Storms (18 page)

‘Girlfriend or boyfriend?’
     ‘Neither’ said Valerie. ‘When it came to personal relationships he was rather confused about himself’.
     ‘Confused?’
     ‘Liam was attracted to men but he didn’t feel gay if that makes sense. He didn’t feel part of that world and that led to a lot of confusion deep down inside him. He fell for a lot of men, all of whom were straight and of course that didn’t do him any good because it led to one heartbreak after another’.
     ‘Do you have a photograph of him?’
     ‘Yes, of course’ said Valerie. She took the photo of Liam out of her handbag and gave it to Stephanie. Liam was sitting on a chair in the back garden of her house dressed in a vest like top and shorts. He had a can of VB in his hand and he looked very relaxed.
     ‘He’s handsome’ said Stephanie. ‘Where does he get his dark skin from?’
     ‘His mother was white but his father came from Syria’.
     ‘Hence the dark eyes and black hair’.
     ‘That’s right’.
     ‘So did he have any intimate relationships at all?’
     ‘Oh yes, but always with straight men who like to have gay affairs on the side’.
     ‘It happens’.
     ‘But the affairs were either short lived or he wouldn’t hear from them for weeks and then suddenly they’d call and he’d drop everything to see them. He let himself be used all the time but he was desperate for something romantic to work, you know? He knew that some men leave wives and girlfriends for other men and he hoped that’s what would happen to him in a way. He’d never have put any pressure on a man in that way though. He’d have just been delighted if any of them had made that decision to choose to be with him. He’d have made a good partner for someone. He was a very caring person and he’d have had enough love for both of them if the other guy didn’t feel quite as much’.
     ‘Could he have just taken off and tried to start again somewhere else?’
     ‘No’ said Valerie, firmly. She leaned forward to make her point. ‘I’ve gone through that over and over in my head and I really don’t think that was the case. I knew Liam. I was probably closer to him than anybody. He wouldn’t do that to his friends and all the people who cared about him. He’d been given the cold shoulder by all of his family but he’d built his own family with his circle of friends and he wouldn’t have done that to us. If he’d wanted to do that he’d have told us and planned it. He wouldn’t have just taken off and left all that drama behind him’.
     ‘Drama?’
     ‘Abandoning his car like that’.
     ‘But that’s just what he did do’.
     ‘But what I’m saying is that something happened to make him act in that way. He wouldn’t have done it off his own back’.
     ‘When did you last see him?’
     ‘The night before he disappeared he came over to our place. He had dinner with Ed and I, we talked, we watched telly for a while and then he went home. I rang him the next day, like I rang him most days, and left him a message which I often did because he was at work. But when he didn’t return it I rang him again because he’d never not returned my calls. Then I rang him again and then again and then I saw the item on the local evening news which showed his car’.
     ‘And that’s when you knew?’
     ‘Yes. It was a terrible shock as you can imagine. I’ve never heard anything from him since then. Nobody has’.
     ‘What do the police say about it?’
    ‘They’ve concluded that it was suicide and closed the case’ said Valerie, her voice full of exasperation. ‘Traces of his DNA were found in the space between his car and the cliff top. They think it all got too much for him and in a moment of despair he threw himself off. But no body has ever been found’.

‘That’s not unusual in the cases of people throwing themselves into the Pacific’ Stephanie pointed out.

‘I know and if he didn’t throw himself off that cliff then it looks like he simply vanished into thin air which of course is ridiculous. But I’ve come to you, Stephanie, because I’m convinced that Liam didn’t commit suicide. As mixed up as he was Liam wouldn’t have done that. He had an inner strength that got him through all the adversities he faced in life’.
     ‘You seem pretty certain of what he wouldn’t have done, Valerie’.
     ‘Because I knew him, Stephanie’ said Valerie, intensely. ‘Suicide may have crossed his mind but he’d never have gone through with it. He wanted to be happy. He wanted to lay his demons to rest and he would’ve done sooner or later’.
     ‘Not everybody finds happiness in life, Valerie’.
     ‘No but they don’t all commit suicide either’ said Valerie. ‘And Liam wouldn’t have done. He just wouldn’t’.
     ‘Okay, well tell me more about yourself, Valerie?’
     ‘Why?’
     ‘To help me gain an understanding of those close to him’
     ‘Why don’t you tell me about yourself first?’ Valerie asked. She preferred to gain the upper hand on someone before they gained it on her. ‘Your accent is native but there’s somewhere else in there?’
     Stephanie smiled. This lady was good. She’d successfully turned the focus away from herself. She was manipulative and there was far more to her than you’d get from any first impression. ‘Well you’re right my accent isn’t native although I’ve lived here for over fifteen years. But I’m originally from the UK’.
     ‘Do you go back very often?’
     ‘I haven’t been back since my father’s funeral almost a couple of years ago’.
     ‘I’m sorry’ said Valerie.
     ‘He’d been ill for some time’ Stephanie explained. ‘It was a relief to be honest’.
     ‘I understand’ said Valerie. ‘So how come you were living here in the first place?’
     ‘I moved out here from Nottingham in the East Midlands region of England with my husband and our two children for a better life like so many Brits do’ Stephanie remembered. ‘Two years later he moved back and I stayed here’.
     ‘And your children?’
     ‘They went back with their father’.
     ‘Ouch. And it still hurts?’
     ‘Only every day’ Stephanie admitted. ‘I’ve missed out on so much to do with them. I used to go back every year to see them but then that had to stop’.
     ‘Why?’ asked Valerie. She liked Stephanie. Beneath the veneer she thought she might be detecting the same fragility that Valerie would acknowledge about herself.
     ‘My ex-husband remarried and his new wife thought it was unsettling to have me turn up every year’ Stephanie explained. ‘You know what it’s like with some second wives. They have to make their mark and damn the consequences for everybody else. I wanted to fight it but I didn’t have the money and my ex-husband had legal custody. Besides, my kids didn’t want to come back to Australia’.
     ‘Why did your husband go back without you?’
     ‘Because I was having an affair’.
     ‘Ah. So that’s why you stayed?’
     ‘Yes’ said Stephanie. ‘And God I’ve put myself through it over that decision’.
     ‘Everybody judged you as a bad mother, right?’
     ‘Oh I was the wicked witch from Hell even as far as my own parents were concerned. I was hoping though that my children would grow up to hate their step-mother more for refusing to let me see them than they hated me for staying out here. But they’ve shown no signs of it yet. I have two boys, James and Matthew. James is taking a gap year soon before going to university and I’m hoping he’ll come down here to see his old Mum. I’d be so happy if he did. Anyway, it sounds like you know a thing or two about this sort of thing?’
     ‘Oh believe me I wrote the book on screwed up relationships between mothers and children’ said Valerie. ‘And I do know what it’s like when it feels like the whole world is judging you for it. I have twins, Jaime and Alison. They live up in Queensland and run a hotel together in Port Douglas with Alison’s husband Rory. Jaime doesn’t have any children but Alison and Rory have got three. I see them from time to time and one of my grandsons is at university here in Sydney so we see him a fair amount which is lovely. He seems to like his grandma and granddad and we’ve become good mates. What complicates things slightly is that Rory is the brother of my husband Ed’s first wife Linda’.
     ‘Phew’.
     ‘I know. We’re a complicated lot and I wasn’t always sure that Ed and I would end up together. We went through a hell of a lot in the early days and we both wasted far too many years married to other people. But you can’t fight your destiny and we’ve been together now for over twenty years’.
     ‘True love?’
     ‘Well yes, I think it is true love’ said Valerie, smiling broadly. She worshipped the ground Ed walked on. She always had done. ‘But what about you? Are you with anyone now?’
     ‘No’ said Stephanie who quite envied Valerie’s position in her personal life. She’d love to have some family round her and it had been a while since she’d even been out with anyone. She didn’t like being on her own. ‘I’m between men as they say’.
     ‘It didn’t work out with the man you stayed here for?’
     ‘We were happy for a few years but I’d had a difficult time with Matthew’s delivery and couldn’t have any more children. He said it didn’t matter to him and he was happy just with me. Then he had an affair with a girl he worked with who subsequently became pregnant and all of a sudden being a father meant everything to him. So he left me for her’.
     ‘We women can be held to ransom by our wombs’ said Valerie.

‘Oh we so can’ Stephanie agreed. ‘Now tell me, did Liam get on as well with Ed as he did with you?’
     ‘Oh yes’ said Valerie. ‘He was close to us both’.
     ‘And do all of his friends believe as you do that he didn’t take off for somewhere else or commit suicide?’
     ‘Yes, they all absolutely do agree with me’ said Valerie. ‘Stephanie, something happened to Liam that night. I want to know what that was. I miss him. I miss his laughter and I want him back in our lives’.
     ‘I’ll do my best, Valerie. It isn’t encouraging that the police put it down to suicide but I’ll do some preliminary research and then I’ll be back to you for some more details’.
     Stephanie went through her fees and Valerie paid the deposit with her bank card.
     ‘Would you say that Liam was happy when he disappeared?’ Stephanie asked.
     ‘No, but deep down he was never happy. He was a tortured soul. But he was desperate to belong and he did belong with us and the rest of his friends’.
     ‘And he gave no indication that anything like this would happen?’
     ‘No’ said Valerie. ‘None of it makes any sense at all, Stephanie. None of it’.
     Valerie walked briskly over to where Ed’s car was parked a little way down the street. He looked up from doing the crossword in the morning paper when Valerie got in.
     ‘How did that go?’ he asked.
     ‘Pretty well, I think’ said Valerie. ‘She seems very capable and quite understanding. I really quite liked her’.
     ‘Did you tell her the real reason why you want to find Liam?’
     Valerie couldn’t believe he’d actually asked her that. ‘Ed, finding Liam could mean the answer to all our problems’.
     ‘So you didn’t tell her’.
     ‘No I didn’t tell her, Ed! And there’s no reason for her to know’.
     ‘I haven’t seen this side of you for a long time, Val’ said Ed in his usual quiet way that signalled disapproval. ‘I thought all these games were well behind us’.
     ‘Ed, I haven’t been pushed into a corner like this for a long time and it’s not a very comfortable place to be, let me tell you. But I’m doing this for the both of us, Ed. Don’t you ever forget that’
     ‘Oh I won’t, Val, I won’t. But that’s what scares me the most. I know more than anybody what you’re capable of’.

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