Summer at Tiffany's (20 page)

Cassie wondered how many more times Gem could bring the word ‘connect' into the conversation.

‘I don't think that's a good idea—' Suzy began, but Gem was on a roll.

‘And of course, while we're there, all together, you can help me get my ideas for the wedding on track. Did Henry tell you?'

‘Huh?'

‘I mean, I'd pay you, obviously. I wouldn't expect any freebies, although mates' rates would be nice.' She laughed, joshing Suzy in the ribs with an elbow. ‘But you've got to admit it makes sense: while Archie's getting the rest he needs, you can have a little project to tide you over to stop you going stir-crazy, and I can try to get my head around this crazy wedding lark. I mean, really, can
anyone
explain to me the point of favours?'

Suzy stared at Cassie – she did, in fact, usually hold very strong views on favours – just as Laird reappeared with the drinks.

‘Babe, you'll never guess!' Gem gushed. ‘We're going to spend the summer in Cornwall.'

‘Cornwall?' If he'd drawn a blank with Lammermuir, Cornwall fared no better.

‘It's the UK's surf central. Polzeath is totally, like, one of the top-ten surf beaches.'

‘Oh yeah, yeah, I know Polzeath.'

‘Well, we've got a family place down there. Aunt Hat's got one half, and I've got the other . . .'

Suzy's eyes slid over to Cassie's, Gem's point quite clear: Suzy had no jurisdiction over whether or not Gem chose to go. She co-owned the house.

‘Suzy and Arch are going down there so he can recuperate. We can all bond, plan the wedding
and
' – she took a deep breath – ‘you can surf every day again.'

Laird looked down at his diminutive fiancée, his expression as soft as warmed butter as he snaked his hand round her neck. ‘Seriously?'

Suzy furiously mouthed, ‘WTF?' as the happy couple kissed.

‘Are you coming too?' Laird asked her, forcing Cassie to break Suzy's eye-lock.

‘Sorry?'

‘To Cornwall.'

‘Yes! That would be so perfect! And there's loads of room,' Gem added.

Cassie shook her head ‘Sadly not. I've got to work.'

‘Ah, that's a shame,' Laird smiled with what seemed to be genuine regret, and she wondered whether he wanted her to act as some sort of buffer between him and Gem, and Suzy. She couldn't blame him. Suzy had been nothing short of terrifying so far tonight.

‘It really is. Especially with Henry being gone so long.' Gem pulled an exaggerated sad face.

‘I'm used to it,' she shrugged, trying to mask the white lie. She would never get used to being without him.

‘Yes, are you sure you couldn't come down?' Suzy asked, rejoining the conversation. ‘Now that you've got Ascot and the polo out of the way, aren't things calming down? I thought they were your big events.'

Cassie looked at her in surprise. ‘Well, yes, but we've still got the smaller private events – birthdays, anniversaries, intimate weddings.'

‘But I bet Zara could cover those. I mean, Jude's school is off for the summer holidays now, right? And she's always saying how bored she gets at home with Zara being at work the whole time.'

Cassie laughed. ‘I'm not sure she'd thank you for signing her up to a summer of work, though.'

Suzy shrugged. ‘It's worth an ask, though, surely? Let's face it, you're going to be thoroughly miz without Henry
and
me.'

‘You're nothing if not modest,' Cassie chuckled, knowing full well that the only reason Suzy was now so desperate to get her down there was for the same reasons as Laird had asked – to act as a buffer between her and Gem. There was no doubt Suzy would be at risk of a heart attack herself if she had to spend the entire summer with her little cousin.

All eyes fell on Cassie – each with different agendas and needs. ‘Look, it's not that I don't think it's a lovely idea, but—'

‘Yeah, yeah, yeah, we get it,' Suzy said with a deep sigh, before holding up her drink and staring at it grimly. ‘Cheers, then. Here's to the joys of an endless summer.'

Cassie felt instantly guilty, but what could she do? She couldn't take off for a month just because Suzy needed some backup with her family.

‘Do either of you know where I could go to have a sneaky ciggie?' Gem asked, before quickly putting her hand on Laird's arm. ‘I know, and I promise this is the last one. I'll start tomorrow, but my favourite cousin in the— I mean, my favourite
male
cousin in the world is disappearing round the world
just
as I've got back, which is such sucky luck. I need something to take the edge off.'

Laird rolled his eyes in disapproval and Cassie thought that was at least something he and Suzy had in common.

‘Here, Laird, let me introduce you to Arch,' Suzy said with a burst of sudden friendliness that made Cassie's eyes narrow. ‘He's a demon boogie-boarder. He can tell you all about the surf down there.'

Gem smiled as Suzy towed Laird away like a tug boat and Cassie realized as Suzy began making frantic hand gestures behind her cousin's back exactly what she was up to: this was supposedly Cassie's cue to halt the wedding in its tracks.

‘Um, follow me, Gem,' Cassie said, leading her back to the spot by the windows where she'd been standing earlier with Luke. Was he still here? Her eyes scanned the crowd as they passed, but she could see no sign of him. Thank God.

They leaned on the balcony together, Gem lighting a roll-up she'd stashed in her bra, and both of them staring into the brightly lit madding street, their backs to the party.

‘So I get the impression Suzy isn't very pleased about the wedding,' Gem said after a moment, watching as her own smoke ring wobbled into the big, wide world.

‘What? Suzy?' Cassie asked in a new falsetto. ‘No! She's delighted for you. Really, really happy. And of course, weddings are her business. She's actually got a not-so-vested interest in seeing you guys get hitched.'

Gem stared at her for a minute, clearly deliberating whether or not to believe her. ‘Well, Aunt Hats is distraught. She thinks I'm rushing into it.'

Cassie swallowed. ‘That's only natural. From what I understand, you and Laird haven't known each other for very long.'

‘But you like him.'

‘Me? I think he's lovely. Really charming and sweet. And he's obviously mad about you.'

Gem smiled, her eyes on a shaven-headed security guard standing outside a nightclub across the road. ‘Exactly.'

Cassie dithered, wondering how to strike the balance between supportive and annihilative. ‘I do see why Hats is concerned, though. I don't see what the rush is for getting married so soon. What's so wrong with waiting a bit?'

‘What's so right with waiting?' Gem countered.

‘Well, it gives you time to be sure that you're doing the right thing. What Suzy said earlier was true: I got married at exactly your age and spent a decade of my life being miserable. If I could go back and advise my twenty-one-year-old self now, it would be to just let things hang for a bit. Marriage is supposed to be forever. Don't do what I did and rush in. Feelings change; passions cool. I don't doubt you and Laird are nuts about each other now, but are you sure he's still going to be what you want ten, twenty, forty years from now?'

‘But who can ever be sure of that? You could put off your entire life according to that philosophy. We're all works in progress. If you'd told me three years ago, when I got expelled for having sex with one of the boys in sixth form, that I'd find peace in a sun salutation, I'd have laughed my head off. I was the angriest little bitch you ever saw, and yet now look at me: I'm Zen with a capital Z. Personal growth isn't linear, Cassie. None of us knows who we're going to become. I mean, did you ever think you'd be engaged again, so soon after your marriage broke up?'

The question momentarily floored Cassie and she watched as a fat pigeon ruffled its feathers on a telephone wire. ‘Uh, well, honestly? No. In fact, to be perfectly honest, I never thought I'd get married again full stop.'

‘Really?'

Cassie closed her eyes briefly as she remembered the last day of her marriage. ‘Everything that happened with my ex and me, it made such a travesty of our vows. I'm not sure I could ever believe in them again.'

‘But you obviously could, though, with Henry,' Gem said, looking up at her questioningly. ‘Seeing as you're engaged to him.'

Cassie didn't reply. She was back in the library, overhearing Gil's voice as he let spill the awful secret that she'd never even suspected. She'd been that naive, that gullible. That trusting . . .

‘Cassie?'

‘What? Oh. Yes, I . . .' She hesitated. ‘Of course.'

Gem laughed. ‘Well,
that
didn't sound very convincing!'

‘What? No, no, it is. I just . . .' She forced her mind to get back on message. ‘I was just thinking about the vows, actually. You have to really think about them before you commit to them. They're not just hollow words; you're going to live your life
according
to them. I mean, “forsaking all others” . . . Is that really a decision you, as a twenty-yearold, can stand by for all of your life?' Luke's face swam into her mind, his words still a warm echo: ‘
Who says you would have come back? . . . When did that start?
...
It wasn't long, I know that much
...
You were
never
coming back to me . . .
'

She banished him from her mind. Gil. Luke. All the ghosts from her past were revisiting her tonight, eddying round her and setting her off-balance, off-kilter. ‘I guess what I'm trying to say is, just don't make the mistake I made. Life is long. What makes you happy today may not be what makes you happy a year from now. Keep your options open.'

‘Is that what you're doing?'

‘I'm sorry?'

‘Well, you said earlier you like living in the moment, which is kind of the opposite to making plans to grow old together, isn't it?'

‘I . . .' Cassie wasn't sure how to respond. Exactly how had this conversation become about her and not about Gem?

‘It sounds to me like you don't actually believe in marriage at all, anymore,' Gem said, flicking the stub of her cigarette to the pavement below. ‘Regardless of age.'

Cassie blinked at her, infuriated on the one hand, stunned on the other; the girl was a champion debater, leading Cassie along paths she'd had no intention of walking down. She was more confused about what she thought and felt than she'd ever realized. ‘You know what?' she said defiantly. ‘Maybe I don't. Maybe I bloody well don't. It's an outdated institution that has no relevance to modern life and modern relationships, it's just some hangover from a time when women were like chattels; something to be traded. But you're an independent, educated girl, Gem. Why do you need a ring on your finger? It's just a form of ownership, not really any different from being branded like cattle, ' Cassie said dismissively, straightening her back as she got into her stride. Oh Suzy was going to love this when she heard about it.

Gem looked at the ring winking on Cassie's own finger. ‘Well, if that's how you really feel, why are you wearing that then?'

Cassie looked down at the ring, remembering the moment – the perfect moment – when Henry had given it to her. She'd been so swept up in the romance of it, so carried away by the glorious shock and drama of it all, that it would have been impossible, totally unthinkable, to give voice to these thoughts. And, of course, she just loved him so, so much. But these words – they shone with the shimmer of truth in them, they sprung from feelings that had, somewhere along the line, become instincts and she herself didn't understand how these supposedly contradictory feelings could co-exist within her. She crumpled like an autumn leaf. ‘I'm not sure,' she said eventually.

‘Don't you think you should tell— Oh hey, how long have you been standing there?' Gem asked, her voice brightening as she turned to face the party again. ‘Henry?'

Cassie whipped round. How long
had
he been standing there? What had he heard? She was almost scared to see the expression on his face, but she needn't have worried – the crowd was already closing around him and all she could see was his halo of gold hair disappearing into the shadows.

Even at such an ungodly hour, Heathrow was heaving. Cassie moved out of the way of a troop of Japanese tourists, all pushing their hard-ridged suitcases along on double wheels, going to wait instead by the trolley station. She resumed watching Henry, who was standing at the check-in desk and putting his passport back in his rucksack; even from this distance, she could see the tension in his bones.

He had left the party last night without her – something he had never done before – but he hadn't gone home either, and when he'd finally rolled up in a taxi at 4 a.m., Beau hollering something out of the window as it pulled away, she had pretended to be asleep. There had been no point trying to talk to him – to explain – when he was that drunk and angry.

But she hadn't fared any better this morning either. He'd had barely more than ninety minutes' sleep and the expression on his face kept the words stuck in her throat, unable to come out, as they got dressed. They had driven over together in silence, her at the wheel of his Mini, as he'd tried to get some more sleep, and now he was moments away from leaving. The rest of the crew would be here somewhere too and she desperately didn't want to say her goodbyes to him in front of them.

She watched as he lurched over – still drunk, no doubt – almost tripping over a sleeping student, but still looking distractingly good in his battered jeans, boat shoes and red and blue team sailing jacket. The very sight of him made her catch her breath, as it always did. He came and stood in front of her, gaze averted, his hands stuffed in his jeans pockets, like a reluctant schoolboy waiting for his mother's peck on the cheek at the gates.