Summer of the Midnight Sun (22 page)

“He should have desired to do it. Mercy had been given him.

Do you know what that’s like? Because I do. Remember I told you about being in jail—accused of a murder I didn’t commit? When I was let go, I knew what true mercy was for the first time in my life. I didn’t get to go free because of anything I’d done. I had no say in the matter. My friends went out and found a way to prove the truth—that was the only reason I was set free.”

“But you weren’t guilty. You owed no debt. This man owed a debt, and I do not understand why, just because one person forgives, another is forced to also do likewise. God makes no sense to me in this—especially when that chapter concludes to say that I must forgive everyone—no matter the guilt or the crime.”

Jacob closed the Bible and tried to think of a way in which he might convince her. Sometimes the Bible offered difficult truths. Obviously this was one of those times for Helaina. At least she hadn’t walked away from it or put it aside. She had mulled over this Scripture for over a day. There must be a reason.

“You’re not a very forgiving person, are you, Helaina?” He wanted to take the words back the minute they were out of his mouth. He couldn’t believe he’d actually spoken them aloud.

“I forgive those who deserve to be forgiven,” she said.

A thought came to mind. “And who really deserves to be forgiven?”

She seemed to consider this for a moment. “Well, I suppose no one. If they break the law—they must pay the penalty. They don’t deserve to get out of whatever punishment is given.”

“So do you believe forgiveness should be based on merit?”

“I don’t know that I would find that to be true either,” she admitted.

He nodded, feeling certain she would say something like this. “Who then merits forgiveness? Is it the person who is truly sorry?

Is it the person who made a mistake? Is it the person who simply didn’t realize the crime?”

“Ignorance of the law is no excuse,” she replied, sounding more like her old self.

“So if it is left up to you, no one deserves to be forgiven.” He paused for a moment, then smiled. “Which I happen to agree with. No one deserves it. No one really earns it or merits it.”

“Then what of this passage?” She was back to being confused.

“This passage is not just about forgiveness,” Jacob said. He gazed deep into her blue eyes, hoping to somehow understand the pain that he saw there. “It’s about mercy—compassion. Neither man deserved forgiveness. The law was clearly in favor of the man to whom the money was owed. God wants us to understand that the law is clearly in His favor. We do not deserve forgiveness because of anything we’ve done to merit it. But God in His compassion shows mercy on us . . . and . . . He forgives. He’s asked for us to do the same.”

“Threatened us to do the same, you mean.” Her words were laced with bitterness.

“But, Helaina, if the love of God is in you—if you know that blessed wonder of being shown mercy—believe me, you’ll desire to show mercy in return. You’ll want to forgive . . . because in doing so, you’ll know God’s heart just that much better. You’ll feel His presence in that very action of forgiveness.”

“I’ve never needed anyone’s forgiveness. I keep the law,” she said firmly and added, “I don’t compromise it.”

“The Lord doesn’t compromise the law or do away with it. He found a way to satisfy it through Christ. He loves the law because the law reflects His holiness—His perfection. He doesn’t want you to forsake the law, but rather to understand the need for mercy . . . because you’re wrong, Helaina. You
have
needed someone’s forgiveness—you need
His
forgiveness. Because without it you will face an eternity separated from Him.”

She held his gaze but said nothing. He could see that she still felt confused, but the time had come for him to let her make her choice. He prayed for her silently as he gathered his things. “The stew was perfect. Thank you for a wonderful dinner.” He started to leave, then remembered something.

“I nearly forgot to tell you. I’ll be leaving for Nook tomorrow.”

“Nook? Where is that?”

“It’s a town up north. Nook is the native name; they call it Teller now. I’m delivering some young dogs. I should only be a few days, but you can never tell how things will go. We’re taking the pups by water, and they don’t always appreciate that mode of transportation. John will look after the dogs while I’m gone, so you won’t have to worry about that—although it would be good practice for you.”

“Couldn’t I go with you? You know I’m not much use around here,” Helaina said, her voice sounding almost desperate.

“No, there won’t be room for even one more person. Besides, I won’t be gone that long. You’ll do fine. Keep the store going and keep track of what people bring in to trade. We’ll figure it up later. For the most part, they know what things are worth. They are honest and good people. You won’t have any trouble from them.”

————

Helaina spent a restless night contemplating the Bible verses she’d discussed with Jacob and facing the uncertain discomfort of his departure. She finally gave up trying to sleep about the time she heard the dogs start to bark and yip. This was a sure sign that Jacob was up. No doubt, as he gathered the dogs he would take to Nook, the other animals would be miserable—whining and howling their displeasure.

She felt like whining and howling her own displeasure. “How can he just leave me here? No one here cares whether I live or die.”

Helaina got up and dressed quickly. She wondered if she should make Jacob breakfast or if he’d take off before she would even have a chance to make anything decent. Looking around the room in complete dejection, she realized that she would miss Jacob. She hadn’t thought about Robert in days—maybe weeks. Truth be told, she hadn’t even thought about Stanley or Jayce or the job she’d come north to accomplish.

“What’s wrong with me?”

And then it came to her. Her interest in Jacob had taken a new form . . . and the thought terrified her.
This can’t be. I cannot let myself care about him—nor let him care about me
.

“It’s wrong,” she murmured. “It’s all gone very wrong.”

Chapter Eighteen

H
elaina heard that the revenue cutter
Bear
was in the harbor and that they were offloading mail and other supplies for the village. Jacob had been expecting a supply of goods for the store, but Helaina had no idea if she would need to pay for it or arrange for the things to be brought to the store. Much to her relief, however, John appeared with a couple of envelopes and the announcement that he and some of the other men would be delivering several boxes for the store. His dark eyes seemed to watch her intently—almost as if he expected her to do something wrong. She felt they all watched her this way, and she hated it.

“Thank you, John,” she told him in a clipped tone.

He nodded and handed the envelopes over. “I’ll be back.”

Helaina looked at the mail and realized one of the letters was for her. The other was marked
Urgent
and addressed to Jacob. The return address suggested it had come from the captain of the
Homestead
. This seemed very strange, given the man was supposed to be somewhere in the Arctic, where Helaina knew there would be no mail service.

She opened her own letter and read the contents. The expedition association in Vancouver had written her to acknowledge that Jayce Kincaid had indeed been with them for a considerable time in 1914 and into very early 1915. He was not a man given to long periods away from the job; in fact, he was just the opposite, often working over the weekend and well past the hours others put in. They further added that his service had been invaluable to them, and they hoped that he would be available to join them again soon.

Closing the letter, Helaina tried to digest the information and make sense of it. She knew for a fact that Jayce had been in England working at the British Museum in 1914. At least a man calling himself Jayce Kincaid had been there. She thought it might be important to write to Stanley and let him know of this news. Maybe her brother could lend some kind of insight to the situation.

Since John had still not returned, Helaina looked at the other letter in her hand. The word
urgent
caused her to contemplate whether she should just open the letter. What if someone were in trouble and needed Jacob’s immediate attention? Obviously it was important, or the captain would never have sent it. She decided to open it and risk Jacob’s ire.

Dear Mr. Barringer,

Our expedition has run into trouble, as you may have already heard. There has been sickness and problems with the ship, and we found it necessary to return home to make repairs and reconsider our next move. It is a great disappointment to us all.

The urgency of this letter is to let you know that we want to secure your help immediately for our next journey. We are already making plans and would like to have your pledge for next year, along with your help in the planning. Your friend Mr. Kincaid has been an invaluable help with the dogs, and we are grateful that he managed to catch up with the crew
.

Helaina stopped and reread this portion of the letter several times. What in the world was the captain talking about? Jayce hadn’t caught up with the crew. He was with Leah Barringer. Or was he? Had Jacob lied to her? When Leah went to Ketchikan, had Jayce made his way on the revenue cutter north to rendezvous with the
Homestead
?

Her anger rose with each suggested thought.
I’ve been duped somehow. Jayce probably realized who I was. I don’t know how he could have, but he must have figured it out. Then, instead of making a scene or trying to do me in, he headed out—back to the expedition—knowing I wouldn’t be able to join him
.

The sound of the men coming down the stairs drew her attention back to the moment. She quickly folded the letter and stuffed it back in the envelope. She’d have to figure out later what to do.

John and the others brought in a dozen boxes and stacked them in the front room. “Thank you for your help,” she told them as they made their way to the door.

“You are welcome,” John replied.

She thought about her situation and called after him, “John, is anyone making their way to Nome?”

He paused and turned. “Nome? No. We hunt whale tomorrow. Most of the village will move up the coast. The women are picking berries and other things, and they will trap squirrels and rabbits.”

“Then I’ll be here alone?” Helaina asked, terrified by the thought.

“The Kjellmanns will be here. A few others.”

Helaina nodded, and John must have taken this for her approval because he quickly left without another word. Jacob had said nothing to her about the village taking a nomadic trek north. Who would care for the dogs? Jacob had said that John would be responsible.

She ran up the stairs and outside, hoping to stop John in time to question him. He was nowhere to be found, however. Looking around her, Helaina felt a deep sense of loneliness.
I am at the top of the world and all alone. Stanley is safe and comfortable in his office in Washington, and I am here being made a fool of by a dangerous fugitive
.

In her heart, she wished Jacob were there.
If he were here,
she thought,
I could question him about the letter and Jayce
. But even as the thought came, Helaina knew such a thing would be difficult. How could she question Jacob without giving away her interest in Jayce? And if he saw that interest, would he understand? Would he be on the side of the law?

“He’s a Christian,” she whispered. “He knows the honorable and right thing is to obey the law and do good. He would surely understand that my desire is only to aid in the capture of a dangerous criminal.”

But Jayce was his friend. And friendships tended to make people look at matters differently. She really had few choices. When Jacob returned she would give him the letter and apologize for opening it, then maybe make some side comment about thinking that Jayce was with Leah in Ketchikan.

She smiled to herself. That wouldn’t seem so strange. After all, Jacob had told her they were together. It shouldn’t seem out of place for her to ask about something like that. It was just a matter of curiosity.

————

Jayce worked at sharpening his knife in the quiet of the day. Leah had gone with Adrik and the children into Ketchikan, while Jayce had opted to remain behind and tend to other things. Karen, too, had stayed. She had told him that she intended to bake bread and that the first loaf would be ready around lunchtime. The invitation was then extended to join her for the noon meal. Jayce could hardly say no to that.

He rhythmically ran the knife’s blade against the sharpening stone. There was something comfortable, almost soothing, in the familiarity of this action. It was something he’d known since childhood, even though he’d been raised in the city with plenty of wealth and servants who could sharpen the knives.

His father had been an outdoorsman who loved hunting, often taking his sons with him. Jayce had found great pleasure in the wilderness lands of upstate New York and Canada, and as the years went by, often it was just him and his father. Those were special times. Times in which Jayce learned to be a man.

His father often told Jayce that God could be found in all of creation.
“When a man looks at a snowcapped mountain or a frothing, wild ocean, he should remember that the Creator of the universe masterminded all of this and more.”
Jayce remembered the words as if it were only yesterday that he heard them. He’d had very little appreciation of them as a young man.

His father had often talked of Seward’s Folly—the Alaskan Territory—especially after gold was found. He and Jayce had even planned a trip; not for the gold, but for the opportunity of seeing such a place. When his father died Jayce set aside the plans, but after his mother died, he headed west.

Seeing that it was nearly noon, Jayce pushed aside thoughts of the past and decided to check and see if lunch was ready. Already he could smell the heavenly scent of fresh bread. It was a treat he didn’t often get. He put away his knife and walked to the log house. Karen smiled broadly at him as he came through the door.