Stepbrother's Gift (24 page)

As I slipped out the door without letting him know I was going, I knew I'd probably be back later today. I knew better than to believe I could resist him for long, but hanging out with Anne might do me some good.

But first, I had to take a detour. I asked my phone where the nearest drug store was at...

I
staggered out into the cold, still a little unsteady on my feet. I didn't know if it was something I ate, or maybe a bug I caught on the airplane, but I suddenly felt like my body wasn't my own. Or maybe, it was something much, much better.

I tried to remember what I had read on the Internet about morning sickness, but as weak as I felt right now, I couldn't think of anything. Was this too early to have it? Would a pregnancy test be accurate at this point, assuming I got pregnant just about two weeks ago?

I knew the answer to that last question. I might as well flip a coin for all the good a pregnancy test would do me right now. Still, I felt like it might put my mind at ease. Immediately upon leaving the building, I punched “drug store” into my phone's GPS. There was one only two blocks away, and I walked toward it, feeling myself perk up immediately at having a task, something to do.

I was already starting to forgive James for the pictures that Nicole had sent him, but I wasn't about to admit that to him yet. After all, I had seen the messages he had sent back. Most were very noncommittal, as if he were embarrassed that he had to reply at all.

I had also seen the look on his face when I accused him of jerking off to the pictures, and I knew that it was true. No doubt he had gigabytes of pornography on his computer to jerk off to as well, and was that really all that different? I knew that it was something to be worried about, but as long as it was kept to just an occasional wank session at his home, I could hardly stay mad.

If he wanted to stay with me, however, he'd have to make it clear to Nicole that they were never to see each other again. Oh, I know he said that he'd never do anything with her. And he had been good at telling her no, that one time. I knew how badly she wanted to get with him, though, and that she'd pull out every trick in the book next time she saw him.

I thought about texting her right now, telling her to stay away from James. How weird would that seem? The younger sister telling her roommate that her older brother was off limits? Could I get away with it? Not without seeming weird, I thought with a sigh. She had to know the two of us weren't that close. How long before she started asking questions about our relationship? Would she start to spy on us? She didn't seem like a gossip, but you never know with people what will set them off.

The pharmacy's sign was in the distance, the mortar-and-pestle of the logo almost seeming like a mirage until I got closer. I hoped they would be open on a Saturday morning, and I sighed with relief as I saw the “Open 24 Hours” sign.

I went inside and headed straight to the feminine hygiene aisle. There were a thousand different pregnancy tests available and I wished I had paid attention to which brand was the best during all my pregnancy research. I picked the one that had the shiniest packaging and went up to the checkout.

The girl at the counter gave me a pitying look as she rang me up, especially as I paid for it and a pack of gum with a credit card.
Just one more expense I'd have to try to explain to my dad,
I thought with another sigh. With a meek voice, I asked where their bathroom was. The cashier pointed and almost seemed to sigh, as if she thought I was going to pee all over the stall and make a mess that she personally would have to clean up. I smiled and thanked her, then headed for the bathroom.

Luckily, I hadn't had a chance to pee before I had staggered out of James' apartment. I almost lost control while I had been retching, but I managed to keep it all in. I opened the box and took the applicator out quickly, nearly dropping it in the toilet as I grabbed it. I wasn't sure it would have worked after that and I was glad I didn't have to go through the pain of purchasing another. Without going into any more details, I managed to pee on it without making the stall a mess for the poor cashier.

I should have pulled out my phone and played with that, or thought about something else, or done literally anything other than just staring at my watch and waiting for sixty seconds to count down. The first line appeared immediately, but I knew that only meant the test was working. I watched as the forty second mark passed, then fifty seconds, then all the way to sixty seconds.

I couldn't see a second line.

For a moment, I didn't know whether I should be relieved or devastated. Part of me knew that at eighteen years old, I was much too young to be pregnant. Even if James did support me, it'd be a major change in my life. I still wanted to finish college, and it'd be really hard to be a good mother at the same time as I was attending classes.

But the other part of me wanted this more than anything. James was the best man to be a father that I could ever hope for. I had been feeling my belly every day for the past two weeks, and I had known that there was a baby already growing in there. I knew that I was ready, especially with James' help.

I looked down at the pregnancy test again, feeling a sense of loss already.

Was that a second line there?

I squinted my eyes. Was it just my own hope that I was pregnant that was fooling me? It really looked like a faint second line there. I couldn't be sure. The only other person within walking distance was the cashier, and I doubted she would appreciate me just walking up with a used pregnancy test and asking if she saw a line.

I looked as hard as I could, but really couldn't tell if it was just my imagination. My heart fluttered with hope as I set it down on the toilet paper dispenser and snapped a picture of it on my phone. I didn't quite know how I would figure it out, but I knew I had to. It might have to wait until I got back to New York, but I knew I would have to find out one way or another...

I
tossed the pregnancy test in the trash and left the drug store quickly. Part of me wanted to keep it as a memento, but I realized how crazy it sounded to want to carry around a stick that I had peed on. I walked outside in the cold, unsure of where to go next. I popped a stick of gum in my mouth to get rid of the throw-up taste from earlier and thought about what to do next.

Part of me wanted to run right back to James, to let him in on my possible discovery. Part of me was still mad at him for jacking off to pictures of Nicole. And part of me knew that he would try to tell me that it was too early to make any kind of assumptions.

Besides, I told him that I was going to see Anne today, and that was exactly what I had intended to do.

I pulled out my phone and texted Anne.

––––––––

H
ey, was hoping we could hang out today since I'm in town. Are you working today?

––––––––

A
text came back almost immediately.

––––––––

N
o! Come on over! I'm walking distance from James' place, here's the address.

––––––––

J
ust three blocks away. I was feeling a ton better, no longer thinking I was going to throw up. I felt downright chipper by now. My breath was fresh, and I was newly invigorated by what I knew I would now refer to as
“The Ghostly Second Line”
. I texted back.

––––––––

G
reat, see you soon!

***

T
he address led to the tiniest little yellow house I had ever seen. It was adorable and exactly what I expected from someone like Anne. I could see plants hanging in the windows and the exterior was beautiful.

I knocked on the door but she was already waiting. “Come in! I'm so glad you came by. I didn't have anything planned but playing my guitar today, so this is a nice surprise.”

I stepped into the warm house and loved it immediately. Pieces of art hung from every wall in the tiny living room. A staircase led upstairs to where I assumed the bedroom was, and a kitchen was at the far end of the house. It was incredibly compact, but everything was there.

Anne looked perfectly comfortable, wearing a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt. “I already have some hot water on the stove, would you like some tea?” she asked, being the perfect host.

“I would love some,” I answered. She smiled and turned on a heel, going into the kitchen and getting out another mug. I kept looking around, admiring all the knick knacks. Anne looked young, certainly older than me at 18 years old, but I figured no older than twenty-two or twenty-three. Yet it looked like years of traveling had taken her to every corner of the globe. Maybe she just acquired these pieces off eBay or something. I had the feeling that wasn't the case, though.

I stood admiring one piece for a minute when she came up behind me with a mug. I smiled and took it from her. “You like this one?” she asked. I nodded. “I got it when I was in Haiti a couple years ago doing disaster relief.”

I was impressed. I took a sip of tea. It was unlike anything I had ever tasted before. It was sweet, but with a hint of something I couldn't put my finger on. “What's in this?” I asked.

She looked concerned. “You don't like it?”

“I didn't say that, it's just different is all.”

She smiled. “I'm afraid I developed a taste for it when I went to Amsterdam. I used to spend like half my paycheck importing it in before I toned down my habit.”

I hadn't realized it was so expensive. “Oh, I didn't mean-”

“Oh don't say that I shouldn't have. Your brother bought me this box of tea anyway.”

I laughed. “He does seem to try to keep you employees happy. So why don't you like him?”

She laughed back at me. “Are you kidding me? He's a riot. He's one of the only people I know  who doesn't tiptoe around my sexuality. Even bigots feel the need to disguise their true feelings around me, but not James.”

I took another sip. “And what are James' true feelings about your sexuality?”

Anne shrugged. “They don't seem to matter to him at all. I hear he's very LGBT friendly. At least one of his lead programmers is a gay guy, and it doesn't bother James at all. Also,” she said with a conspiratorial nudge. “I've seen him out on a date with a couple of bisexual girls on more than one occasion.”

My stomach dropped a little without even thinking. A threesome was one of the things that he had mentioned in the shower with me. It had been said as if it was a joke, but then again, Nicole
had
been calling him Daddy over the Internet. Maybe he really did reveal all his fantasies to me.

“Gross,” I said without thinking. Anne gave me a weird look, as if I had just said something bigoted myself. “Oh, nothing against those bisexual girls, but that's my brother you're talking about.”

Anne looked relieved. “I swear you have a little Bi-rannosaurus just waiting to come out.”

I shrugged. The conversation didn't make me uncomfortable at all, even though I knew Anne had a thing for me. “I'd love to have a threesome someday, but I'd like to be in a committed relationship first. Then it's just a matter of finding the right girl.”

Anne lifted her mug in the air. “I'll cheers to that,” she said, sounding a little sad.

I turned and gave her a little bit of a wry smile. “Hey, how are you single, by the way? A girl as cool and as well-traveled as you should have girls lined up to hang out with you?”

Anne made an amused little “hmm” sound. “I do like to travel, and I am a pretty cool chick. Unfortunately, I never really stuck around long enough to make girlfriends.” She turned around and sat down on the couch, and I followed her. “And now that I do stay in one place, it seems that I don't know how to meet people anymore.”

I had heard the same about people after they left college. Where do you go to meet friends after classes are over? I didn't have a good answer to that. As I sat down on the couch next to her, my fingers brushed up against my belly and it made me smile. Parents found friends at their kids' preschools anyway, I knew.

“I did have one girlfriend since moving here,” she continued. “Unfortunately, I learned very quickly that she didn't trust bisexual women.”

“Really?” I asked, kind of incredulous. How could anyone not trust Anne?

“Yeah. It's actually pretty common in the LGBT community, believe it or not. You either have to be super gay or super straight. Anyway, I never even felt comfortable mentioning if I found a guy handsome around her. But she was the jealous type, and one day she discovered I had slept with a guy in high school and enjoyed it. She said that it was a lie by omission.”

“Wow.”

Anne still managed to smile. “Yeah, so she broke up with me immediately. It was a blessing in disguise, really. I can't imagine not even being able to talk about who I found attractive or not.”

I thought about it for a moment. The way she phrased it made it sound different to my situation, but somehow still the same. James hadn't taken any action to encourage Nicole at all, and I could definitely admit that she was hot as hell. From the way I was acting, James couldn't tell me who he found attractive either.

At that moment, I felt like a lousy girlfriend, or whatever I was to James.

Still, I smiled. “Yeah, I can't imagine it either. I think we are going to find you a girl, Anne.”

She rolled her eyes. “I don't need some eighteen year old from out of town to play matchmaker for me.”

My jaw dropped, then I smiled. “See, that's exactly the kind of wit we're going to sell. The girls from your band aren't down?”

Her eyes rolled. “Worse. Two of them are in a relationship with each other, and the third is the ex I was just talking about.”

“You still hang out with her even though she dumped you like that?” I asked. “I don't think I  would be so easy-going about it.”

Anne shrugged. “I love the band and, besides...” She looked at me with a conspiratorial grin. “Sometimes crazy-ex sex is better than committed-relationship sex.”

I laughed at that and high fived her.