Surrender the Heart (13 page)

“You may also do the praying, as you wish.”

“You don’t believe in God?”

“I believe He exists. I simply don’t think about Him often. Nor do I think He considers me.” The muscles in Noah’s neck tightened. “I have discovered it best to keep myself out of the focus of the Almighty’s scope, lest I displease Him in some way and suffer the consequences.”

Sorrow burned in Marianne’s throat. Such a low opinion of God. “Surely you don’t believe that. God will bring you comfort, Noah. And hope for the future.” She twisted the ring on her finger. Did she believe that? Yes. God had indeed comforted her and her mother. She had felt His presence during their grief. She knew He was real. But in truth, her hope was not in this world. In this life, she had lost all trust that God would work things out for good as He said in His Word. Even so, it broke her heart to see Noah so far from the only One who could help him.

“He can lead you and guide you,” she went on. “Grant you wisdom and show you His plan for your life.”

“There is no plan, Miss Denton. The sooner you strike that thought from your mind, the sooner you will start to live your own life.” He gripped the edge of his desk until his knuckles grew white. “No, a man makes his own plan, his own destiny. As I am making mine.”

“And doing so well at it.” Marianne straightened her back. “Pray tell, once you have my fortune, will you continue to exhaust yourself year after year, piling up wealth to supply your endless pride?”

“You find me greedy?” He chuckled, his blue eyes sparkling as if he found delight in her insult. But hadn’t he always responded to her attempts to inflict pain on him with the same insolent laughter? As if she were of so little importance that she could not possibly affect him at all.

“You don’t know me, Miss Denton.”

“Then why marry a woman you don’t love? To do so only to please your father seems unlike someone who is so”—she paused, searching for the right word, and upon finding none chose the first one that had come to mind—“self-centered.”

The lantern flickered, casting golden flecks on the tips of his hair. He scratched his chin, this time not laughing at her barb. “There is much you don’t know.”

“Pray tell, enlighten me, since I am to be your prisoner for months.”

“Prisoner? I am crushed.” He laid a hand on his heart even as one side of his lips curved in a mocking grin. “I prefer to call you an unwilling passenger.”

“You may prefer all you wish, Captain, but that does not make you correct.”

“Your wit has improved with age.”

“Yours has not.” Marianne remembered Noah and Luke’s conversation about her pluck. “But I am happy to entertain you.”

“It was Luke who remarked so. Me? I fail to find pleasure in your company, princess.” He lowered his gaze but not before she saw a flicker of regret in his eyes. Nevertheless, his words cut deep—deeper
than she would have expected. Why was she subjecting herself to his cruelty?

She rose to find her legs unsteady. “It was you who insisted I stay in your cabin.”

“To discover the depth of your traitorous activities.” His grin had returned, but it lacked its usual luster.

“Since that has been established, I shall relieve you of my company.” Marianne swung around.

“Established, you say?” He chuckled. “The only things we have established are that my chart is ruined and that you seem to enjoy lurking about a man’s chamber in the middle of the night.”

She swerved about. “How dare you! What are you implying?”

One dark eyebrow rose and he gave an innocent shrug. “Nothing. But if you didn’t come here to ruin my chart, what am I to think?”

“You insufferable rogue.” Marianne narrowed her eyes, then swung about.

“Good night, Miss Denton.”

“Good night, Mr. Brenin.” She opened the door.

His blaring voice halted her. “And rest assured, I fully intend to keep my cabin locked in the future.”

Noah spread his new chart atop his desk. Morning sunlight sprinkled glistening particles of dust across it as he pinned the corners down with the instruments he’d found stuffed beneath his mattress. He chuckled. He had to give the woman credit. She didn’t give up and accept her fate as most women would. Persistent and stubborn. Just like when she was a little girl.

Straightening his stance, he threw his arms over his head and stretched. Exhaustion tugged on his eyes. After Miss Denton had left, he’d barely slept an hour. And that hour had been fraught with nightmares—visions of raging seas and black angry skies, of yards high above the deck flung effortlessly to and fro by the screaming wind, of blood on the planks below.

His brother’s blood.

He patted the handkerchief in his pocket and shook his head, trying to dislodge the tormenting memories. But the pain in his heart felt as raw as it had the day of the tragedy. The day Noah lost his will to live.

Why, when Noah spent so much of his energy keeping his past buried had Miss Denton so carelessly brought it to mind? Yet he also could not shake the pained look in her eyes at his cruel remarks. But he had no choice. Blast it all. He’d truly enjoyed their conversation. The sympathy beaming from those brown eyes had caught him off guard. She
did
understand his pain—perhaps not the depth of it— but her concern had broken down some invisible wall between them. Then all her talk of God, not preachy, but out of true concern for him. He had felt his defenses weaken. And he couldn’t allow that to happen. She must be the one to break off their engagement. It was the only way for her to save face and for Noah to appease his father. Then with the added wealth this trip would bring, everyone would be happy. Perhaps he could even consider a courtship with Miss Priscilla in South Hampton.

He pictured the lady in his mind. With curves in all the right places and hair of golden silk, she was the picture of feminine beauty and charm. The daughter of a wealthy solicitor, she carried none of the pretensions and snobbery one would expect of someone of her class. Although Noah had no formal understanding with Miss Priscilla and he’d only spent a few short days with her, he sensed she was as enthralled with him as he was with her. Her father did, however, require that any suitors must be worth at least one thousand pound a year before he would agree to a courtship.

A sum Noah could make no boast of. Not yet.

He rubbed the back of his neck. Then there was his own father— who would disapprove of Miss Priscilla based solely on the fact that Noah chose her. Another disappointment credited to his ledger. A debt that if Noah could not settle soon, would prohibit him from ever being able to make his own decisions. Which was why he desperately
needed this voyage to be successful.

Rap rap rap
.

“Enter,” Noah said. Matthew ambled in, a tray in hand. The sting of rum-laced tea and stale biscuits greeted Noah’s nose as the older man set down his load.

“Apologies sent from my missus, Cap’n, but she’s a bit indisposed. ‘Fraid ye’re going t’ have t’ do with this simple fare this morning.”

“Indisposed?” Noah’s alarm rose. He circled the desk. Usually a vision of robust health, Agnes rarely took ill.

“A slight fever, is all.” Matthew yanked his hat from his bald head. “Miss Denton attends to ‘er.”

“Miss Denton?” Noah assumed she’d still be tucked in her bed at this early hour.

Grabbing his waistcoat from the back of the chair, Noah thrust his arms through the sleeves, then lifted the mug and took a sip of tea. The taste soured in his mouth. He liked his tea with sugar, but that was a luxury they could ill afford.

Matthew shifted his bare feet over the floor and stared at Noah.

“Thank you, Matthew. Is there something else?”

“‘Bout Miss Denton.” Matthew’s eyes crinkled at the corners. “If I may speak wit’ ye.”

Noah puffed out a sigh. Miss Denton again. He had hoped to occupy his mind elsewhere today.

“I ‘eard her cryin’ last night in her cabin.” Accusation fired from his voice.

The sails thundered above as they shifted in the wind, the sound pounding Noah’s guilt deep into his heart. He hadn’t meant to make her cry. Leaning back on his desk, he sipped his tea, suddenly wishing he could drown himself in it.

“The missus was speakin’ t’ me ‘bout her. Poor girl’s mother is ill, an’ she’s needed at home.”

“I realize that, Matthew.” Shrugging off his remorse, Noah tightened his lips. “But I have a schedule to keep and cannot alter it for the actions of one foolish girl. I’ll take her home in three months.
Her mother will not suffer overmuch during that time. In fact, she appeared quite well the day of the engagement party.” Noah set down his mug and began strapping on his belt. “Besides, I fear Miss Denton will use any excuse she can to get me to return her home.”

“Even so, Cap’n. Her poor mother will be worried sick over what happened t’ her.”

“Considering that Miss Denton darted down the street after me, I’m sure she will solve the puzzle soon enough.” Noah had no time for such nonsense. Blast the woman for weaving her way into Hobbs’s sentiments.

Matthew tossed his hat down and eyed Noah with more authority than his position allowed. “What’s this all about, Noah? It is not like you t’ be so cruel and selfish.”

Noah studied the man who had been more of a father to him than his own. “Trust me, Matthew, I am not proud of my behavior. But it serves a higher purpose.”

“If yer talkin’ about God, I doubt He has much t’ do wit’ it.”

God again
. “No. I’m referring to a plan which will free both Miss Denton and me from a marriage neither of us desires.”

“So.” Matthew folded his beefy arms across his belly. “You’re being cruel to her for her own good, eh?”

“Precisely.” Noah buttoned his waistcoat and snapped the hair from his face. It was true after all. Along with aiding his plan to break free from his father’s control.

A ray of sunlight stroked Matthew’s bald head, making him look almost angelic, despite his formidable frame. His dark eyes narrowed into pinpoints of judgment. “I’ve known you for many years, Noah. And you’re a good man deep down in there.” He pointed at Noah’s chest. “‘Bout time you figure that out for yourself and did the right thing.”

Still steaming over Matthew’s rebuke, Noah strode toward the man’s cabin where Agnes rested. He shouldn’t allow his boatswain such
liberties with his opinion. Noah was captain after all. But the old man had been there countless times when Noah needed fatherly advice. How could he turn him away simply because his advice was not what Noah wished to hear?

He knocked on the door. A female voice bade him enter, and he opened it to see Agnes lying in bed, her glazed eyes peering at him from within a puffy face, flush with fever. At her feet, Seafoam lay curled in a ball. Beside her, Miss Denton sat dabbing a cloth over her forehead. Marianne’s eyes swept over him before she quickly returned to her ministrations. No greeting? He could hardly blame her after his behavior the night before.

“Noah.” Agnes smiled. “What brings you here?”

“To inquire after your health, of course.” Noah took a step inside and was assailed with the stale smell of infirmity. “I heard you were not feeling well.”