Stirred (43 page)

“I still believe that, Eden.”

“But…was it truly by chance that we met again at my school?” she asked.

I closed my eyes and bowed my head with a sigh, remaining that way for a long minute, my fingers tapping together. Finally, I raised my eyes to her.

“No, Eden. It wasn’t by chance. But before you accuse me of anything, let me explain, okay?” I asked, and Eden nodded. “That first night in the men’s room at that bar, you dropped your bag, and your business cards fell out. I admit, I used your author card to find you on Twitter. I tried to engage you there, but, while you responded, I felt—justifiably it would seem—that if the Sean Bennett from Twitter, who sought you out at your signing, turned out to be the same guy from the bar, you’d think I was a creepy stalker and refuse to see me. I wanted to separate the two, the guy from the bar and the one on Twitter. But once I realized I had feelings for you, I knew I had to come clean and reveal myself, and I used the school to do it. I know I was wrong, but except for mixing up my names, everything else I told you was true. I never lied about my feelings. I knew you were into me, Eden, and I wanted to hold onto you, so I took the easy way, because I knew it would work. I’m not proud of
how
I did it, but I don’t regret that I did.”

Eden nodded slowly. “So then for you, the end justifies the means. Is that it?”

“In this one particular instance, yes. But that doesn’t mean that’s how I live my life. You were—
are
—a very special case.”

Her brow twisted into a knot as she gnawed even harder on her lip. “But Sean, if you were willing to lie once—”

“I swear to you, I haven’t lied since.”

“Even by omission?” she asked.

That took me aback, and I snapped my mouth shut, unsure what to say. After a thoughtful moment, I pulled closer to Eden and took her hands in mine.

“Eden, if there are things I haven’t told you yet, it’s only because I don’t know what they mean or if they mean anything at all.”

“Or maybe it means you don’t trust me, Sean. And if you don’t trust me, you must suspect me.”

I shook my head. “No, Eden that’s—”

“Then tell me about the girl in the photo,” she asked.

God, I wanted to tell her about the girl. I wanted to tell her about Trin, but then she’d find out about who laid in that grave, and she’d think I’d killed her. And if I killed Trin, then why not the others? She’d think I’d ruined her life, put her at risk. Either way, Eden wouldn’t want to be with me anymore.

“Is it that you
can’t
remember?” she said.

“Can’t remember?” I repeated. “What do you mean?”

“Detective Reed said you admitted to having a couple memory lapses and couldn’t account for the hours when Declan and Aurelia were killed.”

“That fucking bastard! Can’t you see what he’s doing, Eden? Reed’s pitting you against me, trying to break me, make me confess so he can close his damn case.”

“Because he can’t exclude you yet. He told me they found stolen beta-blockers in your condo, the same kind in the cocktail used to torture and kill Declan. There’s a lot of evidence and unknowns pointing in your direction, Sean, yet you’ve kept it all from me.”

“I don’t know anything about any beta-blockers used to commit murder. Yes, I’ve skimmed a few off my stepfather in the past, but only to ease occasional anxiety. And I didn’t tell you about the blackouts because I don’t understand them. I’ve never experienced any lapses of consciousness before, and, frankly, it scares the hell outta me.
All
of this scares the hell outta me, Eden. But no matter what I
don’t
know, I
do
know I wouldn’t kill another human being. I couldn’t. And I know I wouldn’t do anything that would harm or threaten you, either, your life
or
your freedom. I love you, Eden. If you trust nothing else, please trust that.”

I sealed my vow by pulling her hands to my mouth for a kiss, then rested my forehead on our knotted fists. Eden pulled one hand free and combed it through my hair.

“I do, Sean. I do. But this won’t work if we’re not completely honest with each other.”

“I want to be, Eden. Believe me. But things are more complicated than you know.”

“Like how?” she asked.

“Like this time, the cops will arrest one of us for murder.” I pulled myself up and looked Eden in the eye. “They’ll charge or indict whichever one of us they think had the most to gain, whoever’s the easiest to convict, then they’ll prosecute and compel the other to testify. They’ll ask and we’ll be forced to tell a jury everything we know, everything we’ve shared. And no matter the truth—what you told them or I told them or—“

“What have you told them?” she asked, her eyes drawn in panic.

I shook my head. “Nothing. Not that it matters. Because they’ll twist every little thing to fit their agenda, to make us look guilty, to get a conviction. Happens all the time. Every fucking day. They zero in on the most obvious target, and they don’t let go. And that’s us, Eden. That’s us.”

“We can refuse.”

“They’ll just threaten us, offer one of us a deal impossible to accept, not if we want to stay out of prison. At the very least, they’ll find us in contempt and jail us until we comply.”

“No.” She shook her head. “No, there must be some way around this. There has to be.”

“Only one. But it’s too far out there to even consider, Eden.”

“Sean, the police are gunning for us both. At this point, nothing is too far out there. So tell me.”

I took a deep breath and looked long and hard into her beautiful green eyes. In them I saw everything I ever believed to be true. And so I did. I told her.

“Marry me, Eden.”

A battle began to rage within me. The romantic side reacted first, all those old, girlish dreams resurfacing and lighting up my face with the biggest smile I’d had in years—decades even. I was like a flower blooming in fast-motion, nurtured by the hopeful love I witnessed in Sean’s eyes as he asked me to marry him. I felt as if I were twenty years old again, when, in the afterglow of making love, Jacob and I would lie on our sides, hands beneath our cheeks, gazing into each other’s eyes as we shared our dreams of marriage and children, of growing old together with a passel of grandkids scrambling around our feet.

That same joy and optimism bubbled up as a giggle, and I pressed my hands together, as if I were praying, my fingertips to my mouth. My elation brought tears to my eyes, and when I blinked, they gushed over and trickled down my feverish cheeks. I held on tight to that feeling, to knowing someone cared enough about me to want to protect me and spend forever at my side, someone who respected what I felt, heard what I said, who enjoyed my body and gave back just as much as he received. I reveled in it all—that joy, that love, that hope—for all of a minute. Until the dark mantle of reality settled over me, the weight of which drove me to my knees, where I collapsed, hands covering my face, in a puddle of grief and somber resignation.

What was I thinking? I couldn’t start over. I had a son who depended on me, and while Ian was no longer a child and would soon leave the nest, I couldn’t rock his world any more than it already had been. But…wouldn’t going to trial, possibly to prison, wouldn’t that tear his world apart even more?

No, it didn’t matter. Because, as central as Ian was to my life, it was more complicated than that. I’d made the mistake of marrying for reasons other than love the first time around. How could I even think of doing it again? Except that…even if it wasn’t the mitigating factor, I
did
love Sean, and I knew he loved me. But I shook my head. Regardless of my feelings, I had no right to any of those blessings. I gave that up the moment I shook hands with the devil some twenty years ago, granting Declan access to his millions and me to a lifetime of financial security.

My whole body shuddered with the loss of that dream.

Sean dropped to his knees before me and pulled me into his embrace. I wanted to melt into his strong arms, to consume the loving comfort he was offering me, but I couldn’t. I had no right to that either. So I pushed him away.

“Oh God, Sean. I want to. I do. But I…I can’t.”

“Is it Ian? Because, if it is, we can explain, make him understand. He’ll want to protect you just as much as I do.”

“Of course, but…it’s more than that. It’s me, Sean. I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve a second chance.”

“Yes, Eden. You do. You deserve
every
chance. You deserve to be loved, to be happy and satisfied. You deserve to know what it feels like to be wanted and to desire someone right back. Your whole life was stolen from you, Eden. It’s time to reclaim it. Now.”

I placed my palms against Sean’s cheeks. “I know you love me, Sean. I see it every time I look into your eyes. And I’m so grateful for that, you’ve no idea. But—”

“There’s only one ‘
but
’ here, Eden. Yes, of course I love you,
but
…this is so much more than that. We’d be protecting each other. Spouses can’t be compelled to testify against each other. Their entire case is based upon suspicion and speculation, and our testimony would go a long way to convince a jury. One minute, Reed’s gunning for you. Then the next, it’s me. The only way to ensure we’re both protected is to get married.”

“Then I’d just be jumping into another marriage based on obligation.”

With frustration making his jaw tic, Sean let go of my arms and stood. “Do you love me Eden?” he asked, looking down at me.

I rose up on my knees. “Of course I do.”

“Yeah? Which part then? Tell me.”

I shook my head. “What do you mean, which part?”

Sean sank to his knees in front of me, one hand at the back of my neck, the other slipping beneath the hem of my loose-fitting dress and inside the waistband of my panties, where he cupped the heat between my legs. With my hands at his shoulders, I gasped, but as shocked as I was, I was also aroused by his bold intrusion, and, as my heart leapt, my eyelids fluttered low in response.

“Is this the only part, Eden?” he asked.

His lips descended onto mine as he pulled me to his chest. Sean’s tongue invaded my mouth. His fingers sliced through me and breached my core. And my entire body was instantly seized with desire. I wanted Sean on top of me. I needed him inside of me. But just as Sean had wound me nearly to the point of orgasm, he lifted his mouth from mine. Startled, I opened my eyes and locked with his angry gaze.

“Is this the only part that loves me, Eden? Right here?” he repeated as his fingers knocked me over the edge.

I wailed in climax, then literally wept as a surge of emotion rolled through me and around me and all over top of me like a twister. Sean pulled his hand away and rested his palm on my chest, just left of center.

“Tell me it’s more than just that, Eden. Because I want more. I want this. Can you give this to me, too? Will you give me your heart?” he challenged.

I looked deep into his eyes once more and saw the storm there had settled, and all that raged in there now was an all-consuming love. It was then I realized that
that
was what I’d felt whirl through and around me. It was love—unselfish and unfettered, pure and earnest—and it was for Sean.
All
for Sean.

“I’m completely exposed here, Eden. I’ve nothing to hide. I need you, yes, but I love you most of all. I’ll protect you now and forever. Just tell me, Eden…will you give me your heart?”

With his hand still on my chest, I nodded. “I can. I
will
. I’ll give you everything, but especially my heart. And yes, Sean Bennett. Yes. I’ll marry you!”