Sunshine and Shadows (27 page)

That night Connie spent the night in Lisa's room, the two of them curled up with the puppy on Lisa's bed.

"When will we take the puppy to Jay's house?" Connie wanted to know immediately after breakfast.

Adele eyed Lisa. "Don't look at me," she said. "I promised the piano tuner I'd be here today."

"We'll figure something out," Lisa said.

Connie announced, "I'm going to give the puppy a bath so she'll be clean and smell good when we take her to Jay," and she changed into her swimsuit and took the dog outside, where she washed her in a big washtub. Afterward the two of them romped in the grass while the puppy's fur dried in the warm sunshine.

"It looks to me as if you got wetter than the puppy," Lisa remarked when Connie came back inside carrying the dog in her arms.

Connie laughed and dodged the squirming puppy's pink tongue. "I'll put a shirt and some shorts over my swimsuit and then I'll find a bow to put around the puppy's neck. She needs a name. How about Goldie?"

Lisa laughed as Connie headed down the hall. "Good choice. You'd better call Jay and tell him that you're bringing a present for his birthday. I'll drive you there, but you can take Goldie into Jay's house by yourself. I
don't
want to see him."

All right," Connie called back.

Lisa heard Connie talking on the telephone. When Connie returned to the kitchen, she studied her closely. "You
did
tell Jay that I'm not coming in, didn't you?"

"I told him."

"You'll take the dog inside, wish Jay a happy birthday and come right back out. Agreed?"

Connie hesitated. "I wish—" she said unhappily.

"Connie, we've been over this before."

"Okay," Connie said, but she was subdued all the way to Jay's. "Are you sure you won't go in with me?" Connie asked one last time before she got out of the car. She was holding Goldie in her arms, and Goldie licked her face. The two of them together were so cute.

"Positive. Don't take too long, Connie," Lisa said, forcing herself to smile.

Connie disappeared through the gate. Somewhere a rotary sprinkler was slapping water against a cypress fence, and it was one of the sounds she remembered from the day when she and Jay first made love. The sound brought back bittersweet memories because it was then that she'd known that she wanted to marry Jay. There had been no doubt in her mind.

Why didn't Connie hurry? She had been gone an interminably long time. Lisa didn't want to be here, and she didn't want to think about any of this.

Tears filled her eyes and fell onto the leather steering-wheel cover—the cover that Jay had bought her when she complained that the steering wheel was too cold on chilly mornings. It was exactly the kind of thoughtful gesture she had learned to expect from Jay. If only—but what was the point? She would never marry him now. Maybe she'd never marry anyone.

She didn't see him approach the car; she never heard his silent footsteps on the lush grass. But when she lifted her head, she saw him standing in front of her car and gazing at her through the windshield.

She looked around for Connie, who was nowhere in sight. Where was she, anyway? She fumbled with the key in the car's ignition, but then Jay opened the door on the passenger side and sat down in the seat next to her.

His face was pale, his eyes were sad, and there were blue rings beneath them. He had lost weight.

"I couldn't let you go without seeing you first," he said. "Please don't blame Connie."

"Where—where is she?" Lisa stammered.

"She's in my kitchen drinking a chocolate milk shake and introducing Goldie to her new home. She's a nice dog, Lisa. Thank you."

"It wasn't me. It was Connie," she said, staring straight ahead. She couldn't bear to look at him, to witness what their breakup was doing to him.

"Lisa, I can't go on like this. Without you, I have nothing. Without you, my life is meaningless. My work, the mission, even Connie can't fill the void."

"We have nothing to say to each other," she said sadly.

"I love you. I believe you love me. We have plenty to say," he said.

At that moment Connie came out of the courtyard. "Goldie went to sleep, and I drank all of my shake. Can't we go swimming in the pool? I want to show Jay how I can do the backstroke."

"Connie, I told you to come straight out after you gave Jay that dog. I told you I didn't want to stay here long." Her voice was weary. She got out of the car to open the back door for Connie.

"It's not Connie's fault," Jay said as he angled his tall frame out of the car. He walked around to where she stood. "It's my fault for giving her the milk shake. Can't Connie play in the pool here for a while? She's so eager to show off her swimming." His eyes pleaded with her, and Connie bit her lip and looked as hurt and pathetic as possible.

Lisa was exasperated. "You two go swimming," she said. "I'll come back later."

But Jay took one of her arms and Connie grabbed the other.

"Jay! Connie!" she said, nearly in tears again, but over her voluble protests they marched her to the pool and deposited her on a lounge chair, after which Connie jumped in the pool, sending a gush of water flowing over the sides so that Lisa had to pick her feet up fast to keep her shoes dry.

Jay sat down beside Lisa, watching her closely. He wished he knew where all this was heading, but for now, maybe it was enough to reestablish contact. Maybe there was hope.

"See, Jay? Did you see me float?" Connie said, spitting water.

"I sure did, doodlebug. Keep it up."

"You'd better call me
waterbus,"
Connie said, churning toward the other end of the pool.

"I've missed you," Jay said quietly when Connie was out of earshot.

Lisa stared straight ahead. For some reason, all she could think about was Adele saying, "How can we expect Connie to forgive Nina if we can't forgive Jay?" And Lisa knew that Adele
had
forgiven Jay. She had seen it in Adele's eyes.

"I've thought about everything in great detail," Jay said, studying her face, her beautiful face. "I know it must be a shock to you that I'm the guy who was responsible for Megan's death, but it was a long time ago. I've been living in the shadow of that one terrible thoughtless act ever since, and so have you. Some ironic destiny has recently brought us together, but in reality we were connected long ago, in the effect that Megan's dying had on each of our lives."

She looked at him, emotions shifting rapidly across her face. "Jay—" she said.

"What I'm trying to say is that it's time to step out from under that shadow, Lisa. Together."

She could not bear—absolutely could
not
bear—any more of this. She leaped up and began walking rapidly toward her car, but Jay caught up with her on the other side of the thick hedge screening the pool from the street. He grasped her by the shoulders, his hands strong and firm, and turned her slowly so that he could see her face.

"Step out of the shadows, Lisa. Walk in the sunshine beside me. Forever."

She looked squarely into his desperate eyes and saw the love written there; his expression was earnest and pleading. He loved her, and she, in spite of everything, still loved him. He didn't deserve her punishment. If loving was giving, then it was also forgiving. And, suddenly, in a burst of understanding, she knew that she had already forgiven him. Holding on to her hurt and resentment would prove nothing except her own stubbornness, and if she let this wonderful man go, how would she ever forgive herself?

"Forever?" she said, her voice quavering.

"Forever," he replied, scarcely daring to breathe, and then, seeing the wonderful accepting light spring into her eyes, and the tears, he circled his arms around her and gathered her to his heart.

Epilogue

June, 2012

The last few wedding guests had finally been seated in the church. Lisa's sister, Heather, as maid of honor, and the bridesmaids, and Connie as the very excited junior bridesmaid had already started down the long aisle in time to the strains of the traditional wedding march. Lisa was wearing the beautiful satin wedding gown made so long ago for Megan. Adele had insisted on altering it to fit her. Now Lisa waited at the door in the vestibule poised to begin.

To begin.
In a few moments she would become Mrs. Jay Quillian, Lisa Quillian. She gazed at the beautiful oval diamond of her engagement ring and felt giddy with the promise of a new life.

Suddenly her eyes swam with unexpected tears of happiness. The scene before her—the pastel dresses of the guests waiting so expectantly, and the shimmering pink roses filling the air with their scent, and the priest in his vestments beyond—blurred her vision. She blinked back the tears. Jay wouldn't want to see her crying on this, their special day.

Sunbeams slanting through the wide clear window behind the altar touched upon the profusion of pink roses, reminding her poignantly of the flower dolls that she and Megan had made together on that summer's day so long ago when they vowed to be each other's maid of honor.
If only Megan could be here,
she thought wistfully.

Megan, with her sweet and generous spirit, would have wanted Lisa to be happy. And today, on her wedding day, wearing the dress that Megan had never had the chance to wear, Lisa was happier than she had ever been in her whole life. Together, she and Jay had found a sense of purpose. They would go on giving of themselves to those less fortunate, to Connie and to other children like her, and they would do it in memory of Megan.

And as long as Megan is remembered by those who loved her, she can never really die,
Lisa thought.

Her silver-haired great-uncle Richard, looking courtly and distinguished in his wedding finery, tucked her arm through his. "It's time," he said.

Slowly they stepped forward as the big pipe organ played the triumphant trill heralding the appearance of the bride.

In front of the altar, Jay waited, his expression exultant, his eyes shining with love and admiration as he took in Lisa in her long satin gown and veil of silk illusion.

"I love you," Jay whispered as she joined him. Lisa felt a surge of pure joy at the words, and her smile was radiant.

Giving him her hand, trusting him with her life, she stepped forward into the warm blaze of sunshine spilling across the altar, and together they left the shadows behind forever.

The End

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