Summer Light: A Novel (42 page)

Chapter 25

T
HE DIAGNOSIS WAS NOT WITHOUT HOPE
. Teddy had given Martin a periocular injection of cortisone, numbing the area next to his eye before giving him the shot. Then she had prescribed a short course of high-dose Prednisone. After one week, she would check the inflammation and determine what to do next.

Surgery would most likely be indicated. Teddy described a “scleral buckling” procedure, in which she would suture a silicone material to the white of the eye behind the lids. Another option was intraocular gas injections: a minuscule inflatable balloon would take the place of the silicone buckle. If successful, the balloon would be removed after the retina had reattached.

May and Martin had listened, completely numb. Martin’s hand was ice cold, and the look on his face was far away, as if he had escaped from the room. As Teddy talked, May knew she should take notes. She should pull her wedding-planner notebook from her straw purse and write it all down.

“The success rate for anatomic reattachment of the retina is quite high,” Teddy said. “But regarding the macula, we’ll have to see.”

“The macula?” May asked dully. Hadn’t Teddy just explained what that was? If she’d been writing everything down, she would understand, not make Teddy repeat herself.

“The retina’s most sensitive, central section,” Teddy said, not seeming to mind going over it again. “If the macula has been detached for too long, the prognosis for good central vision may be poor.”

“Then what’s not poor?” Martin said. “Forget that, and tell me what will work.”

“For complicated detachments like yours,” Teddy said, “we have multiple procedures, such as vitrectomy—removal of the vitreous. I need to study your case a bit longer before I can say for sure. Let’s see how you do on the Prednisone, and when you come back in a week—”

“A week!” Martin exploded. “I don’t have a week. Training starts soon, and I need to be on the road to recovery by then.”

“Martin, I know this comes as a shock to you. But try to realize, we’re trying to save as much of your sight as we can. We’re not talking about restoration of your sight, but rather, stemming the deterioration and—”

“You’re telling me I’m not going to play hockey? Ever?”

“Yes,” Teddy said. Her arms were folded on her desk, her gaze direct and compassionate. May shivered as the word penetrated her bones, her very being, and she felt Martin rip his hand out of hers.

“Come on, May,” he said, jumping up. “Let’s go.”

“Martin,” May said, trying to calm him down. “Listen to her.”

“I’ve heard all I need to hear. Let’s go.”

“Treatment needs to begin right away,” Teddy said quietly, as if Martin was still sitting there, not poised to leap. “We shouldn’t waste any time.”

“Exactly,” Martin snapped. “That’s why I’m getting out of here.” He grabbed his jacket, dropped it, picked it up again. Heading for the door, he went in the wrong direction and crashed into a bookcase. He turned himself around, strode to the exit. “May?”

“Sit down, Martin,” she pleaded. “Please, we’re talking about your eyes!”

“They’re fine enough. I read the chart in LaSalle, didn’t I? Are you coming?”

“Listen to me, Martin,” May said sharply, tears filling her eyes. “I’ve done it your way all along. Your timetable, not mine. We can’t pretend anymore. I won’t let you. I love you too much.”

“I’ll meet you at the car,” Martin said coldly, slamming the door behind him.

May buried her head in her hands and sobbed. Coming from behind the desk, Teddy patted her back.

“This reaction is normal for him,” Teddy told her. “It is exactly what I would expect from Martin. Acceptance comes very hard after news like this.”

“Hockey is his life,” May cried.

“I have no medical answers for that,” Teddy said. “I’ll do everything possible to save what I can of his sight.”

“He’ll really never play hockey again?”

“No.”

“You’re sure?”

Teddy paused, taking so long to consider that May dried her eyes and looked up. The elderly woman looked beautiful, thoughtful in the lamplight. She had a light of warmth and humor in her eyes; there was nothing tragic in her expression at all.

“I would never presume to say ‘never’ about Martin Cartier,” she said. “As his doctor, I will say that I advise against it, that it would be harmful to his eyes, that, frankly, I don’t believe he is able to see the ice. But you saw him, and you know him better than I do. He’s something else, that man.”

“Yes, he is,” May said.

“William was like that,” Teddy went on. “He was an inventor, and we used to travel the world in search of ideas. Everywhere we went, he found things that he became passionate about. That lighthouse on the Isle de Ré,” she said, pointing. “And that one on Corfu. The afternoon light on Block Island, in Brittany. And then one day, his cardiologist told him the risks of travel made it advisable for him to stay home.”

“Did he listen?” May asked.

Teddy shook her head. “No, he didn’t. He went straight home from the doctor’s office and booked us passage on the Queen Elizabeth. A transatlantic crossing and two weeks in the Mediterranean.”

“Did you try to stop him?”

“I tried,” Teddy said. “But not for long.”

“Why?”

“Because I loved William for who he was. Even the obstinate, stubborn side of him.” She bowed her head, then gave a half-smile. “At least that’s what I tell myself now. At the time…well, it wasn’t easy.”

“Did you go on the cruise with him?”

“I did,” Teddy said.

May took a deep breath. She knew that when she reached the car, Martin would be furious about the diagnosis. He would want to see another doctor, someone who would tell him what he wanted to hear.

“He wants to win the Stanley Cup,” May said. “More than anything. He says it’s for him, but I think—”

Teddy waited.

“It’s for his father,” May said, the words tearing from her throat. “I think he wants to win the Cup for Serge.”

“He’s going to need your support, no matter what. I’ve worked with professional athletes before. The loss of control they feel associated with vision loss is terrible. He’ll feel his entire identity at question, so be patient if you can. But keep in mind: There’s no time to waste. He needs treatment immediately.”

“I know.” May wiped her eyes.

“It’s a tall order for you,” Teddy said. “But I know you’re up to it.”

“Did you have a good time together?” May asked.

“Excuse me?”

“On the cruise you took. The one William booked…”

“He died on it, dear,” Teddy said gently. “Our third night aboard.”

Martin had left Teddy’s office without the keys, so he was leaning on the car when May came walking out. The night was hot and sticky, and the parking garage smelled like oil and exhaust. Down below, horns blared on the southeast expressway. The Fleet Center was just a few blocks away, and Martin imagined the team gearing up for the season.

“I’m sorry I took so long,” May said.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, waiting for her to unlock the door. They were both careful not to look at each other or brush hands. Once she got into the driver’s seat, she fumbled the keys and dropped them onto the floor. She picked them up, stuck one in the ignition, couldn’t get it turned. Martin just reached over and started the car.

“I’m nervous,” she said.

“Don’t be,” he told her. “There won’t be any traffic at this hour.”

“Not about driving,” she said, and he heard her voice catch.

Martin put his seat back and reached for a baseball cap over the visor. He stuck it on his head. Except for that Blue Jays game in Toronto, they hadn’t seen much baseball that year. Usually he took in a few Expos games, and on his rare summer visits to Boston, he’d go watch the Red Sox play.

“You know what I love about summer?” he asked.

“No,” she said, turning onto Storrow Drive.

“Baseball and fishing. I was just thinking, we haven’t done enough of either.”

“You and Kylie have fished a few times,” she said carefully, holding her voice very steady to keep from screaming. “And we saw that game with the Gardners.”

“Ahh, that’s nothing. We should be up at dawn every day, rowing up the lake and giving Kylie her chance at the great-granddaddy. The hook filed down, just to say hello and let him go.”

“She’ll have plenty of chances,” May told him. “It’s you I’m thinking about right now.”

“Don’t worry about me,” Martin said. “I’m fine.”

“You heard Teddy,” May said. “You’re not fine.”

As they drove along the Charles River, Martin rolled down his window. The breeze felt cool on his face, and he wondered whether the college teams had started training for the crew season yet. One of his great pleasures last year had been driving in for practice from the Barn and seeing the Harvard, MIT, and Boston University crews out on the lazy river, their sleek white shells gliding through the water.

“Hockey season starts—”

“I don’t give a damn about hockey season!” May yelled.

“I do,” Martin said.

“Listen to me!” May screamed. “I care about you. I love you! You have the chance to do something right now, to save your eyes. Your eyes, Martin. What are you telling me, that you’re going out there on the ice to get run over and hurt by every—”

“No one runs me over,” he said.

“You can’t see! I know you want to play, but you can’t see, Martin.”

“I have one eye doing the work of two,” Martin insisted, hanging onto the words of Maurice Pilote.

“Didn’t you listen?” May cried. “Teddy said you’re losing even that! You’ll be blind….”

Martin gritted his teeth, refusing to hear the word. Blind. If he didn’t hear it, he could go on as before. “Shut up.”

“Martin—”

“You wanted to force me to see my father, and now you’re forcing me to accept a lie.”

“You can’t even hear me!” she said. “Seeing your father would be the best thing for you, but that’s beside the point. Teddy says—”

“I won’t be one of those cripples with a white cane and dark glasses,” he ranted. “Sitting in the dark for the rest of my life. Do you think I’m like that? You think I could ever live that way? I’m a hockey player, and I’m not going fucking blind!” He smashed his fist into the dashboard, ripping the glove compartment off its hinges. He roared so loud, his own voice was ringing in his ears.

May sobbed, swerving across the highway. Horns blared. Martin’s heart was pounding. He felt like jumping out of the car. He estimated they were going sixty, and he wondered if hitting the pavement would be that much worse than catching some two-hundred-sixty-pound player’s stick hard in the head.

“Pull over,” he said.

“No, I want to get you home.”

“Being blind would be worse than going to prison,” he said. “I’m not an invalid.”

“I know!” she screamed.

She gripped the wheel with both hands, tears streaming down her face. He saw them as he squinted through the bright highway lights. Reaching over, he touched her cheek.

“May.”

“I don’t want you to go blind,” she sobbed.

“Pull over,” he said, his throat closing as the feelings welled up from his heart. “Please. I need to hold you. Please, May. I’m sorry I yelled, scared you. I didn’t mean to scare you.”