Surrendered on the Frontier (8 page)

I focused on each lift and fall of his hand. Every flash of pain removed one more layer of hurt. Each smack made the pain inside me more bearable. My mind no longer swirled in torment, but rather surrendered to him.

Now I cried, tears flowing freely as the knot in my chest dissolved. I sniffled, running a hand across my eyes. He paused for a second, one warm hand still positioned on my lower back, before he administered the hardest swat he’d given me yet.

My eyes were closed, tears coursing down my cheeks, as he pulled me to standing before drawing me to his chest. I was dimly aware of his hands wrapping around my legs and lifting me, that we were moving, and he was carrying me. My hands were around his neck and my face upon his chest as I cried. No one had ever soothed me like this before, with a soft “
shhh
.”
As he walked to the bed, I felt like it was not just me he carried, but my hurt. I no longer felt guilt. I simply felt that the sadness in my chest had been released. I’d submitted to him. I’d been laid bare.

He laid on the bed and pulled me up on his chest. After a time, my tears slowed. I closed my swollen eyes, and I held him so tightly he chuckled. My arms wrapped around him as if I were a drowning woman and he was my savior. I hiccupped, eyes still shut tight.

“Hold me tight,” I whispered. It was not a command but a plea.

Strong, muscular arms embraced me and squeezed. I was completely enveloped by him. We lay there in silence, my hitched breathing intermingling with his own slow breaths. And as I lay there, I felt the calm after the storm descend. Finally, I lifted my face to his. I’d been stripped of my pride and anger. With a simple spanking over his knee, he’d broken down the barrier I’d spent a lifetime building. I was no longer the proud woman who held others at a distance. He’d seen me at my most vulnerable and he hadn’t taken advantage of me, mocked me, or hurt me.

He’d given me the spanking fitting a naughty child for my naughty behavior, and in so doing unearthed the woman who loved him.

He placed a finger under my chin, his lips coming to my forehead and gracing me with a tender kiss.

I was so close to him then, I felt his deep voice vibrate over my body. “Feel better, honey?” he said.

I nodded and sniffled.

He smiled. “Wasn’t sure how you’d feel after I gave you a lickin’. And I can’t say I haven’t wanted to do that for a good long while.”

I laughed through my tears. It was a relief, laughing like this, as he held me. “Well,” I said. “If I’m honest, I can’t say I haven’t deserved it for a good long while.” I sighed as I remembered why he’d punished me. “Samuel?”

“Yes, honey.”

I squeezed my eyes tight. I couldn’t trust myself to speak above a whisper. “Will Aaron keep Pearl from me? Will I be allowed to see her again?”

He snorted. “Pearl needs a good spankin’ herself for how she treated you,” he said. “Don’t you trouble yourself with that now. I’ll talk to Aaron tonight, and it’ll be fine.”

I wasn’t so sure, but I was in no position to argue. I nodded meekly.

He chuckled again.

“What is it?” I asked.

He shrugged, his eyes twinkling. “Oh, it’s just that I like having meek little Ruth in my arms,” he said. “And if I’d known all it’d take was a spanking to break through to you, I’d have tanned your hide a long time ago.”

I sniffed. “I’d have liked to see you try,” I grumbled.

He chuckled, but lifted my chin with his finger again. “Now, Ruth,” he said. “You behave yourself.”

He seemed stronger and sterner, and the memory of just moments before being laid across his lap caused a pulse of excitement in my chest, which only continued to rise as he went on.

“I’m tellin’ you this, young lady. I spanked you once, and it was what you needed. This time, I asked you to grant me that permission. And you did. Now I know you won’t feel harmed like you did before, when you were mistreated. I’m holding my little Ruth in my arms, after gettin’ her little bottom spanked, as meek and calm as a well-fed kitten. I’ll expect you to behave yourself goin’ forward. If you don’t, I’ll not hesitate to bring you straight across my knee again.”

I closed my eyes, overcome with my need for him, the words causing me to shift and squeeze my thighs together. At the very same time, I felt relieved. He wouldn’t let me carry on like a shrew, and he’d be here to pick up the pieces when I faltered.

“I understand,” I said, wanting to thank him but still feeling self-conscious about it.

His eyes darkened. “And if you ever pull some of the stunts you’ve pulled this week, the next time I spank you, I’ll spank your bare bottom, little lady.”

“Well, now, let’s not get carried away,” I responded, though my heart thundered in my chest and I smiled at him. His lips quirked up. He placed his hands under my arms and heaved me further up his chest.

His lips met mine. I closed my eyes. I was in the presence of a stern, uncompromising man, so strong and kind, bearing the mark of his hand upon my skin. Now I wanted to be owned by him in every possible way. I wanted to be claimed, and mastered, filled with nothing but him. His hands went to my face and he held me as our kiss deepened, hot as blazes, flaming my need for him. My thighs shifted beneath my skirts, and I remembered his hand between my legs. I needed more of him.

As we kissed, his hands made their way to the back of my dress. It was simply sewn, with few buttons. He gathered up my skirts as he sat up, lifting me and turning so that now I lay flat on my back and he above me. It was then I noticed his arousal tented in his trousers. It pleased me.

His hands spanned my waist. I needed
more.

I placed my hands flat on his chest, feeling the strength beneath his shirt.

What happened next was a blur of passion and heat, as I fiddled with my layers of clothing and he unbuttoned his shirt. We both knew what we needed. No words were necessary. When I was bared to him and he to me, he lowered himself back down to me again. The feel of his naked skin against mine flared my arousal again. I could still feel the sting in my backside against the quilt, the throbbing need for him, and his hardened length between my legs as he kissed me. I longed to feel him inside me.

His tanned, muscled arms encircled me. I felt all of Samuel, his breath on my skin, his warmth against me, as he gently nudged my knees apart.

“Are you ready, little Ruth?” he whispered. “Are you sure?”

“Don’t stop now,” I breathed. “Please don’t stop now. I need you.”

He closed his eyes and dropped his head to my chest as he thrust into me. I felt at once consumed and needier, my hips rising to meet him. I loved the feel of my burning skin on the blanket and being overpowered. My breath came in gasps and I was already nearing ecstasy. It was only moments after he began that I panted, toppling over the edge, a thrill running from my chest down to my thighs and all the way to my toes, my entire body humming, and he was right there behind me. It felt so right, so natural.

But as we lay there in the stillness, holding one another in the aftershock of a spanking followed by lovemaking, the haze began to lift.

What had we done?

* * *

How could things be normal now? After I’d been taken across Samuel’s knee and
spanked
? When I’d cried in his arms, then lain on the bed and been taken by him?

Now he needed to get to his work, and me to mine. As I mopped my floor, kneaded my bread, and mended Hannah’s stockings, I felt the sting on my bottom, the ache between my legs, and I kept finding myself staring, marveling at what had transpired. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for things to be different between us. Even in misery, there’s comfort in familiarity.

When Hannah returned from school, Matthew joined her. I watched from the window in the kitchen. Hannah was chattering animatedly to Matthew, who held his books and lunch pail in one hand and her books and lunch pail in another. I wondered, for a moment, what Samuel was like when he was Matthew’s age. Had he always been somewhat sober, steadfast, and dependable? I watched as the two walked to the barn, Hannah’s braids gleaming in the sunlight and Rascal, Matthew’s little dog, following beside them. We had no meat again, and I was eager to go back to a simple meal of beans, cornbread, and vegetables. I anticipated Matthew and Samuel staying for supper, as I wasn’t sure how long it would take for them to fix the beam in the barn.

I felt my stomach flutter in anticipation when I realized Samuel would return soon. What happened after two friends became lovers?

What we had done was shameful, sinful some might even say.

But my only regret was that we’d waited so long.

I thrummed the table with the butt of my knife, the greens now prepared for supper. My stew simmered and bubbled on the stove as I placed my bread in the oven. Moments later, the cabin warmed with the comforting smell of bread baking.

“Smells delicious in here,” I heard Samuel’s voice rumble. I spun around to look at the doorway, but the door was shut fast. I looked wildly about me, hearing naught but a manly chuckle. I knew that voice. Finally, after several moments’ frantic search, I saw Samuel leaning in the tiny window in the cabin.

I wagged my finger. “You’re enough to scare a woman out of her wits!” I chided, which elicited another chuckle from him. He stepped away from the window, and I hoped he was coming to the door. I felt bereft already.

A moment later, I heard a knock at the door. I fairly skipped. I hadn’t felt this light and airy since I was a child, and even then I couldn’t recall being so joyful. I unlatched the door, and he entered, carrying a basket of eggs.

“I’d like to kiss you, but it seems you’ve got your hands full,” I murmured.

He grinned. “You need my hands free before you can kiss me?”

My cheeks flushed at his comment, the sudden recollection of what his hands had done to me while he kissed me making my legs grow weak. He seemed to remember at the same time as I did, his eyes heating and the grin widening.

“Well, take this basket and I’ll kiss you proper.”

I stepped closer to him, obediently taking the basket. His hand shot out, grasped my elbow, and tugged. I squealed as he held me close and his lips met mine once again. Though the kiss was brief, his hands lingered at my waist.

This wouldn’t do. Oh, this would not do one bit. I was finding him irresistible and
I could not find him irresistible.

I pulled away.

“How are your birds?” he asked, traipsing to Hannah’s room. “Land’s sake, Ruth, it smells good in here.” He scrubbed a hand over his brow as he peeked in to see how the baby songbirds were doing.

He looked tired. I wanted to invite him to sit by me, while I rubbed his back and fetched him a cool drink. I wanted to sit upon his lap and run my hands through the rugged locks of hair. I felt more relaxed than I had in years, more rested than I had in even longer.

But as the desires swept over me to do these things, I could not,
would
not look at him. No. My independence had come at a price so dear, I could not relinquish it so easily to any man. Though my heart yearned to be led by him, I owed allegiance to myself above any other. I could not betray my hard-won freedom.

I had a job to do.

“Oh, they’re doing fine,” I said, stirring the stew on the stove. They truly were. Matthew and Hannah had gotten some worms for them the evening before, and they were growing bigger by the minute. In another week or two, it would be time to let them go.

He came out of Hannah’s room. “Goin’ to see to that beam in your barn,” he said.

“I’ll join you,” I said, placing the lid back on the stew. “You may need an extra set of hands to help you.”

He turned to face me. “Tryin’ that angle again, are you?” he asked, his eyes sobering.

“What angle?” I said irritably. I don’t know what came over me then, but I knew I would not be cowed by a look.

“Oh, you know. You have everything you need,” he said. “Little Ruth doesn’t need help from anyone.”

Was he mocking me? I frowned. “I see no need to sister a beam that was placed in a barn not six months ago,” I said. “What type of lumber did they use to cause it to need to be replaced so quickly?”

“Could be anythin’,” Samuel said with a shrug. “Maybe they didn’t realize just how weak the lumber was that they used. Termites have gotten to the wood, or water damage leaked and weakened it.”

He walked over to me, and this time as he walked, I stepped backward. His eyes were serious, fixed on me hard, and I gulped as he kept coming. Apparently, having been taken across his knee just that day for a sound spanking had made me look at him quite differently.

He came closer and I moved backward until I stood flat up against the wall, his hands on either side of my hips as he spoke to me. “Are you causin’ trouble again, little Ruth? I thought you learned your lesson.”

I swallowed, not sure how to respond.

“Already, the memory of my hand on your backside has faded?”

My pulse raced and my mouth went dry. “Noooo,” I whispered, my legs weak with both fear and desire.

Damn
my body that
would
betray me.

His mouth came to my ear. “Will you behave then, little Ruth?”

“Yes, sir,” I whispered, nodding. His hand reached to my backside and squeezed just moments before we heard a clatter at the door, and we quickly pulled away.

Whatever had held Samuel at bay before no longer held him. He was now fully prepared to deal with me as he saw fit.

Matthew and Hannah entered moments later.

“Chores done?” Samuel asked Matthew.

“Yes, sir,” Matthew said.

“Good,” Samuel said, taking his hat off the hook and placing it on his head. “I’m heading out to check on that beam.”

Hannah sat at the table with Matthew to do schoolwork. Matthew was scowling as he pulled out his slate and primer. Hannah sat next to him, studying diligently. I stood next to her, my hands in her hair, tidying the messy plait that had gotten loose.

“How does your arm feel?” I asked.