Strathmere's Bride (15 page)

He had an apology to deliver.

W
hen Chloe received a message to meet Jareth in the front parlor, she naturally expected the worst. It was with a heavy heart that she pulled her hair into a neat knot on the top of her head, determined to make a good appearance. It was no use, however. The independent mass of rich brown never behaved. Wisps began to curl about her face, turning her countenance into an alluring picture of some PreRaphaelite nymph, but she wanted to look serious today. This was a serious matter. She firmly believed she would be asked to leave.

Her eyes, wide and pale gray, stared back at her from the mirror and her cheeks were flushed a delicate pink. Both betrayed the feverish anxiety that gripped her. Bette arrived to see to the children, and Chloe turned away from the looking glass. She drew in a trembling breath and left the nursery.

In the parlor, to her great surprise, a silver tea service had been laid out. The duke was standing by a window, looking out over the front lawn. It didn’t seem he had heard her come in. His posture was stiff, his hands clasped behind his back, looking disappointingly,
but expectedly, formal. The sun glanced off his chestnut curls and caressed an angular cheek. Chloe swallowed away the rush of pain that surged up at the sight of him.

“You wished to see me, your grace?”

He turned, and to Chloe’s surprise, he smiled at her. He said, “Please come in and have a seat.”

“Merci.”
She did as he asked.

He took the seat across from her. “May I offer you tea or coffee?”

“Nothing, please.”

He paused, looking at her in a most serious way. Suddenly, Chloe could stand it no longer. “I know what you are going to say,” she blurted. “And I wish you to know I think it is deplorable.”

His eyebrows shot up. “It is?”

“
Oui.
All the things I said to you before, well, I meant them and I am not sorry for them, even if they are the reason you are dismissing me. I have my pride, sir, and I shall not forsake it for the likes of this family.”

His eyelids drew down into a lazy look. “I had noticed that about you,” he drawled. “The pride, I mean.”

“I feel a person can only distinguish themselves by their good acts, and although I never claimed to be perfect, I do count honesty as one of the traits of which I am most proud. I will not be intimidated, and if your ordered, perfect world cannot tolerate the truth, then I pity you and your mother for the frightened, cowering beings you are.”

“I quite agree.”

“And if you intend to separate me from the children, I can tell you that while the very prospect horrifies
me, I have reconciled myself to the fact that there is nothing I can do to—what did you say?”

He was trying not to laugh, she noticed, and her consternation grew. He explained, “I said I agreed with you. About your honesty. It is difficult for others—myself included—to grapple with it at times. It is a heady thing, the truth. Sometimes it is too painful to bear, until we start the lies and realize after a while real suffering is to live a false life.”

Her mouth stayed slightly agape, her brow creased in confusion and she sat perfectly rigid for a good minute or two.

“Will you look at that,” he said at last. “I have rendered Chloe Pesserat speechless.”

Chloe snapped her mouth shut. “I do not understand.”

“That is because I have not explained. In fact, I have not even had an opportunity to say more than a few words.”

She blushed and bit her lip. “I am sorry.”

He nodded and looked away, thoughtful for a moment. “Chloe, may I ask you a question?”

“Yes, of course.”

He seemed to change his mind. “No, let me say it a different way. It may surprise you to learn that I have always admired you, even when I have disagreed with you. I suppose that is what friendship is like—not necessarily thinking the same in all matters but weighing that other opinion because of your high regard for the other person. Do you understand what I am saying?”

“I believe I do.” She said this, but was as confused by his words as if he had spoken them in Greek.

“With my brother, it was different. Though our love for each other was undoubted, it was typical of us to argue over differences and I don’t believe he ever truly accepted the choices that led me into a full life outside of the family.” Bowing his head, he lowered his voice as if the next words were difficult for him to say. “I have come to regard you as a friend, Chloe. I value your opinion, even if I think you are daft at times, and I find myself…” He paused, struggling with the next part. “Wishing to have your good will.”

She was so touched, she didn’t think her voice would serve her. When she could, she said gently, “That you already have.”

“Ah, where is your famous honesty now? Did you not just finish reviling me for a shallow, addlepated idiot whom you abhor?”

“I…I didn’t mean that I thought you were addlepated.” She tried to come to some means with which to convey her jumbled thoughts. His contrite revelation had her undone completely. “I just did not like the things you were doing. They were not you, not the man I had come to know on occasion, when you would allow me to see that side of you. I know you to be caring and try very hard to do the right thing.”

He rose and turned toward the window again. “Yes, that is true, but sometimes it becomes very difficult to know what the right thing is.”

She came to her feet and took a step toward him. “You know in your heart what the right thing is, do you not?”

He looked over his shoulder at her, and his smile was charming. “I would be willing to wager that you
have at times wondered if I possessed that particular organ.”

She pressed her lips together and crossed her arms. “I believe you have shown little evidence of it on occasion.” Reconsidering, she amended, “Although I know you have always striven to do what you thought was best.”

“And at those times you accused me of arrogance?”

“Do you make the argument that your word should be unimpeachable?”

“Chloe, why are you quibbling with me? I have asked you here to apologize to you for my past behavior and find you bristling at me within minutes.”

Chloe was shocked. “You…wish to apologize?”

“Yes. I was quite unfair to you. I was not always honest, either, and you deserve better than that from me for the fact of your bravery in always facing the truth.”

Shaking her head to clear it, Chloe let out a small laugh and pressed a hand to her forehead. “I thought I was to be asked to leave.”

“We could never get on without you,” he murmured, turning to face her.

The words touched something in her, a distant hope, a desire held at bay. It must have shone in her eyes as she raised her gaze to his. “You could not?”

He seemed to realize his error. His expression sobered. “I meant for the children, and as we all care deeply about their well-being. All of us need you—for their sake.”

She lowered her gaze, ashamed of what he might have seen in her eyes. The touch of his fingers along her chin made her catch her breath. They were warm
and smooth, and tiny shivers of excitement shot forth like sparks from a flint to singe her cheek and sizzle down her neck. “Only for their sake?”

“Sweet Lord, Chloe, are you never satisfied with anything? Do you always need to push me beyond comfort?” His words were harsh but they were spoken in a tone that was almost a caress. “See, I have resolved myself to honesty and already I cannot fulfill it. Do I need you, you wish to know. Yet you already do know, don’t you? With your ridiculous philosophies and your brilliant, rebellious spirit— yes, I need you, you little fool. I need you to be my friend.” He stopped, then dropped his hand. “Anything more is not acceptable. You must realize that.”

“I do,” she managed to say, feeling the weight of his words crushing the tender emotions inside her.

“No, you do not. It is not in your nature to accept limitations. But, Chloe, we are not in France. We cannot ignore who we are. This is England. I am an English duke, the Duke of Strathmere, for God’s sake, controller of one of the largest and most influential duchies in the kingdom. It is an awesome duty. I am not telling you that I have turned my back on what is expected of me, but rather that I am taking charge of it myself. I want you to know that I acknowledge your worth and service to this family, and will not permit you to be ill treated in the future. As for anything beyond that…Chloe, we are of different worlds, you and I. Desire…it is a mistake we cannot afford to make. I told you that before, in the nursery, the night…the night I lost control momentarily. It was wrong of me.”

“You told me it was only a kiss,” she corrected. Bravely, she stared at him even in the face of her
humiliation. “And I believe there is no such thing, your gr—”

“No! Will you stop calling me that! Not after all this, not after I’ve told you the things I have. Dear God, cannot one person call me by my given name? If it can’t be you, Chloe, then who will it be to restore me to who I was before?”

She was taken aback. “You wish me to call you Jareth?”

“Not in front of others, of course, and God knows what I am unleashing with this request because you ever push beyond whatever confines are given you, but yes, I would like to hear my name from one person in this house.”

“It would make me very happy to do it,” she said.

“Now, what was I saying?”

“You were about to tell me that the kiss meant nothing.”

“No, no, no. That is not it at all. Of course the kiss meant something.” Nearly under his breath, he muttered, “God, in some ways it meant everything.” He looked at the ceiling as if searching for aid or inspiration. “What I feel for you, Chloe, is real. I shall not lie to you and make it less. If we were two people in different sorts of lives, well, it would be an utterly different matter. But things are what they are. My life, my circumstances must dictate the choices I make. I am not free to choose.”

“And if you could choose?”

He closed his eyes and angled his head away as if to shield himself from her question. His lips pressed together in a small, thin smile. “There you go again, always pushing, demanding more.” Opening his
eyes, he asked, “Do you truly wish me to answer that?”

She did, oh, indeed she did. But she knew he was right. It would be so sweet to hear him say it, but how could she bear it afterward when he had told her in plain terms that he was not going to forsake his duty or in any way compromise what was expected of him?

“You shall marry Lady Helena,” she pronounced in a flat voice.

Her heart shattered into a million pieces when he nodded slowly.

“But you wish us to be friends,” she continued, speaking slowly as if to test the words.

“You have become very important to me, Chloe. I do not wish to lose you completely.”

“I see.” She met his gaze, as difficult as that was. “I understand you. You do not love Helena, but you will marry her in accordance with your mother’s wishes.”

“Not only hers. They are my wishes, as well.”

“How can you wish this, since you admit you do not love her?”

He expelled a long breath. “You are a fanciful creature. Love has little to do with marriage. Lady Helena is an excellent choice of wife for her breeding, her accomplishments, her presence and her nature.”

So different from winsome, free-spirited Chloe.
She said, “This is acceptable to you?”

“If you ask me do I like it, then no, I do not. But it is acceptable to me.”

Chloe backed away, disdain coloring her features.
“You English are too in love with your positions and titles to have any room in your lives for real love.”

“And you French are in love with love.” He raked his hand through his hair, betraying his exasperation. “This meeting is not going as I had planned. Why must you challenge me at every turn?”

“What had you imagined, Jareth? That I would fall to my knees and weep in gratitude for the favors you grant me?”

He gave her a hard look. “You are being unfair.” He walked away a few steps then turned to face her again, swiping his hand in the air. “Let us forget this entire conversation.”

“By all means, no, I shall not!”

“Chloe, you are trying my temper—again!”

“And you are…are…
impossible!
”

“Why must you always insist on your way?”

“Why can you never see the wisdom in what I say?”

He took a step forward. “I give everything you say the consideration it deserves.”

“You give it none,
monsieur,
” she countered with a toss of her head. “I think you are afraid to view it fairly.”

“Afraid!” he exclaimed “Afraid?” Chloe thought that perhaps she had gone too far. His expression was explosive. It was attractive on him, however, with his color up and his hair all awry from raking his hand through it so many times. He was panting, his broad chest heaving from his anger.

He averted his face, bowing his head. Chloe waited while he struggled visibly for control.

A low rumble she couldn’t quite place began to sound. It took a moment before she identified it as
laughter. He raised his head again. “My God, Chloe Pesserat, you are the most exasperating woman I have ever had the misfortune to meet.”

Chloe didn’t see why this was so very funny. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and narrowed her eyes.

Jareth spread his hands out in front of him in a conciliatory gesture. “Maybe we should let things go at this—you are not to be dismissed and you are not to worry about that eventuality any longer.”

She took a long time to reply. “And we are to be…friends?”

“Indeed, yes.”

And never anything more.
Oh, yes, that was perfectly clear.

Chloe tilted her head back and said with all the courage she could muster, “I am pleased to have it so. May I go now?”

“Yes, you may.” She whirled and walked toward the door, keeping her back straight and her emotions sternly under command. “And, Chloe,” he called. She paused and he said, “I am sorry I lost my temper.”

“Ce n’est rien,”
she replied, not breaking stride. She couldn’t get out of the room fast enough.