Strong (20 page)

Chapter 26

It is a crystal clear day. The sun is shining and feels warm on our skin, even though the air is still cool. Lake Superior is pristine; there is almost no wind, so it looks like a sea of glass. I can see the outlines of my favorite rocks submerged just below the surface. It smells wonderful and fresh with the delicate new buds of spring. I scan the beautiful surroundings of my favorite bluff, the highest bluff in Michigan, Lover's Lookout.

I am overwhelmed with gratitude to God for what He has done in my life over the past six months.  He brought Chase and me together. He preserved Chase's life through the surgery and afterward. He saved me and healed me after my truck accident. He helped Chase and me to strengthen and solidify our love, and most importantly, to make Him the center of it all.

My dad walks up to the trolley, which actually made the steep climb. He holds out his hand and Marcus takes the other one. They help me to step gracefully down off the last step. Marcus seems to have grown into a young man overnight, looking quite dapper in his tuxedo, and even giving me a hug as I steady myself on the ground. I chuckle as I look down at my shoes, bought with the pennies from Oma's jar.

My mom rushes in to straighten my veil and Fiona takes hold of the train on my gown. Dani carries my flowers. I chose a few classic roses with some of the spring flowers native to the Upper Peninsula – little bits of lily of the valley and even some lilacs.

Chelsea waddles over with her huge belly and she leans in to kiss my cheek affectionately. I touch her belly and feel the baby squirm. They have already decided to name him Chase Michael and he will make his appearance in a month or so. Chelsea disappears around the front of the trolley again to take her place in the procession.

I observe the wedding party, knowing that Chase is keeping himself hidden as best he can behind the gazebo that has been temporarily constructed. Dave is his best man. He is waiting near the gazebo with Mike and Marcus.

Dani is my maid of honor. She hands me my bouquet. The fragrant flowers tickle my fingers. She looks stunning in her scarlet chiffon haltered dress, along with Fiona, Chelsea and Scarlett.

I try to steal another glance at the guests. Who else is here? I catch sight of Oma's white bun.

Chase's parents begin their walk down the aisle. My friends will be next, and then it will be my turn.

We make our way around the side of the trolley. The music begins. I'm fighting to hold back tears and know that I will have to keep them under control or I will never make it through the ceremony. When my bridesmaids have reached the far end of the red carpet, I catch sight of Chase. He is standing on a small area of red carpet, underneath the gazebo. He looks absolutely dashing. I can tell that he is holding back tears as well. I bite my lip to control my own.

There have been so many tears over the past few months. I'm sure I've cried more since December than I had in my whole life up until then. I never thought it was a sign of strength to cry. But in crying and making myself vulnerable, I've learned to find strength in new ways.

Chase still uses his crutches. He worked through the frustration and he is as agile as he was when I first met him. The experimental treatment didn't seem to work as well as he had hoped; at least not yet. But he has made his peace with the outcome. His legs may improve and they may not. But he is still the strongest person I've ever known.

Either way, he is grateful to be alive.

And I
am grateful to be moments away from becoming his wife.

When my dad takes my arm to lead me down the aisle and give me away, I find that all the tears are gone. When I reach Chase, he gazes at me with new-found love and respect.

“You're so beautiful,” he whispers. He shakes my father's hand, takes my arm and turns toward the pastor.

We sneak little glances at each other throughout the ceremony. I can't keep my eyes off of him, but I know I have to pay attention. I feel like a little kid again. 

When it's time to say our vows, I absorb every single word he says to me. I look him directly in the eyes so that he knows I mean every single vow as well:

To have and to hold,

From this day forward,

I will love you and honor you,

For better or for worse,

For richer or for poorer,

In sickness and in health,

Until death do us part.

When we seal our vows with a kiss, our guests explode into applause so loud that it echoes over Lake Superior.

We board the trolley together to make the trek back down to the Westchester. I stand on the ramp with Chase as Sam draws us up. I can't keep myself from kissing him. I'm sure our families will have to pry me away when we arrive at our reception.

The Westchester ballroom is small, but several sets of french doors open out to a massive balcony.  A billowy white tent is set up on the balcony to offer more space. It's a perfect arrangement since none of us knew what to expect for the weather in early May. It's a gorgeous day, so the doors are all open to the tent, and the space doubles in size.

After dinner, Chase and I make the traditional rounds to each guest table, to greet them and thank them for coming. We start with his family. Oma greets me with a huge welcome-to-the-family hug. “Now you have babies,” she says in her blunt way. I laugh and think,
I can't wait to get started
. I show her the shoes I picked out with her pennies.

Dr. Nichols hugs me so tight I almost lose my breath.  “Welcome to the family, Kate.”  He leaves a kiss on my cheek and tears in my eyes.

Chase never ceases to amaze me. The DJ introduces the wedding party, and then Chase and I have our first dance. We didn't practice.  I just trust him.

He slides one of his crutches up to his elbow and wraps his arm around my waist. He pulls me close with one arm and balances himself – and us – with the other.

It doesn't matter that the song we chose isn't particularly slow. It's our song. And we dance to it.
He even sings along with a few lines, telling me that I make him strong. I'm sure the boys in One Direction would be proud if they knew how meaningful this song is to us.

We celebrate for hours with our family and friends, and yes, even Dr. Carbondale, who made the drive all the way from Madison. After several dances, Chase leads me out to the balcony to show me something I hadn't noticed yet. He rented two telescopes for guests to do some stargazing.

After celebrating into the night, we excuse ourselves.  I am overwhelmed that the moment has finally come when we don't have to say good-bye anymore.

Our wedding night is absolutely worth the wait.

Epilogue

I'm lying in bed, trying to get as comfortable as possible, hoping to drift off quickly. Exhaustion has been the status quo for the past several months. It takes a lot of effort to haul around the extra 50 lbs. that have been added to my petite frame over the past nine months. Two babies, lots of cheeseburgers, and a ton of water weight.

Yes,
two
babies. It didn't take long for Chase and I to discover that we had no problem conceiving.  We found out we were expecting shortly after our first anniversary.

I roll my gigantic belly over to the side and try to adjust myself so that my back, knees and hips don't hurt. This is not an easy task since everything is weighed down by our babies.

Chase reaches over to rub my back for a few minutes. “Can't sleep again, hey?”

“Never,” I respond wearily.

After 10 or 15 minutes of desperately failing to get comfortable, I hoist myself out of bed and lumber to the bathroom.

Even using the toilet is an ordeal at this stage of the game. Once I've positioned myself accurately, I have a bizarre sensation and then I feel a giant gush. I remain seated for several minutes, trying to process what has happened.

Oh, my. This is the real thing.

My water broke.

I'm not quite sure how to put myself back together enough to make it back to the bedroom. Thankfully, Chase's robe is hanging on the back of the bathroom door. I strip off my pajamas and throw on the robe in order to hobble back to the bedroom.

Chase is still awake. “Everything okay?”

“Well, no,” I laugh nervously. “My water just broke.”

I've never seen him move so fast.

“Slow down, Baby,” I laugh at his clumsiness as he scrambles for his crutches and then his clothes. “These babies are going to take their time, I think. You know what the doctor said about my first time in labor. I haven't even had a contraction yet.”

That fact changes as Chase and I descend the stairs in our house. I stop on the third step and groan with the discomfort. The pain definitely feels different than all the little cramps and tightening sensations I've had for the past several weeks. The contraction lasts only a few seconds; I laugh as it subsides. The look on Chase's face is priceless – something between confusion, happiness and terror.

“It's fine,” I reassure him. “It was a small one, but I'm pretty sure it was real.”

I fully expect to go through many hours of labor. I've heard every horror story about endless labors and hours of pushing for hours to deliver first babies. I also fully expect to feel every single bit of it. There is no way I'm getting a needle shoved into my back after watching what Chase went through. I realize that spinal surgery is much different than a simple epidural, but I'm not taking any chances. These babies will hopefully arrive within a day. I can endure anything for a day. I survived when Chase almost died, so I'm pretty sure I can survive anything.

I have a few more contractions on the way to the hospital, short and strong enough to make me whimper. Chase reaches over to rub my arm, my hand, my back or whatever he can reach. I laugh and tell him to keep his hands on the wheel. But in my head, I'm rehearsing the breathing patterns that we've learned in our childbirth classes. I'm not going to admit it to Chase, but the first few contractions have been far more intense than I expected. And I'm pretty sure they're not very far apart.

Chase stops in front of the emergency entrance at U of M Hospital. He races around to my side of the car. He swings the door open and I grab his wrist, “Baby, look at me.” He locks onto me with those beautiful coppery eyes. “Please be careful. I can't have you falling and breaking a leg while I'm in labor. This hospital visit is about these babies, not
you
escaping to a hospital bed and watching cable TV while I bring our children into this world!”

His face lightens and he laughs into the kiss he places on my lips. “
You
are going to do great,” he assures me.

The ER transport has already arrived with a wheelchair for me to climb into. They direct Chase to the parking area, which he already knows. He started medical school at the University of Michigan in the fall, and he has familiarized himself with the hospital quite well.

We moved to Ann Arbor last summer for Chase to study medicine at the University of Michigan.  He has done quite well so far, but it will definitely be a challenge to see him through medical school, especially now that we will have children.

I was able to take one semester of classes and get my Associates Degree at nearby Eastern University. But now that the babies are coming, I will take some time off from my career pursuits in order to be mom. We are blessed that Chase’s settlement money from the accident will help us during this tight financial time.

The contractions have remained regular since we left the house. So much for our doctor's admonitions about labor beginning slowly. This one is wasting no time becoming honest-to-goodness labor.

Chase finds me mid-contraction. I'm beginning to pant and his eyes become wide. Once it subsides, he says what has been on my mind for the past hour, “This is really happening, isn't it?”

Dr. Kilgard joins us shortly afterward, and she wastes no time in checking my dilation. With a hint of surprise in her voice, she reports that I'm already at 5 cm. “Things might move faster than we expected.” She smiles reassuringly. But suddenly, I don't feel very reassured. Instead, I feel a bit of panic. So far, the contractions have been manageable, but they have admittedly gotten more intense since we arrived at the hospital.

“It's not uncommon for labor to kick in pretty fast when your water breaks. I'll be checking on you regularly, so just do your best to relax and get ready to meet your babies.” Dr. Kilgard exits the room and I look at Chase with the newly realized fear in my eyes.

“I'm scared.”

Chase nuzzles my face with his and strokes my hair. “You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you,” he whispers. He is still leaning in when the next contraction begins. I grab his arm hard and start to squeeze – hard – because this one is the most intense one yet.

He props himself next to the bed, freeing at least one hand from his crutches so that he can be available to me. After several more intense contractions, and a growing red mark on Chase's arm, I begin to worry about him.

“You can sit down for a bit if you need to,” I tell him. “I'll be okay. I don't want you to get too tired out.” He moves to grab his crutch and thinks twice when I grab his arm one more time. This contraction has me moaning, and when it's over, I can tell he doesn't want to leave my side.  But I convince him I'll be fine. “It's not like you're leaving me. You'll be just over there.” I motion to the chair across the room.

I manage to control my noise during the next several contractions. At first Chase can't keep his eyes off me, and I can tell he tenses up every time another one hits. But eventually, he leans back and relaxes. He even manages to doze off a bit, which is fine with me. I know that I can't take a break, but if he's able to re-energize for a bit, then he will be more ready to help me when I really need it.

I breathe through an hour of contractions, or maybe two hours. I waffle between watching the clock and trying to find something else in the room to distract me. The TV remote comes into view, so I switch on the TV and lower the volume. Nurses come in and out, offer me popsicles and ice chips, and encourage me repeatedly, telling me I'm doing “a great job.” I'm sure they have to say that to everyone, even if their heads are spinning around and they're screaming profanities.

After more contractions than I can count, I'm sure things are moving along. I'm no longer successful at keeping my noise down as I pant, moan and even grunt through the contractions. Just when I'm starting to get really irritated with Chase for sleeping so long, he wakes up and joins me.

A few more rounds of groaning and pulling out chunks of Chase's arm hair, I'm ready to be done.

“I'm getting so tired,” I tell him. “How long is this going to last?”

“I don't know, Katie. I wish I could do it for you. I hate seeing you like this.”  He strokes my cheek and whispers, “Keep up the good work, babe. You're so strong. You can do it!”

I have no time to respond to his sweetness because the next contraction barges in and stays far too long. I pass the moaning and groaning stage and head straight into crying out in pain. One contraction subsides and another comes along way too fast. The nurse had given me a small pan in case I felt the need to vomit. With the next contraction, I grab the pan just in time.

“Chase,” I whimper. “I just want to be done.”

“I know, Katie, I know. You are so heroic. It will be over soon, just keep it up, okay? You're doing great.” He starts to stroke my hair again, but I fling his arm away as the next contraction begins. I vomit again and the nurse switches out my pan for a clean one.

“You're handling this so well,” she encourages me.

Oh, shut up!
I think.

As the next contraction takes over, I'm crying out while yelling for Chase to find the TV remote.  “Turn the stupid thing off! Turn it off!” I scream.

I barely notice, but a flurry of activity takes over the room. I see a nurse switching on bright lights on two tiny warming tables. Dr. Kilgard is back to check my progress and reports that I am almost ready to push. I hope she will tell me when I should start because I'm so ready to give up right. now.

Then she doesn't even need to tell me. I start to feel intense pressure and I know I'm ready. Dr. Kilgard tells me very carefully how to push, touching me, telling me where to focus my energy. With the next contraction, I give it my all and end up screaming in the process. I scream through three or four more rounds of pushing when Dr. Kilgard tells me that the first baby is almost here.

I cry with relief. I have just enough courage to push with all my might on the next contraction, and our baby girl enters the world. They hand her to me and Chase leans over with tears streaming down his face.  He strokes her tiny head, and cries softly next to me.

I have a few minutes to relax and adore my baby before another contraction starts. It's not huge, but the nurses take the baby to the warming table so that I can receive the next one in my arms.

The next contraction makes up for the minor one that preceded it, and I'm screaming again. I'm pushing with everything I've got, but it doesn't seem to be happening as fast as the first one.  After several pushes and what feels like no progress, I'm sobbing. “Why won't this baby come out?”

In a very brief moment between contractions, I hear the tiny cries of our little girl being cleaned up by the nurses. She gives me just enough courage to face the next contraction. And the next. And the next. Finally, Dr. Kilgard tells me that Baby #2 is almost out. I give one more gigantic, screaming push and our son is born.

More tears follow from both of us as our baby boy is placed on my chest. Shortly, he is whisked away to be cleaned up and they bring our little girl back. Chase and I are besides ourselves, weeping and sobbing uncontrollably. His face is so close to mine as we marvel at our sweet baby. His tears are mingling with mine and streaming down both of our faces.

“
Chase, we have two babies! We have a son and a daughter. We have
two
!”

Chase leans in close to my face and kisses me through all of his tears. “You did it, Katie! I'm so proud of you.”

I
can't believe I did it. Even more, I can't believe these two perfect little babies that are going to call me “Mommy.”

And they're going to call Chase “Daddy.”

I'm enthralled as I watch Chase enter the adventure of fatherhood while studying his tail off in med school
and
offering me the new mom support I need. It's not the first time he has amazed me, and I'm sure it won't be the last.

I have come to believe that Chase Nichols can do anything he puts his mind to. 

And so can I.

With God's strength.

[Fluffer Nutter]