Summertime of the Dead (6 page)

The monk who performed the ceremony had a robe the same colour as Natsuko's. He held his hands in front of him in a dignified way and waited. Then I realized that I was the only one left and he was waiting for me to leave, and so I did. I left the Aoyama Cemetery and headed up Omotesando without seeing a thing. I don't remember if I walked through the park or not. And I don't remember
walking back to the house. All I remember is coming into my room, drawing the blinds to block out the light and laying down.

In four days I've only got up once. And that was when the men came to clear out the twins' apartment. The bigger stuff they carried down the steps, but the smaller things they threw off the landing. They threw down Miko's dolls, which she'd kept from when she was a kid. Then Hiroshi's easel cracked on the pavement, followed by his paintings. A guy on the ground looked at them and then scrunching them up he tossed them into the garbage. Then the guy on the landing threw down Miko's rucksack.

‘I'll keep this for my kid,' said the guy on the ground. ‘Is there anything else?'

The guy on the landing glanced in the apartment. ‘No, it's all junk. They were Buraku, you know.'

That's what the headlines said: ‘Two Burakumin Kids Commit Suicide'. The Buraku are Japan's untouchables and they've been persecuted in our country for centuries. They're associated with slaughterhouses, and killing cattle, and other such dirty work. And so they themselves are looked upon as dirty. The twins had never so much as been near a butcher's, but they were Buraku by birth and so, to
certain people, they were known as ‘
eta
' – extreme filth.

There was a Buraku kid who went to my school this one time. When the other boys found out what he was they bullied him until he left. The thing was, everyone liked him before they found out, even the teachers. And those same teachers must have known what was going on. I mean, I knew the twins were Buraku, but I told no one. How the papers found out I'll never know. But as soon as I saw those headlines I knew there'd be no investigation. Our police would sooner bow down to the yakuza than defend the Buraku. That's just the way it is. But who was I to talk? They might have been loathed by most people, but they were loved by me! And wasn't I just as disgusted when I found out what she'd done? When I close my eyes I can still see her face, pleading and looking to me for help. And so I close them tighter and force myself to sleep.

In my dreams I'm back in the club. I can see Kako with Miko and he won't let her go. ‘Let her go!' I try to shout. But the words come out jumbled and he laughs in my face. I see Hiroshi leaving. I push through the people and run after him. But I end
up crawling up the stairs in slow motion. I see him heading for the tracks. I run towards him but it's like I'm wading through water. I hear the beating gong and the barrier comes down. ‘Hiroshi!' He waves farewell and the train slams into his small body.

Hiroshi, who hated contact sports, standing in front of a train. He could never have done that, not in a million years. Not unless he saw Miko. I lay there half awake and half asleep, rewinding things in my mind. If only I hadn't taken them to the club. If only the Tanakas had gone somewhere else. If only we had sat where they couldn't see us.

Then I see Hiroshi in the club. He's looking up at me. ‘I didn't know you knew yakuza, Yukio!'

I should have told him to stay away, but I decided to show off instead. ‘Some,' I said.

I see him moving towards the Tanakas. ‘No, Hiroshi! They're animals!' But the music's blasting and he doesn't hear me. I try to fight my way through the crowd but I fall on my face. Suddenly the club's empty. Miko's ghost comes from the dark. She still has the rope around her neck! ‘You shouldn't have said that, Yukio. That's what got us killed!'

I woke up to see Yoshe's baby boy looking down
at me. He looked puzzled, as though wondering why I was in bed in the daytime.

‘Come out of there!' whispered Yoshe.

The baby waddled out of the room and Yoshe came in with a tray. She knelt down and spoke softly. ‘Try to eat something. If you don't, you'll get sick.'

I closed my eyes and slept. When I opened them again it was night and I was hot and sweating. Then I saw someone sitting in the shadows. For a second I thought it was a real ghost. The face turned towards me and I saw it was Grandmother. I'd never seen her upstairs, let alone in my room.

‘You were crying in your sleep,' she said. She stood up and raised the blinds and the room lit up in moonlight. ‘When I was a girl there was a boy. A beautiful boy. He used to look after the horses in our stables. He loved those horses, but there was a pale stallion he loved more than anything. He was never allowed to ride it, not in daylight. But on nights like tonight, when the moon was full, he'd ride it for hours. Some nights I'd sneak out of bed to watch him, to be with him. His pale skin would glow in the moonlight as he rode. Such a beautiful boy. But my father found out. One night I went to sneak out
but the doors were locked. The next day they found him dead. They said that the horse had thrown him and he'd hit his head on a rock. But I saw him and that horse together; they moved as one. My mother told me that if it was meant to be, we would be together when I died, and so that's what I'm telling you.' She closed the blinds and opened the door. ‘I'm sorry about her, Yukio, and the other one. You know me – I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it.'

When she'd gone I thought about that terrible sky that had hovered over the park. We'd played so happily beneath it, but we were like the children of Hiroshima oblivious to the falling bomb. I'd often imagined them holding hands and singing on their way to school. Then they were screaming and on fire and death couldn't come quick enough. Because as sure as that bomb brought hell to Hiroshima, the Tanakas had brought hell to us.

I slept deeply and woke in a field. There were black clouds and a blood-red sun and Louise, who was dancing like a demon. ‘You! It was all your doing!' I ran at her and struck her with a sword. But it turned into a snake and wriggling from my hands it crawled up around her neck. Louise looked at me and laughed out loud. Then I heard screaming, like
the falling of a bomb, and there was Riko riding a pale horse. Behind her came a roaring army of yakuza, their bare bodies displaying their demonic tattoos. ‘Get him!' she screamed.

I saw a temple and running inside I barred the doors with a bolt. But then I turned to see Miko hanging by her neck. It was such a horrible sight. She tried to speak but her eyes bulged. I put my face in the corner so I couldn't see her. ‘Please, no!' Something touched my head.

‘You have a fever, Yukio.'

I woke in the daylight to see Natsuko kneeling next to me. I went to get up but my head started pounding and I felt so hot. She put her hands on my shoulders. ‘Lie back.' She poured some purple-coloured tea into a cup and brought it to my lips. ‘Drink this. It will help you get better.' She held my head and I drank. We'd never been so close. If I hadn't been so dazed I would have been embarrassed. She took the cup away and rinsing a cloth in a bowl of water she placed it over my forehead. It felt cool and soothing.

‘I couldn't bear to be here,' she said. ‘And so I went to stay with my sister in Kyoto. She's a geisha – did I tell you? Probably not. I don't really tell people.
They judge, you see. They think I was the good daughter and she was the bad, but it's not like that. My sister's lovely and she gets such joy out of life. And when you're with her the joy rubs off. I told her about the twins. She never said anything silly or offered any kind words, she just listened. She's a good listener. But when she asked me why they did it, I didn't know.' She took the cloth from my head and rinsed it in the water. As she did her face filled with the pain. ‘And that's when I knew I had to see you. To try to understand why they did it. Why they never came to me. I would have laid down my life for them if I had to!' She stopped for a second, as though trying not to cry. Then she placed the cloth back on my forehead. ‘But when I saw you in such pain I knew that you were just as puzzled. I know you're sad. But know this: they were beautiful people and they've gone to a better life. Sleep now, and when you're better we'll talk.'

My eyes closed like I was hypnotized. When I opened them again it was dark and I was alone. I felt like my fever had broken and my head had stopped banging. But then I thought about the twins and that pain was worse. I remembered the man urinating outside their apartment and realized
that it must have been that dog Kako marking his territory. But how could he have found them so fast? He must have followed us home. The anger got me to my feet, but I stood up too quick and my head spun. I held the wall to steady myself. All of a sudden I needed air.

I got dressed and grabbing my keys I went out on the balcony. I put on my sneakers and slid down the drainpipe. I hadn't done that since I was a boy, and why I was doing it now I don't know, but I had to get out of there. Then I was in the dark. It was quiet and still and I stood there for a minute not knowing what I was doing. I opened the steel door and headed to the twins' place. I crept up the steps, like a cat burglar, and looked through the living-room window. It was bare inside and there was a sign on the sill: ‘Apartment for Rent.' I wasn't surprised. I knew their grandad would never come back here. How could he?

I opened the door with my spare key and went inside. My footsteps sounded loud as I headed to their room. And opening the door I saw that their bunk beds had gone, and so had their dresser. But there were still some remnants lying around. A shoe here, a T-shirt there. And there was the mic that
Miko used to sing into when she was a kid. I picked up the tin box where Hiroshi kept his crayons. It was empty, but there was a Polaroid on the floor. It was of me and the twins on the Ferris wheel at Yokohama. We must have been about nine at the time. Me and Miko were laughing, but Hiroshi had his arms folded. He didn't care for heights. He didn't care for heights or contact sports, but he still stood in front of that train. And Miko, where had she …? I looked around and then I went in the bathroom. It was the only room without a window and so I had to switch on a light. There was a pipe running across the ceiling. Not a thick pipe, but Miko never weighed much. I could just see her standing on the tiny bathtub and tying the rope. I saw her hanging in my mind. And then I swear I saw her for real! I staggered backwards and went down the hall. I tried not to run as I left the apartment but I did, and I couldn't stop. All I knew was that I wanted to get away. And I wanted the pain to end.

I heard the beating gong and saw the barrier come down. I slipped under it and stood by the tracks. The train moved fast. It'd be here in seconds. ‘All you have to do is take one step forward and
you'll be with them.' Once I said it, it was settled. I was just about to take that step when I heard Miko's voice. ‘Don't be silly,' she said. And I could almost feel her pulling me back.

There was a loud swish, and the wind from the train buffeted my face. Then it was gone. The gong stopped and the barrier came up. It was quiet then and I stood there for a second feeling strange. I crossed the road and headed up the ramp that led into Yoyogi Park. I made my way through the dark trees, passing the homeless people who were sleeping and snoring on the benches. And then I made my way out on to the common, which was floodlit by the full moon. I found myself at the place where we used to throw the frisbee. I'd never felt so alone. I was never going to see them again and it was my fault. I never warned them about the Tanakas and I turned my back on them when they needed me! I felt the pain rise up inside me. It ached my heart and hurt my chest. Then it became a real pain. I was in agony. I dropped to my knees and screamed like an animal. Then my face hit the dirt and I cried for my best friends, who I loved so much. My tears ran into the dirt and I breathed dirt into my mouth, but I couldn't get up. The pain of their deaths, and the
shame I felt at not helping, were weighing me down. ‘I'll kill them all!' I cried.

As soon as I said it I saw it. The vision froze in my mind and dried my tears. I was calm then, and quiet. The samurai have a saying – ‘Fall into the pit of hell and find the true self within.' Well, I was in that hell and I had found myself. And I saw the path I was going to take. It was caked with yakuza blood.

I wiped my face and got to my feet. There were a dozen homeless people staring at me.

They huddled in fear as if some strange creature had crept into the park.

‘I'm going to kill them all,' I said.

They cowered and stepped back. And as I walked through them they stepped aside. I went back to the house, where I rinsed my face and drank some tea. Then I drank some more tea and felt better. ‘I'm going to kill them all,' I said. It was such a soothing thing to say.

It was early morning when I climbed up into the loft. I opened the large chest, that looks like it belongs at sea, and started to take out Grandfather's things: his military uniforms, his medals and the stacks of letters wrapped in red ribbons. But I wasn't interested in them. I was interested in the swords that lay at the bottom of the chest. Because they were what I was going to use to kill Kako and the Tanaka girls, and as many of those yakuza scumbags as I could.

I removed the Rising Sun, and holding it up I saw it was torn and soiled, as if it had been bloodied on a battlefield. I folded it neatly and put it to one side, and then I saw my little black book. I hadn't seen it for years and I had wondered where it had got to. My father made me copy out famous samurai sayings,
and the ninety-nine precepts of the Takeda clan, who Grandmother reckons we're descended from. The ink was still strong in the book, and opening the first page I saw my neat childhood handwriting: ‘Yukio Takeda's Bushido Code'. ‘Bushido' means ‘Way of the Warrior' and the code evolved throughout Japan's history. It involves seven virtues, which I'd written on the second page: ‘Justice, Courage, Benevolence, Politeness, Honesty, Truthfulness and Honour.' But I was only concerned with justice. Justice for the twins. I read some of the sayings. ‘Never be a coward in battle … Caution is your castle and negligence is your enemy … While you rest your enemy practises.' Then I saw Hiroshi's favourite: ‘You do not have to outrun the bear. You only have to outrun your friend.' I felt sad then, but it brought a smile to my face too. He was such a great kid. Then I saw the one I could never get out of my head: ‘The way of darkness always brings great power. The way of darkness always brings a great price.' I never understood what the way of darkness was, but it used to scare me as a boy.