Sugar Free (23 page)

“No,” I say at the same time Beck does. While we didn't mind Dennis helping us set up a bribery for VanZant or getting us out of the country, this is asking him to stick his neck out publicly for us.

“It could totally work,” Kerry says with excitement.

“It's at least worth a try,” Doug says.

Dennis turns his gaze on me and Beck. “Let's go for it, okay?”

Back in present time…

The video finishes but I'm not watching it. I'm on the same side of the table as Roger and he's got the screen pointed toward ADA Hammond, which is even better, because I get to observe her reactions. In fact, not a single person at this table other than Hammond is paying attention to the video. We're all watching her.

First confusion as she leans forward to get a better look, narrowing her eyes.

When JT walks into the picture, followed by me, still confusion.

Then I see awareness filter in when JT offers me the drink. Her brow furrows and then presses into disbelief as she watches him float his idea by me to convince Beck to keep him in The Sugar Bowl and my refusal.

She locks her jaw tight when he comes after me, and her eyes narrow further when I pull the gun out.

All exactly like I told the police it happened.

It's then with bitterness as she watches the rest of the video, her chest rising and falling more deeply than her smug state of egotistical confidence had her breathing before.

Roger plays it all the way to the aftermath of JT's death as I look down at him, then as I walk like a zombie to pick up my gun. My sobs of anguish are loud and I bet are piercing her ears as she watches. I then grab the letter opener and leave the room from bottom left before the screen goes black.

“Who do you represent?” Hammond grits out as she nods down at the computer then back to Roger.

“I'm not authorized to say,” Roger says smoothly. “But it's the owner of this video.”

“Why isn't he here?” she asks.

“Not relevant,” Roger deflects. “But what is relevant is that you are now in possession of evidence that exonerates these two from the charges. We'd respectfully request that you dismiss them.”

“I can't just accept a video from someone I don't know,” she scoffs. “This is out of left field. It's shenanigans, and I'm thinking because your client isn't here, it's because this video was obtained illegally. In fact, I'm guessing you've got no way to truly authenticate this and that means it's not coming into evidence.”

Doug gives a cough to clear his throat, and tries not to sound like a disappointed dad, but fails miserably. “Is your ego so precious to you, Miss Hammond, that you'd let two innocent people go to jail so you don't have to admit you made a mistake?”

Before she can answer, and I can see she was going to defend her position, Roger says, “Miss Hammond, I'm only offering this once. If you don't accept this video as authentic evidence right now, my client has authorized me to turn this over to the press.”

Hammond's eyes go wide.

“Along with the video, I'm also going to hand over your financial records, which include campaign contributions for your bid for district attorney. I believe the primary is in less than two months, and it looks like Colin and Candace Townsend contributed the maximum amount to you not three days ago. Clearly you have a very serious conflict here.”

Hammond makes a choking sound in her throat and her face flames red. “That contribution has nothing to do with my oath as an officer of the court, so—”

“Save it, Miss Hammond. I've got a red-eye flight to catch back to the East Coast. I'm only going to cancel that flight if you don't dismiss the charges, and in that case, I'm going to stay overnight and hit all the major news media outlets tomorrow. Your weight in this county won't equate to a feather pillow when I'm done with you.”

“That's blackmail,” she practically screeches.

Roger just looks back at her silently, letting her know the ball's in her court. He doesn't negotiate.

My heart pounds terribly and Beck and I squeeze each other's hands brutally.

“But what about obstruction of justice?” she throws out. “Miss Halstead didn't report the crime; she took the murder evidence…someone needs to pay for something here.”

“She's already paid,” Beck says quietly beside me, and I jump in surprise that he's spoken. We were specifically advised to keep our mouths shut. “She paid with her innocence when that monster raped her and then got his buddies to rape her again and again. She's paid in blood and tears and semen and sweat. You are not taking anything else from her.”

Hammond's eyes lock with Beck's, and I know this is the final showdown.

“Be quiet everyone,” William yells above the chattering around my living room and dining room. “It's on.”

He's well on his way to being drunk, and fortunately, his girlfriend, Maria, is here to drive him home, although we'll try to insist they stay the night.

William grabs the remote from the coffee table and aims it at the flat-screen TV mounted above the fireplace where he increases the volume. It shows a picture of the Marin County Courthouse with a banner across the bottom that says
BREAKING NEWS
and below that
TOWNSEND MURDER CHARGES
.

Everyone falls silent and I move to stand beside Sela, who is talking to Kerry as they both sip on whiskey. All eyes focus on the TV and mine fall to Sela for just a minute. I haven't seen her look this carefree and easy in weeks. It transforms her into an angel beyond trite words of description.

The courthouse picture fades and is replaced by video with the word
LIVE
in the upper right-hand corner and a male reporter standing in front of the courthouse. His hair is perfectly coiffed and his tan expensive. He looks soberly at the camera and says, “There's breaking news out of Marin County this evening as Assistant District Attorney Suzette Hammond announced in a press conference that all charges are being dropped against Beck North and Sela Halstead. As you know, North and Halstead were charged with murder and conspiracy to commit murder…”

William gives out a drunken whoop as the reporter drones on but none of us cheer. This isn't surprising news to us, as before we left that conference room a few hours ago, we had Hammond's agreement to drop the charges in exchange for us turning over the video so she could show it to Colin and Candace. I didn't like the bitch one bit, but I did have a certain grudging respect for the fact that she wanted to make sure they got some closure.

And probably keep her campaign contribution intact.

But whatever.

The point being, we all came to the condo and cracked open the liquor to celebrate. Sela followed Kerry's suit and had whiskey, Dennis and I beer, Doug sipped on red wine, while William alternated between shots of whiskey chased by beer. Maria was the only one not drinking since she was planning on driving a drunk William home, and Roger wasn't kidding…he caught the red-eye flight out of San Francisco.

Doug found out that Hammond was going to give a press conference, and had in fact been fielding a few calls from reporters wanting a statement from the defendants, so we'd all been waiting for this news segment as we celebrated.

“…said that evidence came to light—a video apparently—that supported Miss Halstead's claim of self-defense and that Mr. North was not involved at all. ADA Hammond has said that video will be released once the victim's family has been able to view it. In a call to North's attorney, Doug Shriver, a statement was issued on behalf of both defendants where they stated, ‘We're just happy to have this ordeal over and look forward to moving on with our lives.' ”

The reporter signs off and everyone starts the happy buzz of chatter again, but Sela and I lock eyes on each other.

Yes, we are ready to move on with our lives, although I have no clue what that will even look like.

It doesn't matter though. Just yesterday, I thought it might involve living in a dusty village in southern Mexico where Sela and I would raise goats or something.

She smiles at me, and I would have loved her there as much as here, regardless if we smelled like goat shit.

I look around at the people in my home. Some people I've known forever—namely Caroline and Ally, who came over as soon as I called them from the courthouse. Most of the others are recent additions to my life and I'm not sure what I ever did to deserve this type of support. I've done bad things and screwed up a few times over the past few months. I've contemplated killing someone, bribed another, and eventually covered up a murder.

Because I did it all in the name of love doesn't make me a good man.

It merely makes me clichéd.

Regardless, I can't castigate myself anymore tonight, as I'm merely too happy and satisfied that Sela's safe and she's not leaving my side. We've come out the winners in this frightful game of cat and mouse, and I'm going to relish the victory.

Selfish?

Absolutely.

Can I atone for these sins?

God I hope so.

“More whiskey?” I hear from behind me and turn with a smile to see Dennis walking into the kitchen. Just over his shoulder, I can see the rest of our motley gang standing around, talking about our victory. Beck gives me a quick glance, smiles, and goes back to talking to Caroline, who has her arm around his waist and her other grasping a glass of wine.

“Well, we are celebrating, right?” I ask with a laugh, and set the glasses on the counter while I reach for the bottle of Jack.

“That we are,” he agrees as he goes to the fridge to pull out another beer.

As I pour the amber liquid into the glasses, already feeling an impending hangover, Dennis walks over to me and leans a hip against the counter. “You holding up okay?”

I give him a quick look and then back to the pour. “Of course. Why wouldn't I be?”

His voice lowers and he says, “It's just…have you even processed what happened with JT? Things moved so fast and you and Beck got all tied up in not getting caught.”

Slick, icy fingers grab ahold of my spine, sending shivers upward until my neck prickles. Dennis is surprisingly adept at reading people, and honestly, I hadn't realized I hadn't processed what I did until I watched that video this morning. Or rather, I watched until the moment I swung that letter opener. I didn't need that grisly moment stamped upon my memory.

Having lived through the actual horror, I just didn't need the reminder.

I set the bottle down and recap it, turning to face him and resting my opposite hip against the counter. I have no problem admitting to him, “I'm horrified by what I did. I didn't realize taking a human life, even of a human being I detested beyond anything in this world, would feel so—so—”

“Burdensome?” he guesses.

Yes.

Burdensome. That's exactly it.

“I feel like I'll have a reckoning one day because it was wrong,” I tell him truthfully. “Because I did something that wasn't within my right to do. I'm not sure if I believe in a higher power or what, but I have this feeling—just deep in my gut—that says I've been tainted by it. And I haven't really understood that feeling until just now. Because I didn't have time to think about it before.”

Dennis nods, his eyes soulful and full of grave understanding. “I think the guilt is a common feeling, Sela. Anytime you do harm, a good person is going to feel it.”

“Will it go away?” I ask him, wondering if perhaps my penance is to always feel it.

He shrugs. “I don't know. It's not an emotion I'm all that used to feeling.”

I blink at him in surprise. “You say that as if you're implying you're not a good person. Look at everything you've done for Beck and me. You were going to put yourself at criminal risk for us by authenticating that video if the ADA didn't dismiss the charges.”

Dennis gives a low laugh, his eyes shining with amusement. “You're adorable,” he says with flashing teeth.

“I don't understand,” I say, because I know he's gently mocking me for something.

“Sela, with my contacts, my former family…I wasn't going to get charged with anything,” he says quietly. Not in an egotistical,
I'm-above-the law
way, but in a way that says simply
I'm the man who's sold his soul to the devil, and with that sacrifice also comes great rewards
.

Potentially evil rewards, but great nonetheless.

I shake my head at him. “Maybe so, but I refuse to think of you as anything less than a good man.”

He smiles at me and pushes off from the counter. “Just remember one thing,” he says before he heads back into the party. “Don't ever forget what that fuck did to you. The pain he caused. The innocence he destroyed. Go back to that anger and let it help fill part of that deep pit of guilt you're developing, because by my way of thinking, JT deserved what he got and I'm glad you did it.”

My mouth hangs open silently as he walks past me, but I don't respond. I know he's talking about his wife and revenge and how good it must have felt to him when he exacted it. I want to argue with him, because that's not me.

But deep down I know there's some truth to what he's saying. I might feel horrible for taking another life, but I'm not sad JT is gone from this existence. My world is safer. Some other unsuspecting woman out there is safer.

I'll let that thought soothe my conscience and I'll keep that in reserve for when I get down on myself.

“That was a deep conversation,” I hear from behind me and turn slowly to see Beck walking into the kitchen.

“Eavesdropping?” I ask with a cocked eyebrow.

He walks up to me, puts his hands to my waist, and pulls me in close. “Couldn't help it. Wanted to make sure he wasn't hitting on my girlfriend.”

I give a husky laugh because no way Beck even had that remote thought. There's few people he trusts in his life, and Dennis Flaherty is now unconditionally one of them.

I snuggle into his chest, feel his heartbeat, inhale his scent deep into my lungs and hold it there for a moment. When I let it out, I tell him, “I can't help being conflicted over what I did to JT. Is that disappointing to you?”

“No, baby,” he says, squeezing me tight. “It makes you beautiful and kind and forgiving.”

“I didn't forgive him,” I argue.

“No, but you forgave what life handed you. You made peace with your pain long before you had to take his life and that's why you're conflicted,” he says, and the man is wise beyond his years.

That makes perfect sense to me.

“Thank you for saying that,” I whisper.

“Thank you for loving me,” he says back so reverently I have to pull away and look into his face. I'm almost bowled over by the naked expression of devotion on his face.

“Beck?” I ask, my head tilted, because I can tell he's got something on his mind.

His hands come to my face. “Sela, there is no one in this world I love more than you. And I mean no one. I don't even bother questioning why you came into my life, or the crappy circumstances we were both handed. It was fucking destiny. Like there was this massive puzzle in front of me…of a life that was simple at times but still lacking. And I didn't know it was lacking, but there were these pieces missing. I didn't know what they were until you came along, and the pieces started falling into place.”

I swallow against the emotion clogging my throat. “Pieces?”

“You gave me all the pieces that were missing,” he says with a smile. His fingers stroke my cheeks. “Laughter, comfortable silence, a sounding board. Fucking amazing sex. Love. Devotion. Care. Did I mention amazing sex?”

I laugh and tuck my lower lip in, biting at it to keep from quivering with emotion.

“The point being, the puzzle is solved. You put all the missing pieces together and I'm so fucking complete and balanced right now, I feel like I could conquer the world with you at my side.”

“Oh, Beck,” I murmur, going up on tiptoes to kiss him lightly. I bring my hands to his face and hold him tight. “You gave me things I never dared hope for in this life. I never believed I would ever have true happiness. I just didn't believe it was possible, but you've proven me wrong on that.”

“And I give you great orgasms,” he says with a wink.

“Yes, that's what I love about you the most,” I say dryly, but then go up to kiss him again. “You give me everything. You are my everything. And today our life starts brand new.”

“What should we do?” he asks curiously, eyes bright and shining with beer, victory, and love.

“I think we should move to the beach,” I throw out at him. “It's different. A major change. And besides, you can do your work from anywhere.”

“I think we could do that,” he says, looping his arm around my shoulder and turning me back toward the party. As we walk toward our friends, he reminds me, “But remember, you said it had to have whitewashed cabinets and a peeling linoleum floor that will need to be replaced but we'll never do so because it will be so charming.”

“You remembered,” I say with a laugh as my arm goes around his waist.

“I remember every smile you've brought to my face, Sela. And I can't wait for tomorrow because I know you'll do it again.”