Stunned (The Lucidites Book 2) (31 page)

“I don’t know. It was all so confusing. I was trying to protect the team, guard them and I…”

“Were you possessed by an emotion?” Trey asks.

“No,” I say. “How I felt was within me.”

“And how did you feel?” Aiden asks.

I ignore him. “I wasn’t under hypnosis. I know that much.”

“I believe you,” Trey says gently. “Just tell me anything that you think will help. Anything that was odd, against your usual way.”

“Well…” I say slowly. “I was aware of the draw. Felt petrified in a weird way. I knew Chase was dangerous and also when my best opportunities were to attack him.”

“Did you attack him?” Trey asks.

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t want to hurt him,” I say too fast.

“Why didn’t you want to hurt him?” Trey asks, sensitivity in his voice, one I suddenly trust.

“Because I love him.” With a force that sends my head back my hand slams over my mouth. Astonishment stretches my eyes wide. I can’t believe the words I’ve just said. Meant. Faces mirror mine. A sea of surprise.
Bang. Bang. Bang
. A hammer beats in my chest, driving a sharp nail into my heart. “Wait, no!” I say, shaking my head forcefully. “I don’t feel that way. I don’t know where that came from.”

“Oh, fuck!” Aiden buries his head in his hands, clawing at his hair. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” he says, slapping his hands against his head with each profanity. “
Now
we know why Chase wanted the emotional embedder.”

Chapter Forty

“N
o! I’m not in love with Chase! I misspoke. I didn’t mean what I said. I don’t love him,” I say.

“Of course you don’t,” Trey says, stepping closer to me, the delicate therapist tone back in his voice. “You’ve been embedded. None of this is your fault. Chase is just trying to use you.”

A trespassing I never thought possible rips through my consciousness. Nothing I know feels real anymore. “No. No. No,” I say between hyperventilated breaths.

“Relax,” Trey says, pressing his hands down, like he’s trying to suppress my hysteria. “Chase wants you for some reason, but it’s all right. Calm down. We’ll figure it out.”

“No, this isn’t all right,” I say, stifling tears.
Did I just profess love I didn’t know I had for a psychopath? In front of everyone in this room?
“This isn’t happening. This has to be a mistake. He must have been testing the emotional modifier on me. I’m not the reason he wanted it.” The words I’ve threaded together out of desperation actually melt away some of the fear.
Yes, I’m a part of the experiment. Not the reason. Again, just a pawn.

Trey shakes his head. “After everything the team has told me I must disagree. Chase is calculated. He doesn’t experiment.”

I hadn’t said the word
experiment
out loud. Masking my paranoia I study Trey, who’s regarding me with a new intensity.
Did he read my thoughts?
Damn, nothing is sacred anymore.

“It still doesn’t make sense,” Joseph says, breaking the staring contest between Trey and me. “Why would Chase go to all this trouble to make Stark love him?”

“Exactly. Thank you, Joseph.” I exhale, relieved to finally have an ally. “Chase didn’t even know about me until I entered the Grotte. There’s no way I’m a part of whatever evil plan he’s working toward.”

Trey’s already shaking his head before I’m done speaking. “He’s known about you for quite some time.” His hands glide through his hair once. Twice. Three times. It looks as though he’s trying to comb something foreign out of the silver strands. “I never saw this coming, but maybe I should have.”

“What?!” I say, bolting upright, a stitch assaulting my side. Joseph lays a cautious hand on me, but I swat it away. “What does that mean? How could he…And why should you have seen—”

Trey holds up his hand, cutting me off. He swings around to Ren. “I want you on this right now and full-time. Find out as much as you can and report back immediately.”

Ren stretches his arms overhead, letting out a giant yawn. “Right-o,” he says with zero enthusiasm before trotting out of the infirmary.

“What are you keeping from me?!” I demand. “Tell me what’s going on!”

“Roya,” Trey says, his voice five octaves under mine. “I’m sure this is nothing for you to be concerned with. We really need to find out more information and once we do you’ll be the first to know.” He sounds like he’s trying to talk me off of the ledge of a building. “This probably is a misunderstanding. Let’s have Ren look into it before we worry unnecessarily.” Everything about his demeanor has shifted, going from erratic to suddenly collected. My guess is he’s in cover-up mode. Telling lies must put him at ease. “Now go ahead and finish telling me what else happened in the Grotte.”

I regard him for a long minute, unconcerned for the nervous shuffling around the room. It grows with intensity as each silent second ticks by. Trey stays locked on my narrowed eyes. One minute he says he’s certain Chase is after me and the next he says it’s probably all a misunderstanding. Maybe Trey doesn’t think I’m coherent enough to keep up with his incongruities, but he’s wrong. Joseph prods me, but I don’t take my angry eyes off Trey. I want him to know I can’t be fooled. I want the room to know he’s hiding something.

“What happened next is that I stabbed Pearl,” Samara says in a tortured voice.

Shuman places a large hand on her shoulder. “You did the right thing. It was not the easy choice, but it was the right one. Soon you will see this.”

“Do not blame yourself for what you had to do,” Trey says, the artificial smoothness back in his voice. “Samara, the Head Officials, including Mae, support the decision you made. If you hadn’t taken Pearl’s life then I’m one hundred percent sure that you all would be dead, with the exception of Roya.”

When it’s been quiet for a little while I finally nod at Joseph. He describes when the osprey swooped in and attacked Chase.

Shuman tilts her head, a new curiosity in her eyes. “When did you learn you had a spirit animal?”

“I’ve known for a while now,” he says nonchalantly. “In the Grotte, Chase was about to turn Roya into a vampire and much like she described her emotions takin’ over to create the wind, well, that’s what happened to me. When the osprey soared into the cave I knew he was there to do my bidding. I told him to attack Chase and peck his pretty little eyes out.”

“Thanks,” I say, looking at Joseph.

He fires his finger at me like a gun. “Hey, I was afraid that I wasn’t pulling my weight in this fight. I’m glad I could save the day.”

“After that there isn’t much left to tell,” I say. “We rescued Aiden, sent the team back and then Amber showed up. I guess I killed her, but it was kill or be killed and so…” I shrug indifferently, exchanging a quick look with Samara. “Then I used the modifier to throw off Allouette, who was approaching and—”

“
You
used the modifier?” Aiden asks in disbelief.

I scowl at him. “Yes, I was trying to buy some time.”

“Interesting,” he says, repressing a smile.

“I also used it when we got to the Grotte…so we could save you. Is that interesting too?”

“Oh, yes, terribly,” he says, a perfect example of professionalism. “And thank you.”

“What was the message you embedded in Allouette?” Trey asks.

“That I was dead,” I say coldly, finally lifting my eyes from Aiden’s. “It was just supposed to buy me some time to dream travel. I knew as soon as she arrived that she’d figure out it was a lie.”

Trey actually smiles. “That’s perfect! It might have worked!”

“What?” I look at him, confused.

“Yeah, Allouette might believe you’re dead now,” Aiden says, a new enthusiasm in his words.

I shake my head. “But once she got to the room she’d find out I wasn’t there and it was untrue.”

Aiden sits up a bit straighter. “Not necessarily. You might have traveled at the time of death, which was almost what happened.”

“Well, I don’t see much why it matters what she thinks now,” I say.

“Because she’ll tell Chase and this could buy us some time before he figures out that it’s false,” Trey says. “If he’s instigated this whole thing so he can use the emotional modifier on you then we need as much time as possible to prepare.”

“He hasn’t,” I say, frustration overloaded in my tone.

“I believe he has, Roya,” Trey says decisively. “And your denial will only prevent you from battling anything he’s attempting to do to you. The sooner you come to terms with what has happened to your emotions the sooner you can take back control, which is especially important before he has the emotional modifier perfected.” He turns his attention to Aiden. “Are there strategies Roya could use to resist the programming from the emotional modifier?”

Aiden still looks half crazed. He pulls his hand from his hair, which is more chaotic than usual. “Quite possibly. Without knowing how competent his device is I’m uncertain of the effectiveness of any strategies.”

“It’s better than nothing,” Trey says, rounding back in my direction. “I want you working with Aiden on this.”

Yes, of course I should have seen
that
coming. Nothing would be more humiliating than having Aiden help me identify ways to resist loving a madman.

“Sir,” George says. “Since I was involved with the creation of the project I might be able to help as well.”

Wait
…Now
that’s
more humiliating.

“Thanks, George,” Trey says. “Roya, until we get to the bottom of this Chase situation I don’t want you to dream travel alone. The Institute has been released once more to dream travel freely, but I only want you to do this when you’re with someone else.” He hesitates, remorse briefly flicking through his eyes. “This is merely a cautionary measure for the time being. I’m sure it won’t last.”

I nod reluctantly.

“Thank you all for sharing these events with me,” Trey says to the group, and then he trudges out of the infirmary without another word.

“Well, that was uncomfortable,” Joseph says, nudging me over in my bed so he can lie down next to me. Everyone’s filing out of the room or turning their attention to smaller conversations. “You couldn’t make your disdain for Trey any more apparent unless you actually called him an asshole in front of everyone.”

“I would never call him that. Maybe a tyrannical, deceptive jerk.”

“What’s your deal? Why you hate him so much?”

“I don’t hate him. I just don’t like liars and people who get into my head without my permission.”

“It seems to me he’s probably hiding somethin’, but I don’t sense that he’s lying about Chase.”

“He’s one of those who lies through omission. That’s still considered deceptive in my opinion.” I stare at the exit, thinking over the last few minutes. “I’m glad that you sensed he was withholding information too. I want to know why.”

“Maybe he was right and he doesn’t wanna worry until there’s somethin’ more concrete.”

“Hmmm…maybe,” I ruminate. “You know, Joseph, this bed really isn’t built for two.” I try to recapture some of the blankets he’s tugged in his direction.

“Oh, I bet Anders would disagree,” Joseph says, giving George a sly grin.

George pretends not to hear him as he marches back to the showers.

“If I wasn’t afraid of pulling another stitch I’d punch you in the face again,” I say, suppressing a laugh.

“Sad that you can say ‘again.’ It’s rude to hit your family. Didn’t anyone ever teach you that, Stark?”

“Yeah, well, didn’t anyone ever tell you that it’s rude to not tell someone they’re your long-lost twin?”

“You know, oddly enough, that one never came up during bible study,” Joseph says, edging me farther over on the bed.

“Seriously, if you push me over any more, I’m gonna fall out of this bed.” I elbow him in the ribs. “You’re going to feel awful then.”

“I won’t feel that bad.”

“I’ll make sure you do,” I say, the threat laden in my tone.

“So how’s it being stuck between these two?” He motions to the empty beds on either side of mine. Aiden’s on the far side of the infirmary, deep in conversation with Shuman.

“They’re fine, I guess. I’ve mostly been sleeping.”

He rolls his eyes. “I didn’t mean your current sleeping arrangements. You forget so soon that I witnessed the whole sending George back to the Institute followed by the steamy reunion with Aiden.”

I avert his eyes. “Things are complicated.”

“To say the very least.” He whistles through his teeth. “You got some luck, don’t cha? Having to be stationed between your two secret love interests for the next week, that’s brutal.”

“Yeah, I’m fairly certain my whole life is just comedic entertainment for God.”

“If it makes you feel better you do a fantastic job of pretending you don’t care about either of them when others are around.”

“Honestly, I don’t think anything makes me feel better right now. I’m in love with three different guys. One I want. One I don’t. And another I can’t have.” For the first time since I arrived back at the Institute I let the regret and heartbreak billow out of me. A single tear peeks from the corner of my eye. I press it away with a fingertip. “I’m grateful Aiden is back and George will recover, but now…”

“You have to make a decision,” Joseph says, leaning his head on my shoulder. “Kind of sad that you thought one of you wouldn’t survive to this point and therefore the decision wouldn’t have to be made.”

I squeeze my eyes shut, pressing against a pain this conversation has uncorked. As long as I’m imprisoned between these two beds I can’t feel these emotions. They’ll have to wait.

“So how come my spirit animal is a freaking peacock and you get the majestic osprey?”

“Whatever,” Joseph says, snuggling in closer to me. “You control the wind, and can resist being hypnotized literally to death, and also fight like Bruce Lee. I think even with my majestic osprey, I still got the short end of the genetic stick.”

I smile, enjoying the moment. It feels so good to know that Joseph is safe and acting like his old self. I lay there snuggled up with him and realize that he’s the only person in the world who I think I feel this comfortable with.