again?’
“ ‘Uh-huh,” Stella said hesitantly.
“ ‘Well, that’s easily arranged,’ I said.
“ ‘No games now, Martin,’ Stella pleaded. ‘I’m hungry. The kids are waiting for us.’
“But I wasn’t listening to her. I parked the car. Dragged her out of the passenger seat and up to the front door. I asked her if she remembered the view from the roof. She nodded. We used to go out on the roof in the old days; there was a skylight we could climb through.
“ ‘Know what?’ I said. ‘We’re going back up on that roof.’
“She nodded again.
“We didn’t have to wait too long before someone let himself out of the building and we seized the chance to slip through the door. We took the stairs, not the elevator.”
All this time, Martin had been running something through his fingers. It was a little silver locket.
“I can’t explain it any other way,” Martin said, “except to say that something happened to us up there on the roof. We woke up. We became our old selves again. Maybe it was the view, maybe it was that giddy feeling, maybe it was the thought that we could actually start over. We teetered back and forth, back and forth, along the edge of the roof. Daring each other, just like we had done that time in the store when Stella’s water broke and Bee was on the way and everything changed. It was a game. It wasn’t in earnest. It was a game. Then we turned to face each other. I opened my arms and she wavered toward me, taking little bitty steps like a tightrope walker. I once saw a tightrope walker dancing along her rope on tiptoe, a pink parasol in one hand and the hem of her dress in the other. That’s how Stella looked, like a doll, sort of like a doll, and we stood there, wrapped in each other’s arms, and Stella whispered to me that from now on everything was going to be fine.
“ ‘I’m not a tree,’ she said, ‘and it really is possible; it really is possible to start all over again.’ We both gazed up at the sky, and it was exactly like lying on the grass on a summer’s evening, staring at the drifting clouds, and Stella laughed, let go of me, and pointed to a blue cloud shaped like a face, with a nose, forehead, two or three eyes, and a big mouth, and she said, ‘Look, Martin, there’s Herr Poppel.’ ”
Video Recording: Stella & Martin
The House by the Lady Falls
8/27/00, 5:55 A.M.
MARTIN: I can hear someone tramping on the stairs. Who’s that tramping on my stairs? Could it be Amanda? No, Amanda is asleep. Could it be Bee? No, Bee is asleep. Could it be the plumber? No, the plumber is asleep. Could it be Stella?
STELLA: Martin, put that camera down.
MARTIN: This is Stella. My wife. More beautiful than beautiful. She got mad at me a little while ago and stormed upstairs. Now she’s back. Nice to see you, Stella. Greetings from Mr. Insurance Agent Gunnar R. Owesen and myself.
STELLA: Martin! Put that camera down!
MARTIN: But we’re not finished.
STELLA: We’re not?
MARTIN: No, Stella, we’re not.
STELLA: Put that camera down and come to bed. It’s almost morning.
MARTIN: Take the camera for a moment.
STELLA: Okay. Now what?
MARTIN: What do you see, Stella?
STELLA: I see your face.
MARTIN: And what do you say?
STELLA: I say, This is Martin. My husband. He has blue eyes, although sometimes when he thinks no one is watching him, his eyes are almost green. On his chin he has a little sore spot that never heals. Right now he is sitting on the avocado-green sofa, staring at the ceiling. I wonder what he’s thinking. Maybe he’s not thinking about anything. Maybe he’s thinking about me. Maybe he’s thinking that everything has turned to ashes. That we all went up in flames anyway.
MARTIN: Stella, put the camera down and let’s go to bed.
STELLA: Say good night to Mr. Insurance Agent Gunnar R. Owesen!
MARTIN: Good night, Gunnar R. Owesen.
STELLA: Good night, Gunnar R. Owesen.
MARTIN: Sleep tight. And sweet dreams.
(V)
FALL
Stella
When I lost my footing and fell toward the ground, I flung my long arms around my tummy and said, Now we’re flying, you and I. You’re no bigger than a fingernail. You’re a bulge in the mucous membrane, a spongy little blob, an excrescence. You have unlimited depths. You could be anyone you wanted to be. Even a tree, if you set your mind to it. Although I wouldn’t recommend it. I’ve known a few trees in my time, and they don’t have much to say for themselves. Me, I get nervous around trees. My body rumbles and roars and leaves its mark wherever it goes. It’s embarrassing. There were times when I too wished I were a tree, a body that left no trace of itself behind. But things didn’t work out that way
.
I bled. I laughed. When I was expecting Amanda I used to wonder what sort of face she would have. That, to me, was the greatest mystery of all. Not only was I going to have a baby, but that baby would have a face. And when I was expecting Bee, I wondered what sort of face she would have. And now it’s your turn.
Now it’s your turn.
You are the mystery.
And someday, very soon, I will give you a name.
LINN ULLMANN
Stella Descending
Born in 1966, Linn Ullmann is a graduate of New York University, where she studied English literature and began her graduate studies before returning to Oslo in 1990 to pursue a career in journalism. She had established herself as a prominent literary critic when her first novel,
Before You Sleep
, was published in 1998 and became a critically acclaimed bestseller throughout Europe. Ullmann writes a column for Norway’s leading newspaper and lives in Oslo with her husband, son, two stepchildren, and a dog.
ALSO BY LINN ULLMANN
Before You Sleep
FIRST ANCHOR BOOKS EDITION, JULY 2004
Translation copyright © 2003 by Alfred A. Knopf, a division of Random House, Inc.
Anchor Books and colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.
The Library of Congress has cataloged the Knopf edition as follows:
Ullmann Linn, 1966–
[Når jeg er hos deg. English]
Stella descending / Linn Ullmann; translated from the
Norwegian by Barbara Haveland.—1st ed.
p. cm.
Originally published: Oslo: Tiden Norsk, 2001.
I. Title.
PT8951.31.L56N3713 2003
839.8’2374—dc21
200243431
eISBN: 978-0-307-42795-3
v3.0