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Tameka

Sean
was the perfect gentleman when he drove me to Burger King for a bite to eat. After seeing Vance and his little girlfriend at the hotel's restaurant having dinner like it was nothing, I no longer wanted to eat at that restaurant. As a matter of fact, I lost my appetite altogether. Wanted to simply sleep the rest of the day away. I regretted coming to Grambling at all. I couldn't believe I'd let my friends talk me into the trip. It was so much better not knowing the truth. At least when I was in Atlanta I was happy. Coming here changed everything for the worse.

“You gotta answer his call at some point,” Sean said as he watched me stare at the screen of my cell phone. Vance had called at least ten times, and each time I let it roll into voice mail. Unlike the other nine times, this time he left a message.

“I was so embarrassed today. I went strutting into that restaurant and left there feeling like a fool.”

“No, I remember him looking like the fool. He had two cute girls standing there, and he didn't leave there with either one them.”

“You thought she was cute?” I asked, remembering the caramel-colored girl who had called herself Vance's girlfriend.

“She was aiight.” Sean grinned. “Not cute as you, though.”

We sat in Calvin's daddy's SUV with Grambling University's Tiger Radio 91.5 playing softly on the stereo. Gerald Levert sang a sweet ballad as we sat in Burger King's parking lot, eating burgers and French fries.

“It's okay if you think she's cute. Vance obviously does, too.” I forced a smile. Talking to Sean was easy. He was sweet. “Thanks for dinner, by the way.”

“I wouldn't really call Burger King dinner. Especially for a pregnant woman who needs plenty of vegetables and fruits. You won't find any of those things in a Whopper. And the grease is gonna clog the baby's arteries.”

“You sound like my mother.”

“Well, somebody has to take Mel's place since she's not here. Somebody's gotta take care of you.”

I wanted to call Mommy so bad when everything went down with Vance. After all, she was my best friend. But I couldn't let her know where I was. Not that she would kill me or anything. But I didn't want to put her in a bad position with my friends' parents. She would have to tell their parents where we were and I couldn't have that. She would be mad at first but she would understand.

“I wanted to call her today but I didn't want my friends to get into trouble.”

“Yeah, that wouldn't be good. Your friends would be grounded for the rest of the summer, and my boy Cal wouldn't be able to hook up with your friend Jade. He really likes her, you know.”

“Yeah? Well I think she likes him, too.”

“And I like you, Tameka. I know a lot of crazy stuff happened today and you got a lot on your head, but I want you to know that I'm here for you. And when everything calms down, I'll still be here for you.”

“Thank you.”

I kept pretending that I wasn't anxious to check the voice mail message that Vance had left. I kept trying to use restraint and tell myself that I didn't care about what he had to say. But deep down inside, I wanted to hear his voice. Wanted to know if he was sorry, if he regretted his actions. Wanted to know where we stood and where we were going from here. I called my voice mail service. Listened to his message.

“He wants me to meet him on campus at the football field…at ten o'clock,” I told Sean.

We both glanced at the digital clock on the dash of the SUV. It was nine-thirty.

“You wanna meet him? I'll drive you over there,” said Sean.

“I wanna hear what he has to say.” I shrugged. “I don't know…call me crazy.”

“That's cool. Let's go.”

As I walked across the football field, Vance sat in the middle of the bleachers wearing a tank top, basketball shorts and a cap on his head backward. He watched as I made my way toward him. When I reached him, he stood and helped me climb the few steps up into the bleachers. I sat down beside him and he grabbed my hand.

“I'm sorry, Tameka. I didn't mean to hurt you,” he said and my heart instantly started to melt.

“I'm fine now,” I said.

“I wasn't trying to hurt you,” he said.

“What's up with that girl saying she was your girlfriend?”

He became quiet and looked away. When he turned back around, his eyes were watery. “Because she is my girl. At least she was before tonight.”

His words cut through my heart like a sharp knife. Any hopes and dreams I had of a future with Vance were being destroyed at that moment.

I pulled my hand away. “You asked her to be your girl when you already had a girl?”

“Tameka, I really care about you…and the baby…” Vance pulled a pair of sunglasses out the pocket of his shorts; placed them on his face. “But I don't think that a relationship between us would be good right now. I mean, I want to be there for you when you have the baby and all. I want to have a relationship with my child…if you'll let me…and everything…but…”

“But you don't want
me,
right?” I asked. The tears that had built up in the corners of my eyes were threatening to fall. I tried with all my might to hold them back but they fell down my cheeks anyway.

“I think we should just be friends,” he said. “Tameka, I think that you are so brave, just carrying a baby for all this time is a big deal. And I'm grateful to you for it. Grateful that you didn't abort him
or
her….”

“Her!” I said as the tears began to flow harder. They didn't care that I was trying to be tough. “It's a girl, Vance. Yes, I knew the sex of the baby for a long time and didn't tell you. I wanted to surprise you but what difference does it really make now, right? I've been doing that a lot lately…trying to surprise you…and every time I do, I'm the one who ends up with the surprise.”

“So it's a girl?” he asked, and then had the nerve to touch my stomach. Part of me wanted to remove his hand from touching me, but I didn't. “Tameka, I didn't handle things the right way. When I came down here it was just so much going on…parties every weekend. Girls everywhere. I didn't know how to be faithful to you.”

“You have to want to be faithful, Vance. And you obviously didn't want to!”

“I got a lot of growing up to do.”

I searched my purse for a tissue. Found two. Handed one to Vance and wiped tears from my own eyes with the other one.

“We both have a lot of growing up to do,” I admitted.

“My parents are going to make sure that you and the baby are taken care of financially during my first year of school. When I get in my sophomore year, I'm going to get a job and try to handle my own responsibilities.”

“Yeah, whatever, Vance,” I mumbled. Financial support for me and the baby just didn't seem all that important at the moment. It was more important that my world was falling apart and I didn't know how to stop it.

Changing the subject, Vance said, “Who's that dude over there…that brought you here?”

“His name is Sean. He's a friend of mine.” I glanced over at Sean as he sat in the SUV with the door open listening to the stereo and talking on his cell phone. “I asked him to bring me, just in case anything jumped off.” I laughed through tears.

“Yeah, right. I won't hurt you again, Tameka.” Vance pulled me into his arms, held me tightly. It felt like old times, if just for a moment.

“I gotta go, Vance.”

He tried to help me down from the bleachers but I pulled away. I didn't need his help. I was on my own now, so I wanted him to let me be. As I walked away he stood there, a pair of shades covering his face. I could feel him watching me and I wondered what he was thinking, feeling. Wondered if he realized that he was making a big mistake by letting me go.

“Hey, Tameka,” he called.

“Yeah?” I turned to find those big brown eyes staring right at me, his shades now in his hand.

“Can I come into the delivery room when you have our baby?”

“I don't know, Vance. I'll have to think about it.”

I didn't know much about anything at that moment, except that my world was slowly crumbling before my eyes and I didn't know what on earth to do about it.

Marcus

I finished
my last load of laundry just before retiring to my bedroom. Jae was still up, his night-light shining bright on his nightstand, his nose stuck deep into his Calculus book. We had all been a little cranky over the past few days as we studied profusely for our final exams. High school students that had attended Harvard for the summer would soon be going home, back to life as we knew it—in less than a week.

I was going to miss my roommates, especially Jae, my Korean friend who was now a master in Ebonics. He knew how to do the handshake that is only shared amongst brothers—
African American brothers.
His favorite phrase was “chillin' chillin',” and before long he was saying crazy stuff, like asking Chris, “What up, fool?”

Jae had become a good friend, helping me with my studies and talking me through some difficult times. We stayed up half the night talking about my problems with Indigo one night, and I couldn't count the number of times he'd vented about the girl he loved in Korea. He'd accepted the fact that he would never spend his life with her—she was promised to someone else—but he would never forget her. I told him that there were other girls just waiting for him to come back
to Harvard. There weren't that many to choose from during a short summer's stay, but I would be willing to bet that pickings wouldn't be so thin when he came back next fall. He just chuckled as if I'd told a joke.

I hoped that we would be roommates again but there were no guarantees. It was true that Harvard liked to mix things up a bit. They were big on having students get to know people from different cultures, which is why they often paired English-speaking students up with students who did not speak English. The next time around I'd probably end up bunking with a bunch of people from Hong Kong or Bangladesh.

In a short time, I'd managed to find Chris a laundry list of scholarship opportunities and he'd applied for several of them. Staying up well past midnight every night for a week straight, we all sat around in our common room putting the finishing touches on Chris's essays. As a group, we'd all made the trip to the post office with him, just to make sure the applications were stamped with first-class postage before they were shipped off to where they belonged. It was a good chance that Chris would finally break free from his controlling and sick father, who continuously made his life a living hell. I felt sorry for his family. They were in prison and didn't even know it. Hopefully his sisters would eventually grow up and leave for college. That way they might even escape from him. But unfortunately, that would leave his mother to fight for her own life, and that was sad.

I would miss Paul when I went home to Atlanta. On an average day in the hood, I would never have met anyone like Paul Chapman, with his strong British accent. He was the levelheaded one of all of us and kept us grounded. He was the voice of reason when the rest of our teenage brains had lost their reasoning power. Paul was not much of a talker, but when he did talk you knew that it was important. Like
the night after my altercation with Derrick. Paul was the one who reminded me that the love between me and Indigo should be able to withstand tough things. Otherwise it might not be true love. I hoped he was right. Paul was a roommate that I wouldn't mind sharing my space with again, but the chances of that were slim to none. With my luck, I'd probably get stuck with a roommate like Derrick. He was definitely someone I wasn't interested in rooming with ever again.

I opened my chemistry book, pulled out my handwritten notes that I'd jotted down during my professor's lecture and studied for my upcoming exam. When I got bored, I tossed an M&M at Jae and then pretended I didn't know where it came from. He looked over at me, threw it back.

“Marcus, you have to grow up,” he said.

“What are you talking about, man? I didn't do anything.”

“I'm going to miss you, Marcus.”

“I will probably miss you, too.” I laughed. “I'll miss your loud snores….”

“I don't snore,” he protested. “Do I?”

“Some nights I can barely sleep for your snores. Couple of times I was late for school, had bags underneath my eyes from being awake all night. I hope your next roommate snores loud, too, so that he can drown you out!”

“I hope my next roommate is Marcus Carter,” Jae said.

“Not a chance. The chances of that happening would be the same as Indigo forgiving me and taking me back.”

“She will take you back. You have to believe that.”

“Thanks, Jae, but I'm not so sure. You didn't hear her voice on the other end of that phone. She was pretty mad…and hurt….”

“She will change her mind.”

“I hope you're right. If she doesn't I'm coming to Korea and hunt you down.”

“Marcus, will you e-mail me during the school year? I really would like for us to stay in touch.”

“Of course, Jae. Mos def, we'll keep in touch.”

“Mos def?” he asked, not understanding my choice of words.

“Yeah, short for most definitely.”

“You have taught me so much. I really appreciate it.”

“Don't mention it, bro. That's what I'm here for.” I laughed and then stuck my nose into my book and studied.

When my phone buzzed, I looked at the screen. Daria. I glanced over at Jae before picking up.

“Talk to me,” I said.

“Hey, Marcus. What's going on?”

“Studying. What about you?”

“I was about to head over to the coffee shop. Wondered if you wanted to hang out?”

I thought about it for a moment. The coffee shop is where all of my problems started. Hanging out with Daria wasn't really in my best interest. I wanted my girl back and the only way of making that happen was to get rid of the things that caused me problems. I was attracted to Daria; there was no denying that. She was beautiful and smart—who wouldn't be interested in her? But after losing Indi, I knew that Daria wasn't the girl for me.

“I really need to study.”

“We won't hang out for long. I just want a chai green tea really bad, and I don't wanna ride the ‘T' by myself. Will you go with me?”

I checked my watch. It was seven-thirty. The night was still young. I glanced over at Jae who looked up at me with judging eyes. I wanted to stand strong and do the right thing,
but I didn't have any willpower. “I'll meet you downstairs,” I finally mumbled; I didn't want Jae to hear me.

“Okay, Marcus, I'll see you in a minute,” Daria said and then she was gone.

As I slowly shut my book, Jae's eyes were on me. “Don't say a word. I already know,” I told him.

“You're playing with fire, Marcus. You must call her back right now and decline the invitation.”

“Can't do that, man.” I stood, slipped a pair of flip-flops on to my feet. “I'll be back shortly.”

Daria looked breathtaking in her flirty pink dress that just barely touched her knees. Her legs were shiny with baby oil and her hair was in a curly ponytail. Wearing a pair of loose basketball shorts, an old T-shirt and flip-flops, I looked underdressed in comparison to her.

“Wow, you look good,” I told her. “Got me looking like a bum. If I'd known I was supposed to dress up, I would have.”

“You look fine, Marcus. It doesn't really matter what you wear, you are very handsome all the time.” She smiled a beautiful smile. “I've missed you. You avoiding me?”

“Somewhat.” I laughed, but I thought I should be honest with Daria. Let her know what I was really thinking. “It's dangerous hanging out with you, girl. That's why I gotta stop. This is going to be my last time seeing you. I'm going home soon, and I have to patch things up with my girlfriend.”

“You mean she's still mad about the photos?”

“Yeah, the photos.”

“I'm really sorry about that whole thing, Marcus. I guess Chris turned out to be a real snake in the grass. I knew that he had problems, especially after that incident of getting us put out of a cab,” she said as we walked across the courtyard. “What sick, twisted person would hide behind trees just to get a shot of us kissing and then send them to your girlfriend?”

She threw me off with her question. I'd never mentioned to Daria that someone had sent pictures of us kissing to Indigo. In fact, I'd never mentioned photos at all. I'd simply told her that someone had sent Indigo an e-mail.

“How did you know there were photos attached?” I asked her.

“Because you told me. Remember? That day you came into the library…all huffy and stuff, and said that someone had taken photos of us kissing and sent them to your girlfriend. You were so mad, and very rude to me, by the way. But I forgive you, Marcus.”

“I never mentioned that there were photos attached to the e-mail, Daria. How did you know that?”

“Marcus, don't get all technical. You said it. If you didn't say it, then I just figured that it was obvious someone sent photos.”

“It wasn't obvious,” I said. Stopped dead in my tracks and looked at her. She was a liar and a sneak, and suddenly I saw her through a different set of eyes. “What…were you and Derrick working together to destroy my life?”

“Your life, Marcus? You can't be serious. We're talking about a high school crush here.” She giggled. “Derrick told me that you would get a kick out of the whole thing. He said that you guys play tricks on each other all the time.”

“And you thought it was a pretty good idea, too, huh?”

“I thought that if we could get rid of that little girl back in College Park, then you would finally realize that you and I made a much better couple.”

“Is that what you thought?”

“It's true, Marcus. Your friend Derrick thought…”

“Don't even mention his name to me again. I don't even know Derrick like that. And he's definitely not someone that I consider a friend. And now that I'm thinking about it,
shoot, neither are you,” I said and started walking backward toward my dorm. “I gotta go.”

“I thought we were going to get coffee.”

“Maybe Derrick will go with you. He wants to hook up with you anyway. If he's in his room, I'll send him down. And the two of you can go have chai green teas together. Matter of fact…” I don't know what made me pull my wallet out of my back pocket, pull out a five-dollar bill and throw it at Daria “…drinks are on me.”

I started jogging toward my building, never looked back. Didn't know if she picked up the money off the ground or not. I wanted to go back and get it; I didn't have money to throw away like that. I was already down to my last twenty. Right before I went into the building, I stole a glance back to see if she was gone and if she'd picked up my money. She was, in fact, gone and my five-dollar bill was still lying there on the ground. I rushed back, picked it up while making sure that nobody was watching, stuck it into my pocket like a thief in the night and then walked away.