Sterling (22 page)

T
he salon door flew open
, the footman leapt back, and Erich barreled out, his face contorted with anger. I cowered against the wall, horrified. He knew I’d heard that whole conversation—I could tell as soon as he looked at me.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me with him, walking so fast I had to run. The haughty footman scrambled behind us.

“Erich—”

“We’re leaving. Now.”

The servant called down the hall, “My lord!”

I glanced over my shoulder. Tirienne’s outraged face was framed by the salon doorway.

“Hurry.” Erich hauled me out the front door and along the sidewalk.

“Erich, they’ll come after us. We can’t run.”

“Oh, don’t worry, my mother would never soil her dignity by chasing her son through Murana.” Still holding my arm, he loped away from the townhouse. I gathered my skirt into my free hand and matched his steps.

He angled into a tiny alleyway overhung by tall buildings. “Stay right at my side, Sterling. I don’t want to lose you.”

“How do you know the city so well?” I asked. Erich didn’t seem to realize how difficult it was for a woman in a full skirt to move as fast as he did.

“I spent a lot of time here growing up. My mother didn’t like me to stay in Talat City, so she was always shipping me off to one place or another. Come on, we’re almost there.”

I wondered why his mother hadn’t wanted him in the House seat, but Erich took a fast right turn onto a wider street and tore across it to a harbor with docks holding pleasure yachts.

This was not Murana’s main harbor, but a private one from the looks of the expensive pleasure boats creaking in the night-black water. Erich slowed as he scanned the ships.

“Ah, there it is.”

“What?”

He pointed. “My mother’s personal yacht. And how fortunate we are that she was planning to leave tomorrow. The crew is there and the boat looks almost ready to depart.”

The ship was lit up, and several men stood on the deck.

Erich darted along the dock. By the time I arrived at the ship’s slip, Erich was already ascending to the decks.

“Lord Erich!” The man with the captain’s badge approached as Erich lent a hand to help pull me up the short ladder. “What are you doing here? We expected only your mother, and in the morning.”

“Plans have changed,” Erich announced, loud enough that the rest of the crew could hear. “My mother will remain in Murana, and I am to take the ship west now.”

“Now?” The captain frowned. “I suppose we could. We’ve loaded our supplies to steam out of the harbor already, and the benefit of the private harbor is that we have no master or schedule to follow. Did your mother send any message for me?”

Erich lifted his chest and became the haughty lord I’d seen at my betrothal ball. “She sent me,” he said. “That is message enough. Now, make haste. We wish to depart within the hour. The sooner, the better.”

I could see that the captain didn’t like Erich’s plan, but he was too cowed by his future master to argue.

Erich pulled me into a posh cabin—likely the one prepared for Tirienne.

“Won’t your mother be livid with you for taking her ship?” I asked as Erich closed the cabin door. My poor stomach was turning somersaults. Erich would be angry when I explained why I’d wanted a ship in the first place. What if he refused to take me to Vorisipor?

He rummaged in a cabinet and found a bottle of brandy and two tumblers instead of answering. “Drink up.” He took a full glass for himself, draining it in consecutive swallows.

I sipped and winced at the burn.

“We’ll go to Talat City,” Erich said. “After that, maybe Avani, back to my house there—”

“No. Not Talat City,” I broke in.

“Why not? I assure you, this isn’t the first time I’ve displeased my mother. Nor the second. Not even the fiftieth. We’ll get over it.” He grinned. “She’s accustomed to my bad behavior.” He laughed. “I wonder if she’ll pursue us once she discovers we’ve taken the ship? We might need to take an alternate route home, do evasive actions—”

“Head southeast. She’ll never expect that.” I still couldn’t drum up the courage to explain about the letter from the Governor of Vorisipor, though I’d stashed it in my pink gown’s secret pocket.

“Brilliant, sweetheart!” He smiled as he put his empty glass on the nearby table. “Come here.”

As I hesitated, he removed the cup from my hand and set it beside his. He wrapped an arm around me as the ship lurched into motion.

“Captain Erran works fast,” Erich said. “I should go tell them where we’re headed. But first—Sterling, I’m sorry you heard all that back at the house. My mother is cruel.”

I shook my head. “I’m aware of what I am.”

“I don’t want to hear you denigrate yourself.” He kissed my forehead. The drink must have affected him already.

Erich departed to speak with the captain. The ship moved easily, drawing out of the small harbor and into a black sea I could barely see through the window. My stomach growled and my head ached.

At last the door swung open. Erich backed through it carrying a tray. Steam rose from it. I beamed.

“I’m sorry,” he said, placing the tray on the table. “I forgot that you didn’t have any supper.”

“You keep saying that.” I took one of the bolted-down seats at the cabin’s table.

“Saying what?” Erich fell into the seat opposite me. He unloaded plates from the tray like a footman. I giggled. He fit the type rather perfectly, if one discounted his personality and pride.

“That you’re sorry. I’d never have guessed you capable of being apologetic after our first meeting.”

He looked up at me. I’d expected him to laugh, but he remained completely serious.

“I’m only apologetic for you, Sterling. No one else.”

“You find me so pitiful?”

“I want everything to be right for you. I wish I could shape the world to fit you better.”

“I need to fit myself into the world better. I should know my place.” How many times had Mama said as much to me? I reached for the bread.

“That’s not what I meant, Sterling, and I think you know it.” He shook his own bread at me. “You
try
to push me away. Why?”

Why did he never understand anything?
“Erich, please. Don’t torture me.”

“What do you mean?” Erich looked truly wounded.

“You flatter me like you’re trying to seduce me. Stop! No more games. I mean it.”

“What games?”

I threw down my bread. “When your little fascination ends, Erich, where does that leave me? When I’m no longer a curiosity, when my ugliness is no longer amusing, what then? Will you buy me a piece of jewelry, a dress, a new carriage like some tossed-off mistress? Do you think that will help when you break me, Erich?” I leaned over the table. “I can’t afford to be broken. I have responsibilities.”

“I’d never break you. Never.”

“You have already! Don’t you understand?”

Erich had been studying me earnestly all this time, but now, as I finally had the courage to lift my gaze, his skittered away.

My appetite withered.

Erich ran five stiff fingers through his hair. “Amatos,” he finally said, as if cursing could remedy our discomfort. He left the table and paced by the bed. After a few laps, he left the cabin altogether.

Relieved of his intensity, I found I could eat again. In fact, I stuffed myself, freed from the need to be ladylike under a man’s scrutiny.

I finished eating, but I needed to find Erich. As much as I disliked the notion of resuming our conversation, I had to explain where we were going. And probably why.

Erich hunched over the gunwale at the ship’s stern. His slender body cut a dark figure into the indigo sky.
Could the man never look plain?
The gods mocked me with his beauty. Sterling, who could never look pretty, was doomed to love Erich, who could never look ugly.

“Erich?”

“Come over,” he said. “The sky is the exact color of the water. It’s beautiful.”

I stepped to his side. The water stretched unbroken into the sky, the line between them so faint I could hardly distinguish it.

“We have to go to Vorisipor,” I blurted.

“
What?”
Erich turned into me so quickly I almost fell over. He grabbed my shoulders to steady me.

“Vorisipor,” I repeated. “I must go to Vorisipor.”

“Sterling, no one’s going to Vorisipor. Talat City is our best bet. Or we could return to Avani. Vorisipor? Are you mad?”

I sighed. I had to explain, and I preferred to do it in private. “Come back to the cabin, Erich. I need to tell you something.”

Once inside the cabin, Erich leaned against the closed door while I took a seat and dug out the letter from Vorisipor.

“My father had treaties with the Governor of Vorisipor—”

“So it’s true then. He
was
double-dealing with the Empire.”

“No!” I cried. “It wasn’t like that. Papa went to Vorisipor to negotiate for us. Everything he did, he did to protect Lethemia. He had to find a way to keep them at bay. King Mydon Galatien—”

“Had forbidden him to parley with the Vhimsantese Empire.”

“What were we to do?” I demanded. “It’s different for you who live in the west. Mydon could afford to ignore the Empire. We could not. There were Imperial legions a day’s journey from Shankar. Papa wanted security for his people. He had no other choice. His treaty saved us from open warfare. And it could save us again.”

I held out the letter. My hand trembled.

Erich raised his eyebrows and took the thick sheet of paper. His eyes widened as he read it.

I picked at the hem of my sleeve. “Papa had a treaty with them that prevented them from attacking us. The Governor says he can only uphold the treaty if
I
sign it as the Head of House Ricknagel.” Of course, I did not know the actual details of Papa’s agreement. King Mydon’s ban on independent negotiations with the Eastern Empire had made Papa’s secrecy essential.

“Damned Amatos.” Erich shook his head, still staring at the letter. “Sterling, whether there was a treaty or not, the war has begun. Costas engages the Imperial Army at Orvia as we speak.”

Bile rose in my throat. I regretted eating my dinner so quickly. “But I can prevent the Governor of Vorisipor from attacking Shankar and our navy regardless. My signature can bring the war to a close much faster than long and deadly battles, Erich. I must do this. Think of the casualties and damages it will save. If you will not take me to Vorisipor, put me in at the closest port. I have no time.” My heart sank. After heading directly southeast from Murana, we were already well on the path to Vorisipor. I’d lose valuable time if we had to turn back. Would I be able to find a ship? And how would I hire it? I had no money, no power to requisition. Costas had taken all my father’s ships.

“Sterling—”

“I must get to Vorisipor!” I sounded childish; my emotions had swung beyond my control. “If you will not take me, I’ll find someone who can. Don’t you see? Everyone thinks I’m useless, but I’m not. I can do this. I can end it all with a few pen strokes, Erich!” My ribcage clamped down and air pressed my skin. An involuntary twitch shook through my shoulders as panic rose.

Erich snatched me into his arms. The embrace, so unexpected, had the effect of a shout during a fit of the hiccoughs, derailing my panic attack before it could take hold.

“I don’t like this, Sterling.” Erich pulled back, clutching my arms. “I’m not leaving you or putting you ashore. Get that notion out of your head. And don’t cry.” He gazed at me warily.

Though my attack had been averted, I still felt out of sorts, with little control over my own body. Erich’s hands pinned me in place. My mouth opened, but I didn’t know what to say except, “I must go to Vorisipor.”

“Sterling, the whole war might be only a few minor skirmishes if Costas settles this decisively and quickly, but it could go the other way, too. What if this border battle at Orvia goes badly and you’re stuck in Vorisipor? You think they will be kind to you as a daughter of the Ten Houses? Use your head. You’re smarter than that.”

“The risk to me doesn’t matter,” I retorted. “It’s my duty as Head of House to see that the treaty holds and that Lethemian lives are spared. I have the power to avert the war entirely. Honestly Erich, my father went to Vorisipor many times, and he was welcomed there. They gave him gifts; they were on good terms. And I will be protected by the rules of war. I will fly the white flag, as the Governor requests in the letter. It will be a parley. Their honor will demand that I be given free passage to and from the city.”

“I still don’t like it.”

“It’s my duty, Erich.
You
needn’t worry anymore about it. I don’t expect
you
to understand responsibility.” I couldn’t stop the last sentence from falling from my lips like harsh rain.

Erich released me and plopped down on a seat. He blinked his crystal blue eyes, and the light of them hurt in the center of my body. He sat quietly for a long time, clenching his hands on the chair’s armrests.

I leaned against the bookshelf to hold myself up.

“You think I know nothing about responsibility? I’ve only been the heir to a major house my entire life!” Erich lifted his lovely hands and spread his fingers. “You have no idea, Sterling, what I’ve given up, what I’ve been denied, what I’ve hidden in the name of responsibility!”

A lump expanded in my throat. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, hating myself for letting my upset rule my words. “But Erich, I must do this. What else can I do for the honor of my House and the cause of my country? I can prevent this war from spreading. Papa knew what he was doing. He wouldn’t have made a treaty without long forethought and careful terms. He was that kind of man.”

Erich let his hands drop to his knees. “Sterling, your father betrayed his country and started a civil war.”

“He was pushed past all endurance!” I launched myself away from the shelves to pace. “The Galatiens would not help him with the eastern border; that’s what began it all. Do you not see? Without Papa holding the line on the border, what has happened? The Imperials have invaded. It is because they believe Costas and House Galatien are weak, because they believe House Ricknagel, who held the treaty with them, is gone, stripped of power.” Tears shivered down my cheeks. “I must do this. I can prevent more war. I can bring honor back to House Ricknagel. I must. I
must
.”