Submissive Seductions (16 page)

For the first time in the four months that we’d been together, I truly wondered if that was the case. I’d never tested it. Not really.

Master Gareth frowned. “I’m pausing things. Are you okay, Liz?”

Such a simple question, with a very complicated answer. “I honestly don’t know.”

He sat down beside me on the bed. “You’ve been off for days now. Weeks even. I’d been hoping that you would talk to me on your own. I wanted to give you space. But now I’m asking. What’s wrong? And please don’t tell me nothing.”

It shouldn’t seem natural for me to be sitting naked beside him on his bed while he was fully clothed, but it was. I took his hand in mine, lacing our fingers. We didn’t do this, hold hands. We didn’t do a lot of things that typical couples did, and maybe that was the problem.

“I think I need a break.” As soon as I said the words I felt sick.

Gareth tensed. “From us?”

“No, God no. Just from . . . kink. I think. I’m not sure.”

He nodded and gave my hand a squeeze. “It’s the Caldwell case, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I feel stupid because I never had any concerns about this when we first started. But every time I turn on the radio or the news it’s there, in my face. People telling me that I’m a freak, or that my brain is screwed up, or that you’re abusing me and I’m too dumb to notice. It’s all anyone talks about at work. I can’t say anything. If I agree with them, I’m lying. If I argue, then I risk my job.”

I should say the rest, that I was scared that the basis of our relationship was faulty, but I just couldn’t.

Gareth was normally a man who didn’t react impulsively. I think it had to do with his academic leanings, his ability to look at a problem from different angles and find a way to deal with them. His quiet contemplation didn’t unnerve me. If anything, at least I knew he was taking my concerns seriously and not simply brushing them off.

“If you have doubts about what we’re doing, then I can’t in good conscience continue.” I couldn’t help but hear the sad note in his voice. “If you don’t trust me completely, then this is done.”

Shit, it felt as though we were breaking up. “I don’t want to lose you.”

He smiled and patted my hand. “Me either.”

“So, what do we do now?”

“You tell me.” He looked me in the eyes. “As of this minute I’m not your Dom anymore. You need to tell me what you want.”

The back of my throat tightened and it suddenly became difficult to breathe. “I want you. I want us to be a normal couple. Go on dates, have regular sex. Be together.”

“Ah.” He looked away. “Normal.”

“You’ve done normal before. You told me you enjoyed it.”

“I did.”

We didn’t say anything for several minutes. I was terrified that this was it between us, but I also knew that I couldn’t continue on with the kink, not with how I was currently feeling. If Gareth was unwilling to try the normal thing, then there was a chance that this really was it for us.

He stood up but didn’t let go of my hand. “I’m willing to do that.”

Relief swept through me and I couldn’t hold back my sigh. “Oh, good.”

“But I think we should call it a night. I need time to think.”

The last thing I wanted to do was leave him alone, but he’d done me the favor of trying this for me, it was the least I could do. “Sure. But can I see you tomorrow?”

“Maybe. Probably. I’ll call you.”

He didn’t look at me as I got dressed, but neither did he leave me alone. I felt like shit for doing this to him, causing him this internal turmoil. When I pulled my socks on and was finally dressed, I put my hands on my hips. “Maybe I’m overreacting. I’m being stupid.”

“No, you have concerns and they need to be addressed. In a way I’m surprised you haven’t had some doubts before now.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s fine.”

It really wasn’t, but that’s where I’d put us.

He walked me to the door and waited for me to get dressed. Before he opened the door, I leaned up and kissed him hard on the mouth. “Okay. Call me.”

“Yeah, tomorrow.”

I took transit home and managed to keep my shit together until I got into my place. I was greeted with the sounds of Connie’s and Stephen’s moans coming from her bedroom. That was the last straw for me. With tears streaming down my face I raced into my room, quietly shut the door, and fell onto my bed. I fell asleep at some point, my cheek pressed to my tear-soaked pillow.

CHAPTER 15

I was on pins and needles the next day. The last thing I wanted was to make matters worse by reaching out to Gareth before he was ready. He’d told me that he’d get in touch, so I’d have to trust that he’d do that.

Instead of pining by my phone, I took to cleaning the apartment. By the time Connie got up, I’d already scrubbed the kitchen and bathroom and had moved on to organizing the pile of DVDs and books that we’d shoved into the far corner of the living room.

“Holy shit, what’s wrong?” Connie looked around, shocked. “You never clean. Like, ever.”

“I just had the urge this morning. Go with it.”

“Baby, I’ve known you forever. You
never
get the urge to clean. Just doesn’t happen. Even Stephen doubts you’re capable.”

I sighed and dropped my chin to my chest. “I kind of freaked out on Gareth last night and told him that I wasn’t sure I could do the kink thing anymore.”

“You
what?
”

“Don’t yell at me.”

“I’m not yelling!”

“Yes, you are.”

“Sorry.” Connie made her way over to the couch and fell onto it with a groan. “What happened?”

I gave her a quick rundown of what happened, ignoring her when she’d swear. “I know, I screwed up.”

“No, you didn’t. Not really. If you weren’t comfortable, then you were right to stop.” She leaned forward. “Do you think he’ll call?”

I’d spent the better part of the morning wondering the same thing. “I hope so.”

“Stephen’s asleep, but I can wake him up and have him call Gareth for you—”

“God, no. He asked for space and I’ll give it to him. I owe him that much.”

There was a knock on the front door that had us both looking. My heart began to pound when Connie got up to answer it. I couldn’t tell you how, but I knew it was Gareth on the other side. When she opened up and invited him in, I had to force myself to my feet. Dread is such a melodramatic word, and yet, that was exactly how I felt when I laid eyes on him.

He wasn’t smiling. He also wasn’t dressed the way he normally would be on the weekend. His jeans were baggy and faded, worn through in various spots. It wasn’t a store-bought distressed look either. These suckers were old. His light gray T-shirt wasn’t much better. He didn’t look like himself.

“Where the hell did you find those?” I struggled to my feet, ignoring the pins and needles in my legs. “Is that a ball cap?”

He looked down at it and frowned. “Yes. What’s wrong with it?”

“I’ve never seen you wear one. In nearly half a year.”

He shrugged. “I actually own more than one.”

“Okay.” Connie clapped her hands together. “This is awkward. So, I’m going to take some Pop-Tarts into the bedroom and hide there until you leave and it’s safe to come back out.” She spun around and did exactly that.

Oh, Connie.

Gareth cleared his throat. “I was thinking that maybe today we could spend some time together. Do some boring normal stuff for a bit. If you’re up for it?”

I don’t think his words registered at first. In my heart I’d been expecting him to break up with me, cut the ties that would hold him back from doing something that he loved. I had to shake my head to make sure that I wasn’t imagining things.

“Really?”

“I’m not a beast, Liz. I’m a normal guy and can do normal things.” The steel that once laced his voice was gone. In its place was a quality that I couldn’t put my finger on. Regret? Detachment? No, not that. Something else.

“I never claimed you were.” I crossed the room to stand in front of him. There were so many ways things could have gone between us. This was the one option that I’d hoped for but hadn’t believed would happen. “Let me grab my coat and purse and we can head out.”

This time he smiled, and for the first time since last night I saw a sparkle in his eyes. “Good. It was hard, but I managed not to plan the entire day. Just some ideas.”

“I have a few, too.”

“We’ll do yours first.”

Knowing him the way that I did, it was hard for him to give up all control. That wasn’t what I wanted either. Still, we had to start somewhere on our journey to “normal.”

“Okay. First stop is for coffee. I slept like ass and need a hit.”

By the time noon rolled around, I was more than able to declare our experiment a failure. We’d walked around downtown Toronto, ducked in and out of stores as we ran some of the errands that I’d been putting off all week. We’d had lunch, though the decision-making process to figure out where we were going to go was excruciating. Gareth wouldn’t tell me anything, make any decisions. I don’t think he was doing it to be frustrating, he just simply didn’t know how to act when he wasn’t supposed to be in charge.

By the time dinner rolled around, the prospect of going to another restaurant had lost its appeal. I texted Connie to see if she was going to be at the apartment.

“What now?” Gareth was holding my bags with my purchases in them.

“Well, Connie and Stephen are going to the club tonight. That means the apartment is empty. I was thinking I could make you dinner. As a thank you for today. We could watch something on Netflix if you want.”

“Sounds good.”

I don’t know if I thought he’d say no, but once he’d agreed the knots in the back of my neck loosened slightly. “Awesome. I have some stuff in the fridge that I can make into a decent meal. Unless you want to get takeout instead?”

Gareth chuckled. “Let’s not go through that again. Whatever you want to make is good.”

For the first time all day, the tension between us lessened. That feeling continued until we reached my place, where we dumped my purchases on the couch and I proceeded to make us some pasta. Gareth took control of finding us a movie to watch as we ate and by the time I brought our plates out, a bottle of wine tucked beneath my arm, our evening was ready.

“That smells great.” He smiled as he shoveled in the food. “I found us a movie. Action thing.”

He wasn’t a big fan of action movies, preferring more art-house fare, but I loved them. “Cool. We can watch something different afterward.”

The meal was consumed in silence and before the movie was even thirty minutes in, we were leaning together on the couch, his arm around my shoulder. It was comfortable. Easy. Something that we really hadn’t done much of since we’d gotten together.

I wasn’t completely convinced that I liked it.

Still, since this whole day was the result of my freak-out, the least I could do was see it through to the end. I snuggled in close and placed my hand on his chest just above his heart. The movie droned on, but I’d lost interest. I was more concerned with getting into Gareth’s pants. Our aborted attempt at sex last night had left me more than a little hot and bothered, something that I hoped we’d be able to address now. Without taking my eyes off the television, I slid my hand down the front of his body to the waist of his jeans. He hadn’t bothered with a belt, which made the task of sliding my hand beneath much easier.

“Liz?” His voice echoed in my head. “What are you doing?”

“Just go with it.”

While there were a lot of things that I hoped might be different between us, our mutual love of blow jobs—me giving, him receiving—wasn’t one of them. While a car exploded in the background, I gripped his hardening cock in one hand while I worked the front of his jeans open with the other. He lifted his hips while I pulled his jeans down, positioning myself on the floor between his thighs.

I licked up his cock, humming as I went. “You smell good.”

“Showered.”

“So considerate.” I sucked the head of his cock into my mouth. “Have I told you that I really enjoy the taste of you?”

“Once or twice.” His hands found their way to my head. “You’re good at this.”

“I know.” I took him all the way down my throat, all the way to the back.

My mouth watered as I worked it up and down his shaft. His balls were already tight and I knew he was as turned on as I was. When I didn’t think he could take anymore, I pulled back and got to my feet. “I think we should move this to the bedroom.”

The television was off and Gareth was behind me, encouraging me along before I could blink. Once we shut the door, I turned on my lamp, giving us just enough light to see. “That will do.”

“Strip.” The command came from him in such a natural way that I nearly complied.

Instead, I turned to look at him. “No, not tonight.”

He frowned. “What do you mean?”

“No telling me what to do. This is—”

“Right. Normal sex. Habit.”

He genuinely looked sorry. It was cute. “It’s all good. Why don’t we both get naked and then have some fun?”

We watched one another as we removed our clothing. Normally Gareth was always at least partially dressed when we’d get together. It was a pleasant and highly arousing change to see him totally naked. His cock was fully hard now, a beautiful sight in the dim light. My pussy was wet and I was more than ready for him to take me.

The only problem was, I didn’t know how best to move forward. Sex wasn’t something that I’d had to think about beyond doing what Gareth asked of me for . . . four months now. Not that I’d forgotten what I’d done with other men before him, it just didn’t seem as exciting.

I lay on the bed, shifting around so my head was on the pillows. With my legs spread wide, I beckoned in closer. “I think a little reciprocation might be in order.”

Gareth was a talented man when it came to all things sex. Going down on me was no different from anything else. With his face stern and his gaze locked on my pussy, he moved into position so his mouth hovered above my clit. The rush of his breath had me shivering, knowing that some relief from the tension of the past two days would finally come to an end.

The first touch of his tongue against my swollen clit pulled a moan from me. He parted my nether lips with his thumbs as he suckled the nub. He wasn’t gentle, but nowhere near as rough as he’d been in previous times. The steady lapping and suckling of my clit was pleasant, but I wasn’t feeling that building intensity that would normally wash over me.

“Harder,” I whispered as I tugged at his hair. “More.”

He did as I asked, sucking harder, teasing me with his tongue and lips. On and on he went and slowly my body began to climb toward the release that had escaped me to this point. My body tensed and I squeezed my eyes hard, trying to concentrate on the feeling of pleasure, needing it to build.

Gareth lifted his head and replaced his mouth with his fingers in my pussy. “Relax. You’re trying too hard.”

“I’m not.”

“You are. Just go with it. If you trust me I’ll be sure to get you there.”

He began to pump his fingers in and out of me. It was the same rhythm that he’d used back in his office. I let my mind drift back to that memory, pulling up as many of the details as I could manage. The sting of his hand as it connected with my ass. How exciting it was to be having sex in his office, a place where anyone could have interrupted. How much it hurt when he’d used the wooden ruler on me. The pain mixed with pleasure as my sensitive skin pressed against the wood of his desk when he licked my pussy.

Yeah, that was it. What I needed.

“That’s it, baby. Just let go.” He curled his fingers up and pressed against my G-spot.

He matched the flicks of his tongue with the movement of his hand. He turned his hand slightly so his thumb teased my clit just below where his mouth connected. I groaned and bucked my hips in an attempt to match his rhythm.

I was almost there. So fucking close that I could taste my orgasm. My body tensed as my muscles shook from the strain. I tried to grab hold of the sensation, to follow it to that magical place where I desperately wanted to go. The minute I did, the pleasure plateaued before reaching the peak. And in an instant it faded away.

“Fuck.” I banged my head back against the pillow.

Gareth pressed his cheek against the inside of my thigh, kissing the skin gently. “You’re too tense. If you don’t relax, you’ll never come.”

“I know.” Propping my body up with my forearms, I looked down at him. Shit, he looked disappointed. “I think I just need to feel you inside me.”

“You’re lucky I carry condoms on me now.” His little smile had me relaxing. “Let me grab one.”

I took advantage of his brief absence to refocus. I was clearly overly excited, something that hadn’t happened to me in a long time. I mean, it used to happen quite frequently with some of my other boyfriends when we were having sex, but this was the first time with Gareth.

A few deep breaths and I was able to slow my heartbeat.

Okay, so I was definitely freaking out a bit here. He was right that I would never come if I just didn’t let my mind go and enjoy this. He’d climb on top of me, and I knew the feel of his naked body against mine would be awesome.