Surrender (11 page)

“That's so hot,” he hissed between his teeth. He moved his thumb to the front so that each time I swayed, it rubbed against my clit. I closed my eyes and continued to ride his hand while his cock lay throbbing beneath me, begging for attention. I reached up and played with my breasts, tweaking my nipples, enjoying the way it made Neal's jaw flex.

Then his fingers were gone and he was lifting my hips and lowering me onto his shaft. I let out a slow breath as I sank onto him, feeling so full and complete. I had missed this. No matter how much I'd tried to ignore my feelings, my body still craved the feel of Neal inside and around me.

I sat still and squeezed at him with my inner walls until his forehead broke out into a sheen. “I want it hard and fast,” I said, running my nails down his chest.

He let out a low growl before grabbing me and flipping me over until I found myself staring up at him. He stared down at me with a heated look in his eyes and his nostrils flared as he found my entrance and speared me with no amount of gentleness. Gone was the tender guy of before; this man above me was once again an aggressive sexual creature who demanded as good as he gave.

Then he pulled out but refused to push back in, the head of his cock resting at my entrance. I pulled at him but he refused to sink down. He shook his head, teasing me until I was a whimpering mess.

“I want to hear what you want,” he said in a low, husky voice.

“I want you back inside me,” I said. “I want to be fucked hard.”

He leaned down, shaking his head. “I didn't hear you ask me nicely.”

“You want me to beg?”

He raised an eyebrow and nudged me with the tip of his cock. “Yes.”

I gripped his ass and pulled him hard, gasping as he slipped back inside me. He tried to back off but I wrapped my legs around him and locked my ankles together, effectively trapping him in place. “Now you'll have to beg
me
.”

One side of his mouth curled up. “I'm not going anywhere,” he said and nudged into me.

“Oh, fuck.”

“I love your dirty mouth,” he said, kissing me hard, retreating slightly then slamming back into me. He kissed my jaw, my neck, my collarbone. “And pretty much everything about you.”

I relaxed my legs and allowed him room to maneuver; he started pounding into me, deep, savage thrusts that pierced to the heart of me. He was everywhere, kissing me, touching me, possessing me. He hooked his arms under my knees and lifted my legs, rocking his hips faster even as he went deeper. The entire time he never once took his eyes off me. He kept me captive with the intensity of his gaze, the raw passion that sparked in his eyes.

The orgasm tore through my body faster than I'd ever experienced before, stealing the breath from my lungs. My muscles seized up for a few seconds and then I was flying into a shower of sparks.

Neal grunted as he came to the crest, thrusting faster and harder until he, too, was coming, his back bowing as he emptied himself into me. He twitched from the aftereffects, and then he lowered my legs to the bed and kissed me long and hard.

Neal was insatiable that night, making love to me twice more before we finally fell into an exhausted sleep, my back to his front as he wrapped himself around me.

Sometime before six, I felt him lifting my leg and nudging at my cleft. “I'll never have enough of you,” he murmured against my ear.

I reached back and gripped his ass, welcoming him into me once again. With his arms gripping me to his chest, he made slow, deliberate love to me, his breathing ragged against my ear. And when his nimble fingers drew lazy lines up and down my folds, I came completely apart, trembling with the knowledge that the all-consuming love I'd feared my whole life had finally, and completely, found me.

Neal didn't move in. He switched to an extended-stay hotel and only came over early evenings after Will and I came home.

Sometimes Neal stayed the night but that didn't happen as often as I'd have liked. Will still had no clue, or if he did, he didn't say anything about it.

“Could you grab the napkins, bud?” Neal asked as he reached in the top cabinet for three plates.

“Getting plates was my job, too,” Will said, watching Neal with awe. “I always have to get a chair, though.”

“Here, why don't you put these on the table,” Neal said, handing him the stack. “And I'll get the silverware.”

“The silver what?” Will asked, carefully carrying the plates to the table.

“Silverware. Forks, knives, spoons.”

“We just call it forks, knives, spoons. That's just easier,” Will said.

I watched the exchange from the stove, grinning to myself. It had been a week since Will had come home from the hospital and I'd allowed Neal into our lives. A week of growing and stretching beyond our comfort zone, of Will and I welcoming another person into our lives. And so far, apart from having to cook twice as much food, the changes had been barely noticeable.

“Mmm, my favorite!” Will cried as I spooned mac and cheese onto his plate.

“We also have vegetables and chicken, so you'd better eat some of that,” I said.

“Yes, sir,” Will said, performing a small salute.

I tried to ignore the pang of unease and went back to the stove, aware of Neal's eyes following me.

He came up behind me and pressed a gentle kiss to the back of my neck. “Here, I got it,” he said, taking the strainer full of vegetables from my hands. “Go sit down and let me take care of the rest.”

Neal served the rest of dinner and we ate in comfortable silence. Will kept glancing over at Neal, trying to mimic his movements, eating heartily, no doubt trying to impress his new idol.

“Good job eating, man,” Neal said after Will had taken his last bite. “If your mom says it's all right, I have a treat for you.”

“What? What is it?”

Neal leaned close and whispered, “I got him some ice cream.”

“When did you get that?”

“I snuck it in earlier when nobody was looking,” he said with a grin.

I turned to my son, who wore a yellow-cheese smile. “Okay, but just this once.”

—

Neal left the next Friday and headed to Homestead Air Reserve Base in Florida for training, promising to be back on Sunday night.

“Why did he go there?” Will asked on Saturday morning while he stood on the stool, whisking eggs in a glass bowl. “Does he have to go all the time?”

“He's training,” I said, flipping the pancakes. “From what I understand, it's only one weekend a month and two weeks a year. At least, that's what the commercials say.”

“But what does he do there?”

“I'm not sure,” I said, glad that I truly didn't know any details so that I wouldn't have to tell my son. I could only imagine what he'd think if I told him Neal was shooting sniper rifles or learning how to drive a tank.

“Why does he live in a hotel?” Will asked, pouring the bowl's contents into the pan. “Why doesn't he just come live with us?”

“Because I want to take it slow. I don't want to rush anything.”

“He's your boyfriend, right? I heard Miss Stacy tell the nurses at the hospital that he was your boyfriend,” he said, taking over the skillet and putting the cooked pancakes onto our plates, ever the eager helper.

“Yes, Neal is my boyfriend.”

“Do you love him?”

I took a deep breath. “I do.”

“Do you still love my dad?”

“That's different. I love your dad, but not the same way I love Neal.”

His little eyebrows drew together, making him look surprisingly mad. “You can't love Neal more than my dad!”

“That's not what I said.”

“My dad was the best guy. Better than Neal!”

“Hey,” I said, turning to face him on his perch. “Why are you getting so worked up?”

He swiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. “Because.”

“Will, there are many different kinds of love. We'll never love one person the way we love someone else.”

“Do you love Neal more than me?”

“Of course not, silly!” I said, hugging him to my chest. “Out of everyone in the whole world, I love you the most. That will never, ever change.”

He sniffed. “Okay.”

“Where's this coming from? I thought you liked Neal,” I asked, stirring the eggs.

“He's okay,” Will said. “I just don't want you to forget Dad.”

I set the spatula down and took hold of his hands. “Honey, I can never forget your dad. No matter what happens, no matter how old I get, I will always love your dad. You know why?”

“Why?”

I kissed his forehead. “Because he gave me you.”

—

Friday night a week later, Neal and I took Will and Dennis to Chuck E. Cheese's.

“This place is . . .” Neal began, looking around the crowded, loud place full of hyped-up kids.

“Horrible?” I finished helpfully.

He grinned. “That. But I was going to say interesting.”

“You've never been to one before?”

“Can't say I have.”

We set our things down at a plastic booth and let the boys loose with cups of coins. Neal squeezed into the booth beside me, laying an arm across the backrest, his fingers resting on my shoulder.

“This is an unconventional date location,” he said.

“You don't have to stay,” I said, feeling guilty that I'd dragged this single guy into the seventh circle of parental hell. “If you'd rather go somewhere else.”

He leaned down and kissed my cheek. “I'm good right here.”

While we were eating pizza, Stacy called to check up on her son.

“Neal, come play with us,” Dennis said, tugging on his hand.

Neal gave my leg a squeeze under the table before sliding out of the booth and following the boys into the maze of machines and lights and the din of falling coins.

“Dennis is not being too crazy, is he?” she asked. “He tends to get hyper at that place.”

“No, he's doing fine,” I said. “We'll drop him off tomorrow morning around eight if that's not too early.”

“That's perfect,” she said. “Shane and I are enjoying the silence. We're about to put in a DVD and drink some wine.”

“Sounds wonderful.” I scanned the room until my eyes landed on the boys standing over at the basketball games. Neal was demonstrating how to hold the ball, correcting Will's form before throwing it into the hoop. “I know it's only been a short time, but I think Neal really, genuinely cares about Will,” I thought out loud.

“Of course he does. Will is a lovable kid. I think it'd be a warning sign if he
didn't
.”

I grinned to myself as Will jumped up, giving Neal an elated high five. “But most guys don't want to date women with children, in case it means they'll end up at Chuck E. Cheese's on a Friday night. So what's wrong with Neal? What the hell is he still doing here?”

Stacy laughed. “He does seem a little too perfect. But, girl, with the life you've had, you deserve some perfect.”

“And when I discover his deep, dark secret?”

Stacy was quiet for a while. “I don't know. Just keep crossing your fingers and hope he doesn't have one.”

“We all have one.”

She gave a short chuckle. “You're overthinking this. Just relax, okay? Enjoy your time.”

After we hung up, I went in search of my boys, finding them at a game that involved shooting large insects onscreen. “How's it going?” I asked Neal, who was watching from outside the game enclosure.

“Excellent. I got them some more coins but it looks like they'll be using all of it on this one game,” Neal said, his eyes fixed on the screen. “Okay, Dennis, shoot the legs. See the target on his leg? Yeah, shoot that.”

I tugged him aside and gave him a hug. “Thank you. You've been so patient.”

He kissed the tip of my nose. “It's no big deal. I'm having a good time.”

“It's really okay if you're not. I know this isn't every guy's ideal Friday night.”

“Are you kidding? I get to spend the night eating pizza, playing video games with my buddies, and then, later, hopefully spend time with my girl. Sounds perfect to me.” He leaned close and whispered, “If I'm lucky, I might even get to put a coin in the slot.”

“I heard the ride can get pretty bumpy. I hope you can handle it.”

“Oh, I'll handle it all right.”

—

Later, after the kids had changed into their pajamas and were set up in Will's room, Neal said, “I meant to ask earlier: is Will in any type of after-school sports?”

“No. Why?” I asked, settling down on the couch with my glass of wine.

Neal sat down beside me with his beer. “I was just wondering. He seemed unsure of himself when we were playing the basketball game.”

“I've never had the chance to take him to any after-school activities.”

“Has he shown any interest in it?”

“No, but earlier this year he was asking me if he could play soccer,” I said. “But practice is right after school and there's no way we can make it work.”

“I can take him.”

My head snapped around to him. “You will?”

He took a swig of beer. “Yeah. I can pick him up after school and take him to practice.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because I want Will to experience sports.”

I stood up just as my eyes began to burn. “I'm going to get more wine,” I said quickly and left the room. His suggestion had filled me with so much guilt and so many conflicting emotions. I knew going in that being a single parent meant Will would have to miss out on some things, but I was trying my best. To hear someone confirm what I'd always secretly feared—that I was somehow depriving my son of a normal childhood—made my heart hurt.

Still, a part of me knew that Neal meant well. I should be happy that he wanted good things for my son, right?

After gathering myself, I rejoined Neal on the couch. “Yes. I'd love it if you could take him to an after-school sports program.”

“Sure?” he asked. “It was just an idea.”

“It's about time Will experienced other things. I've sheltered him long enough.”

He sat up and took my glass, setting our drinks down on the coffee table. “Julie, you've done a phenomenal job with your son. It's time you give yourself some much-deserved credit.”

I shrugged, not sure how to answer. So I just kissed him instead, pouring into it all my gratitude. He leaned forward and deepened the kiss, tangling his fingers through my hair.

I pulled away. “Does this mean you're sticking around for a little while? An entire soccer season lasts three to four months,” I said. “Are you sure you want to make that kind of commitment?”

He gave me a soft kiss, lingering to nibble on my bottom lip. “Yes. I'll stay as long as you need me.” He pressed light kisses along my jaw and up to my earlobe. “As long as you want me.”

In that moment, I couldn't imagine a time when I would never
not
want him. “Then you're probably sticking around forever.”

He ran his tongue along the shell of my ear, making my entire body tingle. “Forever it is,” he rasped.

Our heads snapped around when we heard giggling coming from the stairs. We pulled apart and turned to find Will and Dennis crouched at the landing.

“Told you they'd be making out,” Dennis said, nudging Will.

Will stifled his laugh behind a hand.

“You guys are so busted,” Neal said, getting up, causing both boys to jump up and run upstairs. He chuckled and turned back to me. “I guess I'd better go.”

“You don't have to. We can just watch a movie and be chaste,” I said, patting the space beside me.

He raised an eyebrow. “I can't sit beside you and be chaste, Julie. That's not possible.”

I walked him out the front door. As soon as the door closed behind us, Neal had me up against it, his hands on either side of my face as he kissed me. My hands went around his back, pulling on his butt while our tongues tangled.

“I'd better go,” he said even as he ground his hips into my crotch, the hard length in his pants divulging just how unchaste he wanted to be.

“You don't have to. You can just stay here, at my front door, forever.”

He let out a pained chuckle and pushed away from the door. “I'm just going to go take a cold shower,” he said, dropping one last kiss on my nose. “I'll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay,” I said, straightening my shirt and trying to recover my senses.

“I hope he likes the surprise.”

“The kid thinks you're so cool. You could give him a piece of gum and he'd think it was the best thing ever.”

He leaned down until our faces were a hairsbreadth apart. “And what about his mom? What does she think of me?”

I slid my fingers into his jean pockets and tugged, planting one last kiss on his lips. “She thinks you'd better get going before she mounts you right here in front of the neighborhood.”

“Kinky. I like it.” And with one wink, he went on his way, leaving my body prickling from his absence.