Stepbrother Bestie (A Stepbrother Romance Novel) (18 page)

Valerie

While I drove, heading in the general
vicinity of the spot that we had deemed
ours
a few lifetimes ago, I contemplated whether or not I really wanted to do this.

Ultimately, I knew that I really had no
idea.

Besides the fact that I had everything
that I owned packed in a car that I wasn’t completely sure I wasn’t stealing, I
also was not too thrilled with the idea of seeing Shawn’s stupid face ever
again.

This
is all his fault!
I angrily mashed the pedal down on the
floor and growled hatefully. I was scared. That was for certain. Everything was
happening so fast and even though I was happy, at least on some level that
Shawn was trying to be there for me, I was also very afraid that he would try
to hurt me like he had done before. I was still so raw from the last time he
had thrown me to the wolves that I didn’t want to be near him.

When he was leaning on my car, with his
head sticking in the window, it was all I could do not to punch him in the
face.

My whole life was turning upside-down
before my very eyes and all I could do was sit back and gape in astonishment. I
would have never thought that my mother, of all people, would stoop so low as
to kick me out of my own childhood home, without even having the decency to
explain what was going on in person. That just wasn’t like her.

However, I couldn’t think about it too
much, because every time I did, it made me feel even sicker than when I had
first realized what was going on. It was literally all that I could do to keep
myself from having to pull over and spew what little I had left in my stomach
onto the side of the road. I was nervous and scared. Everything I had ever
worked for, all of the trust that I had built up with my mother and even with
Paul was gone in a moment; not only that, but it was taken from me and I wanted
it back.

Yet, everything was just so out of my
control that all I really wanted to do was crawl into a hole and hibernate or
something until my mom missed me.

How
can her marriage be more important to her than her daughter?
I thought with a searing sense of hate burning deep into my core.
She had always told me that I was the most
important thing in her whole world and yet, she didn’t even have the decency to
talk to me about what happened; why it happened.

I was disgusted.

By the time I decided that I was going to
go to the park, I had come to the terrible conclusion that I really had nowhere
else to go.

When my car pulled into the parking lot
that melded with gravel before giving way to a green park, filled with
playground equipment and more recently, a path with exercise equipment, I had
realized that as much as I wanted to hate Shawn right now, there was no way I
could. There was no one else in the whole world that I could turn to right now.

My family had completely shut me out and
Zachary had cheated on me. I didn’t want to expose my problems to the same
girls who I was sure were snickering behind my back during school today and
therefore, that left only Shawn. The same jerk that had always been there for
me, aggravating me intensely for the entirety of our friendship.

When I looked up, I noticed that once
again, there he was, waiting for me, with a smile on his face; the only true
smile that was passed my way all day.

It was because of this, that even though I
was still angrier at him than I had ever been at anyone in my entire life, I
was still happy to see him. I smiled back, briefly, but meaningfully, before I
turned off the car and got out.

He did not rush up to me which I was happy
about, because I might have used that as an excuse to punch him in the face;
but rather, he allowed me the freedom to come to him.

I made my way toward him easily. I was
scared, but then again, I was pretty much scared of everything now. There was
nothing that did not plague me at the moment. I felt even more lost than I had
when I found out that my father had died.

I could still remember that day. Shawn was
there too. He was my beacon of light and right now, as I focused on him in
front of me, I decided that no matter what had happened between us or what was
going to happen to us, , that was exactly what he was to me again.

So, as I walked up to him, even though I
still had a strong urge to hit him, I resisted and instead, put my arms out. When
I was close enough, I wrapped him in a hug.

He seemed surprised at first, but within a
few seconds, he pulled me in close to him as well and hugged me tighter.

“I am so sorry, Val…” he said as I began
to sob.

“Shut up,” I answered carefully. “Don’t
talk Shawn, or I will hit you.” I hugged him closer and sniffled as tears began
to stream down my face and onto his shoulder.

“Okay. Good call.”

“Shhh. Just hold me.”

And to my surprise, instead of trying to
get a word in edgewise, Shawn did exactly as I told him to. He did not try to
push me into talking and he didn’t even try to comfort me with his words, which
likely wouldn’t have worked anyway. Instead, he just held me close and rubbed
my head with his hand. He stroked me slowly and I closed my eyes, trying
desperately to forget the world in its entirety.

I didn’t want to think about anything. I
didn’t want to contemplate how angry I was at Shawn, or how hurt I was by my
mother cutting me off; none of it. I just wanted to enjoy the peace and
serenity I felt while wrapped tightly in Shawn’s arms, being consumed by the
darkness.

We stayed like that for a long time. I was
happy this way. I didn’t want to stop.

However, eventually, I began to calm down
and realized that it would probably be a good idea for me to talk to Shawn.

This reminder of our closeness had done a
lot to help me come to terms with the fact that I needed him, especially now,
but it did not erase what he did. It did not help me come to terms with what
was going on.

All that he was able to provide was
comfort; a soft cushion to land on after taking a potentially lethal blow.

Eventually, I pulled away from him and
gazed into his eyes.

He smiled back and moved to swipe a tear
away from my cheek. Feeling his hands on my face made me feel happy and even
slightly aroused.

I had always had a crush on him and the
feel of his touch against my skin would always be something that triggered a
reaction from me. I couldn’t help it.

Still, even the feelings that he caused to
race through my body didn’t erase what he had done and what had happened as a
result.

I didn’t need comforting right now. I
needed solutions.

Owning this, I sighed deeply and asked
him, “What am I going to do?”

He continued to stare at me. “Umm…Can I
speak now?”

“I might still hit you.”

He shrugged. “I would rather you not, but
I wouldn’t blame you. I definitely deserve it.”

“You do.” I nodded thoughtfully.

I watched Shawn’s face frown slightly and
got the feeling that I wasn’t actually supposed to agree with him on that, but
I didn’t care. He had hurt me and he needed to know it.

I would deal with him later though, for I
had far more on my plate at the moment besides just my contempt for what Shawn
did.

When I showed no remorse for my comment,
he gave up and added, “Okay, well, let’s think. The first thing you need is a
place to stay, right?”

I nodded.

He thought for a moment and then came back
to me as though he was almost afraid that I would flat out reject him. “Well…If
you want, you are welcome to stay with me?”

I narrowed my eyes at him and thought
about what he was saying. Since I didn’t have very many options, I actually
considered it before I truly thought about it. Finally, I said, “You mean, at
your mom’s?”

He nodded eagerly. “She’s never there,
Valerie. Chances are, she probably wouldn’t even notice you there.”

I couldn’t believe that I was considering
it, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense, at least in my
mind. I did need a place to stay and he was offering.

Finally I decided that might not be such a
bad thing. “Okay,” I replied after a long period of silence. “I will stay there
for a few nights, but that’s it.”

He shrugged and answered genuinely,
sounding relieved, “As long as I have a home, you are welcome to it whenever
you want, Val. You know that.”

He smiled at me and I supposed that he was
trying to have a heart-to-heart, but I didn’t smile back. Right now, Shawn had
something that I desperately needed. That didn’t mean, in any way, shape or
form that I was interested in forgiving him. “You know, this doesn’t mean that
you are off the hook. We still have a lot to discuss.”

He nodded and answered honestly, “I know.
I don’t even expect for you to forgive me, but right now, I think that getting
you settled is far more important than you being angry at me.”

“No…It’s about the same, but finding a
place to sleep tonight has a time limit.” I shrugged and stared at him with an
impassive sense about me. “I guess I will see you at home.”

He shrugged again before he answered, this
time a little less enthusiastic, “Yeah, I guess you will.”

Chapter
30

Shawn

For the next few days, I was able to keep
to my word. My mother didn’t return once for almost a week and that was plenty
of time for Valerie to get settled.

We didn’t talk much though and I had come
to the conclusion, the hope really, that she just needed a little bit of time.
I knew that what had happened was really hard on her and I was all for helping
her work through it.

I knew what it was like to finally realize
that no one in your family wanted you. It sucked and made you feel awful. That
was the kind of terrible feeling I had almost all the time, but especially when
I dwelled on it.

However, I had learned to work through it
and rely on my friends and even Valerie, regardless of whether or not she was
angry with me. I had learned that no matter what, there were people, even if
they didn’t have any relation to you at all, that would do anything for you.

Valerie’s mother used to be one of those
people, but I was terrified that she would never become that again after what
happened, either for me or for Valerie, and that was sad.

However, I didn’t talk to her about it,
even when we went through the stuff to get rid of or sell so that she could
make some money, and she broke down and cried.

I just held her and told her that
everything was going to be okay. That was really all that I could do though,
because I was fairly certain that she didn’t want my advice.

Valerie barely even wanted to have a
conversation with me about the weather, much less open her heart to me over a
problem that I caused.

So, I was just there, always, in case she
felt the need to talk. Sometimes, I would get a smile and some days, I would
just get a glower that didn’t leave her face until she was out of my presence. But
no matter what, or how she was feeling, I vowed that I was going to help her
through this.

There was nothing that I wouldn’t do for
her. I knew that, but by this time in my life, I was actually ready to prove
it.

I knew now that for as long as it took to
get her feeling better, I was going to be there to support her, or even be her
punching bag, if need be, because anything was better than losing her.

Besides, living in the same apartment for
that span of time, which was close to a week, we basically lived separate
lives.

She didn’t come to talk to me and I didn’t
dare disturb her. I slept on the couch and gave her my room. We took separate
cars to school, even though I thought that was kind of silly, but it seemed to
work for her and it kept Valerie from leaving. So I was willing to do some
things that seemed stupid.

I figured that she couldn’t very well stay
mad at me forever. She had to come around and at least have some closure, so I
knew what I was dealing with at some point.

Right?

Yet, as hopeful as it was, we almost
settled into living completely different lives under one roof.

Then, one day, while I was working on a
homework assignment, having literally had nothing else to do, I noticed that
Valerie was staring at me.

I looked over at her and stared back, but
I didn’t want to upset her by trying to make conversation. I just swallowed
hard.

“Hi…” Valerie said after a few moments.
The tension had risen extremely high by that point, so when she spoke, it
almost startled me.

“Hi…” I answered and then asked with
genuine concern, “Is everything okay?”

She nodded. “I was just…I just…” As she
spoke, I wasn’t sure if she was trying to think of the right words to say, or
if she was upset, but her breath kept growing increasingly shallow and her eyes
began to redden, before she bit her lip and I saw tears begin to gloss over her
eyes.