Superbia 3 (2 page)

Boxer leaned back and whispered out the corner of his mouth,
"Bert and Ernie are the liberal media's attempt to indoctrinate children into accepting gays at an early age.  Every character on Sesame Street is gay.  Big Bird's a queer.  Snuffleupagus is a big drag queen, just look at all that mascara he uses.  The Count dressed like Liberace.  And Elmo?  Don't get me started on Elmo.  The whole show is about fags and the fag lifestyle."

"Kermit's not
gay," Frank said.  "He had Miss Piggy."

"
That's because Kermit wasn't a regular on Sesame Street.  He could only take so much gayness so he took all the straight muppets and went and did the Muppet Show.  I mean, take Animal.  You know Animal is a wild man.  All those guys in the band were banging the one chick.  What was her name?"

"I have no idea," Frank said. 

"The hot one.  You know who I mean."

"You have some seriously fucked up issues," Frank whispered.  He looked down at
the way Boxer's blue jeans were bloused into the top of his combat boots and said, "When does it become a good idea to start tucking your pant legs into your boots?  Is it before or after you drive to Kentucky to join the militia?"

"Don't be jealous just because I have style."

"Redneck meth-addict style."

"So what's your point?" Boxer said. 

"I didn't think I needed to expound
any further. It makes its own point." 

Boxer waved his hand at Frank and then nodded at the
large wreath positioned by the hospital door.  It was inscribed with Carl Erinnyes' name with some sort of glowing sentiment in gold script.  "They did a nice job with the flowers, though.  You've gotta admit."

"
All I know is that my hard-earned PBA dues better not have gone into spending a single penny on them without a proper vote."

"
Shows that all you know is not much," Boxer said.  "I used some of the cash from the last fund-raiser we held.  I can do that, by the way.  Maybe if you came to a meeting every once in a while, you'd know that."

Frank rolled his eyes
.  "I thought you were supposed to send flowers after he dies."

"
This way, it makes things a little more cheerful."

The line moved forward a few feet as one of their officers came out of the room and another walked in.  Acting Chief James Iolaus nodded respectfully
at his men and saluted them as they saluted him, all while standing close to the red and puffy-faced Mrs. Erinnyes. 

Mrs. Erinnyes' face brightened as she saw Frank coming up through the line. 
It was all she could do to remain in place and thank the other cops as they gave their condolences, but it was obvious where her attention was.  When Frank finally approached, she rushed him and grappled him around the chest, saying, "Thank you, thank you, thank you.  If you hadn't saved him, I would never have had these past few months with him.  You are an angel."

Frank patted her gently on the back and said, "Really, I'm not."

"It was the Lord's will that you were there, Frank.  You know Carl always talked so highly of you."

Frank
and Iolaus glanced at each other, but Frank managed to smile kindly at the old woman and say, "We knew each other a long time." 

"I'm sure Frank wants to pay his respects, ma'am," Iolaus said gently, putting his hand on
Mrs. Erinnyes's arm. 

"Of course.  Of all people, he
especially deserves to say goodbye." 

Frank looked down at the ground and nodded.  He kept his eyes down as he entered the hospital room, stepping over the thick orange and black electrical cords running toward the bed, keeping the various machines beeping and pumps pumping, all working in concert to keep the sheet-white body of Carl Erinnyes alive. 

Frank put his hands at the foot of the bed and felt his breath void his chest.  He could still see Erinnyes screaming that he wanted Frank's badge, telling him to rip it out of his wallet because he was finished.  He was fired.  Frank could still see the look on the Chief's face as it twisted in sudden, excruciating pain and he dropped to the ground. 

Those minutes
Frank spent in his office, pacing back and forth trying to decide what to do, had been the longest of his life.  And when he'd found the fat bastard still lying flat on his back, eyes bulging and throat swollen, he'd felt nothing but relief as he picked up the phone and (pretend) cried for help.

Someone
else came into the room behind Frank and put their arm around his shoulder.  Jim Iolaus looked down at Erinnyes' body and said, "I've been trying to think of something positive to say about his contribution to the police department."

Frank laughed softly
.  "I bet that's a hard task."

Iolaus nodded.  "
Get this: He rarely called out sick.  He maybe used the least amount of sick time in the history of the PD."

"I'm sure
it's because he loved being there to torture us too much."

"Now, now, Frank.  That's in the past.  We're moving ahead toward brighter days.  You can't hold onto all that crap."

"Okay, boss," Frank said.  "That reminds me."  He turned toward Iolaus and lifted his hand to his temple, "I forgot to salute you when I walked in."

Iolaus shook his head, "No more saluting.  I'm striking that one from the books, first thing."

Frank nodded and looked back at Erinnyes, "If he wasn't on his deathbed, you'd have just put him there by saying that."

"You're not kidding."

"You think it would be wrong to hold a lottery for the PBA to see who gets to yank the plug?"

"I told you.  We're focusing on the positive."

"Right," Frank said. "Very few sick days."

"The fewest.
  Maybe of all our officers, ever."

"Got it."
 

They both paused at the door before going back in the hall, and Frank took a deep breath.  "Remember to look sad."

Iolaus let his face droop, "Like that?"

"I said sad, not like you just had a stroke."

"Dick."

Frank opened the door and frowned at Mrs. Erinnyes, reaching out to touch her hand as he passed.  The line was getting short.  They'd be pulling the plug on the fat fuck in just a little longer.  As he stepped out of the line he saw two
uniformed police officers walk in.  Both of them in their fanciest Class-A regalia, complete with dark blue dress coats with embroidered sleeves and pearl white gloves.  The older one's hat was covered in tangled gold braids across the brim, the
scrambled eggs
of a Police Chief.  Frank recognized the younger officer standing next to him and leaned back toward Iolaus, "Isn't that the kid we interviewed?  The moron who said he'd call his dad for advice before he responded to a domestic?"

Iolaus looked down the line and said, "Yeah. 
I guess Chief Tovarich and him came to pay last respects."

"Respects, my ass.  That guy's been grabbing for power ever since I came on the job.  Tell me he didn't give
his kid a badge and a gun."

"H
e did more than that.  I heard Junior spent three months in uniform and got moved inside.  He's now the administrative officer for Manor Farms PD."

Frank's eyes widened, "The guys over there let that slide?"

Iolaus shrugged, "Who are they going to complain to?  Their Chief?  I guess I better go say hello.  Hey, we're all meeting up for a beer after this.  Can you make it?"

"I promised Dawn I'd go somewhere with her."

"It'll be quick.  I can't drink much anyway, I'm driving a township car." 

Frank eyed the older Chief at the other end of the room suspiciously.  "
Listen to me.  Be careful around that guy.  They're sniffing around here for a reason."

"I've got this."  Iolaus headed down the remainder of his line of men toward the rear, extending his hand as he walked. 
"Thanks for coming, Chief.  We really appreciate it."

Tovarich c
lutched his hand and squeezed like he was trying to crush a soda can.  The Chief was in his mid-fifties with a head of white hair stained with puddles of blonde that looked like a piss-stained carpet in someone's living room.  He was as thin and gaunt as a cancer patient and his nose had an upturned slope to it like someone had dabbed poop on his front lip and he was trying not to smell it.  It gave his face a piggish quality and his green eyes fixed on Jim Iolaus when he said, "It would have been disrespectful of me
not
to come."

Iolaus looked at Junior and nodded, but hesitated to offer his hand.  The younger man was grinning and standing with his arms at his sides like he
was holding a pose.  The last time Iolaus had seen the young man had been when he interviewed for their police department and failed spectacularly.  In the meantime, the kid had obviously learned to appreciate long lunch breaks with his father, and his stomach protruded hard enough against his fine Class-A coat that Iolaus feared the brass buttons would pop off and begin striking people in the head.  Junior's puffy cheeks and double-chin accentuated his unfortunate hereditary facial features to look even more like something that should be rolling around in the mud, bleating, but Iolaus smiled kindly at him and said, "How have you been, Wally Junior?  I heard you're setting the world on fire over there."

"I've been good
, Jim
.  It's not easy trying to keep our retards in line, but we're managing" Junior said.   

Tovarich
looked around the room and said, "I don't see Frederick or Jones here.  They said they would stop by.  Did I miss them?"

Iolaus turned and
glanced over his shoulder, "Who?  I didn't see anybody else from Manor Farms." 

"
No.  They're the newest members of your township council and probably the next majority leaders," Tovarich said.  He looked past Iolaus' shoulder at where Mrs. Erinnyes was standing and tugged on his son's sleeve, "Come on.  Let's go up."

"Okay, Chief," Junior said.  He
leaned close to Iolaus and whispered, "Hey, where's that female officer of yours hiding?"

"She hasn't shown up yet," Iolaus said cautiously.

"Damn.  I had mandatory updates with her a few months back and everybody was drooling."

Iolaus did not speak as Junior headed up behind the Chief, the two of them approaching Mrs. Erinnyes with condescending offers of sorrow.  M
rs. Erinnyes wrapped her arms around Tovarich and kissed him on the cheek, leaving a pale pink ring on his face that he didn't wipe off.  

B
eers, both cold and dark, topped with an inch of thick white foam lined the bar.  Good Irish stout for a proper police salute to the dead.  The bartender set up the mugs and when Frank and Iolaus reached into their pockets to pay, he waved them off.  "This is on the house, guys.  I heard you lost another one.  Breaks my heart when a hero goes down."

Frank
squinted at the use of the word
hero
in reference to anything to do with Carl Erinnyes, but Iolaus spoke up and said, "We really appreciate it.  Thanks for the support."  He looked sideways at Frank as he picked up the beers, "We'll drink to Heck and Vic too.  Hero's a loose definition when it comes to free beers."

Frank sighed and reached for the rest of the mugs, "
Erinnyes did have the least amount of sicktime, after all.  Maybe that's what the guy meant."

"That's the spirit."

They passed out the beers to the waiting hands of their guys.  It was clear the group wasn't used to drinking together, or doing much of anything together, in fact.  Mainly they kept to small, isolated clusters of two or three who worked on the same squads.  Each group eyed the others cautiously, uncertain how freely they could speak.  Still used to the old ways where anything you said would be run back to the nearest boss and twisted to suit the speaker's purposes.  Nobody spoke to Frank, of course. 
Old habits die hard,
he thought. 

He watched
Jim Iolaus move among the men, going from group to group.  He picked up and put down their various conversations with steady precision.  Finally, the Acting Chief made his way back to Frank, who had already filled another glass of stout and waiting to hand it off to Iolaus as he returned.  "I can't," Iolaus said.  "Can't take any chances driving around a township car."