Stuck in the Middle With You: A Memoir of Parenting in Three Genders

ALSO BY JENNIFER FINNEY BOYLAN

STORIES

Remind Me to Murder You Later

NOVELS

The Planets

The Constellations

Getting In

MEMOIR

She’s Not There: A Life in Two Genders

I’m Looking Through You: Growing Up Haunted

YOUNG ADULT

Falcon Quinn and the Black Mirror

Falcon Quinn and the Crimson Vapor

ANTHOLOGIES

It Gets Better
(D
AN
S
AVAGE &
T
ERRY
M
ILLER
,
EDS
.)

The Book of Dads
(B
EN
G
EORGE
,
ED
.)

Love Is a Four-Letter Word
(M
ICHAEL
T
AECKENS
,
ED
.)

How Beautiful the Ordinary: Twelve Stories of Identity
(M
ICHAEL
C
ART
,
ED
.)

Kings and Queens: Queers at the Prom
(D
AVID
B
OYER
,
ED
.)

Sexual Metamorphosis
(J
ONATHAN
A
MES
,
ED
.)

Truth and Dare: Love, Life, and Falling on Your Face
(L
IZ
M
ILES
,
ED
.)

This author is available for select readings and lectures. To inquire about a possible appearance, please contact the Random House Speakers Bureau at
[email protected]
or (212) 572-2013.

http://www.rhspeakers.com/

Copyright © 2013 by Jennifer Finney Boylan

All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by Crown Publishers, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.
www.crownpublishing.com

CROWN and the Crown colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

Portions of this book first appeared, in different form, in the
New York Times
and on
Slate.com
. Portions of “Jupiter” were commissioned by the Richard Hugo House and were first performed at Town Hall in Seattle.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Boylan, Jennifer Finney, 1958–
Stuck in the middle with you : parenthood in three genders a memoir / by Jennifer Finney Boylan; and featuring conversations with Richard Russo, Trey Ellis, Augusten Burroughs, Edward Albee, Timothy Kreider, Ann Beattie, Susan Minot & other parents and former children; with an afterword by Anna Quindlen.
1. Boylan, Jennifer Finney, 1958—Family.   2. Novelists, American—20th century—Biography.   3. English teachers—United States—Biography.   4. Male-to-female transsexuals—Family relationships—United States.   5. Parents—United States—Interviews.   6. Children—United States—Interviews.   7. Gender identity—United States. 8. Families—United States.   I. Title.
PS3552.O914Z478 20013
818′.5403—dc23           2012025579

eISBN: 978-0-307-95284-4

Jacket design by Christopher Brand
Frontispiece photograph: © Heather Perry
Photograph,
this page
: Courtesy of the author

v3.1_r1

FOR DEIRDRE

[
BRIGHT STAR
]

AND

ZACH AND SEAN

[
SONS FOR THE HOUSE OF FRANKENSTEIN
]

The Boylans in Maine, summer 2012
.

Cover

Other Books by This Author

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

C
AVEAT
E
MPTOR

Epigraph

I.    DADDY

R
ED
C
ARD

T
HE
P
LOVER
’
S
E
GG

I’
M
A
WAKE
. I’
M
A
WAKE
.

TIME OUT I: CONVERSATIONS
WITH
FATHERS
AND
SONS

R
ICHARD
R
USSO

R
ALPH
J
AMES
S
AVARESE

T
REY
E
LLIS

A
UGUSTEN
B
URROUGHS

II.   MADDY

T
HAT
’
LL
T
EACH
’
EM A
L
ESSON

T
HE
O
RPHAN
G
IRL

T
HE
G
RIFFIN

TIME OUT II: CONVERSATIONS
WITH
WAIFS
AND
ANGELS

E
DWARD
A
LBEE

B
ARBARA
S
PIEGEL

T
IMOTHY
K
REIDER

III.  MOMMY

T
HE
J
UMBLE

T
HE
M
UFFLE
V
OICE

I’
LL
G
IVE
Y
OU
S
OMETHING TO
C
RY
A
BOUT

I
N THE
H
ALL OF THE
M
OUNTAIN
K
ING

TIME OUT III: CONVERSATIONS
WITH
MOTHERS
AND
DAUGHTERS

C
HRISTINE
M
C
G
INN

A
NN
B
EATTIE

V
ERONICA
G
ERHARDF

S
USAN
M
INOT

POSTLUDE: A
NTI
-V
ENOM

AFTERWORD: S
AME
M
ONKEYS
, D
IFFERENT
B
ARREL

A CONVERSATION
WITH
JENNIFER
AND
DEIRDRE BOYLAN
BY
A
NNA
Q
UINDLEN

R
ESOURCES

A
CKNOWLEDGMENTS

About the Author

I
T IS NOW
customary for literary memoirs to begin with a little note in which the author analyzes the egregiousness of her various fabrications. While I hope my sins are venial, a full disclaimer for this book, along with a realm of other entertaining material, may be found at
www.jenniferboylan.net
. There’s a contact tab there as well, for readers who want to write.