Stories From the Shadowlands (26 page)

Day 12

Jim and I have just returned from last night’s patrol. Henry called us to tell us the Captain had been injured, but that she expected us to stay in the field. I assumed the wound was not severe.

I was wrong. Mazikin attacked the camp where she and Henry had settled for the night. Henry described a scene of chaos. The Captain dived in front of one of Henry’s bolts, and it pierced her straight through. Her arm was also broken.

She could have died, and I would have been far away, unable to help her or hold her or

Henry reports that the Captain was protecting a Mazikin, that she blocked his arrow to save the Mazikin’s life. He described the creature as female, lean, medium height, and wild, curly black hair. Henry is furious. I believe most of his rage comes from the fact that he nearly killed our Captain, but he insists that his fury is because she was protecting our enemy, and he wants an explanation.

I want one, too. I have a terrible suspicion, but I don’t want to jump to conclusions.

Day 13

Yesterday, I was intentionally cruel. At the time, I thought it necessary and right. I felt righteous in my callousness.
Lela
The Captain was stubborn and defiant when I demanded to know why she’d dived in front of Henry’s bolt. She refused to discuss it. And then she brought up the social implications of my decision to end our personal relationship, and
it felt like she was strangling me I couldn’t breathe
it irritated me. I have no time for this petty drama.

And so, to punish her for making me deal with her at this level, I was friendly with another girl, Laney, at our lunch table. I wasn’t thinking. The girl is pretty and soft and silly. It was stupid. Savage. I owe
Lela
the Captain an apology.

But then I got home, and Henry and Jim and I waited for our Captain, expecting an explanation for her behavior last night.
When she came in she looked so tired, so hunted, that I wanted to
She was defensive at first. She refused to answer Henry’s questions. But the more he asked, the more I realized that my suspicion had to be correct. I asked the others to clear the room.

And it turns out I was right: she knew the Mazikin, or rather, the person the Mazikin had possessed.

It was her mother.

The understanding was so powerful that it broke my composure for a moment.
I reached for her, my only thought to comfort her. That was when I realized how far I have pushed her away
. She has wrapped her anger around her like armor, and there is no penetrating it.
, though I know her heart beats soft and bleeding beneath, and I want nothing more than to peel off those layers of hurt and reach inside her and soothe her, however I can, whatever it takes

Despite this revelation, she appears determined to do her job. That is good.

Day 14

I attended Aden’s funeral today. I stood next to Laney, who has known him since they were very young. He was a baseball player, and all his teammates were there, including Ian Moseley, another close friend of Laney’s. Tegan was there, and Jim, who has decided to go to school with us, was there as well, standing as close to Tegan as was socially acceptable.

Lela
The Captain stood apart, alone. She didn’t speak to anyone. She didn’t look at anything except the casket. She has been patrolling every night, and as far as I know has not taken a break for days. She looks so tired. She is running herself into the ground. I think she is trying to show us that this revelation about her mother is not affecting her.
I ache for her
. I want her to remain efficient and effective. I will talk to her.

Day 15

I have spoken with the Captain. I told her I would patrol tonight while she takes the evening to rest. It was a very professional conversation.

We still have not found the new Mazikin nest, but I have hope we will soon. However, the attack on the camp has garnered a great deal of news coverage, and I fear it will drive them underground.

As a side note, today Laney Fisher, the pretty, redheaded girl who seems to enjoy my attention, asked if I would take her to “prom.” This is apparently a formal dance. She said it would be fun. I could tell she very much wanted me to go with her. She put her hand on my arm and squeezed. She leaned forward so her body brushed against mine. Here, I thought, is something uncomplicated.

And the thought made my gut twist with missing Lela
I told Laney I would think about it.

Day 16

My patrol was quiet. But our Captain had an eventful night. She ignored my suggestion that she rest and went out with Ian Moseley. To a theater. Where they were ambushed by Mazikin. She was bitten.

Once again I find myself by her side. She is on the couch in our parlor, not yet roused from the deep sleep Raphael bestows to shield us from the pain of his healing. I can hear the quiet rush of her breath. I am watching the rise of her chest with each inhalation.

I could look at her face all night
. I have been here before, waiting for her to open her eyes.
I feel the same way I did then
But everything is different.

Everything is different. She would not want me by her side, and I have no real reason to be here. I am going to the basement to train. I think it will feel rather refreshing to hit something very hard.

Day 17

Raphael came to heal Jim after I broke his nose during an impromptu sparring match this morning, and I took advantage. “Tell me about Lela’s mother.”

Raphael did not look surprised. “What would you like to know?”

“Anything you can tell me. Why didn’t she take care of Lela? Why did she abandon her?”

“Not every child has parents as loving as yours were, Malachi.”

“Don’t patronize me.”

He chuckled. “Very well. Lela’s mother is named Rita Santos. She has what is commonly called a ‘mental illness.’ A fairly severe one at that. She hears voices that are not real, telling her to do things. She believes things that are not true, for example that there are men who are chasing her, trying to capture her and hurt her.”

“But that did happen.” That’s exactly what the Mazikin did to her.

Raphael inclined his head in acknowledgement. “But she believed those things for many years. She did not take very good care of Lela. She would forget to feed Lela on occasion. She would leave her with people she didn’t know very well. A few times, she took Lela on the run with her, and they slept under bridges or in shelters. Eventually, the state took custody of Lela, who was four years old at the time.”

“And they gave her to these foster parents.”

Raphael nodded. “Rita wanted Lela back, but she was so ill. She used illicit drugs to try to dampen the symptoms, but they accelerated her decline. She had been homeless for a very long time when the Mazikin found her.”

“The Mazikin inside Rita used her memories to recognize Lela. Now the Mazikin are trying to use it against us. Lela is meeting with this Mazikin tomorrow.”

“Then your Captain is fortunate that she has such a concerned Lieutenant by her side.”

I’m not by her side, I wanted to shout. Because I have ruined everything

“I will do my best to help her,” I said.

Raphael smiled. “I know.” He disappeared.

I have spent the afternoon trying not to call her. The phone was gripped in my hand when Laney called me. I let her go on and on about the party she went to on Friday and how Lela and Ian weren’t there and she thinks they were together and thinks Ian is crazy about Lela and wouldn’t it be cute if they got together and have I thought about going to the prom because wouldn’t that be fun?

For some reason, I felt rather ill. I said I hadn’t been able to talk to my host father yet and would try to get back to her, and then I hung up. Normally, I do enjoy listening to her voice; it is sweet and she has simple, happy things to talk about. She seems to be a good person. She likes me and wants my company. And I keep hoping, the more I talk to her, the more I will see, and know, that my feelings for Lela could be transplanted to any girl.

Because I was wrong, it was not Lela; she is not special. It was me being lonely and wanting someone to love, who would love me. That is all it was. That is all it was.

And Lela has found someone else now, so it is clear that is all I was to her.

Henry and I are leaving for patrol shortly. I sincerely hope we encounter some Mazikin. It would be quite satisfying to kill something right now.

Day 18

How could I have been so wrong, for so long?

I went with Lela to meet the Mazikin at a government building called DCYF. The Mazikin who had possessed her mother speaks only Spanish, so I translated, because Lela cannot speak or understand it herself.

The Mazikin made it clear that Sil and his minions are after Lela. They want her body to house the spirit of their Queen. It makes perfect sense. They are willing to hurt our classmates to get to her, which is the best possible way to draw Lela out.

The Mazikin inside Rita Santos appeared to be young. Easily confused. Rather guileless. She revealed that when I kill a possessed body and send a Mazikin back to its homeland, it does not liberate the human soul from the Mazikin land.

They are trapped there forever. I don’t want to believe it.

I think I believe it.

I have believed a lie for years. It was a convenient one for them—I rarely put Mazikin in the tower. I singlehandedly ended the practice. As a result, countless Mazikin have escaped permanent death and countless human souls have been imprisoned forever in that place of fire and death.

Takeshi is one of them. Abandoned all these years.

And Ana—where did she go? What happened when she walked into the Countryside and realized he wasn’t waiting for her?

This is too painful to write about.

Day 19

While Lela patrolled with Jim and took Henry to begin his mission to infiltrate the Mazikin nest, I spent yesterday evening with Laney.
I have seldom felt so petty and useless
It was my evening off.

We did our homework. We ate dinner.

She tried to kiss me. I wanted to let her. But so many things were twisting around inside my head that I pushed her away as gently as I could.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“I’m not ready for this,” I replied. I might never be ready for this, I thought.

“You’re… not ready?” She looked very confused. And slightly amused. Then her brow furrowed. “It’s because of Lela, isn’t it?”

I shook my head.

“You’re not over her,” she said. Apparently I am not a good liar when it comes to these things.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me,” Laney said quietly. “It must be hard seeing her with Ian.”

I wish she would stop mentioning that.

“Lela and I are friends,” I said. “That is all she is to me.”

Laney rolled her eyes and kissed me on the cheek. “You and I are friends now. And you can’t fool me.”

She looked distinctly sad as she drove me home, but that sadness turned to frustration when she pulled into the driveway of the Guard house to find none other than Lela Santos herself sitting on the porch swing. “What’s she doing here?”

“No idea,” I said, though my heart was already beating faster. Lela’s knees were pulled to her chest and her posture was tense. I could tell she was in pain. Something had happened to her. “I’m sure it’s nothing.”

“She drove over to your house and is sitting on your porch for nothing?” Suddenly she sounded much less understanding. And a lot more suspicious. I got out of the vehicle, and so did Laney, just as Lela’s eyes went wide and her gaze darted to the Guard sedan in front of Laney’s car.

“Hey, Lela. Fancy meeting you here,” Laney called.

Lela smiled, tight and fake. “I had to ask Malachi a question. He’s ace at pre-calc.”

I walked around the front of the car to intercept Laney. “Thank you for tonight,” I said quietly.

“Should I make her jealous?” Laney asked.

“Please don’t.”

She squeezed my arm. “You deserve more, Malachi,” she whispered. “You deserve so much more.”

She got in her car and drove away, with me thinking how incredibly wrong she was.

There was a dead Mazikin in the sedan. Jim had killed it, and they brought it here to get rid of the body. Jim was badly hurt, but is healed, and Lela was scratched, and is downstairs having her turn under Raphael’s hands.

And I wonder—if I had not been so stupid, if I had not believed Jof’s lie all those years ago, would any of them be here right now? Or would we have ended the Mazikin plague long before any of this touched them? Who would have been saved if I had not given in to my need to believe I was doing good, that I was saving people? Who could have been spared endless pain if I hadn’t been so gullible?

I must atone for this. I have to atone. I have caused so much suffering that I don’t know if it is possible, but I must try, even if it takes me the rest of my existence.

Day 20

This morning I was stabbed with a ballpoint pen in the cafeteria before school—by a Mazikin. They have possessed Evan Crociere, a young man who bore animosity toward both me and Lela before he was taken.

I was slow and inattentive. If it hadn’t been for Lela, my injuries might have been much more severe. But she landed on the table like the force of nature she is, and incapacitated him with only a lunch tray and her bare hands.

He was still able to speak. Enough to threaten her, to taunt me. I wanted so badly to slaughter him.

I am patrolling with Lela later this evening, and Laney just stopped by to bring me a meal and let me know how worried she has been. She also brought news: apparently Lela and Ian will be going to prom together. And then Laney asked again if I would like to go. So I said yes, because if the Mazikin are after Lela, and they are now possessing our classmates, the prom would be an ideal place to ambush her.

None of this is fair to Laney, who seemed quite excited that I accepted her offer and immediately told me that she has a beautiful dress picked out and she will let me know exactly what kind of corsage she needs.