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Authors: Jennifer Crusie

Tags: #Contemporary

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BOOK: Strange Bedpersons
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Nick came in the door a little after six, stripping off his tie. “We’re going out,” he told Tess as he headed for the stairs. “Get your black dress.”

“Hey,” Tess said. “Wait a minute.”

“Oh, right.” Nick turned back, grabbed her and kissed her, swiftly at first and then lingeringly. “I’m still getting the hang of this roommate thing.” He laughed in her ear as he held her close. “From now on, I swear I’ll say, ‘Hi, honey, I’m home.’”

“Good,” Tess said, wrapping her arms around him more tightly. “This isn’t actually what I meant, but I like it, so let’s keep it.” She kissed his ear. “I think that makes my line, ‘How was your day, dear?’”

“Annoying as hell,” Nick said, letting go of her and turning back to the stairs. “And we’ve got drinks at seven and a dinner date at—”

Tess grabbed his arm. “Not so fast, buddy.” She pulled him over to the couch, pushed him down and then curled up beside him. “I talked to my landlord today,” she began, absentmindedly rubbing her hand along his neck, just for the pleasure of touching him.

“God, that feels good,” Nick said. He let his head drop forward. “Don’t stop.”

Tess began to knead her fingers into his neck muscles as she went on. “All the apartments have new locks. The tenants are very happy. Isn’t that amazing?”

“Mmm.” Nick let his shoulder slide down the back of the couch as she rubbed. “Do that harder.”

Tess rolled to her knees so she could reach him as he slumped away from her. “So you called my landlord and threatened him with something ugly and legal, didn’t you, Batman? Had to be a hero.”

“Are you mad about that?” Nick mumbled. “Not that I care. Keep rubbing.”

“No, I’m not mad. How was racquetball yesterday with Nordstrom?”

Nick’s face was practically in a pillow by now. “Nordhausen. It was awful. Why?”

“You got Gina that job.”

“Look, Tess—” Nick began, trying to sit up.

Tess pushed him back down. “You’re my hero, you know that?”

“I am? Good. Keep rubbing.”

“And that’s why I’m going to put on black crepe and act like a Stepford wife for you and your career tonight.” Tess gave his neck one final rub and slapped him on the back. Then she stood up and headed for the stairs. “Who are we impressing tonight?”

“Drinks with Park and his date, dinner with Alan and Tricia Sigler,” Nick said, his voice only partly muffled by the pillow. He moved slowly against the cushions and then slumped back down, evidently too comfortable to get up. “God, that was great. Let’s get married and you can rub my neck forever.”

“The Siglers?” Tess said, coming slowly back to him. “This is for me, not for the law firm?”

“Be nice to her tonight—your career is on the line,” Nick said, still facedown in the pillows. “Could you do my neck again, just for a minute?”

“Possibly for the rest of your life,” Tess said, sinking down beside him.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Tess said, and went back to work on his neck, feeling an odd little glow take hold of her as she moved her hands across his muscles. It wasn’t exactly sexual, but it was visceral, and she felt warmed by it and absentmindedly dropped a kiss on his neck in acknowledgment of it.
This isn’t bad,
she thought.
This is good. This is comfortable.

I like this.

The glow lasted all the way out of the house and into the restaurant bar where they were to meet Park and Gina.

Park was standing by the bar, as relaxed and handsome as a model in a liquor ad. But standing next to him was a brunette with blond streaks in her hair, and it took Tess a moment to realize that she was with Park, that she was Park’s date and that Gina was still back at the apartment, waiting to be stood up.

“What’s wrong?” Nick asked her.

“Say goodbye to Park,” Tess said, making a bee-line for the bar. “I’m going to kill him.”

Chapter Nine

 

Nick grabbed her arm and swung her around before she could get close enough to Park to attack him. “What the hell are you doing?” he whispered, dragging her to the other side of the bar as several people turned to stare.

“He’s standing Gina up,” Tess spat. “She’s home expecting him to pick her up and he’s with this... this...”

Nick closed his eyes. “Oh, hell.”

“You’re not surprised,” Tess said, dumbfounded by the discovery. “I thought you’d be defending him, but you’re not surprised at all.”

Nick pushed her gently onto a bar stool and trapped her against the bar by putting a hand on the rail on each side of her. “I was afraid of this. Look, Tess, Park can’t say no to anyone. He’s a nice guy without much backbone. The one thing he is absolutely rock solid on is not defying his father. And his father will never buy Gina as any part of Park’s life. So Park will not be seeing Gina. I’m sorry, it’s lousy. I think Gina is a great kid, but there it is.”

Tess sat rigid with fury. “I still want to kill him. He’s going to hurt her. I don’t care about his damn backbone. I still want to kill him.”

“Well, you can’t,” Nick said. “You’re in a public place. Control yourself. People are watching.” He met her eyes and relented. “He didn’t call her, did he?” he asked gently. “She called him. I’m not saying that makes it right, but Gina got the job and called him and said let’s celebrate and he said sure.”

“Oh, damn it.” Tess blinked back tears. “I knew she shouldn’t have called him. She’s just so crazy about him she’s transparent with it. She just couldn’t wait.” She pushed Nick away gently and stood up. “All right, I won’t kill him in public. I’ll call Gina tomorrow and see what I can do. Maybe if I introduce her to one of the guys from the Foundation...”

“Tess, you can’t fix everything for everybody,” Nick said, but his voice was sympathetic as he put his arm around her. “And this is between Park and Gina. It’s none of your—our—business. Come on, we’ll make this short so you don’t have to look at him for very long.”

“I want him dead,” Tess said.

“I know,” Nick said. “Try not to act on that.”

The high point of drinks with Park and Corinne the brunette came for Tess when Corinne mentioned the amusing little gallery they’d had coffee in the night before. The night Park had told Gina they’d go out to celebrate her new job. Going out two nights in a row, Gina had marveled. Poor Gina. Stood up two nights in a row. All the lousy things Tess had ever said about Park came back to haunt her because they weren’t lousy enough.

She glared at Park, who looked at her with equal parts of fear and confusion and immediately suggested to Corinne that they’d better be going.

“I want him dead,” Tess repeated to Nick when they were alone, and Nick said, “I know. I know.”

Dinner with the Siglers was only a slight improvement, although Tess was so despondent over Gina that she was actually polite and nonconfrontational.

“You behaved very well tonight,” Nick said to her when they were on their way home. “The Siglers were impressed. I think Tricia is ready to forgive you for the roll fight.” When Tess didn’t answer, he glanced over at her. “Are you all right?”

“Gina,” Tess said. “She’s probably sobbing into her pillow right now.”

“Do you want to drop by?” Nick said. “I’ll wait if you need to be with her.”

“No,” Tess said. “Gina doesn’t like crying in front of people. I’ll wait until tomorrow when she’s cried out, and then I’ll do something.”
God knows what,
she thought and slumped back into the leather of Nick’s car seat while he drove her home in quiet, secure luxury.

The next day, Tess bought a five-pound box of hand-dipped chocolates and went to see Gina at work. She asked for Gina at the receptionist’s desk, a walnut edifice that went well with the grimy marble floors and wainscoted walls and the wooden receptionist, who looked upholstered in her tapestry suit.

“Would this be theater-related?” the woman asked, staring suspiciously at Tess through horn-rimmed glasses. Tess was obviously not the sort of clientele she was looking for.

“It definitely has dramatic potential,” Tess replied, and the receptionist waved her to a door down the hall, craning her neck to watch her go.

At Gina’s door, Tess took a deep breath and then went in, smiling, determined to raise Gina from the pit of despair.

“Tess!” Gina beamed and leapt to her feet and came tripping out to greet Tess, throwing her arms around her and hugging tight. “This is my office! Isn’t it great? Isn’t life wonderful?”

“Absolutely,” Tess said, refiguring the pit-of-despair part of her plan.

“Candy?” Gina said, spotting the huge box.

“Uh, it’s an office-warming gift.”

“Just like Park,” Gina said happily. “He sent flowers. Look!”

Park had indeed sent flowers. A dozen red roses bloomed on the desk, a dozen pink roses glowed on the filing cabinet, a dozen white roses and a dozen yellow roses crowded the worktable, and a dozen peach roses graced the bookcase, each in its own crystal vase.

“He said he didn’t know my favorite color, so he sent them all. He said I could just throw out the ones I didn’t like,” Gina said, surveying her luxurious garden with pleasure. “I told him I loved everything he gave me.”

“Oh,” Tess said, sinking into a chair.

“We had dinner at this little Greek place the night before last, to celebrate,” Gina babbled on. “And he held my hand. Can you imagine? It was so romantic.”

“The night before last?” Tess asked in disbelief. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Gina said. “It was late because he had to work late, but that just meant we were the only people there. It was so private and so romantic—”

“Late,” Tess said. “How late?”

“He picked me up at ten-thirty,” Gina said. “And then last night, he didn’t get to my place until eleven, and he wanted to go out, but I talked him into staying in.” Gina got a dreamily lascivious look in her eye.

“Last night?” Tess said, now really confused. Then the look in Gina’s eye hit her. “Oh, no, you didn’t?”

“It was wonderful,” Gina said, dropping into her chair. “He’s an absolute gentleman, even in bed.”

“Great,” Tess said, but she thought,
Great, he cheats on her
and
he’s boring in bed. I
am
going to kill him.

“He is so sweet to me, Tess,” Gina said. “And he’s so much fun. And I feel so good around him.”

“Great,” Tess said. The correct thing to do was probably tell Gina about Corinne, but she couldn’t do it. Gina was too happy. She was just going to have to kill Park slowly, using her bare hands, and then Gina could mourn her loss without being humiliated by betrayal. “Great,” Tess said again.

The receptionist poked her head in the door, radiating superior disapproval. “You’ve left your intercom off again, Miss DaCosta.”

Much to Tess’s surprise, Gina didn’t cringe. She just leaned over and flipped a switch on the intercom. “There you go, Pamela,” she said.

Pamela sniffed. “Call on three.”

“Who is it?” Gina asked.

“I don’t know,” Pamela said, staring insolently at Gina.

Gina stared her down.

Pamela sniffed again and said, “I’ll ask,” and then slammed the door shut.

“Hello,” Tess said, amazed. “What was that? Gina DaCosta the Terminator?”

“Park taught me that,” Gina said, grinning. “He met her yesterday when he picked me up for lunch, and he told me she was going to make my life hell unless I handled her. Then he spent the lunch coaching me on handling her. You wouldn’t believe what a great impression he does of her.”

“Lunch, too,” Tess said.

“I told you. He’s wonderful.”

Pamela stuck her head back in the door. “It’s Mr. Patterson,” she hissed, her cheeks flushed with excitement. “You’re keeping Mr. Patterson waiting.”

“Thank you, Pamela,” Gina said. “But next time, use the intercom.”

“Oh,” Pamela said. “Right.” She backed out the door, closing it quietly this time.

“You are not a nice person,” Tess told Gina. “Keep up the good work.”

But Gina was already on the phone, beaming as she listened to Park.

“I can’t stand this,” Tess muttered. She waved to Gina as she got up to leave, stopping only to liberate two dark-chocolate turtles from the box of candy as she went.

She left the rest of the five pounds of chocolate for Gina. She was going to need it.

Dinner with the Pattersons was not amusing.

Tess had never liked The Levee. She wasn’t sure whether it was because all the waiters looked like Donny Osmond and acted like Prince Philip, or if it was because the decor was faux mint marble and real peach linen, or if it was because the menu read like a bad Martha Stewart special.

However, all of that paled beside the company she was keeping.

Kent Patterson was well built and graying, a man of distinction who knew he was a man of distinction. Several people genuflected when he walked into the restaurant and not all of them were waiters. The head-waiter called him by name. He returned the favor. The headwaiter swooned.

Melisande Patterson was not well built. She was skeletal and dry, like scorched paper, tanned to the point of leather, lifted and tucked until she looked like a mummy with platinum hair. Her suit was Chanel, and all she was missing was a Just Say No To Everything button. She surveyed Tess through her lashes and then looked away, as if the sight was too painful to bear.

“Get me out of here,” Tess said under her breath, but Nick pressed her forward.

“Kent, Melisande,” he said. “I’d like you to meet Tess Newhart. Tess, this is Kent and Melisande Patterson. The Pattersons have been like parents to me.”

“It’s been our pleasure, son,” Kent said heartily. He took Tess’s hand. “So here’s the little woman we’ve been hearing about.”

“I’m five nine,” Tess said, and Nick kicked her on the ankle.

“How amusing,” Melisande said, obviously not amused, and before Tess could retort, Park joined them with his date and they all sat down.

Corinne, of course, not Gina.

Tess drew a breath before she spoke to him, and it sounded like a hiss.

“Park!” Nick said hastily. “Great to see you. You’re looking lovely, Corinne.”

“Corinne always looks lovely,” Kent said. “Always has.” He beamed at her and patted her hand, and Corinne smiled wanly back, too reserved for emotion. “I remember when you were just a little slip of a thing, going to Miss Windesham’s with Park. Couldn’t have been more than five or six.” Kent fawned over her paternally. “Always wanted a daughter just like you. Of course it’s not too late to have a granddaughter just like you, is it, Park?”

“No,” Park said miserably.

“But there’s no need to rush into anything, either, is there, Park?” Melisande said evenly.

“No,” Park said, even more miserably.

Corinne seemed oblivious to the byplay but Tess was appalled. She turned questioning eyes on Nick, but he just shrugged. Evidently this was business as usual for the Pattersons. If Park hadn’t been such a son of a bitch, she’d have felt sorry for him.

“Corinne went to Radcliffe,” Melisande said to Tess, turning her fire to a new opponent now that Park was cowed. “We’re both alumnae. Where did you matriculate, Miss Newhart?”

Tess fought back the impulse to ask incredulously, “Somebody gave you a degree?” and smiled, instead. “Ohio State,” she said. “Liberal arts major.”

“Oh, a state school.” Melisande smiled archly and then looked at Nick, raising her eyebrows at him.

“Yes, a state school,” Tess said. “That’s why they call it Ohio State, instead of Ohio Overpriced and Pretentious.” She moved her ankle before Nick could find it with his foot.

Melisande blinked, and then Nick said, “Tess is a teacher. She’s thinking about joining the Decker Academy.”

“Teacher?” Corinne blinked at Tess. “You’re a teacher?”

“Yes,” Tess said gently, having nothing against Corinne except the fact that she existed. “What do you do?”

“Do?” Corinne repeated, confused, and Tess let it drop. The sad fact was that Corinne was perfect for Park. Neither one of them had ever had a coherent thought in their lives. And there was Kent, campaigning for incoherent grandchildren. It would be interesting to see who was going to win, Melisande or Kent. Whoever it was, it wasn’t going to be Park, and Tess felt a stab of sympathy for him. He was a rat, but he was a trapped rat.

Poor Gina.

“So you work for a living,” Melisande said. “How amusing.”

Tess opened her mouth to say something rude and then glanced at Nick. He sat beside her, his face resigned to having his career skewered, and she suddenly felt guilty. It wouldn’t kill her to behave, to help him out. He’d not only helped her out, he’d saved Gina, the other tenants and Angela.
Stop being such a pain,
she told herself. Then she turned to Melisande and smiled. “Yes. It’s very amusing. Almost like volunteer work. Do you volunteer, Mrs. Patterson?”

“Why, yes.” Melisande blinked in surprise and then happily went into a lengthy discussion of the tribulations of organizing the annual Opera Guild open house. Tess nodded appreciatively at appropriate moments, and then, as the waiter brought the first course, Nick leaned forward.

“Thank you,” he whispered in her ear, and she shuddered with pleasure at the warmth of his breath.

“You deserve this,” she said. “Thank you. For Gina’s job and Angela and everything.”

“My pleasure,” he whispered back, and then he turned his wholehearted fawning attention to Melisande.

Oh, hell,
Tess thought, and then she, too, smiled back at Park’s mother.

It was only for one night. What could it hurt?

BOOK: Strange Bedpersons
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