Still Human (Just Human)
Read Still Human (Just Human) Online
Authors: Kerry Heavens
Contents
One - The nights are the worst.
Four - You gave us all a fright!
Five - You're such a control freak.
Six - Let’s get a few things straight shall we?
Seven - Go back to your life Danny and I’ll go back to mine.
Eight - I wanted your opinion on some wallpaper samples.
Nine - It’s not for nothing Liv, why can’t you see that?
Ten - I’ve never needed you more.
Fourteen - I'm not afraid anymore.
Sixteen - You know what you’re doing.
Seventeen - You should really have a bath.
Eighteen - I just don’t feel worthy.
Nineteen - Two sounds perfect.
Twenty - Happy birthday, baby.
Twenty-two - I promise not to go up any more ladders.
Twenty-three - This ain't no ordinary shindig!
Twenty-five - Funny and wonderful.
Twenty-six - I’m calling a meeting.
Still Human
By
Kerry Heavens
Still
Human
By
Kerry Heavens
Smashwords Edition
Copyright 2013. Kerry Heavens
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to
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and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Editor: Kelly at Ultimate Proof Ltd.
Cover Design: Kerry Heavens
For Steve
You be the anchor that keeps my feet on the ground,
I'll be the wings that keep your heart in the clouds.
&
My Angels,
I love you to the moon and back.
Prologue
Liv
“Please Liv, you have to eat something,” begs Max.
I tighten the covers around me. I’m not hungry, but I keep quiet. If I speak, even about food, he’ll think I’m ready to talk. There’s nothing else to say. I poured it all out when I got home and there’s nothing left. He stayed with me all night, held me tight while I cried and now he is fussing around. He wanted to call everyone to tell them I was safe. But I warned him not to call Danny. I said he could let Mum know I was ok
ay but that was it. No details and under no circumstances were any of them to make any contact with Danny either. I can just imagine Mum and Grace as vigilantes and, while I want him to hurt, he isn’t worth it.
“I’m going down to check on things, I’ll bring you something up anyway.” He says quietly. I don’t respond.
In the silence of my flat, my ears ring. I hate silence, I always have and without thinking I get out of bed, wrapping myself in a blanket, and sit in front of the TV. I find a film on a movie channel I’ve seen before and sit and ignore it. It’s better than the deafening silence. Now that I’m upright, I ponder what to do next. I know I have to pull myself together today, Connie is flying home. Ugh! She won’t let me just wallow, she’ll make me talk. I need to get up, shower and go to work. Keeping busy is my only option, it'll keep people off my back.
As I adjust the temperature of the shower
, I examine my options. I don't really have any. It's not like life was going well before I allowed Danny to walk in and screw me over. I have to just try my hardest to get back to normal as quickly as possible. I should have trusted my instincts. Danny was just human after all, hurting me was almost inevitable. Sadly, I knew that but the naive teenager in me just got sucked in for old time's sake. I knew this would happen, I was safer with Mark, at least I could take that on the chin.
Max is waiting when I come out of the bedroom dressed for work.
“I brought you some coffee and…” He starts as he turns to me. His face falls as he sees me. “Liv, you’re not going to work?”
I walk across to where he is sitting and pick up my coffee. Taking a sip, I smile a tiny smile and sit beside him.
“What should I do then?” I ask softly.
“We have it all covered downstairs. You need to sort your head out.”
“I’m not going to do that here, trust me. I need the distraction.” I put my hand on his knee. “Thank you for looking after me, but I have to get back down there before I drive myself insane.”
He sighs
. “Well, you aren’t going anywhere until you eat something.” He holds up a muffin on a plate.
I smile sweetly and dutifully take the muffin. Then
, with some physical effort, I force some down. I may as well start now, Connie will be much harder to deal with.
Satisfied, Max sits back and seems to relax slightly. I can hear his cogs turning though and I know he wants to talk. So when he parts his lips to say whatever it is I know I don’t want to hear, I say “I don’t want to talk about it.” Then
, getting to my feet, I take the coffee and the muffin and go to the door.
“Coming?” I ask innocently as I head down to the diner.
Danny
Jen places a coffee on my nightstand and sits on the edge of the bed. “If they know any more, they’re not saying,” she says softly.
She was just on the phone
to Liv’s sister, trying to get more information. But I know all I need to know. They found the note last night when they got back; it said she was going home.
It didn’t say why, but I know.
She doesn’t love me.
She found out I was going to propose and she ran.
Again.
Last night after the dust settled, Jen found the ring bag screwed up in the trash. I’d left it out on the counter when I went to go meet Liv at the party and it doesn’t take a genius to see what happened. Liv came back just after I left, saw the bag, figured it out, freaked and then packed her things and left.
Scott and Jen left me alone last night, but only after I insisted. Jen came back first thing this morning though, to make sure I was okay. She wants me to get up and go over to Grace’s to find out what they know, but I don’t want to hear it. I can’t face their pity and I’m too angry to see Connie. This is all her fault. Liv and I were getting on with our lives quite happily until she interfered. Now I’m left with that old open wound and I have to start getting over her again. Except this time, I don’t think I can.
“Danny, come on, drink your coffee
.” Jen urges. Reluctantly, I sit up and take a sip.
“Thanks
,” I say distantly.
“So what are you going to do now?”
“Nothing,” I tell her.
She watches me as I drink, until I can’t take it any longer. I throw the covers off and get up.
“Are you going over there?” she asks hopefully.
I turn and see her optimistic face. “No
,” I say firmly. “I have unpacking to do.”
“Danny! You can’t just give up.”
“Why not?” I scoff. “She has.”
Chapter One
Danny
The nights are the worst.
I shower and throw on some shorts and a t-shirt.
I’ve successfully managed to work through the hellish night. The nights are the worst, but this one was particularly bad as it’s precisely a week on from the night Liv walked out on me. Jen had some ridiculous idea of me having dinner with them, but that sounded like my worst nightmare. Why would I want to mark the occasion with a sombre dinner when I could be working away in my pit, unaware of the world and all the pain within it? I’m so glad I have this job to do right now, or I would have driven myself nuts. But, it’s Saturday morning and if I don’t show my face for the obligatory pancakes I’m going to be in for a world of shit. Besides, there is something I need to discuss with them both.
Scott is up, dressed and looking particularly chipper when I arrive laden down with groceries.
“Wow! You realise it’s A.M. right?” I rib as I put the groceries down.
“Yeah, yeah
,” he dismisses.
“So how are you?”
asks Jen with her well-rehearsed tone.
“I’m doing ok
ay,” I say, trying not to brush her off. I know she is worried about me, but I can’t do what she wants me to do. I’m not chasing Liv. Jen has tried cajoling, nagging, yelling and crying. There is only bribery left, but she seems to have risen above that. She wants me to be happy, but she is wrong about how I can achieve that. I should have left the whole thing alone. But I went against my gut and this is the result. I won’t make that mistake again. I’m staying put. Screw Liv.
“Working hard?’ Jen asks, this is more of an accusation.
“Yes,” I say like a sulky teen. “But it’s what I need right now. Anyway, I need the money…I’ve a huge credit card bill to pay.” I joke, referring to the ring. But there is little humor to be found, even when the joke is my own. I sigh. How did I become the guy with two unwanted engagement rings to his name?
Jen doesn’t push further.
“So whose turn is it to cook?” I ask, knowing full well it’s mine, I’m just trying to change the subject. Jen rolls her eyes and sets about making coffee. Scott takes the morning papers over to the table, his usual position. I’ve no idea when he became exempt from cooking, but Jen and I take turns.
I get on with mixing the batter,
it’s second nature now, and Jen and I move about the kitchen in perfect sync with one another. I wonder distantly, how I thought it would be easy to give this up and move. I love these guys.
We make Scott do all the donkey work after breakfast
; it’s only fair that he cleans up. Jen and I poke fun at him for our own amusement, from where we sit in the garden.
“I’m just not used to seeing him this alert on a
Saturday morning,” I tease.
“We went for a walk on the beach this morning
,” Jen says with a knowing look. “We had stuff to talk about.”
“And?” I ask, knowing full well the subject they needed to discuss. They have been back and forth all week on this sperm donor thing. I know Jen is terrified, but Scott sees it as no big deal and just wants to get on with it. I really admire the guy
; hell, it’s quite a dent in the old masculinity. But as far as he is concerned, it’s just a blip. Any child that is conceived as a result would be his and his alone. Jen has just read one bad example and it has her all in knots. She’s worried that Scott won’t feel connected to the baby and she’ll be left all alone. That just wouldn’t happen.
Scott joins us just then and they smile at each other. “I talked her around
,” Scott says, never taking his eyes off Jen as he sits beside her. God, he loves her.
“That
’s great!’ I exclaim and put my arms around Jen lifting her slightly out of her chair. “So what happens now?”
“Well…we start looking
,” she says with a nervous smile. “It’s a long process and we need a few months to figure out my ovulation issues.”
Ok
ay, here goes. I can’t handle any more rejection this week. “I don’t know the best way to approach this,” I say, looking them in the eye in turn. “But, when you’re ready, I was hoping you would consider me.”
Silence descends on the garden.
I fidget in my seat. “Okay, I can see you guys are having a hard time processing what I’ve just said, but I’ve done a lot of research.” I waffle through the awkward silence, while jogging into the kitchen. From the bag on the counter I produce a wad of papers. “I’ve looked into ways to do this sort of thing and it seems like people do it all the time.” I pause for breath and lay the pages on the table. Waiting nervously to see who speaks first, I feel like I’ve crossed a line and it could go either way. Have I just wrecked my closest friendship? It wouldn’t surprise me, I seem to be on a roll.
Scott looks at Jen and after a moment smiles. They both smile.
“What?” I ask.
“The thing is, when we talked this morning, we said it was a shame we can’t ask you.” Jen giggles.
I watch them for a moment, “So you would consider it?” I ask.
“Yeah
,” replies Scott. “I think we would.” He looks to Jen for some indication of where she stands on the issue.
“Really?” I say. I thought they would reject the idea outright.
"Um, yeah." Jen nods slowly. “I mean, we would have a lot to discuss, but if we could all agree, you would be my first choice.”
I grin. This is amazing. From the very first day that they thought they might be having problems,
I’ve thought about offering to help them. But when we found out that the problem was mainly with Scott and I could indeed do something productive, I had to re-think. I was with Liv, moving to England and was planning to start a family of my own. I would do anything to secure Jen’s happiness, but when I thought Liv and I had a future, I thought it would be too much to expect her to accept my idea.
But that is all off the table now and even if
I’m able to dust myself off and find a new future, it will be a long way off. I want to do this. I want to invest in something really worthwhile. They will be great parents and I could be a part of it.
“That
’s so cool,” I murmur, almost to myself. My spirits lifted by this show of faith from my dearest friends. Then something occurs to me… “But why couldn’t you ask me?”
Scott frowns
. “It’s a lot to ask. You can’t just go crashing in, asking your best buddy to father your child.” He laughs.
“And you’re not in the best place right now
,” Jen adds.
“I
’ve thought about this for months, guys.” I’m keen to assure them that this is not a knee-jerk reaction to the break-up. “And we could do it on whatever terms suit you. There are several ways.”
“I know, I
’ve been reading up too,” says Scott.
“We can do it through all the legal channels
. I don’t want it to come between us in any way. I just want you two to be parents.” I look to Scott. “I know this is hard on you and I don’t want to make you feel worse by offering…”
Scott shrugs
. “Hey, if we need a donor, we need a donor. I can’t think of anyone I’d rather ask.”
“Me too
,” agrees Jen.
“Well, I think you two should talk it all through, I’ll leave it with you and when you decide, I’m here…and if you decide to go another way, I’ll still be here.”
I’m relieved that went well, but I think they should talk about it together now, so I change the subject.
After I left them to discuss everything on
Saturday, I took the Shelby out for a drive. If things had gone how I planned, I may never have driven her again, so I thought it would be nice to give her a run out. Santa Barbra and back took up a nice portion of the day, but I had to play music loud because I didn’t want Liv in my head. When I got home, I slept for a couple of hours then threw myself straight into an all-nighter. Hardly sleeping, bar a few naps for a couple of days paid off, because when I finally stopped working early Sunday morning, I was so tired, I slept all day. I either need to be really busy, or so dog tired I can actually sleep; it’s the only way I can survive right now. After another full-on night last night, I was just finishing up when I got a message from Jen.
‘Breakfast before you go to bed? Jx’
I had to laugh, she knows me too well. So, after picking up coffee and bagels from the deli, I pull in behind the store.
“Hey!”
she says looking up from her laptop.
“Hey yourself
,” I say, flopping down on the sofa beside her and kissing her cheek while she finishes typing.
“Did you bring me a bagel?”
she asks excitedly, recognising the bag I’m holding.
“Yeah, but they ran out of Lox.” I tease
. I got her usual, Lox, cream cheese, tomatoes and onions. But I always make out that they only had peanut butter left in the whole place. It isn’t a funny joke, but I can’t not do it.
“Shame
,” she says, grabbing the bag and whipping out her favorite breakfast. She has bitten a chunk out of if before I can protest and I have to snatch the bag back, before she devours mine too. “So…” she says through a mouthful of bagel. “How’ve you been?”
“I’m fine.” I
bite into my bagel so that I don’t have to elaborate. “What about you?” I ask as I finish chewing, to turn the tables.
“Great thanks, you left us with a lot to think about
Saturday and I wanted to see you, to talk it through.”
I wait, but she says nothing. “So?” I ask after a long enough pause. She's doing it on purpose.
She takes a deep breath. “Well it’s a huge decision,” she says. “We’re both blown away by your offer and we really want to take you up on it, but there are a few things to discuss first.”
“I’ll sign anything you want me to sign. I don’t want either of you worrying that I’ll decide I want a say, or access or something. I just want to be Uncle Danny.” I babble, this has all been whizzing around my head and sounds too rehearsed now.
“Oh, I know, that’s not my concern,” she says, putting her hand on my knee.
“Is it Scott?” I ask. “This was what I was most afraid of.”
She looks puzzled. “What about Scott?”
“Well he can’t…you know… and I can. Or at least I assume I can.” I mumble. “I just don’t want him feeling inadequate, especially against me.”
She laughs. “Oh, you don’t need to worry about that, he’s surprisingly okay with that side of things. He wants to do it and we would both rather know who we are picking.” She grins. “He actually feels more comfortable about it if it’s you…and I’ve always wanted you for your genes anyway!” She winks at me.
I smile, I know she would be more relaxed about her abandonment fears if
I’m involved, but I haven’t exactly been able to voice it to her. I didn’t want to put Scott’s nose out. “Listen, I couldn’t say this to you in front of Scott. We both know he would never freak out on you, but you also know if he did, I would never let you raise a baby on your own…especially if it’s mine.” I say quietly. This already kinda goes against my previous ‘not wanting any sort of stake in the kid’ statement, but I need her to know it anyway. It would never happen, it’s just an irrational fear.
For a second my own irrational fears creep into my head, the ones that just turned out to be a reality, never say never
, hey?
She smiles affectionately
. “I know, thanks. I think we can make it work.” She pauses. “But one thing really worries me.”
“What?”
“Liv,” she says quietly.
I look at her in disbelief. “Why the hell would she be a factor in all this?”
Steeling herself, she explains. “You should be together, Danny, having your own family.” She pauses, leaving it hanging in the air. I feel like I'm going to suffocate. Jen just watches me.
“Fuck Jen, why are you doing this to me?” I snap. “I don’t want to hear her name again.”
“But you still love her and you can’t tell me there isn’t a chance she still loves you.”
I shake
my head and stare out of the window.
“Danny
, a week ago, you were going to give up your whole life here to make a new one with her. That doesn’t just go away.” She tries to take my hand but I pull it away. “Scott and I have talked and we both agree, you need to talk to her, find out why she left.”
“I’m not calling her
, Jen. She’s made it clear that she doesn’t want me. It’s over.”
“Danny, you don’t know why she left. She may have seen something between you and Brooke and thought you cheated.”
“Nothing happened with Brooke!”
“I know that, but would she?” She reasons. “You said Brooke was already undressed when you came out of the shower. Liv could have seen that.”
“Or she just didn’t love me.” I stand up and walk to the window.
“Danny, be realistic. You know she loves you and it’s too much of a coincidence that she left the night Brooke pulled her little stunt. Now I
’ve let you do this your way for over a week, but if neither one of you is going to give in and call the other, then I’m afraid I’ll have to fight dirty.”