Surrender (The Forbidden Series Book 3) (4 page)

‘That’s because Kurt fancies the arse off you. Why do you think he always asks if you’re gonna be here before he sets off from the brewery? It’s so he can decide whether it’s worth
him
coming or not. He doesn’t bother if it’s me or Jed or even Daisy, and she’s not exactly harsh on the eye, is she?’

‘Shut up.’ I throw a towel at him and he catches it, throwing it straight back at me.

‘You haven’t noticed that, then? Because, you watch, when we get back let’s ask the guys how many times Kurt showed his face around here. I bet you anything he sends any one of the other drivers to do the deliveries while we’re away. Because
you
won’t be here.’

‘You’re getting on my nerves now.’

He flashes me a grin and launches himself over the bar, grabbing me by the waist and swinging me into his arms, kissing me hard. ‘Yeah. But you find that a turn-on, don’t you?’

‘Idiot.’

I smile as I push him away, and he winks at me before he disappears out back. I shake my head and laugh as I look out around me. The bar’s busy with the lunch time rush, and I recognise a lot of familiar faces. People who’ve become our friends. Yeah, I like it here, in this very different place, living my very different life. I like it.

We serve food at JK’s, which is why we get a bit of a surge at this time of day, and we’ve already gained a bit of a reputation for our chicken cheese-melt sandwiches, thanks to Jed, our young and incredibly motivated chef. He also does a mean line in burgers, which seem to be flying out of the kitchen this afternoon, and I could easily eat one myself. Lots of morning sex has given me a bit of an appetite and I contemplate putting in an order for a cheeseburger and a side of chilli fries. I’ve got time, before we need to leave for the airport.

But then I look up, and I’m distracted from all thoughts of food as my eyes are suddenly drawn to the door; to someone who’s just walked into the bar, because his face is more than a little familiar. But I know he isn’t a local, and I think it’s the beard that’s thrown me, so I squint slightly to get a better look at him as he stops and glances around. And then his eyes meet mine, and as he starts to walk towards me I know exactly who he is. And I don’t know whether to feel relieved, angry, or scared…

Four

Neal

She knows how to work a room. Her smile has every man falling at her feet, and even the women seem to connect with her in a way they never really could with Kira. Helen’s comfortable in this world. Kira never really was. Women felt threatened by her, and men could never really concentrate when she was around them because the signals she sent off – she didn’t know she was doing it, but there was something about her that had the ability to knock people sideways. Including me. But she was never comfortable in this world. And this world is still somewhere I need to be. I need it to level things out. I need The Playroom and the escape that gives me, too, but this – this world is the necessary contrast I can’t do without now. I need both worlds, whereas once, one of them would have done.

‘Neal?’

My head shoots up at the sound of her voice and I smile as she reaches out to gently touch my cheek. ‘Sorry, baby, I guess I drifted off there for a few seconds.’

‘You’ve been doing that a lot lately.’

I sigh quietly, because of course she must have noticed that. I know myself how distant I’ve been with her as Joey and Benni’s wedding draws nearer. I know myself how I’ve questioned this relationship, time and time again, for so many different reasons. But I think I’ve finally come around to the fact that she’s exactly what I need now. There are just one or two more hurdles to get over and then, maybe, if I just start to believe in us, we really could be OK.

‘Has this got anything to do with the fact
she’s
coming back here?’

Her question takes me by surprise, although, it shouldn’t, not really. She always knew how much I loved Kira. She always knew no woman was ever gonna match up to her, and yet still she persisted, biding her time. And her time finally came. But she knows – she knows that Kira coming back to New York, that’s not something I can ignore. I just don’t think she needs to be concerned now. I can do this. I’m finally moving on. Yeah, I can do this.

I take her hand and bring it to my mouth, kissing it lightly before I touch her waist and gently pull her forward. ‘That’s all over now, Helen, OK? Me and Kira, we’re done. She’s getting married, she’s living her new life, and that’s exactly what
I
want to do, too. I want to live my new life, with you. If you’ll still have me.’

She smiles and strokes my cheek and her touch is nice. It’s comforting and safe and, yeah. It’s nice. Is it giving me butterflies I can’t control? No. Not yet. But that’ll come. I just need to give myself some time.

‘I’ve loved you for so long, Neal. You know that, don’t you?’

I take her hand and curl my fingers around hers, leaning in to kiss her softly, and while kissing her still doesn’t set my heart on fire, I kinda need what she can give me. I’d all but shut myself off from her, put up barriers to protect myself from investing too much of myself into this relationship, but now – now I think I need to lower those barriers and let her into my life that little bit more. She deserves that. She didn’t deserve the way I’ve been treating her these past few months. ‘Yeah. I know.’

I smile and I kiss her again and she pushes herself against me but the spark is still barely there. And I know I need to be patient because, for a few, beautiful months I was used to experiencing the kind of emotions I never even knew were possible. But maybe that wasn’t reality. Maybe that was never meant to be my life. Maybe that was nothing more than a wake-up call. Kira Blu came into my life to wake me up, to drag me out of my stupor and remind me that there was a life out there I should be living. I was just never meant to live it with her. All she was doing was getting me ready, for this, for what I have now. And that’s how I’m always going to think of it. It’s how I
need
to think of it.

‘We’re gonna be OK, Helen. And I’m sorry, if I’ve been distant and cold towards you lately, I’m just…’

She shuts me up with a kiss and I rest my hand in the small of her back, keeping her pressed against me. ‘We’re gonna be OK. And that’s all I need to know, Neal.’

I smile again, and she returns it, and I really am starting to feel like this could go somewhere now. But, like I said, there are still one or two hurdles to get over. And they can’t be ignored. If she wants me, then she has to take all of me, and that includes the club owner as well as the art dealer. I’m both men now. And if she can’t deal with that, then we might still have a problem.

Kira

‘Hello, Kate.’

I can’t say anything. Another piece of my past has turned up out of the blue; it’s found me, and I don’t know what to say; what to do. I want to ask what he’s doing here, now, after all this time, but no words are coming. Not yet.

‘Not much of a welcome you’re giving me here, I have to say.’

‘Why now, Kris? What are you doing here, now?’

‘Dad sent me, Kate.’

‘Stop calling me that.’

‘It’s your name.’

‘It
used
to be my name.’

He leans over the bar and reaches out to tuck a strand of hair that’s fallen loose from my ponytail back behind my ear. ‘They know, Kate. What he did to you. They know.’

I take his hand and pull it away from me, looking behind me to see where Jon is. I need him now, to help me deal with this because I’m not sure how long I can keep up the calm exterior I’m trying so hard to show. ‘How did you find me?’

He looks down and picks up a coaster, turning it over and over between his fingers, his eyes fixed on the bar. ‘Let’s just say, your past caught up with you.’

I’m so confused I can’t think straight, and I just want Jon, I want him here, I
need
him. Here. ‘What…? What are you talking about?’

‘Look, Kate, I’m… I’m not here to scare you or upset you. I’m your brother… and I know I…
we
shouldn’t have left things the way we…’

‘You come looking for me
now
?’

I’m angry. That’s the overriding emotion I’m feeling here. Anger. I ran because a man they pushed me towards hurt me in a way I still struggle to take in, and nobody even tried to make contact, to see how I was; to find out why I really ran. And I know I did my best to make it difficult for anyone to find me, but the fact they didn’t even try… My own brother. Did they really care so little? All those years I didn’t let it bother me. Whatever they’d felt; whatever they’d believed, it hadn’t bothered me. It bothers me now.

‘Things were very different then. You have to believe me.’

‘I have to believe
nothing
,’ I hiss, leaning forward so my face is right up in his. My brother. The one man I’d always looked up to, until even he showed me how little he really cared about me.

He steps back from the counter, but his eyes never leave mine. ‘I’m sorry, Kate. Really, I am, because if we’d known…’

‘You’d, what? Have been on my side? Believed what I’d said? Taken my word over his?’ I shake my head, and still my gaze never leaves his. ‘No, you wouldn’t. You wouldn’t have done that…’

‘Kate…’

‘
Stop
calling me that. Please, Kris…’ I take a long, deep breath and quickly glance around the bar. Everyone’s continuing to eat their lunch and enjoy their drinks and that’s good, I don’t want anyone here to know that my whole other life has invaded this one. ‘Come on. Let’s do this somewhere more private.’

He follows me behind the bar and down the corridor that leads out into the back yard which is, thankfully, free of anyone else at the minute. We’re alone, but that won’t last for long. People come out here all the time, and I’m not ready to explain just who Kris is right now. Not yet.

I close the back door behind me and look at the brother I haven’t seen him in almost eleven years. He looks so different to how I remember him. A lot different, but then, I doubt I look like the sister he hasn’t seen in over a decade. He’s older, obviously, and he seems bigger, like he’s been working out, and the beard is new. But he’s still my brother. And all of a sudden, memories of us as kids come flooding forward and I clamp a hand over my mouth as tears start to stream down my face. I’m in shock; it’s like my world has suddenly just frozen and the reality of what’s happening here, it’s hit me head-on, knocking me sideways.

‘Oh Jesus, Kate…’

He pulls me into his arms and I cling on so tight I don’t know if I’m hurting him or not, but he keeps me there, in his arms, stroking my hair and whispering that it’s OK. It’s all going to be OK. Maybe one day I’ll actually start to believe that it can be. I thought it already was, now, but his turning up here like this – that changes everything.

I stay there, just holding him, for what feels like a long time before I pull back and wipe my eyes with the back of my hand, leaning back against the wall to steady myself and letting out the longest, deepest breath before I speak. ‘You said my past’s caught up with me.’ I look up to meet his gaze. ‘What do you mean by that?’

‘You, and Jon…’ He digs his hands into his pockets and drops his gaze for a couple of beats before he raises his head, and his eyes are back on mine. And I still can’t believe he’s here, that more pieces of my messed-up past are slowly coming back to haunt me. ‘Why didn’t you just tell us, Kate?’

‘Kris, I… I need you to stop calling me Kate, OK? I’m not… I haven’t been Kate for a long time. Not since…’

I stop talking, and it’s my turn to drop my gaze as a feeling of utter defeat swamps me.

‘Not since he raped you?’

Hearing those words come out of my brother’s mouth makes me feel sick.

‘Look at me, kiddo. Come on.’

I slowly raise my gaze and his eyes… I’d forgotten how much I’d loved my brother. I’d forgotten how he’d used to protect me. Could he have protected me from all the shit that happened? If I’d just trusted him; talked to him?

‘You should have said something. You should have come to
me
…’

‘Running was the only option, Kris.’

‘Was it?’

‘Yes. It was.’

He comes closer, and I just want to throw myself back into his arms and be transported to a time when we were young and innocent and thought we could change the world. Instead, I let the world change
me
. I made a mess of everything.

‘You and Jon. You were having an affair, right? Back then.’

‘Who told you?’

‘Simon.’

‘Simon? How…? How did
he
know?’

‘He knew all along. Apparently.’

‘Kris, look, I… this is crazy. This isn’t making any sense and I have to…’

‘He knew, and he didn’t care. That’s what he said. He said he knew you were sleeping with Jon but he didn’t care. He said he treat you like crap because that was all you deserved; that he only stayed with you because of the business and our families’ connections and what he stood to gain from that. And we’ve only just found all of this out because…’

I want to stop listening, but I can’t. I can’t switch off, can’t stop the words from breaking my heart and stabbing my soul, and it’s hard. It’s so hard to hear.

‘Something happened, Kate…’

I throw him a look and he sighs, raking a hand through his dirty-blonde hair.

‘What the hell am I supposed to call you, huh?’

‘If you know everything you claim to know, Kris; if you’ve managed to find me, if you’ve done that, then you’ll know my name is Kira now. You’ll know everything about me, so, please, stop calling me by a name I haven’t used in over eleven years.’