Still Fine at Forty (14 page)

She raised an eyebrow. “Did you say no?”

I shook my head. “I basically said nothing.”

Her eyebrows furrowed. “Oh, no,” she said. “That’s bad. I
ndifference in that situation is like an arrow through the heart.”

“I’m not indifferent,” I insisted. “I’m just not sure.”

“That boy is completely and totally in love with you. And he’s hot. How can you not be sure? Do you love him or not?”

I wondered why she was suddenly pro-Cody. Maybe his di
splay of bravery swayed her a bit. “I do love him, but it’s more complicated than that.”

“Why?”

I didn’t know how to respond to the question.

“It sounds to me like you’re making it more complicated.”

“I am not,” I blurted, even though she might have been right.

“Are you sure you’re not afraid of getting hurt again?”

She was right. I sighed. “I hope I didn’t completely mess things up. He was pretty mad when he left.”

“You need to go to him and tell him that you love him.”

I nodded. She was right. I just needed to figure out how and when I’d do it.

Eleven

As I watched Mel and Marvin exchange vows, and saw the joy and passion the two felt for each other, I couldn’t stop thinking about Cody. I remembered all of the love between us. All the happiness he brought to my life. How special he made me feel. I realized in that moment, that I did want to marry Cody. I wanted to be his wife more than I may have wanted anything else. I wanted to spend my life with the man I had so quickly and passionately grown to love.

When I got back to Phoenix, I had one mission. I needed to see Cody and tell him how I felt. I needed to tell him that I wanted to marry him.

Lizzie agreed to watch Pugsy for me if I paid her fifty dollars a day. Since I was only going a few days, I felt okay about giving her the extra money. It was funny that her moral objections to my younger boyfriend lessened in proportion to the amount of cash I was willing to put on the table.

The two-hour drive seemed to take ten hours. I was so an
xious to see Cody. I knew I had to do whatever it took to get him back. I didn’t know how I could ever have any happiness without him. I just hoped that I hadn’t broken our relationship to the point that it couldn’t be fixed… No. It had to be fixed. There were no other options.

When I got to Cody’s place, I started to get a bit queasy. He wouldn’t answer any of my calls and never called me back. What if he didn’t want me anymore? What if I hurt him too badly?
What if I really couldn’t put the broken pieces of our relationship back together again? I could feel beads of perspiration pouring down my face. Nice. I was going to beg him to take me back looking like a sweaty mess.

I gathered my courage and knocked. When Cody opened the door, he seemed genuinely surprised to see me. Then the look of surprise was replaced with anger.

“What are you doing here?” he asked flatly.

I froze. I wasn’t sure what to say. I wanted him to take me into his arms and hold me tightly. I wanted to forget everything in Las Vegas had ever happened. I wanted him to love me again. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” was all I could manage to say.

That’s when he stepped back to let me into his house.

The place took my breath away. It wasn’t big but it had a very high ceiling. It was packed floor to wall with artwork. He wasn’t lying when he said it was a mess. Other than the small kitchen and dinette, I couldn’t tell the place was actually lived in. It was more like an art studio with supplies and artwork in various stages of development.

When I looked back at Cody, I noticed he had his arms crossed over his chest. His face was an unreadable mask. He just looked at me and waited. The tension between us and the uncomfortable silence was unbearable.

“I think I made a mistake,” I said finally.

He continued to stare at me with a stone expression on his face.

I took a deep breath then said, “I want to marry you.”

I could see a slight glimmer return to his dark eyes. Was it hopefulness?

There was another moment of silence before he spoke. “I hope you’re not just saying that because you miss my hot body.” I could see a wicked little grin forming in the corners of his mouth.

I reduced the space between us and placed my hands on his chest, over his heart. “As much as I love your hot body, I want what’s in here, too.”

He looked at me with a more serious expression. “You know getting married will require us to make so
me tough decisions.”

I nodded.

“And we’ll both probably have to make some sacrifices to be together.”

I nodded again.

“And you know I’ll probably never be wealthy, like Marvin and Larry. You’re okay with that?”

“I want you, Cody. I realized there’s nothing I want more than to be with you.”

He bent down and kissed me. As his kisses deepened and became more demanding, he grabbed by butt and lifted me onto his hips. He carried me into his small bedroom and placed me on his bed.

The bedroom was packed with just a double bed and dresser filling most of the space. I noticed the mirror on his dresser was covered with photos he had taken of me on the Jeep tour. It melted my heart.

As Cody hovered over me, I could see the depth of desire in his eyes. His lips pressed to mine, hard and insatiable. His tongue was ravenous as he pushed it into my mouth. I was so overcome with his desire for me, it was difficult to breath.

“I want to make you mine again,” he said.

“Yes,” I said breathlessly.

He ripped his shirt off and quickly removed his pants and boxers. His eyes were filled with hunger for me.

He lifted me far enough from the bed to remove my shirt then tore my bra off and threw it with his clothes. When his mouth took in my breast, I could feel heat radiate through my entire body. 

“Cody,” I whispered. “I want you.”

He quickly removed my pants and undies in one swift movement. When he moved his fingers between my legs, he moaned. “You’re so wet for me.”

He leaned over to his night stand and grabbed a package. He ripped it open, removed the condom and quickly put it on. He thrust himself into me with was such force, I gasped with plea
sure. 

His lovemaking was so deep and forceful, it didn’t take long for the two of us to reach climax. I was overwhelmed with intensity of the bond between us.

After he cleaned up, he joined me in the bed. We looked into each other’s eyes for a long time. “I don’t ever want to lose you again,” he said with a bit of sadness to his tone.

“You’re not going to lose me,” I said softly as I caressed his cheek with my hand.

“There are things you don’t know about me.” I sensed some urgency in his voice.

“Whatever it is, I’m sure we can work it out.” I couldn’t i
magine what could be so bad that it would tear us apart.

“Promise me,” he said.
“Whatever you find out about my past. Promise me that you won’t leave me.”

The gravity of his tone and demeanor sent a chill down my spine. What could he have possibly done that was so awful that he was afraid I might no longer love him? Why was he so afraid of losing me? What secrets was he hiding from me?

I decided I didn’t care. The man I knew, the man I had fallen in love with, was not capable of doing something so terrible that it could break us apart.

“I will always love you,” I said.
“No matter what.”

That seemed to satisfy him because he exhaled the breath he had been holding then gave me a soft kiss. “Are you hungry?”

I smiled. “Starving.”

He handed me one of his button down shirts to put on. “Wear this,” he said. “You’ll look sexy in it.”

I complied and slipped his shirt on. I gathered the rest of my clothes off the floor and carried them into the living and dining area. Cody followed. I placed my clothes next to my purse on the kitchen counter.

The main part of the house was an open plan with the living room, dining area and kitchen all in one. Every other inch of the place was filled with art supplies and art work in various stages of completion.

“I warned you,” he said. “The place is a mess.”

“Your place is more like an artist studio and art gallery than an actual home.”

He looked concerned. “Is that good or bad?”

I shrugged. “Neither.
Both. You’re an artist. It’s what you do. It’s who you are.”

I looked over the array of completed artwork. Some of the pieces were spectacular.

I noticed a lovely bronze statue of a beautiful woman in a long gown. She was exquisite.  “May I take a closer look at that piece?” I asked.

The muscles in this neck seemed to tense a bit. He gulped. I wondered why he was so hesitant for me to view the work. Then he finally gave the okay with a quick nod.

I stepped over to the piece and examined it. It was magnificent. The man was talented. No doubt about that. When I looked at the title plate, I nearly fainted.

Beautiful Jenny

Surely, he’d known someone named Jenny before me, I rationalized, until I saw the work was dated this year. It couldn’t be a coincidence.

“Is this me?” I said more to myself than an actual question because I knew in my heart it was.

Cody stepped in front of me and gently placed his hands on my face. “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever been with,” he said. “And I’m totally crazy about you.”

I could feel a lone teardrop fall down my cheek. Cody quickly wiped it from my face with his thumb and lightly kissed the spot where the teardrop had fallen.

Then he softly kissed me on the lips.

“Thank you,” I said.

“For what?”

I pointed to the statue. I still couldn’t believe he had made such a lovely piece of artwork out of me. I certainly didn’t see myself in the same way he saw me.

As I looked at the piece again, I noticed the artist nameplate and the air was nearly sucked out of my lungs.

“Why does this say the artist’s name is Cheyenne Robison?” I asked in a near panic.

That was a name I would never, could never, forget. It was a name that had haunted me nearly every day for the last fifteen years.

“Please, let me explain,” he started and I sensed the urgency in his voice.

“Did you go to high school in Tempe?” I asked.

He looked like he wanted to speak but he just nodded.

“I thought your name was Cody Miller,” I said more angrily than I wanted.

“It is,” he said. “Cody is my middle name. It’s what everyone calls me now,” he said. “And I took the name Miller when Jim and Lucia adopted me when I was 16.”

Everything came crashing down around me as the pieces of the puzzle all fell into place. I now understood why he looked so familiar when we first met. Why I felt like we knew each other in a previous life. Why he felt so familiar to me.

When I looked into his eyes, I saw Cheyenne. But why hadn’t I recognized those eyes before now? Had I not wanted to?

He grabbed my hands and pulled them up to his chest. “Please, give me a chance to explain,” he pleaded.

“When did you know?” I asked fiercely.

The look on his face told me everything I needed to know. 

“Tell me,” I insisted. I wanted him to admit his deception.

“I didn’t want you to think any less of me. It was fifteen years ago. I was barely even a teenager, fourteen years old. I’ve changed a lot since then.”

I ripped my hands from his.

“How could you keep that from me? Is this some kind of joke? Some kind of revenge thing? Completely fuck, in every way, the teacher who got you expelled from school?”

“No, you don’t understand. I never felt that way about you. I was a very angry kid but I was never angry at you. I could never be. Can’t you see you saved me? That your love saved me then and is still saving me now?”

I shook my head. I was beyond angry. Beyond hurt. I felt lied to and violated, even more than I had when Rob cheated on me.

“I need to go,” I said.

He stood in front of me and blocked my way out the door. “Don’t go,” he said. “I don’t want you to leave angry.” When I looked into his eyes, my heart nearly melted. I saw the eyes of that young boy sitting in my classroom all those years ago. I saw the years of pain he had endured. 

“Please don’t go,” he said as he bent down and softly kissed my lips.

I melted into his kiss and I was with Cody again, the man who made me feel all the things I longed to feel. But it was only a moment of passion before I regained my sanity.

“I can’t do this,” I said. “Now that I now you’re Cheyenne, you’ve made it impossible.”

“I’m not that person anymore,” he said. “It’s taken a lot of work, but I’ve changed. I know you can see that. I’m Cody. The man you love.”

I was extremely confused. I needed some time to think.
To sort everything out. I needed to get out of that house. I needed to escape. I wanted to leave everything about that horrible day fifteen years ago buried deep in the past.

“I’ve got to go,” I said freeing myself from his embrace and heading for the door.

When I glanced back at Cody, I still saw that scared teenager who sat in my classroom fifteen years ago. I grabbed my clothes and purse from the counter and hurried out the door.

It wasn’t until I was sitting in my car that I realized I was only wearing Cody’s shirt and nothing else. I was so
distraught, I didn’t realize I wasn’t wearing pants. I quickly slipped them on as I tried to contain my sobs of despair.

Cody didn’t try to stop me as I drove away from his house. The two-hour drive back to Phoenix was the longest and most painful two hours of my life. I felt like someone had ripped my heart right out of my body. I felt like I could throw up at any minute. The rush of emotions from such tremendous pleasure and high hopes for the future to such crushing despair within such a short period of time had completely frayed every nerve in my body.

The constant stream of tears that filled my eyes made it difficult for me to see where I was driving. If wasn’t so intent on getting away from Sedona, away from Cody, or Cheyenne, or whatever the hell his name really was, I would have probably pulled off the road.