Summer Lovin (22 page)

Ryan blinked. “You're kidding.”

“Well she wouldn't build it herself, but she did say she'd have one built for Ima. It works for me.” Sam yawned, then flipped her hair out of her eyes with her hands. “I guess I'm beat.” She started for the hallway, then turned. “Night, Uncle Ryan.”

She padded down the hall, leaving him with a warm, fuzzy feeling of family that he'd never had before. A feeling he wanted to share with Zoe, so rather than head for his room, he paused outside her closed door.

On the other side was another female with whom he had unresolved issues and feelings. He didn't believe any talk with Zoe would be nearly as productive or end as well as the one he'd just had with Sam. But he was too wound up to sleep and decided it was time she hear what he had to say.

Although it was late, he knocked once and walked inside. Zoe lay in bed under the covers, but she didn't seem shocked to find him standing by her side. She moved over to make room for him to sit, while she propped herself up against her pillow.

“What's going on?” she asked, her voice rough from sleep.

Ryan tried like hell not to focus on her skimpy tank top or think about the matching pair of equally skimpy panties she likely wore beneath the covers. Instead he reached for her hand and chose his words.

“I had a bonding moment with Sam.”

A smile touched her lips. “That's great. You and your family are beginning to make headway with her.” Her voice held a somber tone.

“You don't sound thrilled.”

“It's a mixed blessing,” she said. “As much as I'm happy for you, your progress with Sam means that my family's role in her life is coming to an end.”

“We'll work things out. You
will
see her again.”

Through the darkness, Zoe merely stared. “We have to be up early,” she said at last.

In other words, she was asking him to leave. Not yet, he thought. “You don't believe me, do you?”

“About what?”

“That you'll see Sam again.”

She sighed. “Actually I do believe you. We agreed early on that you're a man of your word and I've seen that for myself many times since we met.”

He appreciated her belief in him—because faith was a solid basis for a long-standing relationship.

“Then what's going on in that beautiful head of yours?” he asked, and to make certain she couldn't avoid the issue or him, he turned on the lamp on the nightstand.

With her long black hair tangled around her face, she'd never looked more endearing or desirable.

“I was thinking that since you have things under control with Sam—”

“Relatively under control,” he joked and got a laugh in return.

“I thought that as soon as we solve this key mystery, I'd take her home. I know we haven't figured out who's after her, but at this point she's as safe here as she is at home…I mean in New Jersey. I hope you'll give my parents the courtesy of a few weeks more with Sam to say goodbye before you move her up here for good.”

He narrowed his gaze, wanting to hear more before he jumped to any conclusion about where this conversation was heading. “Go on.”

“Well since Sam will have to start school in the fall, you'll need to register her, and she'll need time to get settled in at your parents', of course. But it's still early and I'm sure my parents would appreciate some quality time with Sam, that's all.” She toyed with the blanket, her nerves clearly showing.

He swallowed hard. Just as he suspected, Zoe was making plans to pull out of Boston and his life as soon as possible without consulting him or asking him what he wanted.

“Let me ask you something. Just whose plan is this? Because I don't recall mentioning registering Sam in school or her living with my parents, of all people.”

She blinked. “I just assumed—I mean I didn't think your schedule would be that flexible when you returned to work. So you'll be able to be home with her in the mornings and after school? Because she really needs a watchful eye, what with her tendency to get in trouble when she's left alone.”

He rolled his shoulders, but the tension remained. “I haven't had time to think it through yet, but you apparently have it worked out. And that plan seems to include running away from your own feelings,” he accused.

Maybe he was dense, but he thought after all their closeness, she'd at least treat him fairly. But then if she was truly running, she wasn't being fair to herself, either.

“Quit raising your voice or you'll have Sam running in here to see what's going on,” Zoe said in a harsh whisper.

In an effort to calm down, he inhaled and counted to ten, then exhaled before speaking again. “I see.”

“You see what?” she asked, her brow wrinkled in confusion.

“You just changed the subject. We were talking about
your
feelings.”

Zoe pushed her hair out of her eyes. “This isn't about me. It's about Sam and what's best for
her.
Now you tell me you don't have a plan.” She maneuvered up in bed and perched her hands on her hips, which had the unfortunate effect of pushing out her breasts and erect nipples, distracting him.

She frustrated him as much as she turned him on and he swallowed hard, determined to force her to acknowledge the truth about
them,
her fears and her hang-ups be damned. He wasn't about to lose her now.

“What about what's best for you? And for me? Doesn't that have to be decided. too?” he asked, fingers clenched into fists at his side.

Zoe tried hard to hold onto her anger because it was the only way to keep Ryan at a distance and she needed that kind of barrier between them right now. From the moment his mother had turned her attitude around, Zoe had accepted the end. She'd tried to explain as much to Ryan the night before, but apparently he hadn't understood.

Or didn't want to, said a small voice in her head, one that mimicked her parents when they accused her of being afraid to commit to anyone, anything or any man. She wasn't giving him an easy time, but he'd thank her in the end. With time and miles between them, he'd see she was right and they couldn't have a future.

“We come in second to Sam,” she explained slowly. “That's what happens when there are kids involved. So I'll go home and get my business on track. I know Quinn and Connor need me back soon. And—”

“And you'll go back to living at home?”

“Until I find my own place to live, yes.”

“You are so full of crap,” he said, taking her by complete surprise.

“Excuse me?” She sat up even straighter in bed.

He groaned. “We've had this discussion before. You say you'll find a place to move, but I've come to realize that you won't. You'll continue to live at home because you love your family, but also because it's the easy way out. You won't have to face moving out, growing up, or having an adult relationship, which might lead to, God forbid, having to compromise with another human being who is also independent and knows his own mind.”

She blinked, shocked he'd analyzed her so deeply, thoroughly and possibly correctly.

“I'll prove it,” he said.

She stiffened, readying herself for another verbal attack. “Go ahead.”

“I love you.”

She reared back.

And smacked her head against the wall in the process. “Ouch.” She rubbed the sore spot with her hand and glared at Ryan. Her heart galloped in her chest, fear of everything Ryan represented rising faster than any other emotion brewing inside her.

He lived in Boston. She lived in Ocean Isle and she couldn't bear being separated from her family. He wore conservative suits and she preferred outrageous miniskirts. No way his fancy partners and their wives would embrace her style. Her family liked a good con and a slimy pig. His preferred the other side of the law and the only person they'd accept on their own terms was Sam because she was blood. Zoe had already been frozen out by everyone in that house except Ryan. At thirty years old, she was too old and wise to change everything about herself for a man.

And in the end, that's what Ryan would not only expect, but what he would need. It's what he deserved, someone who could fit into the lifestyle he had in Boston.

That someone wasn't her.

She realized he'd covered her hand with his.

He squeezed hard. “Did you hear me, Zoe? I said I love you.”

A tremor shook her body. “You don't mean that.”

“I most certainly do. Because unlike you, I know my own mind and I don't run from something that's threatening.” Equal measures of what seemed like satisfaction and disappointment flashed across his face.

“Run? Me? That's a good one. I was a Secret Service agent. I protect people for a living. I thrive on a challenge and on new experiences, so don't tell me
I
run away.”

His lips quirked in a grin that seemed to mock her claim. “Well, how I see it is you're running from me and from what I make you feel.”

“That's ridiculous.” She rolled her eyes.

“You admitted that I threaten you and your lifestyle.” He spoke too smugly for her pride to handle.

“That's true. It's also true and completely like a man to say
I love you
and when the woman doesn't say it back, claim
she's
afraid, as opposed to—” Realizing her next words, she clenched her jaw shut tight.

“Go on. Say it. I dare you,” he said, getting into her personal space. He'd taunted her, but even in the face of his dare, she couldn't bring herself to hurt him with what she knew to be a lie.

“You can't say it, can you?” he asked, his voice softening. “You can't say, as opposed to admitting the woman doesn't feel the same way about him.” He touched her face and lifted her chin to meet his gaze. “It's okay.”

To her dismay, her eyes filled with tears and she couldn't speak, not without falling apart.

“You don't have to say ‘I love you' back.” He wiped the moisture from her face with his thumb. “I can wait and do you want to know why?”

She swallowed hard and nodded.

“Because you're worth waiting for.”

E
ARLY THE NEXT MORNING
, Ryan, with Zoe beside him, pulled up to a beautiful house in a residential neighborhood. Each property on the street was perfectly kempt and manicured with swing sets in the yard.

“Patty did well for herself,” Ryan said, glancing around at the nice neighborhood. “If Faith had gotten her life together…” He stopped and shook his head. “No sense going there. I can't change the past.”

Zoe placed her hand on his shoulder and he appreciated her silent support. Last night's harsh words and frank discussion still hung between them, yet she reached out to him when he needed her most. That fact proved to him that their connection went further than any place she could possible run to.

He stopped the car in front of the address he'd gotten from Patty's mother, and together he and Zoe made their way up the flower-lined walk.

“So last time you spoke to Patty, she said she hadn't heard from Faith at all?” Zoe asked.

“Actually the P.I. I hired spoke to Patty. I left it to the professional to follow all leads. I was so emotionally vested, I figured he'd have more success.”

Zoe nodded. “Okay, so with a little luck, it's your emotions that'll get Patty to open up now.”

“I hope you're right.” He rang the doorbell, which set off an interesting combination of chimes. Then they waited.

Soon the door opened and a familiar face appeared before him. His sister's friend looked older, but she was still an attractive brunette, who'd obviously outgrown the punk stage.

“Patty?”

She blinked, staring at him until he saw the recognition dawn in her eyes. “Ryan Baldwin?”

“It's me.”

“Wow. It's good to see you!” She sounded genuine, but he also caught the wariness in her expression.

“Patty, this is a friend of mine, Zoe Costas.” He gestured to Zoe. “Could we come in and talk to you? It's about Faith.”

The other woman shook her head. “I don't know. It's been so long and I probably can't be of any help to you.”

“Faith had a child,” Zoe blurted out. “Can we please talk? It's important.”

Patty's eyes grew wide. Obviously whatever she might know about Faith, she had had no idea about Sam.

“We won't keep you long,” Ryan promised.

Patty stepped back and eased the door open wide. “Of course. Come in.”

They followed her into a modern kitchen, with white cabinets and dark Formica countertops, and joined her at the table.

“You have to understand how hard this is. Faith was my best friend. My loyalty ran pretty deep.” Patty intertwined her fingers as she tried to explain.

“Nobody would be upset if you knew something and didn't tell my parents,” Ryan assured her. “At the time, who knows what, if anything, would have brought Faith home and who knows if my parents could have made it work a second time. I appreciate your loyalty to my sister. She didn't have much of that, so I'm not angry if you didn't tell my P.I. something, either.”

Patty nodded, obviously grateful. “How did you find out Faith had a child?” she asked, sounding stunned.

“Eventually we got a lucky break that led to her ex-boyfriend who's serving a life sentence. Once I found out that Faith died, we were able to track her last whereabouts and it led to the fact that she had a child.”

Patty shook her head. “I had no idea. I wasn't lying when I said I didn't hear from Faith after she ran away. Where is her daughter now?”

“Sam's been living with my family in New Jersey,” Zoe explained.

“So what made you look me up now?” Patty asked.

While Zoe reached for the keys in her purse, Ryan pulled the old paperwork out of his pocket. “All this,” he said. “We're hoping that somehow you were called before they dumped the contents of Faith's locker.”

As Patty looked at the paper, her hands shook. “I was. And I picked up a stack of papers from the bus terminal years ago.”

Hope flared in Ryan's chest. “What did you do with them?”

“Well I kept them, because I thought maybe Faith would come back one day.” She blinked and he noticed her glassy eyes. “She didn't, of course.”

“I'm guessing the papers are long gone by now?” Zoe asked.

“Actually…”

Patty stood and started walking, so Ryan rose and followed, Zoe behind him.

“I'm a pack rat,” Patty explained as she headed into the hallway and paused at a closed door. “We've moved since I received the papers, but I kept all my old things in boxes. I never could bring myself to part with anything and since those items were my only link to Faith, I held on to them. I can't promise you that the papers are there, but if you don't mind dust, there's a good chance you'll find it if you dig around in the basement.” She opened the door and flicked on an overhead light.

Ryan glanced at Zoe in her pink skirt and white halter top and asked, “Are you up for another dusty recovery mission?”

“I'm game if you are.” In her eyes, he saw the same glimmer of hope and excitement that had flared to life inside him.

They shared this goal. He hoped in time they'd share many more. He didn't know what he'd find here, but he was glad she'd be with him no matter the outcome.

“Go right ahead,” Patty told them.

He clasped her hand. “I can't tell you how much I appreciate this.”

She waved away his words. “I wish I could have done more. I wish I had done more. Then maybe—”

“Don't go there,” Ryan warned her. “I've learned it does no good. You were Faith's friend. The best kind of friend. Nobody could have asked any more of you.”

Patty nodded. “Thanks, Ryan. You two stay as long as you need to.”

“We appreciate that,” Zoe said.

He led the way, helping Zoe down the long stairs in her heels and together they began to search through the large, unfinished basement. Hours later, they were only halfway through the unmarked, unlabeled boxes.

“Patty's not only a pack rat, she's an unorganized one,” Zoe said, wiping her dirty hands against her light-colored skirt. “The bus depot was a breeze compared to this.”

As he took in the dirt marks on her clothing and the smudges on her cheeks, she sneezed with gusto. “You're being a great sport.”

She shrugged. “It's no big deal. I want to help you find whatever your sister left behind. Besides, the alternative is hanging out at the house with Grandma Vivian.” Zoe gave an exaggerated shudder. “And I don't think she likes me very much.”

Ryan shook his head. He needed to dispel that notion immediately. Although he hadn't thought his mother would take to Zoe, her turnaround where Faith and Sam were concerned gave him hope that she'd soften her ideas about what kind of woman made suitable marriage material for a Baldwin.

Personally, he didn't care what his mother thought, since his life was his own and he'd long since stopped doing what his parents desired. Yes, this woman could potentially cause a rift in the family, but then, so what? They weren't all that loving on the best of days.

Until very recently he'd feared the family shutting him out the way they had Faith, but he'd grown in the short time since meeting Zoe. He feared losing
her
much, much more.

“My mother doesn't know what to make of you. There's a difference between confusion and hate. If she can come to understand Sam, you'll be a piece of cake.” He winked and, watching the blush suffuse her cheeks, he chuckled.

Zoe rolled her eyes. “Are you saying to know me is to love me?” she asked teasingly.

“You said it, I didn't.”

Realizing her word choice, she glanced down and began rifling through her next box. Obviously
love
wasn't a term she wanted to discuss at the moment. He refused to take those concerns of hers too seriously right now. He'd already decided to keep things between them light and normal in the hopes she'd see how easy they were as a couple. So he began digging through his own treasure chest looking for something, anything, familiar.

Hours passed. His lower back hurt from bending, his shoulders ached from remaining hunched over and his neck was strained from tension and frustration. He was about ready to give up for good.

Zoe had already finished her share of boxes and now sat on the dirty floor leaning back against the cement wall, eyes closed. She appeared so fragile, a complete contrast to the strong woman he knew her to be. But seeing her this way made the ache inside him grow, made him want to take care of her.

He shook the fantasy out of his head and forced his gaze to the bottom of his last box. Unexpectedly, a sheath of papers caught his eye. At first glance they were just numbers on computer paper. Old computer paper, that looked as if it had come from a dot matrix printer, with the perforated edges still attached.

He pulled the papers out and, though the text and ink had faded, the words
Baldwin's Department Stores
headed the page.

His heart began to race. “Bingo!” he said, excitement rushing through him.

Zoe jumped to her feet and huddled beside him. “What'd you find?”

He sifted through the pages. Although Baldwin's was far more technologically up to date today, these were obviously old insurance claims.

“Old business statements from Baldwin's and…a letter or actually a diary of sorts. It's Faith's handwriting,” he said, the familiar scrawl from the past making him feel as if his sister were here with him now. He shivered involuntarily.

“Are you okay?” Zoe asked.

“Yeah.”

“Are you going to read it?”

A part of Ryan wanted to get the hell out of the dark, dank basement and read his sister's words in warm, familiar surroundings, and another part of him wanted right now to see what she'd left behind.

Curiosity won out. “Yeah I'm going to read it now. Want to see?” He wiped a hand over his forehead and lifted the old pages closer so he could see.

Zoe inched nearer and read along with him. His first glimpse was shocking and what he saw only became more horrifying as the meaning and intent in the letter grew clearer.

Nausea rose in his throat as Zoe stepped back and met his gaze. “It seems you were right,” he said dully.

“Ryan, I'm so sorry.”

“For forcing me to see the truth about my uncle? Someone had to shed some light for me.” His laughter sounded harsh and gritty to his own ears.

“Could she have made things up?” Zoe asked of Faith.

“Don't try to protect my feelings now,” he said wryly.

“It's possible, isn't it? Faith might have blamed your uncle for being thrown out of the house and left these notes, hoping your parents would find them when they found her.”

He shook his head. “These sound more truthful than anything I've heard in quite a while.”

He was beyond angry that his uncle would betray his sister. He was even more furious that the man would feign such ignorance over the years. Faith had left a thorough diary of her experiences and Uncle Russ's role in her running away. In fact, if his sister's words were to be believed, and Ryan did believe her, his uncle had every reason to want to get his hands on the keys. He'd want to see what Faith had left behind, if for no other reason than to cover his own ass.

“What's next?” Zoe asked.

“It's time I pay a visit to Uncle Russ.”

She nodded. “Feel free to drop me off sat your parents' while you go.”

Considering how much she disliked his family and their home, her offer meant a lot. “Actually since this revelation is a result of your persistence, you deserve a front-row seat at the confrontation.”

“I never
wanted
to find anything incriminating on your uncle. For your sake, I hoped I was wrong,” she said, her eyes huge, her voice imploring.

“But you aren't surprised.”

She shook her head.

He rose and extended a hand, pulling her to her feet. They started for the stairs when suddenly he turned and she bumped into him. He grabbed her around the waist to steady her, then lowered his head and kissed her hard. Though he'd taken her by surprise, she responded. Her tongue tangled with his and as he pulled her closer, a soft moan escaped the back of her throat.

He'd needed this, needed her and the reassurance of something good and trustworthy in his life and she seemed to understand. He deepened the kiss, slanting his mouth first one way, then another, their mutual desire building with each passing second.

Slowly he pulled back with immense regret. He hadn't had his fill, not by a long shot, but he had gotten the fortification he needed for what lay ahead.

“What was that for?” she asked, her tongue dragging over her lower lip, taking in the moisture he'd created.