Summer on Lovers' Island (23 page)

This wasn't like her. Usually she welcomed the distance. Like when she was a kid and didn't like different foods touching each other on her plate. Compartmentalizing worked.

It was different in Jewell Cove. Everything seemed to blend together. Friends, neighbors, work, play … and, most of all, Josh. And that was very, very troubling. Josh Collins was getting under her skin.

What she really needed was a sounding board, so she picked up the phone and called Charlie. Lizzie hadn't spent a lot of time with her best friend lately, and it was time to remedy the situation. Charlie was thrilled with Lizzie's offer of pizza for dinner, particularly since Dave had taken on a moonlighting job for a few days, working on someone's boat up in Bar Harbor.

One Gino's special later, and Lizzie was on Charlie's doorstep.

The first thing Lizzie noticed was that Charlie had really expanded over the last few weeks. “Look at you! You're huge!” Lizzie said bluntly, but smiled from ear to ear. “How many weeks have you got left again?” It seemed like only yesterday she'd shown up to find Charlie with a baby bump, and now she looked ready to pop.

Charlie laughed. “Nearly six. And I'm hitting that point where I feel like I am ready to move things along. It's like walking around with a basketball sitting on your bladder.” Charlie waggled her fingers for the pizza box. “Come on in; we're starving.”

Lizzie went in and slid off her sandals. “Hey, did you hear? Jess had a baby boy this morning. Over eight pounds and all ten fingers and toes. The family is over the moon.”

“Oh yay!” Charlie's smile was wide. “And lucky Jess. I'm starting to understand how she's felt for the last month.”

“I'm really sorry I haven't been around more,” Lizzie apologized as she followed Charlie into the kitchen and put the pizza on the butcher block. “Work's kept me a bit busy, but I've been to see my mom, too, and I've been running on the beach a lot. Turns out I do okay with solitude. Who would have thought it?”

Charlie chuckled as she went for plates. “Lizzie darling, I think you're ready to hear something.”

Lizzie finished opening the pizza box and faced her friend. “Oh?”

“Honey, you always had to go from one thing to another without stopping and you never really took time to be with yourself. I don't know why that is, but I think it's wonderful that you're actually comfortable enough with yourself now to enjoy your own company.”

Lizzie sank down on one of the bar stools. “Cripes, Charlie. That's profound.”

Charlie raised an eyebrow. “It happens now and again. I've probably just burned up my one remaining brain cell with that bit of insight.” Charlie handed Lizzie a plate.

The pizza was still hot and Lizzie thought about what Charlie'd said as she slid a slice onto her plate. It was true, she supposed. She worked hard, and she'd played hard, too. She'd kept up a pretty active social life, but how meaningful had it really been? Not one of those friends had checked in with her since she'd left Springfield. Not one. And that might have stung a little except Lizzie realized she didn't really miss them, either. What did that say about her relationships?

Instead she found herself thinking about Josh. His smile, the way he kissed, how he looked steering the boat into the leaning dock at Lovers' Island and talked about searching for buried treasure. She was going to miss that when she left town.

Oh boy.
She was in trouble, wasn't she? And wasn't that why she was here, after all? To have Charlie talk some sense into her?

“Charlie? I've done something really, really stupid.”

Charlie plopped a piece of pizza on her plate, ripped off two pieces of paper towels in lieu of napkins, and handed Lizzie a soda from the fridge. “Oh, how bad can it be?” she joked. “What'd you do, sleep with Josh?”

Heat rushed up Lizzie's face.

“Oh shit. You did? Lizzie! When?” Pizza forgotten, Charlie sat on a stool and stared at her friend.

“Last night. Though we came close … once before.”

“Last night? What … how?” Charlie popped the top on her soda and leaned in, her eyes twinkling. “Well. How was it?”

Lizzie couldn't help it; she laughed. “That's like four questions, Charlie. Pick one and I'll answer it. Maybe.”

“Easy. First question: how was it?”

Lizzie looked down at her pizza, suddenly feeling a little bashful, which was not her style at all.

“Truthfully? It was amazing.” She fought to keep the memories from surfacing again. They were more than a little X-rated and had been distracting her all day. She lifted her eyes and found Charlie studying her in the way she always did—with an honest eye.

“Honey,” Charlie said softly. “Was it really that good?”

Lizzie felt unfamiliar emotions swamping her. “Don't. Don't talk in that tone of voice, okay? It makes me feel like I'm, I don't know, fragile or something.”

Charlie sighed. “Okay, then I'll just ask. Are you falling in love with him?”

“Of course not,” she denied quickly, and then her heart gave a strange lurch. No, it wasn't possible. She wasn't falling in love, for God's sake. She didn't
do
love. “It's just sex. I mean, I like him and everything. And last night when he found out that Abby's pregnant, the look on his face, I mean, he looked so conflicted. And he just kind of stands to the side, out of the way. And his family relies on him to hold things together, you know? They don't even realize they're doing it.”

Charlie was smiling at her. “Liz. You know that old quote about ‘the lady doth protest too much'?”

“I'm not in love with him,” she insisted. Again, the weird thump in her chest. “I can't be, Charlie. I don't fall in love, you know that. I don't have time for love.”

“Correction. You didn't have time for love. You always made sure you were too busy so you had a good excuse. But this summer you slowed down. Started to smell the roses. And the pheromones.” Charlie lifted her slice of pizza and took a healthy bite of ham and pineapple.

“You just want that to be true,” Lizzie argued. She picked up her pizza and started to eat, but a sense of panic had begun to swirl through her stomach. Love? What an idiotic notion. Love just got in the way. Love hurt.

More than that, love meant a commitment. Some people avoided commitment because they didn't want to be tied down, but Lizzie looked at it differently. When you committed yourself to someone, it was a promise. A promise to be there for them, to put them first.

And when you did that, you ran the risk of always letting them down. As much as she loved her father, as much as her parents had loved each other, Lizzie had seen the hurt in her mom's eyes when Russ had put his career first over family. In later years, when he'd slowed down, it had been better. And so Lizzie had learned from both the earlier days of the marriage and the later ones. And she was pretty sure what she was capable of. And what she wasn't.

“What are you really afraid of?” Charlie asked.

Lizzie put down her pizza. “I don't know. Failure? Russ Howard left big shoes to fill.”

Charlie took a drink of soda. “That's always been your problem. Trying to be your dad. I don't know who made you feel like you had to, but they did you a huge disservice. The problem is you only want to be the best parts of your dad. Perfection doesn't exist, honey. Not even for him.”

“Yeah, I think I've figured that out lately.”

They were quiet for a few minutes, picking at their food. Charlie finally spoke. “So what are you going to do about Josh?”

Lizzie gave an amused huff. “Actually, I was kind of hoping you'd tell me what I should do.”

Charlie shifted on the stool, ran her hand over the mound of her belly. Lizzie had never really considered children, but with Jess having her baby today, Abby announcing her pregnancy, and Charlie nearly ready to pop, marital and parental bliss seemed to surround her. She couldn't escape it if she tried.

“Liz,” Charlie finally said, “Josh is a good guy. You could do a lot worse.”

“But he's here, and I'm there, and the long-distance thing…”

“Then don't leave.”

“And do what?” She pushed her plate aside, feeling slightly ill. “You have your job. The clinic doesn't need another doctor. Besides, I'm an ER doctor. This is fine for now, but honestly? Luke Pratt's case had me so fired up that I know where I belong. It's in an emergency room, Charlie. Not a family clinic in a small town.”

“But if you were in love…”

Lizzie shook her head. “And then what? Be resentful because I'm unhappy in every other way? How well do you think a relationship could withstand that? Besides, I'm not in love with Josh. And he's not in love with me.”

“So the other alternative then is an affair. A hot, steamy, summertime love affair with an end date.”

It really was the only alternative, other than calling it quits altogether. And they'd already tried that and failed miserably. She supposed it had something to do with not really wanting to stay away from each other.…

“I need to lay out some ground rules, don't I?” Lizzie said glumly. Why couldn't sex or relationships or whatever this was be simple? Instead it had to be labeled as something and boundaries established and all sorts of other inconvenient categorizations.

“Probably,” Charlie answered. “And Liz, there's still a good chance you could get hurt. I mean it, Josh is a really good guy. There aren't a lot of those around.”

There were things Charlie didn't know, of course. And Josh had his demons. He wasn't perfect … but Lizzie kind of liked him better now that she knew he had a few flaws.

“I'm more worried that I'll be the one doing the hurting,” Lizzie admitted. “I should probably sleep on it a while, huh?”

Charlie smiled. “Sweetie, overthinking is not your style. You jump in with both feet and you're passionate about it. You see what you want and you go for it. I've always admired that. Just be careful. I'm afraid one of these days that way of thinking is going to catch up with you and you're not going to be ready for it.”

Lizzie thought back to the couple leaving the hospital without their baby. She thought about her mom, and her dad, and all the crap that had hit her in the past year.

It was time her life started on the upswing, and maybe her move to Jewell Cove had kick-started the process. It had certainly given her some perspective.

“Know what?” She sat up straighter and rolled her shoulders as an idea struck. “I think I hit that point the weekend I showed up in Jewell Cove and turned thirty. I need to let go of what's been holding me back.”

“What do you mean?”

Now that the idea had popped into her head, it made perfect sense. She'd spent so much time holding on to what had been and burying herself in work so she wouldn't have to face letting go. That was where all her trouble had begun.

“Charlie, I need to put my parents' house on the market. It's not doing any good sitting there vacant, the way my dad left it. It's time I faced it and stopped wishing things were back the way they were. Life is different and it'll never be the same again. I need to let go. And yeah, maybe that's partially metaphorical, but it's true.”

“Lizzie. Are you sure you're not just reacting to the situation and jumping from one thing into another? Maybe shifting your focus to the house is your way of avoiding dealing with Josh.”

Her assessment stung a bit, but that was why Lizzie had come to Charlie. Charlie loved her and didn't try to sugarcoat her words. “Charlie, I'm positive.” The more she spoke, the more she was certain. “I've been holding on too tight. If I want to move on, I need to make some decisions. I don't want to live in the house, Charlie. It should be with a family who can enjoy it. Make new memories.”

Charlie reached over and patted her hand. “As long as you're sure.”

“I'll ask Josh if I can have a few days. Meet a Realtor. Arrange to put stuff in storage.”

“If you're determined, I can go help if you'd like.”

Gratitude swept through Lizzie. “Really? It wouldn't be too much for you?”

Charlie laughed. “Listen, I'm glad I was able to take some time off work before the baby comes. But the nursery is ready, Dave is working, and I'm actually bored now and again. A few days with my best friend? Tell me, when am I going to get the opportunity for that after the baby's born? We'll drive down in your fancy car, pack up some stuff, list the house, go out to eat. A girls' weekend.”

It occurred to Lizzie that her friendship with Charlie was the one relationship she trusted completely. What would she do without her best friend? They'd always been there for each other.

“We haven't had a real girls' weekend in months,” Lizzie agreed. “I'd love to have you come. I don't even care if you do anything.”

“Well, you won't have to face it alone. I guess that's something.”

A new energy filled Lizzie. “It's more than something. Charlie, I know you had to drag me here for my birthday, but I'm glad you did. I did need the break. And this thing with Josh … a few days apart and some clear thinking will help. We both know it can't be a real thing. Maybe a summer fling is just what we both need to move on to the next stage in our lives.”

“Sure, maybe,” Charlie replied. Lizzie didn't think she sounded convinced, but it didn't matter. What mattered was feeling somewhat in charge of her life again. Making decisions. Moving forward.

When she left Charlie's an hour later, her stomach stuffed with pizza, her heart was also full. And while she didn't know what the future held, she knew how she was going to start making it better.

*   *   *

There was a Realtor's lockbox on the door and Lizzie leaned back, stretching out the kinks brought on from too much bending over. She'd pretty much managed a miracle in three short days.