Stolen Innocence (10 page)

When I awoke, it was a day and a half later. My parents had been keeping vigil at my bedside. Through an error, I’d been given an adult dose of anesthesia, and it had nearly cost me my life. I was told that at one point I had “coded” on the operating table. While I remembered waking up once and feeling as though I couldn’t breathe, I had no idea that my heart had actually stopped and I’d been rushed to a nearby children’s hospital for intervention. After all of that, my tonsils were never removed. My condition had been too grave to perform the surgery, and it would be weeks before another doctor would operate. In the days after I recovered consciousness, I suffered repeated mini-seizures that terrified my mother. True to form, my parents used this near-fatal accident as evidence for why we should avoid doctors and conventional medical care.

As my health slowly returned, our family settled into a routine, and at first it appeared that with Mother Audrey out of the picture, life would be more manageable. But in time it become obvious that, as long as there was more than one woman in the Wall home, the situation was unsustainable. Mother Laura was allowed to stay and continued to live in the house with her newborn son. Because it was her first child, Mother Laura seemed like a mother bear with a newborn cub. She wanted her space and decided that things in the house needed to be done her way. To make matters worse, she exerted a lot of influence over Dad, causing him to dole out punishments to my brothers Jacob, Justin, and Brad. All three boys were constantly in trouble with Mother Laura, who appeared to expect my father to prove his love by “correcting” their behavior.

Mother Audrey’s absence had done little to change the explosive atmosphere. In fact, things got even worse. From what I could see, Mother Laura used Audrey’s absence to extend her influence over the family, and suddenly what had once looked like a solution created a bigger fissure in our disjointed family. Even more bothersome was how paranoid and worried Dad had seemed to become. Losing his family had been devastating, and now with pressure from the priesthood to shape up our home, he was becoming stricter toward my siblings in an attempt to regain his tentative grasp on all of us. My mother was no exception, and she too was under constant surveillance. Worried that she would again go to the prophet, Dad grew anxious each time he saw her talking on the phone, and eventually it got to the point where she could only talk to Rachel and Kassandra when he was not around.

T
hat September, I was back at Alta Academy, entering the sixth grade, but by then the school had become yet another source of unhappiness. For many years, Warren Jeffs had been teaching that boys and girls shouldn’t associate; as I had learned back in the second grade, we were to treat each other as “snakes.” But this year, his teachings became increasingly rigid, and he decided to physically separate the two sexes into different classrooms and different buildings on the compound. The curriculum for the sixth-grade girls’ class was wholly unlike that of the sixth-grade boys. Our scheduled recess times and grade-level activities were different, and there was no longer a time during the school day when the boys and girls had any contact. Warren told us that the separation was “the will of the prophet and God,” but it seemed to make little sense.

As we advanced into higher grades, the religious aspects of our education, which had always been present, became all-consuming. Little by little, Uncle Warren had been removing traditional age-appropriate curriculum and replacing it with teachings from the church, as well as many of his own. While for years the church had openly taught us to hold prejudices against anyone whose skin color didn’t match ours, now Warren’s language became even harsher. He taught us that nonwhite people were some of the lowest, worst sinners on earth and that association with them was one of the most disobedient things an FLDS member could do.

In addition, he had rewritten our coursework to fit his designs. Books by authors outside the church were destroyed and replaced with church-approved ones. Subjects such as science and current events became less important, and instead the focus was on our religious teachings. Unapproved pictures were removed from textbooks, and anything that had to do with evolution or human anatomy was excised. In fact, anything that did not conform to our strict religious teachings and beliefs was removed from the lesson plans, and pages of books that dealt with conflicting subject matter were simply ripped out.

One example of this slow conditioning process was the evolution of the school paper, the
Student Star,
which was later renamed
Zion’s Light Shining
. What had begun a number of years before as a fun school newspaper filled with lighthearted stories, school announcements, and other items of interest had transformed into yet another vehicle for strict religious indoctrination. Warren had taken hold of the newspaper and revamped it to include sermons and teachings from past prophets and church leaders. Nothing could be printed without his seal of approval. Interestingly, it was not actual scripture but his interpretation of various scriptures that made the paper. Soon it became an integral part of the learning process at Alta Academy and a major part of the curriculum. We were required to read it from front to back and be tested on its content.

Through these and other methods of indoctrination, Uncle Warren was slowly cultivating a generation of loyal followers. Most of us had attended Alta Academy since our youngest years. Almost everything that we knew about the priesthood had come from him. Warren had shaped our vision of the religion and the world; and we had learned only what Warren wanted us to. The students who passed through Alta Academy were taught to fear and obey Uncle Warren as more than just our principal. He was the person with the closest connection to the prophet, and as such we soaked up his every word.

Over the years, the prophet had gradually put Warren in a position of authority over the people. “Warren speaks for me” is a phrase that I heard many times from Uncle Rulon’s lips. The wheels had been set in motion, and the FLDS people had begun to look to Warren as one with the prophet in authority over them. As Uncle Rulon aged and grew more feeble, it was natural that the people accepted Warren’s words as his father’s and became accustomed to the slow transfer of power. We all wanted to be saved and we knew that following the prophet and Warren was the only way to make sure we would be.

The scope of Warren’s extended power became quite apparent in 1998 when he took us one step closer to Judgment Day with a startling announcement: he was closing Alta Academy, and his father was selling the property. Together they would relocate to the prophet’s other home in southern Utah. The year 2000 was rapidly approaching, and soon Zion would be redeemed in the new millennium. They began requiring select families in Salt Lake to move with them to southern Utah, so that our people would be united and “lifted up” to heaven when the end of the world came.

This directive tapped into one of the most fundamental aspects of our religion. “Time is short” had long been a kind of mantra for the leaders of the church. For years, the people had been instructed to stay worthy and prepare because the end of the world was near. We believed that any day destruction would cover the land and only the pure and righteous would be saved. Everyone who was not a “worthy” member was wicked and would not be saved. If we were not faithful in the prophet’s eyes, we would be left behind to be destroyed.

That May, the final graduating class at Alta Academy walked out the doors of the building and the school was closed for the last time. Through the summer, Michelle’s husband, Seth Jeffs, and several other church followers worked diligently to copy and distribute the school’s curriculum, so that families who stayed in the Salt Lake Valley could homeschool their children. Over the next few years, more and more families were commanded to make the three-hundred-mile move. The communities of Hildale and Colorado City became flush with an influx of people.

Despite Uncle Rulon’s declining health, everyone in the FLDS believed he would live for hundreds of years, even after he suffered a stroke in the summer of 1998. As one of Uncle Rulon’s wives, my sister Kassandra was living in his home when the stroke occurred and was one of a few people who knew the reality of his condition. Kassandra later told me Rulon was at his compound in Hildale attending a family gathering when he was found slumped forward in a chair. Thinking he had just dozed off, those around him left him alone until they realized something was terribly wrong. Uncle Rulon was carried to his room, and Warren was contacted immediately.

When Warren arrived in Short Creek, the paramedics were called and it was determined that Uncle Rulon had suffered a stroke. Later Kassandra was with Rulon at the hospital where tests were run to determine what part of the brain had been affected and how severely. Initially, Rulon did not remember any of his wives or the other familiar faces around him, reverting instead to the memories of his childhood.

As Uncle Warren came to see the extent of his father’s impairment, he began directing his father’s care and regulated the people who had access to him. Nothing would happen to Uncle Rulon without Warren’s knowledge and approval. To justify his behavior, Warren led Rulon’s wives to believe that as the prophet’s son, he would have heavenly inspiration concerning those who were “faithful” enough to be in Uncle Rulon’s presence. Someone who did not have enough of the “Spirit of God” would hinder his recovery process. Warren even controlled which wives were faithful enough to room with the prophet after his return home from the hospital.

As Uncle Rulon’s conditioned stabilized and started to improve, Warren arranged to have him taken back to Salt Lake City so that he could oversee the recovery until the family’s move to Short Creek. Concerned over how the people would receive the news of his father’s deteriorating health, Warren continued to monitor access to the prophet, directing all the women in the house not to permit anyone to see Uncle Rulon, instructing “We cannot let these people see the extent of Father’s stroke.”

Shortly after Uncle Rulon returned to Salt Lake City, there was to be a monthly priesthood meeting at Alta Academy attended by some of the most senior church elders. Among them were the “Barlow Boys,” Danny, George, Sam, Louis, and Truman, all faithful and well-respected priesthood fathers. Before the meeting, it was customary for this group of patriarchs and elders to greet Uncle Rulon in his private quarters at the compound, but fearing that the men would discover the severity of his father’s condition and his inability to carry out his duties as prophet, Uncle Warren told some of his brothers to stop the visit. Kassandra overheard Warren issuing a directive to his brother Isaac: “Do not let them see Father. Tell them he’s resting. If we let them see how severe he is, we will have a problem on our hands. We must tell them that our father is doing fine. The Lord will take care of him, and they need to lend their faith and prayers.”

When Warren eventually allowed people to see Uncle Rulon, only a select few family members were permitted to visit with him alone because Warren was always there. Uncle Warren told people that God had inflicted this stroke on his father as a means of giving the prophet some time to rest. He was ill but would be renewed, Warren said, and the unquestioning faith and prayers of the people were the only things that would heal him. We truly believed that if we were faithful enough, he would be made young and strong again.

Unbeknownst to us, in the immediate aftermath of his stroke, Uncle Rulon was barely able to move and had to be assisted in everything from dressing to eating. Although he improved enough to attend and preside at countless meetings and continued to make it known that Warren spoke for him, he never fully recovered and would struggle with his memory for the rest of his life. Warren took over his father’s appointments. Anyone trying to get in touch with or see the prophet would have to go through him. Knowing his father was unable to handle any church responsibilities, Warren also took over conducting church meetings and priesthood dealings, giving him complete control of the operations of the church.

It appeared as though Uncle Warren had been preparing himself to fill this role for years. He was not Uncle Rulon’s oldest or youngest son, but he had worked hard to position himself as his father’s natural successor. Even as a teenager, long before Rulon was prophet, Warren had opted out of playing with the other kids, instead going out of his way to spend time with his father, which was considered a very honorable thing to do. When he became principal at Alta Academy, he would counsel with his father closely, and their relationship evolved from there with Warren becoming Rulon’s eager right hand, the son who could always help the prophet get things done.

Being the head of Alta Academy, Warren led us to see him as a figurehead, and by the time of the stroke, people already knew that if they couldn’t approach Rulon, Warren would be the next person to talk to. Out of respect for his role as the prophet’s son, the people blindly listened to and obeyed Warren. All of the faithful trusted him and believed that he was merely speaking on behalf of his father, our prophet and God. No one would dare to suspect otherwise, and Warren used that confidence to his advantage as he began manipulating us and making it impossible for us to see the rise of a new and unforgiving power.

Before the mid-1980s, authority in the FLDS had been divided between the prophet and a priesthood council, but a disagreement over who had the authority to arrange marriages had put an end to this shared hierarchy, ceding all power in the church to the prophet. The dispute came about because a number of council members had been arranging marriages at the same time—sometimes unwittingly promising the same young woman to more than one man based on claims of revelation.

Leroy Johnson, the prophet at the time, balked and said that was not acceptable, insisting that all marriages should be arranged by him. The council members objected. Ultimately Uncle Roy won the argument and assumed sole authority over the priesthood and placement marriages. It was a historic event in our church and marked the beginning of the doctrine of one man rule.