Sugar and Spice (8 page)

I didn’t want to be a remnant! At the beginning of term I might have been desperate enough, but now there was Shay, as well as Karina, and I didn’t feel quite so alone. I wasn’t sure whether I could actually call Shay my friend, but she always chose to sit next to me, and sometimes she hung out with us in the playground (much to Karina’s disgust). I don’t know if she was jealous, or what, but she really didn’t like Shay.

She used to hiss at me, like an angry snake. “Look at her! She’s coming over – she’s going to tag on to us. Get rid of her! Tell her to go away, we don’t want her!”

I might have said, “Tell her yourself,” but I didn’t, just in case she took me up on it. I didn’t want Shay to
go away, I liked having her around – it made me feel safe and protected. I knew that all the time Shay was there, nobody would pick on me. Maybe after a bit, if I stopped showing off and sticking my hand up and being too much of a smart mouth, school might almost become bearable. Well, that’s what I liked to think.

That weekend I helped Mum round the flat and played with Sammy and watched some television and didn’t do any homework at all. Mum never said anything, like, “Don’t you have any homework to do?” She never asked me about school; she was too busy working and looking after Dad. Dad sometimes asked me. He’d say, “How’s school, then?” but I don’t think he really wanted me to tell him. I usually just said, “’s OK,” and left it at that.

I never saw Karina out of school. I could have done, cos she didn’t live all that far away, but we weren’t real proper friends. Not like me and Millie had been, or me and Mariam. I bumped into Mariam that weekend, when I went up the corner shop to get Dad’s paper. We almost never spoke at school, but if we met outside we’d stop and chat. Mariam told me that her mum and dad were sending her away to live with her auntie. I said, “Oh, that’s awful! Why are they doing that?” I mean, I love my aunties, all three of them, but I couldn’t bear not to be with my mum and dad. I’d even miss Sammy and the Terrible Two!

I was all ready to sympathise, when Mariam said she was glad she was going to live with her auntie because it meant she wouldn’t have to go to Parkfield any more. She said she’d be going to a much nicer school where there weren’t any gangs and she wouldn’t be bullied. I hadn’t realised that she’d been bullied. I told her about Brett Thomas chucking my lunch across the playground, and the two Js calling me names, and she said that she hadn’t realised that, either.

“If we’d all stuck together,” I said, “it would’ve been all right.”

Mariam told me that she’d only joined a gang because they’d threatened her.

“They said if I didn’t join them I’d be one of the enemy…they said bad things would happen to me.”

She promised that she’d call round when she came home for the half-term break, and we wished each other good luck. I went on my way feeling really depressed, even though I was happy for Mariam that she was going to a nicer school. She was such a sweet, gentle person.

Not like me, always muttering cross things and frightening my poor little brother and yelling at my sisters. I’d never heard Mariam yell, and I really hated the thought of her being bullied all this time and me knowing nothing about it. I did envy her, though, getting away from Krapfilled High.

On Monday, we had some of our homework back from the week before. I don’t think Mr Abrahams even noticed that I hadn’t done my French, but Mrs Winslow seemed a bit upset about not having any biology from me. She said, “I’m surprised at you. Ruth! What happened?” I mumbled something about my brother going and ruining my picture of the intestines and she said that was a pity but she really would like me to try and do it.

“It seems such a shame when your work is so good!”

Karina jabbed me with her elbow and pulled down the corners of her mouth. She herself had stuck the printed drawing into her biology book, like Mum had suggested I should do.

At the bottom Mrs Winslow had written, “This is not what I asked for.” But she didn’t suggest that Karina should do it again.

Next day, Mr Kirk handed back our essays on “My Family”. I waited with bated breath to hear whether he’d read out what I’d written. I
wanted
him to read it out, to show people that I wasn’t being a goody-goody any more. But he didn’t! He didn’t even comment. Not out loud. He commented on all the other essays that people had written. (
Some
people. A few people. There were only about ten.)

“Karina, I do think it would be rather nice if you were to consult a dictionary occasionally. All this fancy spelling makes it rather difficult to interpret. Or were you attempting a foreign language?”

“English,” said Karina. (She has
no
sense of humour.)

“Really? Well, you had me fooled!” said Mr Kirk. “Shayanne…Your mother is a vampire and your father is the Invisible Man. Yes! Well. What can one say?” He
tossed a wodge of pages on to Shay’s desk. I stared at them in amazement. Shay’s writing was very big and black and angry-looking. It was so big she hardly got more than about six words on a page. “Next time, perhaps, you might try using up a few less trees.”

Shay said, “It all comes from sustainable sources.”

“That may be, but the school still has to pay for the paper, so just concentrate on being a bit more economical.
Ruth.”
He held out my one page; I took it. “This is disappointing. Please don’t do it again.”

That was all he said. I felt my cheeks burn just as fiercely as they had last week when he’d read out about the moon being a banana and the flocks of sheep. I felt so ashamed! Karina instantly slewed round in her desk and hissed, “Did you see what she wrote?
My family is so boring I can’t think of anything to write about them!
”

She didn’t impress anyone; the two Js just stared, stonily. And Shay was frowning. She was looking really ferocious. What was she so angry about? Who was she so angry
with?
I thought at first it was with Mr Kirk, because of what he’d said about using up less trees, but Shay never cared a fig what anyone said, least of all teachers. It was me! I was the one she was angry with! She was glaring at me like daggers might suddenly come shooting out of her eyes and make straight for me.

I said, “W-what’s the matter?”

“You,” said Shay. “You’re what’s the matter!”

I said, “W-why? What have I done?”

“You know what you’ve done!”

I said, “What, what?”

Shay said that we’d “talk later”. She said, “You’ve gotta get a hold of yourself…you can’t carry on like this.”

I just hadn’t the faintest idea what she was talking about.

As soon as we got into the playground at break, Shay grabbed hold of me.

“OK! Time to talk.”

“Bout what?” said Karina.

“Nothing to do with you! This is between me an’ Ruth.”

Karina tossed her head. “So what are you waiting for? Talk!”

“Excuse me,” said Shay, “it happens to be private.”

“Why?” I could see that Karina was working herself
up into a fit of jealousy. I could sort of understand it. Shay was a bit…well! In your face, I suppose. “What’s private about it?”

“None of your business,” said Shay.

Karina stuck out her lower lip.

She could be really stubborn! Also, she’s quite thick-skinned, like she was obviously determined to stay even though Shay had made it as plain as could be that she wasn’t wanted. I’d rush off immediately if I thought I wasn’t wanted; I’d be too ashamed to hang around. But Karina wouldn’t budge for anyone.

“It’s rude to have secrets,” she said.

“Yeah? Well, it’s rude to pry into other people’s business. Just go away!”

“Won’t!”

“You’d better,” said Shay.

Karina gave a little swagger. “Or what?”

“You’ll regret it, is what!”

Karina said, “Huh!” but I could tell she was starting to have second thoughts. “I could go and join Amie’s lot,” she said, “if I wanted.”

“So join!” snapped Shay.

“I will, if you’re not careful.” Karina looked at me as she said it. “Is that what you want? You want me to go and join Amie’s lot?”

I was beginning to feel a bit desperate. I didn’t know what all this was about! “I’m sure we won’t be long,” I said. “Will we?” I turned, hopefully, to Shay, who still had hold of me. “We won’t be long?”

“Dunno,” said Shay. “Depends.” She glared at Karina. “If some people would just let us get on with it —”

“Oh, don’t worry! I’m going,” said Karina. “I wouldn’t stay here if you went on your bended knees and begged me!” And she flounced off across the playground to where Amie Phillips and her cronies were standing in a little huddle.

I wondered whether I’d mind if Karina joined them. I couldn’t decide. I was too busy worrying about Shay and what she wanted to talk to me about. Why was she being so fierce? And what was so private?

“Right!” She gave me a little push. “What was all that with your homework?”

Stupidly, I said, “W-what homework?”

“Yeah, well, this is it,” said Shay. “
What
homework? You never did any, did you?”

“I d-did my English,” I said.

“One line! Call that an essay?”

“I couldn’t think what else to write!”

Shay snorted. “Expect me to believe that? After all that you wrote last week? Moon’s a banana and all that stuff?”

I hung my head, ashamed. “That was just stupid.”

“It wasn’t stupid, you mongo! It was clever. That’s why he read it out.”

“But I don’t want him to read things out!”

“Why not?”

I mumbled, “Cos it makes people hate me.”

“What
people
?” Shay’s voice was full of scorn. “These people?” She waved a contemptuous hand at all the various groups and huddles in the playground. “Call that lot
people
? They’re just mindless blobs!”

They might have been just mindless blobs, but they still called me names and made fun of me. And what did it matter to Shay, anyhow? I hadn’t noticed her being so brilliant, what with calling her mum a vampire and using up all that great wodge of paper with hardly anything written on it. She hadn’t even bothered to do her French, or draw the intestines.

I said this to her and she snarled, “We’re not talking about me, we’re talking about you!”

“But what does it matter?” I cried. “Nobody cares! What’s the point?”

“I’ll
tell
you—” Shay stabbed a finger into my breast bone “—what the
point
is.” Jab, stab. “The
point
 —”

I went, “Ow! Stop it!” She was really hurting me.

“Well, then, just shut up,” said Shay, “and listen!”

I said, “I’m listening.”

“Right, then! You’ve got a brain. Yeah?”

I nodded, humbly. I knew I had a
bit
of brain, cos
Mrs Henson had told me so. Mrs Henson had said, if I worked hard enough I could pass exams, I could get to uni, I could be a doctor.

“So if you’ve got a brain, why not use it!” bellowed Shay.

I shrivelled. I did wish she wouldn’t shout quite so loud.

“You want to end up like that lot?” Again, she waved a hand about the playground. “You wanna be pushed around for the rest of your life? Cos that’s what’ll happen. You let ’em get to you an’ you’ll be just another gawker like all the rest of ’em. Probably end up working in Tesco’s.”

I bristled at that. “What’s wrong with working in Tesco’s?” I wasn’t going to tell her that my mum worked there.

“There isn’t anything wrong with it,” said Shay, “if that’s what you wanna do.”

“Well, maybe it is,” I said.

“Yeah, and maybe it isn’t,” said Shay.

She had some nerve! “I don’t see why you’re going on at me,” I muttered. “What about you?”

“Doesn’t matter about me! I can look after myself. Don’t see anyone pushing me around, do you?”

Humbly, I shook my head.

“So that’s the difference between us. Yeah? It’s why I can get away with it and you can’t.”

I thought, get away with what? But I sort of knew what she meant. Shay did her own thing, no matter what anyone said. When I tried doing my own thing, everyone jumped on me. What I couldn’t work out was why it bothered her. Why should she care if I ended up in Tesco’s? Why should I care, if it came to that? Mum was happy there. She had all her girlfriends, and they laughed and had fun. Of course it wasn’t the same as being a doctor, but that was just a daydream.

“Oi!” Shay poked at me again with her finger. “You listening?”

I said, “Yes!”

“So you gonna do what I tell you?”

I sighed. “I s’ppose so.”

“You better had!” said Shay.

I went back into class that day wondering how I felt about Shay bullying and bossing me. I decided that I didn’t really mind. Which was strange, in a way, cos as a rule I get a bit stroppy if anyone tries telling me what to do, like with Millie and Mariam we never laid down rules or bossed one another. We got on really well! But with Shay it was like she’d set herself up as my own personal bodyguard. My minder! So long as I did what she told me, I’d be safe. I know it was a bit wimpish of me, but it did feel good to have someone on my side for once.

As soon as we were sitting at our desks, Karina turned to me and hissed, “What was all that about?”

I said, “Oh! Nothing, really. Just homework.”

“What d’you mean, just homework?”

I smiled; a bit shamefaced. “Shay says I ought to do it.”

“Why?” Karina’s eyes narrowed to slits. “What’s it got to do with her? I thought you were going to stop all the goody-goody boffin stuff?”

I said, “Y-yes. Well – maybe. I don’t know!” I felt like a puppet, being jerked about in all different directions. “It’s difficult,” I said.

“You’re just
weak,”
said Karina. Fortunately everyone else was yelling at the top of their voice, so no one but me could hear her. “You just let her push you around! Don’t blame
me
when everyone turns against you. I could join Amie’s lot tomorrow, if I wanted. It’s what I’ll do,” she said. “I will! I’ll tell Amie we’re not together any more.”

We never had been together; not really. All the same, I hate upsetting people and I didn’t want Karina to feel like I’d driven her away. I whispered, “I’ll do my
homework but I won’t write stuff that’s going to be read out.”

“You’d just better
not,”
said Karina.

“Well, I won’t,” I said. “Least, I’ll try not to.”

I added that bit to myself, very low, so Karina couldn’t hear. I wasn’t sure, if Mr Kirk set us an essay on something really interesting, that I’d be able to stop myself. Sometimes when I start writing I get, like, carried away, and that’s when the flocks of sheep start appearing, and moons start turning into bananas.

There wasn’t any problem with that night’s homework cos all we’d had to do for Mr Kirk was read ten pages of
The Diary of Anne Frank,
and I’d already done that. I’d not only read ten pages, I’d read the whole book. I’d sat up in bed and finished it by torchlight, while the Terrible Two grunted and groaned and snuffled in their sleep. It was so funny in places, and so sad in others, that I couldn’t tear myself away from it.