Storm Front (The Charistown Series) (Volume 2) (17 page)

Windmilling

“ASHLEY, ARE YOU sure this is what
you want to do? My God, Mitchell, can’t you say something to stop her?” Judy
Kynde paced in circles around her daughter’s bedroom while Ashley packed her
possessions—neatly—into the waiting suitcases. “Ashley, damn it, you can’t just
drop out of school during your senior year! You were accepted to the
University
of Pennsylvania
. Do you know how
lucky
you are? I realize that life
has been hard. It’s been hell for all of us. But do you think Leo would have
wanted—”

“Don’t you
dare
tell me what my brother would’ve
wanted!” She snarled and the whooshing sound of blood flowing through her ears
caused a faint spell of dizziness to overwhelm her.

“Ashley, are you okay?” Her father, who had definitely been
more attentive in the past five weeks, rushed to her side and placed two
fingers to the pulse point at her neck.

“Dad, what are you—”

“Shh…” After a few seconds her father leveled a knowing glance
at her and then turned to face his wife. “Judy, we’ve discussed this already.
Why are you making this harder on her? She has all the credits she needs to
graduate early, she doesn’t want to walk with her class in the Spring, and
she’s officially eighteen. If she wants to go, we have to let her.”

If Ashley hadn’t been as shocked as she was, the obstinate
and dejected look on her mother’s face would have made her laugh. Instead, she
stood there with her mouth wide open, catching flies.

“Mitch, have you lost your ever-loving mind,” her mother
ranted. This was one of Ashley and Leo’s favorite
Judy Kynde Rants
. They
used to refer to this one as the “Windmill”. This was where her mother would
swirl her arms in circles while spewing out facts and figures just to shove her
point down the throats of anyone who would listen.

Do you see her, Leo? She’s windmilling?

“Do you have any idea what people will think of us if our
daughter doesn’t graduate high school? Do you know—”

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. That was the
moment Ashley started doing some windmilling of her own.

“That’s it! That is it! I’ve had enough. Why are you such a
bitch?” Ashley felt the heat as it rose from her neck to her cheeks. “Why did
you bother having children if you don’t give a damn about us? Why? Yes, people
will
talk if I don’t graduate. Do you know how I know? Because they already talk
about the two of you—they have been for years. They can’t understand how two
such brilliant doctors could be such horrible parents. And you want to know
something else? They’re right—you both suck!” She was on a roll now. The words
she had kept bottled in for years bubbled out of her like foam from a shaken
soda.

Judy crossed her arms over her chest, “Ashley, I don’t
appreciate—”

“I don’t give a damn what you
appreciate
, Mom. The
same way you never gave a damn what Leo and I cared about. Yes, you gave us
food and clothes. We never went without
stuff
. But that’s all it
was…just
stuff.
”

She quickly swept away the stray tear that barely managed to
escape. She didn’t want to waste one ounce of sadness in this showdown. She was
done letting people see her vulnerable side. Done. “We never cared about the
stuff. We just wanted your time. My God. Leo’s favorite possessions were the
car that he bought himself and that stupid wooden airplane that he and dad made
when he was eight.” She turned to her father. “Do you even remember that plane?
Because it meant
everything
to him. The four hours it took to make that
plane were the greatest hours of his life. How pathetic is that?”

She turned to her suitcases and began shoving her clothes
in. Not neat. Not orderly. Not at all Ashley-like.

A snort from behind her stayed her hand. “And how exactly do
you plan to live once you leave this house? Because money doesn’t grow on
trees.”

God, she hated that expression. That was the excuse every
single time she’d ever asked her mother to spend time with her, every time
she’d wanted her mother to come to school for an event. Every time she’d wanted
her mother to come to one of the
Storm Front
shows. “
Money doesn’t
grow on trees, Ashley.”

Her hands gripped the shirt she was holding and squeezed it
tightly, twisting and twisting the garment until it no longer resembled
anything more than a handkerchief.

“I have plenty of money saved up from all the time I’ve
worked babysitting jobs and the restaurant. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.
Oh, right, you weren’t worried. I must have been thinking of someone else.” She
zipped up her bag and headed toward her bathroom.

“
You
deal with her,” her mother shrilled to her
father just before she stomped out of Ashley’s room and headed downstairs.

“You’re not wrong,” her father said in a quiet voice. Ashley
was packing up her toiletries when she looked up to see her father staring at
her with guilt-filled eyes. His admission left her speechless, so she just
stood there silently. “We thought we could have it all, your mother and I. We
thought we could have the best careers and the perfect marriage and the
greatest children. We thought we could—” Mitchell Kynde ran his fingers through
his expensively cut hair. For the first time in years, Ashley actually took the
time to look at her father. His golden blond hair was sprinkled with gray, and
his skin, once tan all year round, looked ashen. Deep purple bruises lay under
his pale blue eyes—evidence that Ashley wasn’t the only one in the house not
sleeping anymore.

“When we had Leo, we thought we could continue our pace and
he would fit into our lives. God, we were so selfish. Life was crazy, and busy
and fun. Obviously fun.” He smirked. “We had you the very next year. But when
we realized that one of us would have to stay back and parent, well, I guess
that’s when having it all turned into having nothing at all.”

Ashley couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Her emotions
warred within her body. Anger wielded the guns and pain sharpened its knives.

Trying to steady her pounding heart, Ashley inhaled deeply,
letting out a long, deep breath before she gave her response. “So, you mean to
tell me, that Leo and I were just an annoyance the two of you needed to deal
with. The both of you basically flipped a coin to see which one of you had to
‘give up’ your career to actually parent your own children. And when neither of
you were happy with the outcome, you decided, ‘
Fuck it, we’ll hire strangers
to raise them until they’re old enough to do it on their own.’
That’s
pretty much what you’re saying here, right,
Dad
?”

If the truth could kill there would be two dead bodies
laying on white tile floor right now
, she thought to herself as she broke
eye contact with the man to her left. She and Leo had always felt like they
were the footnotes in their parents’ lives, but actually hearing the words—from
your own father, no less—was like knowing the range was hot and then actually
feeling the burner. The truth hurt like a bitch. The sting of tears threatened
her eyes and the lump in the back of her throat faltered her breathing, but she
refused to give in.
No, I won’t let him see me weak.

“Ashley, I didn’t tell you that to hurt you, even though I
know it did.”

Lifting her chin, she righted her shoulders. “You don’t know
a thing about me.”

“You’re right, I don’t.” He at least had the grace to look
embarrassed by his admission. “And I didn’t know a thing about my son either.”
His eyes went glassy as he continued to speak, “And I will live the rest of my
life knowing that my son died thinking I didn’t care about him. But I refuse to
let another day go by with you thinking the same.”

Ashley stared at her father and in a clipped tone said, “You
just flat out admitted to not wanting to care for us. You can’t make that
better. You understand that, right?” A light clanking got Ashley’s attention.
She looked down to see her trembling hand holding her toothbrush on the
counter. She forced herself to let go of the toothbrush so the noise would
stop.

“I never said I didn’t care. I said that I didn’t want to
stop working to take care of my children. And I was wrong, I was selfish, I was
a horrible father.”

“Keep going, I won’t stop you,” she snipped.

“But, I have spent every day of the last eighteen years
loving you and your brother.”
Loving us, ha, what a joke.
Ashley opened
her mouth to say just that, when her father leveled her with a stare. “Don’t
interrupt me.” She knew his tone, it was the no nonsense one she’d heard him
use often over the years, so she kept quiet to hear what he had to say.

“Your mother and I wanted it all and we gave up everything
to have it. In the end, we both achieved amazing careers but guilt and
competition have made it so we can’t stand each other. We don’t even sleep in
the same room anymore.”

Okay, she hadn’t seen that one coming.

“In the end, we were horrible parents, parents who lost our
only son five weeks ago. FIVE WEEKS AGO!” He shouted as tears started falling
down his face. “I lost my boy and I never got to know him. I never got to love
him, but I’m a great fucking doctor. Do you understand, Ashley?”

“No, Dad,” she said truthfully, shrugging her shoulders, “I
don’t. I would never do to my kids what you guys did to us.”

“And that is why I support you in your decision to leave
before graduation: because you are a smart girl who will make the right choices
when the time comes. I went to school, college, medical school and I made all
of the wrong choices. The same with your mother. So you go and do what you need
to do. You have your money that you worked hard for but you’ll also have an
account with money in it, should you ever need it. No strings attached. Before
you say it, this is not guilt money, Ashley. It’s Leo’s college money. He said
he didn’t want it when he didn’t go to school. In fact, I think his actual
words were, ‘Shove it up your ass, old man,’ but I could be paraphrasing.” His
chuckle held no humor as he repeated his son’s words.

Ashley couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped her mouth. She
remembered the day Leo had told her about that conversation. The sound of gruff
chuckling brought her back from her memory. Her father was smiling at his own
recollection.

“Anyway, I can’t claim to know him well but I know for a
fact that he would want you to have that money in case you needed it. So it’s
yours.”

“Thank you, I…I appreciate it.” She inhaled deeply, knowing
what she was about to do would cause as much pain as it would comfort. “I’m
just going to go into his room and take a few of his things, okay?”

“That’s fine.” He quickly reached out for her arm. “Ashley,
I know I don’t have the right to ask you for this but—”

“Yes, Dad, I’ll leave the airplane.” She heard his relieved
exhale as he left her alone in Leo’s room.

Ryan gripped the steering wheel tighter and tighter as he
drove the short distance. He couldn’t stay away any longer. It had been almost
five weeks since they spoke, almost five weeks since he breathed her same air,
since he touched her. He needed to connect with her. He knew that if he just
got her to listen to him he could convince her to forgive him. He would never
hurt her again. Never.

He pulled up to Ashley’s driveway and felt every ounce of
oxygen leave his body.

I’ll Never Let You Go

SHOVING THE LAST of her bags into
the back of her new SUV, a harsh shiver ran the length of Ashley’s spine. The
air was remarkably cold for December in Miami.
I couldn’t be leaving soon
enough,
she thought as she shuddered once again, tugging her sweater
tighter around her.

“Ash?”

She hadn’t heard his voice in over a month and it was aloe
and thorns at the same time. Other than the day of Leo’s funeral, Ryan had done
what she’d begged of him and left her alone. Just that simple question had her
insides melting. Closing her eyes, she warned herself not to give anything
away.

Stay cold. Stay detached.

“Ryan.” She kept the exchange brief in the hope that she
could get it over and done with as quickly as possible, without telling him any
of her plans. However Ryan had always been able to see through her words and
into her soul. That’s what had made their songs so incredible. It’s what made
her love him so deeply. As if her thoughts alone had drawn him to her, Ryan
stood barely an inch away. With his close proximity, she could feel the heat
radiating from his body. She could smell his woodsy scent—warm and inviting—and
she could feel his breath caressing her ear. She shivered again but knew her
reaction had nothing to do with the extraordinarily low temperature. On sensory
overload, the last several years washed over Ashley as she turned and stared at
Ryan Baker.

His life had been tied to her in every way that mattered. He
was her brother’s best friend, Leo’s band mate. He was her first crush and her first
love. He was the first guy to break her heart and the person that held her on
the worst night of her life. Yet, more than anything,
he
was the reason
why she called Leo and begged him to come to her rescue. While she only had
herself to blame for Leo’s death, she couldn’t look at Ryan and not feel
betrayal, hurt, and worst of all, longing. That longing was one of the biggest
reasons she needed to leave Miami. She needed to start over and bury her past,
all of it. And that included Ryan Baker.

“When will you be back?”

He asked the question, but he knew the answer before the
words ever left her mouth. He knew she was never coming back. His heart broke
once again when he saw the guarded look in her sad and tired eyes.

He’d been watching her from afar over the past month, to
make sure she was getting on okay. But what he witnessed was her merely
existing, not surviving. She’d clung to him at Leo’s funeral, but he hadn’t
read anything into that. After all, there were close to five hundred people
paying their respects to the family. She needed strength to get through that
day and he was her rock. He’d stood by her as she had politely greeted her
parents’ friends and colleagues. He’d helped her console Leo’s former
classmates as well as her current ones. They’d held each other when Leo’s body
was lowered into the ground.

Although after that day, the Ashley that he’d spent years
knowing and loving, first as a friend and then as a soul mate, started to
evaporate. Little by little, he’d watched as her inner glow dimmed. He’d tried
to call her several times but she never answered or returned his calls, and
when he cornered her after school, she looked at him with tear-filled eyes and
asked him to let her go. So he’d done the hardest thing he’d ever done before and
stepped aside. Now she was leaving. What would he do without her?

“Ry, I just have to get out of here.” She gestured to the
now colorless world around her. “Everything here makes me think of him, of us…”

“Ash, you can’t just run away when life gets shitty.”

“No, you’re right. I suppose I could just stay and be cruel
to the people I love, throw them out like garbage and make them feel horrible.
Maybe throw in a punch to a wall? Sound familiar?”

Her words stung like a slap to the face. The potency of them
left him breathless, but what caused him the most pain was watching her
mindlessly rub her sternum with the outer edge of her thumb. Up and down in
short strokes she fretted that small area—trying to conceal the agony that this
confrontation was causing her.

“I deserved that. I deserve everything you have to throw at
me. But, please, don’t go. Stay here and fight it out with me, Ash. Please?”

“Don’t you understand? I don’t
want
to make you feel
that way. But I can’t do any better. I’m hurt, angry and lost.” Turmoil was
etched in her face. “Yes, you hurt me, but I loved you. Why would I ever want
to purposely cause you pain? Ry, we aren’t healthy together because you need
help. You’re a good person but you have issues, and frankly, I don’t have it in
me to hang out until you get your shit together. I have my own crosses to bear
now.” Her statement was harsh, but he knew he deserved no less.

Defeat weighed on each of Ryan’s next words. “Okay, Ashley.
I get that. I do. I messed up. I will never be able to undo all the damage that
my behavior caused, and I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life.
But,” his gaze hardened with his promise, “I
will
do what it takes to
fix the parts of me that are broken. For me. For you. For us.” He let out a
long, ragged breath. “So, I’ll let you leave, but I’ll never let you go. I will
always
love you.” He reached into his fleece jacket and pulled out a
small gift-wrapped box.

“Ryan, I can’t…I don’t…” Ashley stumbled over her words as
she tried to deny the gift he was giving her. He opened her gloved hand and
laid the present in her palm. He was supposed to have given her his gift
yesterday, Christmas Day, her birthday. Yesterday was supposed to have been
magical and beautiful. Instead, he was home with his father wrapped in pain and
heartache.

“You, you don’t have to open it now, okay? I saw it a couple
of months ago and I had to get it for you. Just, please, don’t get rid of it
until you open it. I really do lov—” She put her hand out to stop him from
completing his sentence.

“Thank you for the gift, Ryan.” Her voice cracked. “Take
care of yourself.”

He watched as she tucked the box into the console of her
car. Then she slid into the driver’s side, buckled up, and drove away.

It’s not forever Baker, do what you need to do. Get your
shit sorted out, and then get your girl back. It’s not forever. It’s just for
now.

He repeated that mantra for close to three years.