Stirring Attraction (13 page)

The stark truth stared back at her. They'd only made love a handful of times in the past five years. And he'd never turned to anyone else?

“Only me,” she said. “For all those years? All the ups and downs?”

His green eyes narrowed. “If you don't believe me, why did you make love to me?”

“That wasn't—­”

“Why did you let me fuck you in the hall?” he demanded. “Why did you get down on your knees in the bar earlier? Why, Lily?”

She stared at the hard lines of his face. Even now, his frustration and anger rising up, the answer was clear. “Because I'm safe with you. I can stop looking over my shoulder. I can feel something other than fear when I'm with you. I can escape with you for a little while.”

“Until I leave and head back to Georgia?” he asked.

She nodded.

D
OMINIC STARED AT
the woman he'd loved since he was in high school. He could still smell her, and taste her. Even the feel of her clit lingered on his tongue. He'd explored the most intimate parts of her.

But he was nothing more than a stopgap. He was comfortable, like a teddy bear. Familiar. Safe. And heading out of town as soon as her life went back to normal. She didn't have to worry about falling for him all over again, or awakening dormant feelings.

And he didn't either.

Because he still loved her.

Back in Georgia, holed up in his room with his feet on a damn box, he could pretend he'd loved her in another lifetime. But his heart had always belonged to her. He'd spent most of his life trying to be a better man for her. He'd wanted to give her a future she could trust. She'd grown up with an alcoholic who'd spent more time bouncing from rehab to drunk than he ever spent at a job. Dominic had wanted to give her the best of himself.

And he'd found that with the army. Then it had been blown away. Maybe he could find it again. He hadn't yet. But it was time to start looking.

“Have you changed your mind?” she asked. “Are you thinking about staying? Asking Noah for that job?”

Hell, maybe it was the alcohol or the fact that he'd finally gotten some sleep. Or maybe his mind was playing tricks on him, but he swore she sounded hopeful. And he wanted to say yes.

But barely six weeks had passed since her attack. And now that they'd caught the guy, her fear would start to fade. Or what if it didn't? What if her fear held tight and he stayed, never knowing if she loved him or simply wanted a security guard who made her come so hard the walls and tables shook?

“We need to make sure they have the right guy first,” he said. “Then I'll decide.”

She nodded. “Did you bring the arrest details?”

“They're in the car.” He set his martini on the coffee table. He'd lost his taste for it now. “I'll go get the file.”

“No, let it wait until morning,” she said. She set her wine glass on the table and stood. With one hand on her towel, she extended the other. “Come to bed with me.”

“I slept most of the day,” he said, ignoring her outstretched hand. “I'll be fine on the couch. I can keep watch tonight. Make you feel safe.”

Fulfill my role as your bodyguard and try to remember I'm not your boyfriend anymore.

“You can keep watch while you hold me,” she said. “Please. Lying in your arms—­that's the safest place in the world.”

What the hell could he say to that? He wanted to be her sanctuary, the person she ran to when she needed help. But he wanted to be so much more.

Maybe Lily saw the truth. He wasn't ready to love her the way she deserved to be loved. She should have a man in her life that could give the best version of himself to her—­in bed and out. Dominic could fuck her against a wall and watch her back. Beyond that?

Hell, he didn't have clue what the best version of himself was anymore.

But he stood and followed her down the hall. He checked behind the door and scanned the bathroom for her before she went in to brush her teeth. Then, he stripped off his boxer briefs as she dropped her towel, and climbed into bed with her.

She rolled onto her side, facing the window. The curtains were drawn tonight, he noted as he moved behind her. He wrapped his right arm around her and pulled her back until her backside pressed up against his dick.

And while the rest of him couldn't hide from the fact that he'd bared his heart and soul tonight and she'd challenged him, unable to believe he'd never wanted anyone else, his dick rose to attention at the contact. But he ignored his physical response to having the woman he loved in his arms. Because not once had she said the words he needed to hear
.

“Dominic?”

“Yeah?” His lips brushed her bare shoulder.

“There was never anyone else for me either,” she whispered.

Those words. I needed to hear you say those words.

“I tried with Ted,” she continued.

His muscles contracted, drawing her closer to him, as if trying to pull her away from the past and Ted, who sure as shit didn't have any business being in bed with them.

“But there was never anyone else. Not while you were in training or deployed. It wasn't until you had the chance to come home and didn't . . .”

“I wasn't ready.” He pressed his lips to her shoulder. Hell, he still didn't know if he was.

“I know,” she said. “But, Dominic, I can't wait anymore. I want to have a family and build a future. So if you decide to stay, if you tell me you will, I . . . I need you to mean it.”

“I won't lie to you.” He ran his hand down her body, caressing her curves and drawing her back. “If nothing else, you can trust me.”

She reached up, wrapping her arms around her neck. Her body stretched out before him, granting him access. Her legs parted and he slipped his hand between them, touching and stroking.

“I know I can,” she said dreamily as her hips rose up to his touch. “I think you were the only person who believed me when I was convinced the man who attacked me knew me and wanted to strike again.”

His hand stilled. Shit, he'd already lied to her. Earlier, when she'd asked him if they had the right guy, he'd said yes. But he knew there were inconsistencies. Still, he'd let her believe she was safe. In the end, she would know when she saw the file waiting in his car. She'd be able to judge for herself. She was the only one who could make that call.

“Dominic?” she asked.

Damn, he'd messed this up. He'd let his need drive him. He'd nearly kicked down her door tonight. And he hadn't been hell-­bent on handing over the file. He'd wanted to sink into her, claim her, fuck her.

God, he was an ass.

“You don't have to stop touching me,” she said, still looking up at him as if he was a good guy. “I have a box of condoms in my nightstand.”

“You do?” And yeah, that pulled his attention away from the fact that he wasn't anywhere close to a perfect score when it came to being the guy for her. “How old are they?”

“They're new. I bought them in case—­”

He cut her off with a kiss. Her lips parted beneath his, granting him access and kissing him back. Slowly, once he felt he'd proven his point—­they weren't going to say Ted's name again while lying naked together—­he drew back and reached for the nightstand.

He reached into the drawer and pulled out papers, a book, and finally the sealed box of condoms. He ripped it open and tore off a packet. He was tempted to use every damn one in the box tonight. So she never got the chance to with Ted or anyone else.

“I know what you're thinking,” she murmured as he covered himself and turned to her. “You want to use them all tonight.”

He leaned his head back and laughed. “Lily, I'm just a man. Six condoms in one night?”

“Hmmm, I see your point,” she murmured as he settled between her legs.

He wanted to take this slow, ease into it and draw out every stroke. He wanted to make her come again and again even if he couldn't manage a six-­condom night. Hell, seven if they counted the one from earlier.

Gently, he pressed into her, allowing her time to adjust. He tried to hold back the last few inches, but her hips rocked up to greet him. Her legs wrapped around him, her heels digging into his ass. And she began to move.

Fuck slow.

He drove into her over and over, rushing toward the finish line. Next time, they would try for gentle and calm. Right now, he wanted her too much.

“Dominic,” she said as her arms drew him down until his chest pressed against hers. And her lips brushed his ear. “We can make balloon animals with the rest of them. There won't be any left after tonight.”

He heard the implied
for anyone else
in her words and came with a rush as she followed him, tumbling into pleasure.

After . . . still trying to breathe . . . he rolled off her and stared up at the ceiling. What if he tried to be a part of Lily's life—­the man who delivered her dreams of marriage and family—­and failed?

He reached for the box, determined to use another in ten minutes. Maybe eight if she kept rubbing up against his side.

“Again,” she whispered.

“Again, Lily.”

Just in case they had the right man in custody. Just in case her life went back to normal and she didn't need him anymore. Just in case he was left with a choice. Stay with the woman who owned his heart, knowing she no longer needed what he had to give her—­protection—­or go. And he decided to leave again.

He wanted to make damn sure that box wasn't waiting for Ted or anyone else.

 

Chapter Fourteen

L
ILY SURVEYED HER
bed. The pinks sheets had been tucked in and the comforter folded on the edge while she'd been in the shower. She'd heard him out here, moving around. And she'd closed her eyes while shampooing her hair, knowing he was right there.

“Everything all right?” Dominic walked in and handed her a cup of coffee. Her childhood bedroom felt smaller with him standing beside the queen-­sized bed that barely fit. Though it hadn't seemed that way last night.

She accepted the coffee. “We didn't break the bed.”

“Pick up another box of condoms and we'll try again after our trip to Salem.”

The attack. The man sitting in a jail cell. The report from the second attack . . . She'd let it all slip to the back of her mind for one blissful night. “Do you have that file? The one from the Salem police department? I'd like to look at it before we go.”

“I brought it in from the car.” He turned and led the way down the hall. When they reached the kitchen, he set down his mug and picked up a thin manila folder off the counter, then handed it to her.

Her fingers trembled and she glanced up at him. “Have you read it?”

He nodded. “There are some differences,” he said slowly. “And without your positive ID they don't have anything to tie him to your attack. He claims he's never been to Forever.”

Unease washed over her. He'd sounded so sure yesterday, in the bar. “But he used a knife?”

“Yes. And the woman was out jogging. But this time he took her phone.”

Lily closed her eyes and the memory rushed in. Lying on the pavement . . . crawling . . . hoping . . . screaming . . . and then finding her phone.

She opened her eyes. “Mine fell, I think.” Goodness, she couldn't even say for sure. And now it mattered. “Maybe he didn't see it.”

“Maybe,” he agreed and he cocked his head. “Do you want to sit down? Then look?”

“No.” She flipped open the folder and scanned the page. “ ‘Give me your phone'—­those were his only words?”

The pieces didn't line up. Her body felt as if it had been turned to stone. Dominic had been so sure, but this crime was different. The suspect used a knife, but only after the victim refused to meet his demands. The man who attacked her in the park had cut first.

She looked down at the mug shot. She didn't need to read anymore. It didn't matter if she'd dropped her cell phone or how many times she'd been cut versus the woman in Salem. The man sitting in a jail cell was irrelevant.

She looked up at Dominic. “It's not him. I saw his eyes. This isn't him. This man has bright blue eyes. The man who attacked me had brown ones. A deep, dark brown.”

“You're sure?” he said.

“Yes.” She closed the file and set it on the counter. Then she looked up at him. “How could you be certain it was?”

“The pieces lined up. Another random attack . . . It seemed plausible. I wasn't certain, but—­”

“I've believed from the beginning that the man who came at me with a knife was after
me.
I never thought it was random. I know what your father and the rest of the police force thought, but . . .” She studied his resigned expression. He almost looked as if he'd been waiting for this. “Did you ever believe me? You told me that you did. But all this time, you agreed with your dad and . . . and everyone else.”

“No.” His tone was strong, forceful. “No, Lil—­”

“Do you believe me now? Do you think someone is after
me
?” she asked. “Or you think I'm just plain afraid?”

He ran his hands through his long hair. “I believed you. But I also know myself. I wanted the guy who hurt you to be out there, waiting for me to take him out. I wanted to crush him.”

She nodded as the truth sank in. Looking back, he'd always wanted to play the part of the hero, even if it meant fighting somewhere far away, living on the other side of the country—­even if it kept them apart. And she'd always let him. She'd always believed in him.

“And I let all that bullshit cloud my judgment,” he said. “Look at the facts. There were no links to anyone in your life. You never received a death threat. And no one has come after you. I know you're afraid. That's normal after what happened to you. And shit, Lil, I wanted to help you. I still do.”

“Did you really look into the names I gave you?” She needed to pinpoint when he'd dismissed the idea that someone wanted to hurt her.

“Yeah, I did. While you've been at the bar, I've slipped away to my dad's and used his computer. I've combed through every reference to those names online and in the police databases. There was nothing to find, Lil. I would have told you if there was. I came home to help you, honey.”

“Ryan dragged you back here.” She felt her faith crumbling. She'd placed so much trust in Dominic, and for so long. Even when he'd left Forever six years ago to become a soldier.

But that had been taken from him. And now . . .

“My fears aren't some project for you practice playing the hero again,” she added.

“Is that what you think I've been doing here?” He raised his right hand. The scar was visible from across the room. “I'm no hero. Hell, I'm not even cut out for the bodyguard role Ryan, Noah, and Josie dumped on me. I'm here because I love you. Do you hear me, Lily? I love you.”

“No,” she whispered. His words hung in the air, tossed out if he'd needed a trump card. Something to steal her attention away from the truth right in front of her. But how many times had he said those words only to walk away from her?

“You needed someone to help you through this. And yeah, I'm the wrong guy for the job because I care about you too damn much. Because I want you too damn much.”

I love you too.

She closed her eyes. It was real. She knew it in her heart. But she couldn't tell him that. Not now, as the hard truth of her situation sank in. He'd come back because he loved her and she'd been hurt. But if she hadn't needed someone watching over her night and day, he would have stayed away. He would have continued loving her from freaking Georgia.

If that was his idea of love . . . she didn't want it. The kind of love couldn't give her what she needed. She'd known from the beginning that the sense of security he offered felt tenuous at best.

“You're right,” she said, opening her eyes. “You're not a hero. You're a coward. So go. Leave. You were planning to anyway.”

“Lily, I'm not leaving you like this.”

“Fine, then stay.” Whether he chose to remain in Forever or go back to Georgia didn't matter. And it never had. How she felt in his arms, safe and secure, or whether he loved her or she loved him, none of that mattered if she couldn't trust him. Because what she needed from him, what she needed for herself—­that required trust.

“But if you stay,” she added, “I need you to leave me alone.”

“Lily—­”

“I can't fight my way back from this if you're out there, watching my house from your car.” Her voice trembled with every word, but she pushed forward. She needed to say these words out loud and make sure he understood.

And let him know that she did too, because he wasn't the only coward in the room. She'd been burying her head in the sand when it came to facing the awful truth of her situation.

“If I need you, or a police officer, or anyone, watching over me, checking behind every door in my home before I can enter a room, I'll never feel safe again,” she said, her voice gaining strength with each word. “I can't wait for someone to show up and hand me back my sense of security. I need to find it on my own.”

D
OMINIC HAD BEEN
shot three times, but he had still wanted to climb out of his hospital bed and fight the minute he woke up. It had taken him a long time to accept defeat. But right now, he recognized failure. He'd had it all wrong from the beginning. He should have tried to be her boyfriend, not her protector.

But hell, even then he probably would have failed.

“You're right,” he said. “I'll go.”

Because if he stayed . . .

He could make her feel secure, he could work to win her trust back, and hell, he might even be able to give her the family she craved one day. But he would never be able to witness Lily's fear or see her in pain and not do whatever he could to keep her safe.

He loved her too damn much.

And he loved her because she was willing to push him out of her life and find her own way forward. He loved her because she took what life handed her and faced it head-­on. When her mother was sick, and later when she was dying, Lily had stayed by her. She could have left her mom, married him, and lived with him in Georgia. But Lily never turned away when life dealt her a rough blow. He might have gone to war, but she was right. Compared to her, he was a coward, hiding for all those months in his Georgia apartment.

“I'll go and I won't camp out in front of your house.” He tried for a smile, but it felt a helluva lot more like a grimace. “You have your floodlights now. Plus, I managed to install that camera on your front porch.”

“Thank you,” she said. “That will help.”

He walked toward her and she stepped aside, allowing space for him to slip past. He paused. “I'll take the file back and let my dad know that we jumped to the wrong conclusion.”

She handed over the manila folder. “He'll keep the case open?”

“Yes. And, Lil, you have to promise that you'll call him or call the station if someone threatens you. If you're right, and he's out there . . .”

She nodded. “I will.”

He reached out and ran his good hand over her cheek. “I'll see you around.”

“You're not going back to Georgia?”

“No.” He made the decision in a split second. And not because she needed him here. This was his home. He couldn't run from that fact any longer. He still didn't have a clue what the future held, but he'd face that sad fact here.

“There's nothing for me in Georgia,” he continued. “It's time to call it quits on my extended pity party.” He withdrew his hand from her face. “When does school start again?”

“Staff returns in two weeks. I'll have some time to set up my classroom before the kids arrive.”

He held back the words “you'll be OK by then.” He couldn't know for sure and he was done lying to her—­or telling half-­truths. It didn't matter if they ran into each other in the grocery store and she asked how he was doing. He wouldn't lie. If he were heartsick over her new boyfriend, he'd damn well tell her.

“Take care, Lily.”

He turned and walked out of the kitchen. He headed straight for his blue rental, his limbs moving on autopilot while his heart begged and pleaded with him to turn the fuck around. He ignored that pesky organ. The damn thing had survived two rounds to the chest. It would live through this latest heartbreak.

He turned on the car, and at ten in the morning, drove to the one bar in Forever that he knew would let him in. And Noah damn well better serve him.

Ignoring the Closed sign, he pounded on the door. Five harsh knocks and his fist met with air as the door swung open. His best friend, the high school quarterback Dominic had busted his ass to protect on the field, stared back at him.

“Mistaking this place for a coffee house now?” Noah asked.

“I know you have a pot made. I can smell it from here.” Dominic pushed past him and walked into the empty bar. He claimed one of the barstools. “But right now I need to chase it with a shot of whiskey.”

Noah closed the door and walked around behind the bar. He poured the coffee. Then grabbed a bottle from the top shelf. It looked fancy. But hell if Dominic cared right now. He wanted it to burn going down and knock some sense into him.

“Is that all?” Noah asked dryly.

“No.” Dominic tossed back the shot and slammed the glass down on the bar. “I need a job.”

“You chose one helluva way to ask, coming in here and demanding free liquor before noon.” Noah folded his arms in front of his chest. “All the bartenders report to Josie. Sure you want to work for your sister?”

Dominic rested his right hand on the bar's polished surface and picked up his coffee with his left hand. “I don't have a choice.”

“Your dad would take you back on the force for a while.”

“He would, but I can't shoot worth shit right now. And my handwriting is crap. But I can pour a beer and mix a martini.”

Noah sighed. “Your resume's better than half my staff. But look, I need to keep this place profitable. It's not just about me.”

“It never was. You joined the marines to send money home,” Dominic pointed out. “But I get where you're coming from. You have Josie and Isabelle too. And I know my sister still has some debt to pay off. I'm not going to screw up. I'll even bounce for you if you need it.”

“I know you can do the job.” Noah rested his hands on the bar and leaned forward. “But how long are you going to stay?”

“I'm not going anywhere if I can help it,” he said. “As long as Lily's living here, I'm staying.”

Noah let out a low whistle. “Things are serious again?”

“No.” He took a sip of his coffee. “She kicked me out of her bed and her life.”

Noah stared at him and pity lined his furrowed brow. Unable to take it, Dominic held out his shot glass with his right hand. “I need another.”

His best friend nodded and picked up the bottle. “She ended things because they caught the guy?”

“You heard about the arrest?” Dominic accepted the glass and poured it down his throat in one swift swallow. Looked as if his damaged hand was good for something after all—­taking shots.

And getting Lily off in the bathroom.