Still Growing: An Autobiography (26 page)

Years earlier, I had grasped a basic understanding of the gospel and could articulate it, but after looking at myself through the lens of God’s Law, I could now see a new depth to my sin. Now the book of Romans made sense when Paul said that through the commandments, his sin became “exceedingly sinful.” In my early understanding of the gospel at 17 years old, I felt as though I had been forgiven of a relatively small infraction of the law—say, a $10 fine—and I was grateful. When I saw my sin in its
true
light (again, through the lens of the Commandments), I could see that the $10 fine was in reality a $10 million fine. I understood for the first time that the gospel is the good news that Jesus (Almighty God in human flesh) paid that fine for me on the cross with His life’s blood, forgiving me for all my sins, freeing me from judgment and eternal punishment, rescuing me from Satan’s power so I could become a dearly loved child of God, and granting me the incalculable riches and limitless joys that await me in heaven.

I was overwhelmed. This startling insight into my own heart gave me the ability to truly repent (which means to turn from sin and turn to God) on a deeper level, and it increased my love for the cross tenfold.

I wanted to share this new understanding with everyone I knew—and everyone I
didn’t
know. Finally, I understood why trying to reconcile the existence of hell with a loving God is so hard for an angry atheist: They don’t understand the depth of their sin. This approach explained it beautifully.

I watched a video of Ray open-air preaching in Central Park in New York City at a Hare Krishna convention. Everything he did was the opposite of what I had learned in church about evangelism. He stood on a little milk crate, making a spectacle of himself in the middle of a crowd. He wasn’t preaching in a church, but pleading with people in a park. Some people were heckling him. Many others were listening attentively. He wasn’t sporting trendy clothes and a freshly trimmed soul patch to connect with the crowd while he cracked jokes and told stories of how Jesus helped the poor. He was upfront about sin, Judgment Day, the cross, God’s grace and eternity.

It was so cool. I felt like I was watching a modern-day Paul speaking to the people on Mars Hill, preaching to those who were worshiping
their unknown god (see Acts 17:16-34). It was very inspiring.

Ray didn’t badger or belittle his audience. He didn’t yell. He reasoned with people and combined that with communicating God’s Word in a way that made so much sense to his hearers. His approach was right in line with what I had read in the book he had given me. He wasn’t a wild-eyed, crazy street-corner preacher wearing a sandwich board painted badly with the words
Turn or Burn!
or
Jesus is the Answer!

This was more like a guy who had found the cure for cancer standing up saying, “Please, please, listen to what I’m telling you!” This man was telling the crowd, “I’ve found the cure to death, and you can have it—it’s in Christ.”

When I turned off the DVD, I called Ray again and said, “I’d like to have lunch with you.”

I drove over an hour to his office, not knowing what to expect. Would he be a distinguished theological giant? No, he was a short but brilliant lunatic. He ran around his office like A.D.D. was on sale at Wal-Mart. He never walked—he trotted. At the restaurant, while the waitress led us to our table, he stopped at every other table along the way and handed out pamphlets called
101 of the World’s Funniest One-liners
, which contained an editorial note explaining the way to find everlasting life. The guy was so bold. He seemed to have no fear talking to anyone. He was so out-there compared to what I had been exposed to regarding how to share my faith.

Honestly, I wanted to crawl under the table.
Oh no, he’s one of
those
guys!
I thought.
Why couldn’t I see this coming? How fast can I down my lunch and get out of here?

We sat and talked for three hours. He was very sane and very real. I realized that I was very uncomfortable with his methods. When I looked around, I saw people reading the pamphlets. They weren’t typical tracts—they were optical illusions or funny one-liners. I thought,
Wow, they aren’t throwing them back at him. They aren’t calling him names or giving him dirty looks
. People laughed reading them cover to cover. Some stopped by and thanked Ray, even asking him for more.

Funny pamphlets aside, I left still feeling uneasy about Ray’s unconventional message. It was so counter-church-culture. I called people
whose opinions I respected and asked, “Have you ever heard of Ray Comfort?”

Some said, “I have, and I really don’t like him.”

Others said they absolutely loved what he taught and it had changed their lives.

At first, getting involved with Ray seemed a little too controversial for me. I wanted to be the guy who makes everybody happy. I wanted everyone to like me. But no matter how many times I tried to shy away from it, I kept getting drawn back. His approach to sharing the gospel seemed too important. I became more and more convinced that it was something I wanted to be a part of.

Unexpected Expansion

Some time later, a large religious television network requested an interview with me on their flagship program. I agreed because I wanted to share my story of faith with a worldwide audience.

The day before I was supposed to appear, the producers called. The host had gotten sick and they wondered if I would host the two-hour program. I thought,
Sure . . . when pigs fly!
I had seen too many self-styled preachers on religious television making fools of themselves by running around in circles, falling over and begging for money to even consider being viewed as one of them.

I called Ray, the go-between for the interview. He said, “This is such a huge platform, and there are some very respected pastors on that network. You could speak the truth and get it to lots and lots of people who otherwise wouldn’t hear what you have to say.”

Together we agreed that if the Christian network would work with me and agree to my terms, I would do it. I needed to be comfortable with the guests coming in for interviews, and I wanted to preach the essence of Ray’s message called “Hell’s Best-Kept Secret.”

TBN agreed. I went on the show, interviewed several people and preached a 45-minute sermon. To my surprise, the ratings were so high that the network asked me to host more programs.

I responded, “I don’t think I would like to host, but what if Ray and I give you some half-hour videos that you can air as a series?”

They agreed and Ray and I created a show and curriculum out of the Living Waters ministry. We called it
The Way of the Master
. We began making videos that taught Christians how to share the gospel using the Ten Commandments—the way Jesus did (see Mark 10:17).

The shows were unique, but were well received by viewers. People especially enjoyed watching clips of street witnessing.

We continued making episodes and soon had 13 shows. The first year it won the National Religious Broadcaster’s Best Program and People’s Choice awards.

We’ve completed 39 episodes to date and are currently working on our fourth season. The show is broadcast on 20 networks in 70 countries and translated into several languages. We also started a radio program, hosted by Todd Friel. (Check it out at
www.WayOfTheMasterRadio.com
.)

No More Multi-tasking

Even though I loved my work on
The Way of the Master
, I was reluctant to tank my Hollywood career by getting too vocal about my faith. I didn’t want to be known as “the religious guy.”

But then I looked at the apostle Paul, who said (my paraphrase), “Am I trying to please God or to please man? If I’m trying to please man, what on earth am I doing being a Christian? Because I’m burning every bridge I’ve got. I’ve burned it with the Pharisees, I’ve burned it with all my contemporaries, I’ve burned everything and I consider all those things rubbish compared to the value of knowing Christ” (see Gal. 1:10; Phil. 3:8).

Jesus’ words came to my mind, such as, “If any man will come after Me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow Me” (see Matt. 16:24).

“He who tries to save his life will lose it, he who loses his life for My sake will find it” (see Mark 8:35).

“He who does not forsake all he has cannot be My disciple” (see Matt. 10:38).

Why am I really holding back?
I asked myself.

I was worried about pleasing people. I wanted to re-shift my focus onto pleasing the Lord, rather than pleasing Hollywood gatekeepers.
At the same time, I didn’t want to lose the platform from which I had been able to speak about the Lord.

It was a big struggle. I didn’t want to look like a fanatic, yet I could not deny being a believer in Jesus Christ—that’s what defined me in the ultimate sense. Yet if people asked who I was or what was important to me, I would have to minimize or water down the answer in order to maintain my hip, celebrity image. On the other hand, I knew that the more I kept my faith secret, the less impact I could have on others.

My balancing act between secular career and ministry was limiting. The more I pursued my acting career, trying to develop another TV series, the more time it consumed, and I lost focus on ministry. Attempting to find a middle ground between the two only meant that I rode both at half speed.

By the time I reached my 30s, I knew myself well enough to realize that the balancing act wouldn’t work. I’m not a multi-tasker. I go full-throttle with whatever I spend my time doing. I asked myself,
Where is my heart? What am I passionate about? What can I totally throw myself into?

That’s when I prayed, “Lord, if good roles come up, I’ll audition for them. I’ll meet with producers, casting directors, whatever. But I don’t want to fake who I am. I’m going full-steam with serving You. I need You to open and close the right doors.”

Not everyone was thrilled with my new ministry ventures. I scheduled a meeting with my managers and took Ray along so they could get a feel for him. After all, we were working together on a highly visible show.

We talked some before I said, “Guys, be honest with me: Do you think I’m shooting myself in the foot by working with Ray and doing projects like
Left Behind
and
The Way of the Master
?”

“Yes,” they said. “Your career is definitely going to take hits the more out-there you become with your Christianity. We suggest you just keep a lid on it. Be who you want to be on weekends and on Sundays when you’re not at work, but when you’re in front of a camera, don’t get into that stuff.”

After the meeting, I drove home thinking about the hypocrisy of Hollywood. Later, I wrote my managers this note:

Dear ——

I’ve done a lot of thinking since our meeting. I thought about everything you said, and here’s what I think: In this town you can be a wife-beating, manic-depressive crack-head and everyone opens their arms to you. They say, “Hey, pal, don’t worry about it. We’ll get you into recovery. It’s all part of the journey.”

But if you become a born-again Christian and love Jesus Christ and want to share that with other people, they say, “You’ve committed the
unpardonable sin. You are a bad person. You’re intolerant, you’re judgmental, you’re fundamental and that is unacceptable.”

I’m sorry, but I am a Christian and I’m not keeping a lid on anything. I’m not going to go hide in a closet
.

—Kirk

It’s interesting how Hollywood has taken my decision. I had lunch with a famous scriptwriter and we got into a zesty conversation about how you get to heaven. I told him I was a Christian and he said, “Well, Kirk . . . for an actor in Hollywood, you sure picked the one unacceptable religion, didn’t you?”