Summer on Lovers' Island (2 page)

Lizzie didn't know exactly how to explain how she felt. Adrift, maybe. Definitely alone. Her mom and dad had been her guiding stars. Losing her mom to Alzheimer's bit by bit was terrible, and visiting her now was bittersweet, never knowing what state of mind Rosemary would be in. But losing her dad … they'd been so close. Going through the last months without his wisdom was horrible. She'd put every ounce of energy into work, and she didn't even have that now. She had no idea how to explain it all to her best friend, but she desperately wanted to.

“I needed this,” she said simply. “So thank you.”

Charlie reached over and took her hand. With anyone but Charlie it would have been awkward. But they'd been through a lot together, since the beginning when Lizzie had walked into her dorm room to find Charlie on one of the beds. The two made an unlikely pair, but from the first moment they'd been there for each other. Just like they were now.

“Everything's out of control, Charlie. Just everything.” She swallowed against the lump in her throat. “For the first time in my life, I don't know what to do.” She felt her lip wobble. “I don't know what to do,” she whispered.

“Oh, honey,” Charlie said, squeezing Lizzie's fingers. “I know it's been so hard. I should have been there for you more.… I'm really sorry about that. I suck as a friend.”

“You had enough on your plate, with the pregnancy and planning the wedding and everything.” Lizzie tried a watery smile. “And look at you. You were always so shy, so reserved. Dave's been so good for you. He really brought you out of your shell.”

Charlie's gaze softened. “He is pretty wonderful. But that doesn't make it all right that I neglected you.”

“Well, I'm here now. Just what the doctor ordered.”

Charlie nodded. “Hey, don't worry. I know you. You're like a rubber ball; you always bounce back. You'll figure it out. I know you will.” The confidence in her voice was clear.

But Lizzie shook her head. “I don't know this time. I don't know who I am, or what I want.… The one thing holding me together was work.” She squeezed Charlie's fingers back before letting them go.

“You've been grieving so hard, Liz. I know it's been eating away at you. You're here now, and that's what matters. You did the right thing taking some time off.”

Lizzie smiled but felt herself crumbling inside. How could she admit that her vacation wasn't voluntary? Charlie was under the impression that this weekend was just that—a weekend. Lizzie's smile wobbled and she took a deep breath, promising herself she wouldn't cry. “I wasn't ready to talk about it before. Didn't want to.” She swallowed, hard. “Couldn't.”

“But you want to now?”

She took a sip of tea, the hot brew restorative, warming her belly, giving her strength to say the painful words. “I'm falling apart, Charlie. Seriously falling apart.” Her voice broke on the last syllable.

Charlie turned in her chair, tucking her legs beneath her. “What is it? Can I help? Are you sick?”

Lizzie shook her head. “Nothing that sleep won't cure. But I'm not sleeping. I've been working extra shifts just to keep busy and keep myself occupied.”
Mistake number one.

“And burning yourself out.”

Bingo.
“What else am I supposed to do?”

Charlie didn't answer but waited patiently. Lizzie thought that Charlie would make a very good mother. She was logical and tolerant and always thought things through. Marriage, too, had given her a new kind of serenity that Lizzie envied. Lizzie didn't have that kind of patience. She didn't wait for things; she went after them. Always moving forward and not backward. There were so many other things she wanted to do before having kids … if ever.

She struggled to speak past the tightness in her throat. This was so unlike her! She was a doctor, for God's sake. She handled tough decisions every day. She spoke to family members and delivered bad news and it wasn't easy, but she always kept it together. But it was different when it was her own life. Her own feelings. She couldn't look at Charlie or the sympathy she knew would be in her best friend's eyes. She looked out over the sparkling ocean and whispered, “I didn't know that when I lost him I'd lose everything. I haven't even brought myself to put the house on the market. I don't want it, but I can't bear the thought of someone else there. It's like it's waiting for him to come home and say it was all a mistake.”

Charlie wisely stayed put in her chair. Lizzie didn't think she could handle any more hand-holding or hugging. She was feeling pretty fragile, ready to break apart at any moment. It was as if Charlie sensed it and after a few seconds of stunned silence she regrouped.

“Your dad's not coming back, Liz.”

“I know that. And then I go to visit my mom, and—” She was mortified to realize that tears were slipping down her cheeks and she scrubbed them away with her hands. “She asks where he is. She doesn't remember that he died. Or she'll say he's been to visit her when that's impossible, and it's like ripping open a wound again.”

“Sweetie,” Charlie said, and her thumb rubbed reassuringly over the top of Lizzie's hand. “I'm so sorry, Liz. I wish I could make things better.”

But Charlie couldn't, not really. Though simply being here helped.

“I can't put things off any longer. Everything is such an unholy mess and somehow I have to fix it. I'm so angry!” Liz admitted the dark truth with a burst of frustration, relief sliding through her as she finally said the words. She was angry at a disease she couldn't do anything about, turning her mother into a stranger. She was angry at the suddenness of the stroke that had taken her father, a cruel irony for a man who'd dedicated his life to saving others. And she was angry at herself for slipping up and the devastating consequences that followed.

“Your dad loved you. You know that.” Charlie ran a hand over the swell of her belly, the action making Lizzie feel suddenly left out. “Your mom adores you, too. Of course it's going to take some time for you to grieve. You just shouldn't be going through this alone. I wish you had someone … the way that I have Dave.” A wistful smile touched her lips.

Lizzie couldn't help the small smile. Charlie was head over heels in love with her new husband. “I knew this would come back to my love life eventually.”

“What love life?” Charlie raised an eyebrow.

“Exactly.” Lizzie focused on picking shortbread crumbs off her jeans, glad she'd gotten some things off her chest and very glad they'd changed the subject somewhat.

“Whatever happened to that doctor you were seeing at Christmas? The cute one with the reddish hair and big laugh?”

Lizzie felt her cheeks heat. “That's over.”

“I can tell by your tone who ended it. I thought you were crazy about him?”

Lizzie shook her head. “Ian's last act as my boss was to tell me to take a leave of absence. He's not on my list of favorite people these days.”

Charlie shut her mouth. Picked at her shortbread. Took a sip of cold tea.

“Oh for God's sake, say something,” Lizzie snapped, unable to take Charlie's silence.

Charlie got up, picked up her chair, and moved it so she was sitting knee to knee with Lizzie. “He did you a gigantic favor in my opinion,” she said firmly. “Look, here's what I know for sure. Russell Howard loved you. You loved him. No, hear me out. He was human, and you're human, too. If you're angry, be angry. My question to you is, what do you want to do now? Because whatever you want to do, I'll help you.”

Anxiety seemed to tumble around in Lizzie's stomach.

“Everything feels so out of control, Charlie. I don't know how to deal with it. And I haven't been able to admit that to anyone before now.”

Charlie smiled softly. “If you had the answers you wouldn't be finding this so difficult. And honey, you don't need to decide today. I know that's hard for you to accept, but it's true. Stay the weekend and stop worrying. Look around. The offer is still open to take my place for a few months. I'm planning on starting my leave July first, as long as I can find someone to cover.”

Lizzie dropped her chin. “My head is so messed up. I can't bring all that into the practice you've built.”

“Don't worry about that. The other doctor is great. I'm already working reduced hours. It'd just be … backup.” She smiled encouragingly.

“Colds and ingrown toenails. Lovely.” But Lizzie's lips twitched. Charlie was like a dog with a bone when she got an idea in her head. Nothing was going to make her give it up. “Besides, I'm sure the town is nice, but isn't it a bit … dull?” Dull as in dead. There probably wasn't a movie theater, or a martini bar, or decent restaurants.

“I know you're impossible when you're bored. But there is a lot to do here.” At Lizzie's skeptical look she insisted, “There is! Including sleep. You look like hell, Liz. Besides, Portland isn't far away if you need something more … cultured. There's more to Jewell Cove than you think. It's only for a few months. It's not like it's forever or anything.”

Finally, Lizzie laughed. Charlie was better for her than any prescription. “Thank you, Charlie. For inviting me to visit.” When Charlie raised a doubtful eyebrow, she capitulated, “For
making
me come. I didn't know who else to turn to.”

“I'm always here; you know that.”

“But just because I'm on leave doesn't mean I'm saying yes.”

“It ups the chances. And I'm not above using a little blackmail.”

“More shortbread?”

Charlie put her hands on Lizzie's knees. “If you stayed the summer, it means that my best friend in the whole world would be with me when my baby was born.”

Lizzie's nose stung and her bottom lip quivered. It was no secret that Charlie's mom and dad weren't exactly the nurturing type. Lizzie couldn't imagine them being doting grandparents, or Mrs. Yang sitting through the undignified process of childbirth, even though she'd gone through it once herself. “That's playing so dirty,” Lizzie whispered.

“It's true,” Charlie answered. “You need someone, Lizzie. And I need you. You're the closest thing to a sister I've ever had. I want you to be our baby's godmother.”

Lizzie felt herself slipping. But she had to be strong. She hadn't even seen the town yet. Or met the other doctor. And where would she find a place to live this close to tourist season? Surely everything was rented in advance.

“I'll think about it,” she replied. It was all she was able to commit to at the moment.

 

C
HAPTER
2

They took Lizzie's convertible, driving with the top down in the late-spring morning. The drive into Jewell Cove was short but pretty. Once leaving Charlie's cottage, the road connected with Route 1, tracing the jagged coast like a curving snake. This morning the fog was melting in the morning sun, giving the light soft edges, like a picture from a magazine that had been photoshopped—but this was the real thing. Lizzie filled her lungs with the sea air and felt her hair blow back in the breeze. She had never been in such a naturally beautiful place in all her life. Maybe she could finally try windsurfing, or go hiking in Acadia National Park.
Whoa
, she reminded herself. She wasn't actually considering taking Charlie up on her offer, was she?

“We'll find a place to park,” Charlie ordered. “Somewhere near the caf
é
, I think. We can shop and then come back for lunch.” Lizzie crawled along Main Street, looking for an open parking spot, following the direction of the finger Charlie pointed.

“Do you ever think of anything besides food?”

“Believe me, after a solid thirteen weeks of throwing up…”

Lizzie laughed. “Fair enough. If my turn ever comes…”

“Do you want it to?”

Considering Lizzie's current situation, the idea of a family was so far removed that it seemed a lifetime away. “I don't know. I haven't thought about it much. I've been too busy. And there's the tiny issue of a husband. Not a lot of Daves floating around for the taking, you know. I know in this day and age it's not necessary … but I'm still a little old-fashioned when it comes to marriage.”

“You're far more conventional than you let on, Liz.”

“Don't let that get out and ruin my reputation,” Lizzie replied. “Like I said. Long way off.” But she'd been truthful about her view of marriage and family. Her upbringing hadn't been perfect. Her father had been a bit of a workaholic, which put a strain on the marriage from time to time. But her parents had loved each other and persevered, even through tough times, and they'd always made an effort to make home a fun and welcoming place. Lizzie would rather be alone than settle for anything less.

“Well, take notes just the same. You've already missed the morning sickness bit. Least you can do is hang around for the varicose veins and hemorrhoids.”

Lizzie laughed. “Gee, what fun. And here I thought small-town medicine was boring.”

They made their way along to the northeast end of Main. Only a few parking spots remained along the curb, and the small lot by the wharf was half-full. In another few weeks Lizzie figured the tourism traffic would hit full force for the Memorial Day weekend, turning the relaxed little town into a hub of activity.

As they halted at the stop sign next to the wharf, Lizzie saw a pleasure boat slowly make its way around the slip. The words on the side were still clear:
Jewell's Constant
. Farther out in the bay, the pristine white sails of a pair of clipper ships glided above the water. What would it be like to escape for a day's sail on the ocean? When had Lizzie last taken time to do something so frivolous?