Stir Me (5 page)

"And what if I
had
to flee to a suicidal Ryan's side?"

"That's not a fair comparison," I say.

"Why not?"

"Samantha and I are friends. We have a history."

"Fuck your history," she says. She uncurls her body and pushes herself up. "I've known Ryan since I was fourteen. I have fucking history. If I'm not allowed to be his friend, or even talk to him without you getting jealous, then you're not running off to your suicidal ex in the middle of the night."

"Do you even want to be friends with Ryan?"

"Maybe... he was an important person to me."

"But he's an asshole."

She sighs, picks her top off the floor, and pulls it over her head.

"You can come with me," I say.

"You're kidding, right?"

"It would be awkward, but..."

"That's okay," she says.

"Do you want me to stay?" I ask.

"Of course I want you to stay. But it's a selfish want. I want you here with me, close, so I don't have to imagine Samantha throwing herself at you."

"It's not like that."

"Maybe not, but I'm still going to imagine it." She picks her boxers off the floor and slides them over her legs. "Go. You'll hate yourself if you don't."

"You know this has nothing to do with you."

"Exactly," she says.

"Alyssa..."

"It's okay, Luke, I get it." I can practically hear her implication that I care more about Samantha's feelings. Or maybe that I care more about saving Samantha than I do about loving Alyssa.

"If you need me to stay, I can stay."

"Why isn't it enough for me to want my boyfriend around? Why does your presence have to be the only thing between me and falling apart?"

"Alyssa..."

"How many times do I have to say it? I understand. You'll hate yourself if you don't help her now. I'm not going to pretend to like it, but I'm not going to stop you."

"Are you sure?" I ask.

She nods. "I get it, I do. She needs you a lot right now. I just hope that, sometime in the very near future, she isn't going to need you so much."

"I'll be back soon."

"How soon?" she asks.

"By the weekend." It sounds like an eternity, but it's doable. I reach for her hand, pulling her close. "I love you."

She pulls the covers over her head. "I love you too," she says.

I kiss her goodbye, but she doesn't look at me. She just stares out the window, at the quiet street outside.

***

The freeway is a blur as the sun rises over Southern California. It's too early for traffic. It's too early to be on the road.

Hell, I arrive hours before the hospital opens to visitors. It's too early to find an open coffee shop in Santa Barbara. I'm stuck with a twenty-four-hour diner and shitty Lipton tea.

There's no way I'm making any of the meetings I scheduled for today. It kills me, but I need Ryan's help.

I pull out my laptop and attempt my most ass kissing,
let's be friends, I'll absolutely sell you my share of the business
email.

Ryan,

I have a personal emergency and there's no way I can make it into work today or tomorrow. I'll reschedule my 11:00, but I need you to take my 3:00. Your calendar says you're free. It should be an easy meeting--everyone is ready to sign on the dotted line. I'm sure you'll make our client very happy.

Luke

The shameless pandering will remind him how brilliant he is.

He responds thirty minutes later. Of course, Ryan is awake already. Hell, he's probably in the office already, trying to figure out more ways to push me out of the company.

I wish I could suggest that you're kidding, but I know better. I'll do what I can to take your meetings through Friday, but if you aren't here on Monday morning at 9 A.M., you can find another job. Agree to the terms, or you're on your own.

It was difficult enough last time you went MIA for two weeks, after Samantha's incident. We've barely recovered from the damage.

This early, this last-minute, it must be Samantha again. It's not like you have any family that could need you.

I'd think she'd finally be happy now that she's gotten rid of you.

Ryan

I clench my teeth. Ryan is trying to get a rise out of me, but I won't let him. I have to play nice.

I'd really appreciate your help here. We are still business partners, though I would be happy to dissolve the firm. You keep your clients, I keep mine. Hell, you can keep the office, the name, and Janine. I'll reschedule everything with my clients. You won't have to touch a thing.

Luke

He replies quickly.

The only way this partnership is ending is with me owning 100 percent of the business. I'll happily buy your half for twenty percent over its value.

Agree to the terms or agree to leave. You may care more about chasing suicidal women than about your clients, but I'm still interested in running a business.

Ryan

Fine. If that's how it's going to be, that's how it will be.

Fine, I'll be back Monday at 9 A.M. I have my laptop. I'll do everything except take those meetings.

Luke

I hover over the send button. I hate to admit I need Ryan for something, but I do need him to take my fucking meetings.

He's quick with his next reply.

How is Alyssa? She can't be happy about this.

I bet she needs some comforting.

I hope she doesn't seek it in the arms of someone else.

I think we both know that fidelity isn't her strong suit.

Of course, you're used to women cheating on you, aren't you? Maybe it won't be too bad.

Ryan

CHAPTER FIVE

The hospital waiting room is sterile and drab--designed to be as unpleasant as possible. I stop at the plastic reception desk and ask if I can visit Samantha.

The receptionist, a frowning woman in her fifties, looks at me like I'm an idiot. She'd never look at me like this if I was in my suit and tie instead of jeans and a T-shirt. Like that, I'm the dignified professional. Like this, I'm the asshole boyfriend.

"I'll see if Ms. Brooks is accepting visitors." She hands me a form and points to the spaces I need to fill out.

I sit on one of the ugly green chairs and flip through the faded paperback I keep in my pocket. It's
Murder on the Orient Express
, an Agatha Christie novel I bought at the used bookstore a million years ago. I've still never finished it.

Today isn't looking any better. I can barely read a sentence, much less a chapter. I lean back in the chair, close my eyes, and accept that this is the best rest I'm going to get today.

It feels like forever passes, but the receptionist finally calls me back to the desk.

She leans in close, pity in her eyes. "Ms. Brooks doesn't want any guests right now." She frowns, apologetic.

Clearly, Samantha doesn't want to see me today. Clearly, she said something to this woman about how little she wants to see me. It's not like there is anyone else who would visit her. I'm sure her parents are pretending as if this is not happening.

The receptionist looks at me with pity. She must think I'm the asshole ex-boyfriend.

"There's a cafeteria in the basement," she offers.

I nod a thank you and I leave the waiting room. It's cool outside and the sky is a blinding shade of white. It's the kind of white that covers Southern California beaches in the morning, before the sun rises and turns everything a brilliant shade of blue.

My shirt is sweaty, sticking to my chest, and my hair is a mess. This isn't going to work itself out in the next few hours. Samantha refused to see me. She wouldn't refuse to see me if she was in a car accident or if she fell and broke her leg.

My jaw locks up. This isn't the time to think about my mother, about how much it hurts that she's gone.

My head is aching and my back is sore. I need to find a hotel, take a shower, and attempt to get a few hours of sleep.

But not until I'm sure Samantha won't see me today.

I call her phone. It rings three times, all the way to voice mail. Not a good sign.

I call again. This time, it rings once, then voice mail. She rejected the call.

Fine, she doesn't want to see me today. She needs time to build her nerve.

I walk back to my car and drive to the cheapest hotel in the area. I have the money to stay someplace nice, but I'd rather this trip not feel nice in any way. I'd rather solve this problem and get back to my life with Alyssa.

The room is an ugly shade of beige, but it's not altogether unpleasant. It has everything I need--a bed, a TV, a shower, curtains to block out the obscenely bright sun.

The hot water of the shower feels perfect against my skin. It would be so much nicer to have Alyssa in here with me, to press her against the tile wall and slide my hand between her legs. To run my lips over her the wet skin on her neck, to watch her bite her teeth and arch her back, to hear a perfect, soft moan escape her lips.

But this is the choice I made, to run off to my suicidal ex. It's a debt I have to pay.

I text Alyssa when it's late enough I'm not afraid of waking her up.

Her response is a clear push off.
I'm with Laurie right now
.
I'll call you when I'm free.

It's not like I expect her to be available every time I need her.

But still, I want to hear her voice. When I'm near her, everything feels like it's going to be okay. It can be the phone. It can be anything, as long as I can feel how much I love her and how much she loves me.

***

It's well into the afternoon when Alyssa returns my call.

"How are you?" she asks. Her voice is sweet and sincere, but still... she doesn't want to hear about my ex-fiancé.

"It's fine."

She sighs. "You do realize you can talk to me about this, right?"

I'd rather spare her the gory details. "I am fine."

She murmurs something. "Have you gotten any sleep?"

"No, but I'm used to it."

"Are you going to sleep tonight?"

"History doesn't suggest a strong chance of that." I shift the phone between my hands. "But really, it's okay. I never used to be able to sleep. I only started sleeping once I had you."

She laughs. "Likely story."

God, that laugh is amazing, it's brightening the entire room. I'd kill to keep her laughing like that.

My lips curl into a smile. "It's true. You're better than Ambien."

"So take some of me with you and sleep all you want."

"Impossible. It works by proximity. If there are more than three inches between us, it doesn't work."

"That doesn't sound very effective."

"It wouldn't be, but I never want more than three inches between us."

She laughs and the room feels alive. It feels like all of this is going to be okay. Everything in my life will be perfect if I can keep her laughing.

"You're so cheesy."

"It's romantic."

She murmurs some kind of agreement. If I was with her, I could wipe that smug look off her face with my lips on hers.

She takes a deep breath and her voice gets lower, like she's concerned. "How is she?"

"You don't want to hear about my ex," I say.

"I do. That's why I'm asking."

"She's not ready for visitors." I clench my first so I can keep my voice as steady as possible.

"I'm sure she's just embarrassed. It's not like she wants you to rescue her every six months."

"You're right."

"Are you okay though? I know, if I abandoned all my responsibilities to be at someone's side and she rejected me, I'd be pissed as hell."

The hurt in her voice is louder. I try to shake it off, but it digs into my skin. I need to move on from this, to make sure she's okay.

"Are you going to be okay at Laurie's party?" I ask.

"You know me. Nothing I love more than crowded parties where I'm the center of attention." She laughs.

It's a tiny thing, but it fills me with warmth.

Her voice is soft. "I know how to play my part. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive." She says it with such finality, like she is not willing to talk about this for a moment longer.

"Promise you'll call me if you get overwhelmed?" I ask.

"I'll be fine."

"Promise anyway."

She groans but it's playful, sweet even. "I'm not a big fan of promises to Luke Lawrence."

"Do it because you want to get in my pants."

"I've been in your pants already." She laughs.

"My recollection is that you enjoyed it."

"Maybe."

"Fuck, Ally, if those sounds you like are the maybe, I can't wait to hear the hell yes."

"I, uh, I, uh..." she stammers, nervous. "I hate you. But fine, I promise I'll call you if I get overwhelmed."

"Thank you." My body floods with warmth. Alyssa is mine and she knows I'm hers. That's what matters.

She takes a deep breath, like she's working up her nerve. "Do you have any idea how long you'll be visiting?"

"At least a few days. Maybe longer."

"Oh." It's like all the energy falls right out of her voice.

My heart sinks. I need to make this up to her. "I'll call after your show."

"That's okay. I'm going to have to make sure Laurie doesn't try to sleep with Danny... not that I can blame her. He's fine as fuck."

"Excuse me?"

"Not as hot as you, but still not bad."

I mime her favorite
Law and Order
quote. "I'll allow, but you better watch yourself, Summers."

She laughs, a big belly laugh. "Make me."

"I will, when I'm back."

"Well, until then, I guess you're shit out of luck."

I laugh and squeeze the phone. She's happy and that's everything.