Strictly Yours: Hooded Pleasures, Book 3 (16 page)

“Good. You come on in, and I’ll be waiting here for you. Just the two of us having a lovely chat. Promise. Total privacy, total confidentiality. I’ll put the kettle on for some tea and see you soon.” The phone went dead.

Nathan shivered as he remembered her voice.

Calm, soft.

Commanding.

He’d met dominating personalities before. His teachers, his training officers, his captain.

But this was different.

It’d been his first contact with a Domme.

Wendy had met him at the front desk and soothed his nerves, his concerns about being found out.

“We get a lot of first responders. Policemen, firemen, medics. You’re not alone,” she said as they sat in the boardroom drinking tea and nibbling on oatmeal cookies. “We understand what you need. I hope you’ll let us help you.” After that, he had filled out the papers and allowed them to check out his references as discreetly as they could without arousing any suspicions.

HP had a special discount for first responders and the military. They understood the low pay and the need for total anonymity.

They got it.

Nathan wished he had the nerve to go to one of the clubs, but he couldn’t risk it. Despite the supposed open-mindedness of the higher-ups, he knew it’d be a career-ender if they knew he was going to a BDSM club and even worse if they knew he was a sub.

There was a chance it wouldn’t—but he wasn’t ready to be the first out of the dungeon, so to speak.

The elevator doors opened, and he stepped out.

The receptionist smiled at him as if she always got midnight visitors. “Second door on the left.” She reached under the desk to unlock the door beside her.

Nathan walked into the hallway. A few steps had him at the door and another had him entering.

The lone man looked up.

Evan.

Nathan wasn’t a fool. The dark-haired man in the gray business suit sitting at the top of the table gave off waves of dominance that battered Nathan’s senses.

There was no doubt who this was.

“Nathan. So glad you could come in.” He stood and waved at the seat across from him. “Please sit down.”

Nathan tried hard to stay calm despite the frantic pounding of his heart.

You’re going to tell me my contract’s been canceled. Because I’ve broken the rules.

But that won’t stop me from protecting Jen.

“You know who I am,” Evan said.

“You’re the co-owner of HP.” Nathan cleared his throat before continuing. “You and Wendy.”

“Yes.” Evan sat down. “I don’t need to tell you what she would think of your little stunt tonight. Especially right after telling you to act normally, not to change your routine. You book off another shift and do almost the exact opposite to try to confront Tanner.” He stared at Nathan. “God knows what else you’ve been up to.”

Nathan felt his face burn. “I’m not Wendy’s employee. Or sub. I—”

The thin man leaned forward. “I know what you are. And who you are.” His low voice soothed Nathan’s jangled nerves. “Trust me. I know how it feels to care so much for someone, to be willing to do anything to keep them safe.”

The truth hit Nathan quick and hard.

He’s a sub.

Like me.

But—

“I’m a switch. A Dom when I’m with anyone other than Wendy. When I’m with her, she’s the Domme and I’m the submissive,” Evan said as if reading his mind. “And I do love Wendy with all my heart. So yes, I do understand what you’re feeling for Jen. You want to protect her, keep her safe. I get it.”

“But—” Nathan offered, unable to keep the smirk off his face. “There’s always a but.”

Evan glared at him. “And someone to smack that butt when it deserves it.”

Nathan didn’t flinch from the not-so-gentle admonishment. “When we let them.”

“Duly noted.” Evan smiled. “Wendy doesn’t know about this meeting. I don’t plan to tell her either.”

Nathan couldn’t hold back his frown. “Excuse me?”

Evan stood and walked around the table, his slow steady steps reminding Nathan of a lion. “Wendy is a good woman. A wise woman and one I am privileged to love, know and serve. But she doesn’t understand how men think.” He tapped his chest. “How I think. How you think. She tries hard and succeeds most of the time, but just as I don’t ‘get’ her in some areas, she doesn’t ‘get’ this. What being a submissive is all about and what being a man means. The two can and do work well together if done properly.”

Nathan stayed silent.

“Someone’s been watching Jake.” He eyed Nathan. “Jen’s other client.”

“What?”

“Jake does the neighborhood safety patrol for his townhouse complex. Recently, he’s been finding a pile of cigarette butts in a spot overlooking his house. Thought it was kids hiding from the parents and sneaking a smoke. Didn’t think much of it until we contacted him, and he realized he’s probably been under surveillance.”

“Damn,” Nathan whispered. “Did he call the cops?”

“And tell them what?” Evan asked. “No one’s going to put it together with anything on its own. But now add in the attack on Charles and—”

“Two out of three. That points the finger directly at Jen’s client list.” Nathan’s head began to spin. “So I’m either next, or she is.” He ground his teeth together. “It’s got to be Tanner.”

“Likely. But, as we’ve discussed, we’ve got nothing to take to the police. Charles is concerned but still won’t take it further. I don’t agree with it but I can’t force the man to open himself up to possible trouble. We can’t take Jake’s story because it means nothing on its own.”

Nathan couldn’t hold back an annoyed grumble.

“I didn’t say you had to like his decision or agree,” Evan commented. “But we have to respect it.”

He paused as if waiting for Nathan to object.

Nathan said nothing.

Evan continued, “There’ve been no other red flags, no threats on social media or suspicious behavior at Boots ’n’ Chains, our primary hangout. We’ve informed our employees to be extra careful and keep their eyes open.” His pacing continued. “As you know I’ve put a man on duty to watch Jennifer. He doesn’t know the details about her and HP, her and you, her and anything. He doesn’t need to know anything more than to protect her.”

Nathan let his breath out slowly.

“I’m telling you this because it means you
don’t
take more time off work, this means you
don’t
prowl around her workplace running yourself down mentally and physically. And you
don’t
go off seeking out Tanner on your own.” He orbited the table again. “You’re of no use to her if you make yourself sick and vulnerable.”

“I’m not going to—”

“Really?” Evan’s voice sliced through the air like the lashes of a flogger to land on Nathan’s words. “Are you going to keep taking time off, booking sick days to follow her everywhere, keeping her safe while endangering yourself from a lack of sleep or food? Because from where I’m standing, that looks like a great way to get yourself hurt or worse when this man comes at you, and we both know that’s coming.” He locked eyes with Nathan. “You owe her your best. You know that.”

Nathan shifted in his expensive leather seat, feeling the words dig in. “So you brought me here to what, chew me out like I forgot to put the toilet seat down? You could have let Wendy do it over the phone. No need to pull me in from the parking lot.”

He resisted the urge to snap at the man.

He’s doing what he thinks is best for the company. For Jen. For me.

I may not agree with it but I have to respect it.

“No.” Evan sat down. “That was the official notice from me as co-owner of Hooded Pleasures. Now I’m going to talk to you as a fellow submissive, man to man.” He reached out and stroked the smooth dark wood. “What do you want from Jennifer? From this relationship? Right here, right now, you need to make up your mind what you are to her, what you want to be.”

“I—” Nathan frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“You told Wendy you’re in this for the long game, but I don’t think you’ve thought that far. Jen wants to keep working because she won’t let this monster dictate her actions. That’s good for her, but what are you going to do when she continues being exactly who she is?” Evan scowled. “Don’t tell me it didn’t grind your guts seeing Charles. Not because he was hurt, but because he was one of hers.” He leaned in. “If I sent you to go meet Jake, go talk to him, would you be comfortable? Or would you feel like you’d been punched in the gut?”

Nathan swallowed hard, feeling his armor begin to flake off. “That’s not important right now.”

“No, it isn’t. Right now, Jen’s the priority, and we agree on that. But neither Jen nor Wendy knows how it feels, how it felt for you to go talk to Charles.” Evan touched his right temple. “They can’t understand. As subs, we want to think about how to serve them, how to show off our strength and how much we love our women. But now all you can think about, all you can see is her with Charles. Her with Jake.” He paused. “Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me I’m full of it. Tell me you’re not mentally grinding your teeth together at the images flooding your mind’s eye of her with them, doing to them what she does to you. And know she’s going to go to Jake when it’s his turn in the rotation and you’ll be sitting outside in the car guarding her, waiting for her to come back out and leave him just as she leaves you every week.”

Nathan’s chest felt too tight, as if someone had put him in a vise and was slowly tightening it.

Jen. With Jake.

Nathan had no idea what the man looked like, but it was easy to substitute a generic image.

Flogging him, tying him to a St. Andrew’s cross, working him over with the paddle—

The nausea flooded his system and forced him to swallow hard.

Nathan shook his head. “That’s not important right now. I need to make sure she’s safe before I think about anything else.”

“True.” Evan leaned forward. “But when you’re punching out Lucas Tanner’s lights, are you going to be doing it for her or for you? And will it make a difference if she goes back to working with her other clients or quits HP altogether, leaving you high and dry?”

A pulsing pain started behind Nathan’s left eye, pulling at his thoughts. “What does that matter now? I don’t need to decide right now.”

“Yes. Yes, you do,” Evan continued, seemingly oblivious to Nathan’s discomfort. “How this situation ends will decide your future as a submissive. And I don’t want you to continue on without thinking about the possibilities. Even if you save her, you might not save yourself. Are you ready for that? Continuing to share her with other men when you’ve done so much for her, gone so far outside the rules?” He locked eyes with Nathan. “Are you ready to win the battle but lose the war?”

Nathan stood, the headache threatening to steal his vision. “Shut up. I don’t need to listen to this. I don’t have time to listen to this.” He turned toward the door. “I’ll do what I have to do and figure it out later.”

He flung the door open without waiting for a response.

The nausea threatened to overwhelm him as Nathan strode down the hall and back out past the receptionist who wisely stayed silent.

The elevator was there waiting for him.

Nathan waited until the doors closed before leaning against the door, the mental battle raging inside his mind.

No.

I can’t think about this now.

I have to do my job.

He bit the inside of his cheek as the elevator settled on the ground floor.

I can’t think about her with Charles or Jake or anyone else.

I don’t want to.

Chapter Fifteen

The morning sunbeams dodged through the narrow slits between the buildings, illuminating the front of the clinic.

“Good night.” Colleen yawned as she scribbled her signature on the pages in front of her. “Glad we got Mrs. Klein transferred to Mount Sinai. This close to delivery, she can’t risk being sick. It’s not safe for her or the baby. They’ll keep her on bed rest and monitor her.”

Jen took the forms and shuffled them into a folder for future filing. “I’m glad she threw up outside. I wasn’t keen on mopping the floor.”

“True. Although she scared me a few times. At least her husband was helpful in keeping her calm until the ambulance arrived. Didn’t flinch and kept holding her hand the entire time.” Colleen smiled. “Looked like a good catch. She got lucky with that one.”

“There’s someone out there for everyone,” Jen said as she placed the folder on her desk.

The front door opened, and the tiny bell rang in a fresh arrival.

She looked up, hoping it was Sharon, her daytime replacement.

Of all the days for her to arrive early—

She paused the thought.

It wasn’t.

Nathan stood there, bleary-eyed. For a second, she thought he’d been in a fight, judging from the deep, dark circles under his eyes; then she realized he was struggling from a lack of sleep.

He jammed his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket and walked toward the counter, staring at the floor.

“Nathan,” Jen said.

Her boss looked up and spotted the lone man standing in the lobby. “Oh.” Colleen exhaled the single syllable. “My.” She winked at Jen. “Man like that might convince me to change teams.” She fluttered her hand. “I can hold the fort down here until Sharon arrives. Get going and stay safe.”

“Sure. You be careful.” Jen picked up her purse.

“I’ve got a wife with a mean left hook. I’ll be fine. You go with him,” Colleen said.

Jen walked around the counter. “Are you okay?” She looked past him into the parking lot. “Am
I
okay?”

“Yeah.” The deep, gravelly voice startled her. “Got a PI out there playing security guard until you leave. He’ll be here every night until it’s over.”

“Oh.” She wasn’t sure what to say back.

“Want to have breakfast?” He shifted from one leg to the other. “You’ve got to be hungry.”

“There’s a lovely little diner down on Danforth.” Jen paused, seeing the confusion in his eyes. “How about you follow me there?”

“Okay.” Nathan nodded at Colleen. “Be safe.”

“Don’t worry.” Colleen smiled. “I’ve been briefed. We’re good here.” She waved the pair off. “Go. I’m fine.”

“I’ll be right behind you.” Nathan searched the parking lot before walking out the door.

* * * * *

Jen had found this family-owned restaurant a year ago courtesy of a good review in the local paper. They specialized in breakfast and closed at three in the afternoon, not offering any dinner service.

She waited at the front door for Nathan to finish parking and catch up to her. She couldn’t help looking around, searching for Lucas in the shadows.

No one was there.

Nathan trotted up to her, his heated breath sending clouds into the air. “Let’s get inside before we freeze.”

He held the door open for her as they entered.

The elderly waitress smiled as she led them to a table at the back of the room. Her gray hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and her cheerful smile was contagious. “Our special this morning is chicken fried steak.” She shot Jen a playful wink. “Totally calorie-free. Trust me.”

Jen chuckled as Nathan ordered coffee. Marcy, according to her name tag, retreated to allow them time to look over the choices.

“Wow.” Nathan scanned the menu. “Nothing even remotely healthy here.”

“Nope.” Jen announced with a note of pride. “You want granola and fruit, go elsewhere. I only eat here once a month or so because of the guilt factor.” She put down the menu. “I’m going for the chicken fried steak.”

“There’s no chicken in that at all you know,” Nathan said. “Not a whit.”

“Exactly.” She chuckled. “It’s the crust. And their white sauce is to die for.”

Marcy returned with two cups of coffee, and Jen ordered the daily special. Nathan held up two fingers and smiled, receiving a chuckle and a nod back from the waitress who jotted down something on her notepad and walked away.

As soon as she was far enough away not to overhear them, his expression changed. “We have to talk.”

“What happened?” The words caught in her throat. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes and no.” He reached over and took her hand. “It’s going to be fine. Before I continue, I need you to know that.”

“What happened?” she repeated.

“Someone’s been watching Jake. He didn’t report it, didn’t even know what it was until Evan asked him if anything odd had happened recently.”

“Evan?” Jen frowned. She’d only met the co-owner of HP once and that had been a rushed introduction on the way to a client interview. “When did Evan come into this?”

He released her hand and sat back, a sheepish look on his face. “He called me into the office last night while you were working. I—” He coughed into his hand. “I was in the parking lot when a guy came up, told me to go to the office. He was a private investigator. HP paid him to guard you.” He jabbed a thumb at the diner entrance. “He’s probably out there now, watching us.”

“Oh my God. Is Jake okay?”

She remembered the soft-spoken military veteran who loved her touch and hated the darkness thanks to being captured by insurgents on his last tour. He’d been held for only a few hours, but it’d scarred him forever.

Blindfolds had been on his no-go list.

“Yeah. Guy’s been hiding in the bushes watching Jake. At least that’s what it looks like. It’d make sense, surveying the target.” He cupped the mug with both hands. “My gut tells me it’s Tanner. Question is, what do we do about him?”

Jen shook her head, feeling the frustration being to boil up from inside. “No one’s willing to press charges. And even if they did, it’d be impossible to prove because we’ve got no positive identification from Charles or Jake. A good lawyer would get Tanner freed within a few hours.” She resisted the urge to toss the mug across the room. “I just want to know why he’s doing this to me. What’s his end game? I don’t understand.”

“I don’t get it either,” Nathan admitted. “I don’t know what he wants.” He wadded the paper napkin into a tight ball. He emptied his mug in two swallows and waved at Marcy who came over with the coffee pot. He stayed silent through the refill.

“Your order will be up soon.” The perky woman bounced away.

“What’s wrong?” She watched him closely.

“Nothing.” He shook his head. “I’m fine. Just tired.”

The plates of food arrived, and she dug in, using the meal as a reason to keep from talking.

There was nothing she could say that hadn’t been said before.

Nathan grunted his approval as he worked on the platter-sized piece of steak. “Wow.”

“Yep.” Despite the situation, Jen giggled. “Shoot your cholesterol into the atmosphere, but there’s nothing wrong with treating yourself every now and then.”

“This should have a warning on it.” He waved a loaded fork at her. “And you’re right about the sausage gravy. Although I could probably use this sauce to seal my windows if necessary.”

She stuck her tongue out at him. “Shut up and finish your breakfast.” She pulled at a loose lock of blonde hair and tucked it behind her ear.

“As you wish.” He fell silent and continued to eat.

Jen felt the tension between them, the way he sat and acted. Something had changed, something had warped since she’d seen him last.

What happened?

Was it something Evan said to him?

Does he know something he’s not telling me about?

He reached for the check before she could, his expression leaving no room for negotiation.

“Thank you.” She dabbed at the corners of her mouth with a napkin. “So now what do you want to do?”

Jen wasn’t prepared for the smoldering lust in his stare. “What do you think I want to do?” He rolled his shoulders back and she saw him naked in her mind’s eye, standing strong and proud as he’d done so many times before.

Except this time it was for her, not for Danielle.

She felt her cheeks burn, the sudden rush of desire in her belly startling her. “You need to go home. Get some sleep. You’ve got to go to work tonight.”

“So do you,” he replied. “But we need to talk, and we can’t do it here.” Nathan reached over and took her hand. “Come back to my place. Please.”

She gasped at the heated touch, her heart racing. “It’s not Sunday. It’s not—”

“Come be with me as Jennifer. Not Danielle, never Danielle again.” His voice dropped to a low rumbling, the vibration sending her heart into overdrive. “Come be mine, only mine. Let me take care of you as only I can.”

“I can’t.” The words grated against her soul. “My contract—”

“No.” Nathan jerked his head to one side. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be one of many. I can’t do that. I’ll protect you because I love you but this arrangement is over.” He paused. “I’m going to call and cancel my contract.”

“But—” Her mind was running a thousand miles a minute, juggling words and emotions like a crazed circus clown car. “If you do that, I can’t see you.”

“You can’t see me as a client.” His grip increased. “You can see me as a man. Your man, if you’ll let me.” He swallowed hard. “I’ll see this to the end because I’m a cop and it’s a part of me I can’t deny, can’t turn off. But there’s another part of me that I have to listen to. My heart. And it’s telling me we can’t go back to the way it was before, no matter how this turns out.”

Jen slumped back in her chair.

He’s right.

We crossed that line, and there’s no going back.

“I told Wendy I wasn’t going to let Tanner, or whoever’s doing this, dictate my actions.” She stumbled through the logic, forcing herself down the verbal trail. “I can’t change that right now and make myself a liar.”

“This isn’t about him. This is about you and me. It comes down to a simple question.” Nathan locked eyes with her, the burning gaze scorching her thoughts. “Do you want me or not? If not, then I’ll run this to the end as a cop and do the best by you that I can. But I’ll have to leave, then, because I can’t stand the idea of sharing you with anyone else. Or—”

He paused and she saw the need rising in his expression, the urge to drop to his knees in front of her, in front of everyone if that’s what it took to win her over.

“Let me be yours. Let me be your protector, your safe place to fall. Let me be who I am, what I am for you and you alone.”

She bit her lower lip, using the pain to focus her thoughts. “This isn’t the right time to talk about this. It isn’t—”

“If not now, when?” He swept his hand at the front window of the diner. “You said you won’t change who you are and what you’re doing out of fear. But it’s already changed you, changed us. It’s already happened, and now we’re trying to figure out what road to take.” He dug in the inside pocket of his jacket and came up with a small blue plastic bag, which he placed on the table between them.

Jen didn’t have to open it to know what was inside. She knew the size and shape of the item intimately.

His leather collar.

“I can’t wear this again unless I know I’m the only one who’s going to be yours. I can’t.” He stood suddenly and pulled out his wallet.

“Let me know what you decide. The guard HP put on you is outside. He’ll make sure you get home safe.” Nathan placed the bills on the table. “You were right about this place. Fantastic food—but you can’t eat here too often or you won’t be able to stop.”

He turned and headed for the door.

Jen watched him, her mouth dry.

What the—

Marcy came over. “Everything okay here?” She looked at Nathan’s retreating back. “He seemed in a rush.”

“Everything’s fine.” Jen reached out and curled her fingers around the plastic bag. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

* * * * *

You did it now
, his inner voice screamed.
You totally screwed this up.

He fumbled with the key to his car, trying hard not to glare at the private investigator parked nearby.

Evan was right.

He couldn’t keep on imagining their relationship was the same or could revert back to what it’d been. As soon as she’d given her real name and let him into her life, the equations had changed and there was no reversal possible.

Nathan slid in behind the wheel and jammed the key in the ignition.

Damned good food.

He drove home, feeling the anger seep out of him as if someone had punctured him with a sharp pin. The endorphin rush of staying on watch, mixed with Evan’s observations and the last meeting with Jen had finally eased into mental and physical exhaustion.

It took the last of his energy to pull into his driveway and head up the steps. A fast sweep of the area showed no one out of place, no one waiting to pounce on him.

Good. Given the mood he was in right now, he’d probably kill the son of a bitch and let the courts figure it all out.

He shot the dead bolt home hard and fast, relaxing slightly as the bolt slammed into the thick wood.

Not in my house.

Nathan leaned against the wall, trying to gather the strength to go upstairs to bed.

A knock came at the door.

He hesitated before looking through the peephole.

A metal ring filled the small circle, dark leather behind it.

Nathan let his breath out slowly before opening the door.

Jen stood there, his collar in her right hand.

“May I come in?” she asked.

He took a step to the side and let her pass by.

“Close the door,” Jen ordered. She held up the well-worn leather. “I’m not going anywhere for the next few hours. And neither are you.” She drew a deep breath. “I called HP and quit. They told me they’d keep the PI on me until this is resolved.”

Nathan relocked the door before turning to face her, secure he could keep her safe in here in his sanctuary.