Studying Boys (19 page)

"What happened with Rand last night?"

Rand? Wow. It felt like an eternity had passed since then. I picked up a stick and began picking the bark off it. "We had a difference of opinion."

"I'd like to hear about it."

He didn't demand. He didn't judge. He simply asked nicely, and that was one of things I liked about him. He respected me, and he showed it. I angled my head so I could look at him, but he was staring across the lake. His face was lit by the moon, so his skin was a bluish, grayish, glowing color. "Why do you want to know?"

"Because."

Because he liked me and wanted to know whether Rand was out of the picture? I could only hope. On the chance my wish might come true, it was worth it to tell Tad what had happened. "He wanted to kiss me, and I didn't want to."

His neck tensed, but he still didn't look at me. "Why not?"

"Um ..." I chewed my lower lip while I tried to figure out how to explain something I wasn't sure I even understood.

"I thought you liked him." Tad still didn't look at me.

"I did. Or I thought I did." I'd been wrong.

"What changed?" He stole a sideways glance at me, then focused on the horizon again.

I rubbed my chin. "I'm not sure. I guess... well... I'm tired of people ditching me."

"What makes you think he would have ditched you?"

I rolled my eyes. "Give me a break. I'm the queen of short relationships. I look for that kind of guy, and Rand is the perfect specimen. No attention span, which is exactly what I wanted."

Tad finally gave up the pretense of not listening and turned to look at me. "So, if he's perfect, why'd you dunk him? Playing hard to get?"

"No." I pursed my lips. "I'm just sick of being ditched. I don't want to play that game anymore." There. I'd said it. I'd put the truth out there. And you know what? It wasn't so hard, and it didn't feel so scary.

We were quiet for a moment, letting my confession linger in the night.

"Who ditched you?" Tad finally asked.

I hugged my knees to my chest. "My dad."

He made a noise of sympathy. "What happened? Divorce?"

"Well, yeah, but that's not the problem. He took off for California, and I haven't spent very much time with him in six years. I was supposed to go out and stay with him for the summer and get to know the woman he's going to marry, but then he called the night before I was supposed to leave and disinvited me." I bit my lip. Jerk.

Tad sighed. "That sucks."

I couldn't help but laugh at his emphatic tone. "I know." Then I sobered. "Most people think it's cool that I have no parental supervision. My friends tell me all the time how lucky I am that my mom is never home and no one cares if I stay out all night."

"It has its advantages," Tad said. "But it sucks to be ditched by your parents." He paused, then gently elbowed me. "You want parental supervision? Then come hang at my house." He grinned. "My family loves you."

Warmth settled in my belly. "Really?" I mean, that made me feel great that his family loved me, because they were amazing… but what about him? How did he feel about me?

"Yep. You heard them. My mom already has you on her list of potential superstars that she has to mold into greatness.”

Greatness? There was the possibility of greatness in my future? I remembered how excited Tad's mom had been about my voice, and how awesome that had felt. "Maybe I will come over to your place."

He nodded… and then I wasn't sure what to say next. It was just him, just me, sitting side by side on a towel in our bathing suits. Moonlight on the lake, a warm breeze, wet hair. It was completely romantic, and I suddenly wanted him to kiss me. Not some older guy. Not some college kid. I wanted Tad, so much it actually kind of hurt. So... what now?

Tad cleared his throat. "Ready to head up to camp?"

Oh… disappointment surged through me. I'd been thinking about kissing him, and he'd been thinking that it was time to go back? "Sure." I tried not to sound bummed.

Tad hopped down and took my hand to help me jump off, but then he let go once I was on the ground. He walked me to my tent, then sort of stood there for a minute. "So, um, tomorrow we head back."

Yeah… to the farm. "Back to real life."

He nodded. "Back to carrots and tomatoes."

My stomach turned to sludge at the thought. What if he returned to the old Tad? "Tad?"

He was watching me closely. "What?"

"Are you going to be mean again on Monday?"

He lifted a brow. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, you were pretty impatient with me when we were at work. Nothing like how you've been up here." Gah. How pathetic did I sound? I was a major loser. As if whether Tad was nice or not could affect me. But it did. I wanted him to keep being like this.

His hand went toward my arm, but he dropped it before he actually touched me. "I thought you were different from how you really are. I misjudged you."

I relaxed a little bit. That wasn't exactly an apology, but it was close. "You did?"

He nodded. "We'll be cool."

Cool? What did that mean? Why didn't he just grab me and kiss me and tell me he was so glad I wasn't interested in Rand because he couldn't live without me?

He touched my shoulder. "See you in the morning.

"In the morning." Yeah, that was so romantic.

Then he turned away and walked off to his tent. Gave me a little wave, then disappeared through the flaps.

Never had I wanted a boy to kiss me more, and never had I felt more at a loss for how to let him know. Or maybe he did know, and he didn't care. Or maybe he did know and the thought repulsed him. Was there any chance that he did want to kiss me and didn't have the courage?

For the first time in my life, I needed my friends' advice on boys. Badly.

It's Natalie's turn now!

I leaned over and rested my chin on Matt's shoulder, trying to support him. He might be only my fake boyfriend, but I wasn't about to leave him dangling in front of my friends. They thought we were really going out, and I had to treat Matt the way he'd deserve to be treated if he was really my boyfriend. Matt was already uncomfortable with the fake boyfriend thing, and I'd made it worse by making him come out with my friends.

Matt glanced at me, which meant his face was about a quarter of an inch from mine, seeing as how I was still using his shoulder for a pillow. I'd meant it as an expression of solidarity, but now I was sort of enjoying it. It felt good. I don't know why, but it did. So I smiled at him.

He smiled back. Nice teeth. Hadn't realized how white and straight they were. "Did you have braces?" I asked.

"Nope."

"Lucky dog." I'd just gotten my braces off about six months ago. It was so great not to be carrying around a wad of wax anymore.

"I agree," Tad said.

We both looked at Tad. Had Matt also forgotten there were others at the table?

Tad was nodding, and rubbing Allie's shoulder. "I like that Allie and I have stuff to talk about besides running." He smiled at her. "I'm glad you come to my meets, though."

She grinned back. "I know enough to realize that when you win it's a good thing."

He smiled at her "You've figured out a lot more than that. I appreciate it."

Ugh. Sickening.

I tried to catch Matt's gaze to trade vomit expressions, but he was staring at Tad and Allie with a wistful look on his face that caught my gut and wrenched it. Was he thinking of his real girlfriend? Missing her? Wishing she was around so he could whisper sweet little things into her ear?

Suddenly, seeing Tad being so sweet with Allie didn't make me nauseous. It made me sad. I wanted that, too. I really did. And being with Matt, who was dating someone else (even if she did live in London), made me realize exactly how alone I was really was.

"Hey, Natalie."

My head whipped up so fast I thought my neck was going to snap. Zach was standing at the end of the table, between Tad and Matt. OMG. "Hi."

Matt twisted around to check out Zach, then he shot me a questioning look.

Great. So he remembered that I had a crush on Zach. I wasn't sure whether that was a good thing or a horrible thing. I couldn't really think, my heart was beating so fast. Zach looked totally cute in a pair of ripped jeans and a loose T-shirt. I could see his biceps peeking out from under his sleeves—those wiry, ripped muscles that runners had.

Matt snorted under his breath and put his arm across the back of my chair. Now he does it? Did he think he was helping my cause or something?

Zach's eyes flickered over Matt's arm, then up to his face. "So, you're the boyfriend?"

"Yep."

Never heard Matt acknowledge the fake boyfriend status so emphatically. Interesting.

"How long have you guys been dating?" Zach asked

"Long enough," Matt said. His arm slipped off the back of my chair and rested on my shoulders.

Long enough for what?

Zach looked at me. "Doesn't sound like it to me. Nat and I had fun at the party last night."

OMG. He'd totally made it sound like we'd been up to something.

Matt's arm tightened around my shoulders. "You mean the team thing?"

Zach winked at me. "Yeah, the team thing." His emphasis on the word team made it totally dear that it hadn't been a team thing at all.

Matt's fingers were digging into my shoulder so hard it almost hurt. Yes, he wasn't my boyfriend in real life, but if he was, this would be a horrible thing to do to him. To me. To both of us. "We didn't, I mean, nothing happened, I mean, it was just a team thing," I stuttered, not liking all the hostile looks from my friends. "I didn't do anything, I swear—"

"We have an extra seat at our table, Natalie," Zach interrupted. "It would be nice to do some team bonding before the race. Talk strategy. It'll be good for you."

He wanted me to join him for dinner? Wow. But I looked at Matt's tight face, and I felt terrible. I couldn't do that to him, but the thought of turning down Zach's invite was awful. What if I never got another one?

"She's fine here." Allie's voice was like ice. Frigid. "We're perfectly capable of prepping her for the race. Her boyfriend is her best inspiration."

Zach shrugged and smiled at me again. "If you change your mind, we're right over there." He pointed to a big booth in the corner, filled with a few other kids from the team. All seniors.

"Um ... okay," I said. "Thanks for the invite. Maybe another time," I added hopefully.

"Good-bye," Allie said pointedly.

Zach gave me a final smile that curled my toes, then he glided away from the table. Was he cool or what?

"What a complete scumbag," Allie spat out.

Tad nodded. "No kidding." He nodded at Matt. "I think you better plan on showing up at Natalie's meet tomorrow. He's making a move on Nat."

He was? Really?

Allie must have read the expression on my face. "Of course he was! He was hitting on you in front of your boyfriend! As if Matt wasn't even there." She shook her head. "Disgusting. I hope he breaks an ankle in the race tomorrow. "

"Allie!" Okay, I could admit that Zach had been kind of a jerk, but he was our best runner. His ankles were off limits to evil thoughts.

Tad was looking at me. "What team party last night?" He shot Matt a look of sympathy.

"Nothing happened with him," I blurted out. "He just made it sound that way." I looked at Matt. "I swear, Matt. He told me it was for team people only and then when I showed up all these other people were there...." My voice faded as I recalled Zach had told me that no one else was allowed so I wouldn't bring my boyfriend. "I didn't realize it was a party, and I swear nothing happened. A bunch of us watched a movie, and that was it." Sure, we weren't actually dating, but I didn't want Matt or anyone else at the table to think I'd cheat on him.

I wasn't like that, but more importantly, Matt deserved better than that.

Matt stared at me for a long time. "I don't enjoy being jerked around."

"I know that! I didn't do anything! I swear it!"

His gaze flicked toward Zach, who was watching us with a smug look on his face while Val leaned against him. "I don't like him enough to let him think he's better than me."

"He already does," Tad said. "Look at that expression on his face. He gives runners a bad name."

Matt locked his gaze on mine. "I have my pride."

I swallowed at the intense look on his face. Matt might be a brainiac, but there was nothing wimpy about the look on his face right now. He was pissed, and he was insulted. In fact, he looked completely tough and sexy, and I suddenly would have bet on him instead of Zach, if they were to meet for a duel at dawn with pistols.

"Is Zach still watching?" Matt asked, not taking his gaze off me.

I glanced at the table. "Yeah." Still sporting that smug look on his face too. Even though he was totally cute, it really did make him look like a jerk.