Sugar Dust (18 page)

The next pause lasted longer than Karen expected. “And?”

“I hurt her.”

“So?”

“No, I
really
hurt her.” Dan didn’t look away from the floor, but his shoulders trembled. He gripped his knees until the knuckles turned white. “I had her tied over the bed. Ropes. She had a ball gag. She wanted me to whip her.”

Watching him shake like that, Karen realized that she wasn’t ready to hear this story. Her own body chilled. Her mind raced through different ways to make him stop talking but words refused to leave her mouth.

“I couldn’t hear her use the safe word, if she did at all. I have no idea. But she didn’t signal me either. She let me keep whipping her. I didn’t know what I was doing, nothing about danger zones or soft spots, I just hit her over and over.”

Nausea boiled through her stomach. She pressed one hand to her midriff. “Dan—”

“She passed out. I didn’t realize. Some other guy had to tell me she wasn’t moving and then it took half an hour to wake her up.”

Karen bit her lip until it bled. Silence filled the room.

In the distance, as though from another world, voices of other visitors to the club floated through the walls. In one of the rooms nearby a woman screamed in accompaniment to loud, rhythmic pounding against the walls.

Dan took a deep breath. “We woke her up. I apologized. But she laughed. Said it was the best time of her life. She told me she’d never been so wet or so horny in her life and that the whole thing was perfect. But later that night I saw the marks. She’s still got scars, did you see?
I
did that. That was me.”

Karen thought back to the crisscrossing network of raised scars on Beth’s shoulders and chest. Her knees wobbled and she leaned against the wall. “Shit.”

“It was awful. I kept trying to say sorry, but she
liked
it. She loved the idea that I’d marked her forever. She wanted me to do it again in a place where the scars would be visible for everyone to see.”

Though she hated to ask, Karen knew she had to. “Did you?”

“No.”

She waited, hiding a slow exhalation of relief behind one raised hand.

“I couldn’t touch her at all after that. She wanted me to be someone else—like The Big D. But I couldn’t. I’m not that person. I’m not...”

“You use whips with me,” she whispered. “We do impact play all the time.”

“Not like that. And I take precautions now. Why do you think I love chains so much?”

She shrugged, wrapping both arms tight around her body.

“I can
hear
them. They make a sound every time you move. So I
know
you’re able to communicate if you need to. A safe word or a hand gesture. I don’t really want to hurt you. And you don’t really want to be hurt. What we do is completely different to anything I saw or did while with Beth.”

Karen hunched down into her shoulders, reaching for her ears as if to block out Dan’s words. “But you collared her.”

“Yes, before I understood what it meant.”

“You got her a slave band.” She pointed to her own bracelet, lying on the floor where she’d thrown it.

“No.” A little of the fire returned to his voice. “I bought her a pretty piece of jewelry. It’s not the same thing.”

“She saw mine and made a big deal of it.”

“Of course she did.” Dan sounded bitter. “But the slave band thing is me and you. No one else has ever had one like it—not the way I offered it. When I collared Beth, I actually bought her a collar. A big leather brute with a ring on the front. I told her she had to wear it all the time because she was mine. And she did. It’s what she wanted. She was the type of woman who didn’t feel safe or whole without a Dom around. Male, female, it didn’t matter, so long as she had someone to tell her what to do 24/7.”

“Some couples do that.”

“I know. Fred and Georgie are 24/7. But me? I need a woman to fight me every now and then. Or straight up tell me when I’m being an asshole. I like kink, but it’s not my whole life. I need someone I can take to my work’s Christmas lunch. Go to the movies with. Introduce to my family without frightening my dad or terrorizing my mother.”

Despite herself, Karen smiled. “So what happened?”

“I panicked and bailed. I’m not proud of it, but I didn’t know what else to do.”

Karen sat on the floor. She pressed her hands against her eyes and leaned the back of her head against the door. “How could you keep all that from me?”

“Shame? Fear?”

“Yesterday, when we met Beth in the foyer, you told me she wasn’t important.”

“She’s not part of my life anymore. She isn’t important, but our history is. You’re right. I should have told you.”

“Damn right you should have.” Though the words were harsh, the tone softened with each passing syllable. “You can’t keep things like that from me. It’s not fair.”

“Like you and the Slave Library?” His calm voice and steady gaze dampened some of her righteous fire.

“That’s not the same.”

“Yes, it is. I didn’t tell you about Beth. You didn’t tell me how much you hated the Library. If our dynamic is going to work, we both need to be honest with each other. Otherwise it falls apart. I should know.”

Karen searched her mind for something to say but nothing seemed appropriate. Instead she gazed at the floor and replayed all the times she’d thought something and kept it to herself. All the times she’d resented Hannah or Rebecca slurping at his cock while she watched.
God, I’m such a fucking hypocrite. Do I even deserve him?
Shame coiled in her stomach and refused to budge. At last, Dan stood and began to gather their clothes and toys, separating everything into two obvious piles.

She frowned. “What are you doing?”

“Packing. I’ll take you back to your flat. Or anywhere else you want.”

Karen watched him fold clothes and remembered the feel of his powerful fingers skimming over her skin. She watched the tight, stiffness of his shoulders and the jerky motions as he stuffed everything into bags.

She walked toward him. “Stop, please.”

“Why?” He balled an odd pair of socks and tossed them on top of a shirt.

“I don’t want to leave.”

He dropped a pair of jeans and spun to face her. His hands trembled over her shoulders as if afraid to touch. Hope leapt into his eyes. “Really?”

In answer, she put her hands over his and pushed them down to rest on her shoulders. “I’ve not forgiven you yet. And we’ve got a lot to talk about. But I’m not leaving.”

“Karen.” He tightened his fingers on her skin. “I’m so sorry.”

“Forget all that now. Just answer one question for me.”

“Sure. Anything.”

She took a deep breath and blurted the words before she could change her mind. “Do you want to live with me?”

He froze.

“Not me visiting your house, not you visiting my flat once in a blue moon. Do you want to live with me in a house that we’ve bought and jointly own?”

Dan’s lips smacked closed. He stared for several seconds before looking down at the floor. His hands slid away.

Karen felt the loss of his touch as keenly as a loss of air. She gasped and turned aside. Tears gathered in her eyes and she brushed them away with both hands. A sinking feeling in her stomach made her want to drop through the floor, but she locked her knees and held firm. “Right. It’s okay. I just wanted to be sure.”

“Karen?”

“What, Dan? What more can you possibly say?”

“I’ll live with you.”

She whirled round. One half of her mind insisted she’d misheard. That after everything else that had happened, desperation to hear something good had muddied her understanding. The other half of her shrieked in delight. “What?”

Dan smiled, one hand plucking at his sleeve. He dropped his gaze to her toes. “Yes, I want to live with you. I can’t think of anything better.”

She bent to catch his gaze. “Seriously?”

“Don’t make me think about it too much, I’m shitting myself as it is.”

Karen laughed. She couldn’t help it. The sound burst from her lips, loud and full, shaking her body from head to foot. She rushed forward and threw her arms around his neck, crushing her body against his.

He held her, turning his face to rest his cheek on her shoulder. “Just let me break it to Mum, okay?”

Another laugh. “Sure, Dan. Whatever you want.”

Chapter Sixteen

Dan looked down at his hand. Karen’s fingers threaded through his and squeezed. He grinned, raised them to his lips and kissed them. “Okay,” he muttered, shoving back his nerves. “Do it. Before I change my mind.”

Karen raised her free hand and rapped her knuckles against the door. He caught the sound of heavy feet approaching. The door opened.

“Hi, Denise.” Karen beamed. “I told you I’d be back.”

Dan flinched as the older man’s gaze swept over him. He shook himself and made the effort to meet those narrowed, grey eyes.

They assessed him then swept sideways to Karen. “You okay, sweetheart?”

“Fine.”

“And him?” He pointed with one polished fingernail. “What’s he doing here?”

A frown furrowed Dan’s brow. He recognized the tension and fought to get rid of it.

Karen squeezed his hand again. “Dan has something he’d like to say.”

“Does he, now?”

“You have every right to be pissed off,” Dan said at once. “And every right to make it hard for me. No, I meant difficult—
difficult
for me.” Avoiding Karen’s eye, straining to ignore her giggles, he pressed on. “She’s right. I
was
a prick. I have my own prejudices to sort out, but that doesn’t mean I have to be a complete asshat.”

“That’s a good start.” Denise crossed his arms. “Carry on.”

“What you want to wear and what you to call yourself is none of my business. You’re not hurting anyone. I shouldn’t have said what I said.”

“What about the rest?”

Dan shuffled his feet. “Sorry, I really don’t remember—”

“That stuff you said about my nose. Do you have any idea how much powder I use to keep the shine off?”

Karen snorted. Dan glanced at her, then back to Denise. The transvestite had his eyes scrunched closed and two fingers crammed into his mouth, as if that might hold back his laughter. His shoulders bucked with the effort.

“Really?” Dan sighed. “
That’s
funny? I’m really trying.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Denise reached out with one massive hand and clapped him on the shoulder. “But you looked so cute standing there with your begging cap in hand. I couldn’t resist. Apology accepted. Frankly, I’ve heard worse in my time but it’s big of you to come here and say it. Do you want to come inside for a bit? We have tea.”

“Thanks, but no. We’ve got some chatting to do.”

“We’re moving in together,” Karen burst out, eyes shining.

Her obvious glee made the butterflies in Dan’s stomach all worthwhile.

“Really? That’s great, sweetheart.” Genuine pleasure filled Denise’s features. “I’m glad Beth hasn’t done any lasting damage.”

“Not to us.” Dan took a moment to be grateful for that fact. “Though she damn near broke my jaw.”

“People like her have no idea what it’s all about. It’s not just sex and toys, is it Henrietta?”

A muffled grunt came from within the room. Denise leaned forward and whispered behind his hand. “I’ve got him in the bed straps with a bridle gag. And a vibrator.”

Dan frowned. “Where does he put—oh!” He fanned his shirt against his chest and fought the urge to back against the wall. “Didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“No, it’s fine. Want to see?”

The very thought filled Dan with dread. “No, thanks.”

“Yes, please.”

Karen and Dan spoke at the same moment. He looked at her.

“It will be fun.” She said, arching one eyebrow.

“You think so?”

“Sure. Aren’t you curious?” She stroked his arm.

“No. Yes. A little. I don’t want to intrude.”

Denise shrugged. “It’s just some fun. And an audience works well, he gets off on it.”

“Don’t you want to see?” Eyes shining, Karen stared up at him.

“I’m not sure, Kaz.” Dan looked past her, finding temporary refuge in studying the wallpaper patterns.

“I am.”

Dan stared at her. He took in the wide eyes and toothy grin. “I don’t know if I can.”

Denise backed away. “Don’t force him, sweetheart. If he’s not comfortable, no problem. Just thought I’d offer. You both seem nice enough. Henrietta certainly likes you; he’d enjoy having you there. Trust me, that sort of thing tips him right over the edge.”

“Please, Dan?” Karen touched his arm and her pleading expression, coupled with the begging in her voice made the decision for him.

He sighed and worked to fight off the uncomfortable sensation of weight on his chest. “Okay. For you.”

“Thanks, Dan.”

Denise flung open the door. The room, exactly the same as Dan’s, was littered with toys and tools. Some he recognized, others he didn’t. In the middle of it, at the end of bed, stood Henrietta. He wore a white t-shirt, stretched taunt over his round stomach. Two red clamps gripped his nipples through the fabric. Long black straps secured his arms above his head, stretched out to opposite ends of the bed. His feet, secured with a spreader bar at its maximum length, rested on the floor. He wore nothing else. Low buzzing filled the room. Dan stared at the floor and tried to steady his breathing. When he next looked up, he skipped the other man’s body to look directly into his eyes. “Hi.”

Henrietta glanced at him, eyes glazed, skin sweaty with the battle to maintain control. He nodded once and made a soft sound behind the bar of the bridle gag pressed against his teeth.

“Fifteen minutes so far,” said Denise. His chest swelled. “He’s done very well. Barely a peep. Even when I used that.” He pointed at an object on the floor near the TV.

Dan glanced in the direction of his finger, grateful for something else to focus on. “I’ve never seen one of those before.” He studied the small metal wheel dotted with spikes.

Karen’s eyes lit up. “A pinwheel. I love those things.”

“Here, sweetheart. Give it a try.”

“Can I?”

The enthusiastic gleam in Karen’s eyes made Dan’s stomach clench. “You want to? I didn’t know you had any sort of...” He flapped his hand as he searched for the right word. “Domineering tendencies.”