Surviving ELE (ELE Series #4) (10 page)

***

The next day Erik and I hash out a larger plan to investigate the area to the west of the shelter. The trip will take longer because we will have to bypass the clearing to avoid running into any Reapers. We increase the number of soldiers going with us and head out just before lunch.

When we reach the general vicinity of the area where they saw the lights, we find no sign of life. All we find is an abandoned industrial yard. A few power lines seem to be working, which is strange. This must be where the light is coming from. As to who turned on the lights, we’re still not sure. We search the grounds and come up empty.

I feel deflated as we head back to camp, again empty-handed. Erik assures me that we will continue our search. I don’t talk much during dinner. I sit
and eat, watching everyone else interacting. They don’t feel as disappointed as I do at our failed mission.

Connor and Claire laugh and playfully jab at each other. Alec is sitting next to Marya across the table from me. He seems very interesting in whatever she is saying. I watch Morgan and Audrey holding hands and whispering sweet nothings to each other.

I am surrounded by people but I’ve never felt so alone. Every minute, every hour that Tony is being used by Zack, is torture to me. Can they not see that I die a little more each day that we’re apart? I catch Erik staring at me from across the table and I look away. I guess he sees it since he has no choice. I’m sure the feelings roll off me towards him like the ocean’s tide comes in at night.

After dinner, we meet with several of our team leaders and discuss some plans to search other areas. Erik wants to check around the prison. I remember Lee’s mission and agree to Erik’s idea. I doubt that Zack would go anywhere near that place, but perhaps I’ll get a chance to see Lee. I could make sure my father and Sabby are still doing well.

We make plans to head out the following day.

My muscles are sore and I still feel emotionally drained when I wake up in the morning. This past month had been so chock-full of missions and training that it passed by before I knew it. Our first missions to the prison came up empty. We went out in four teams: north, south, east, and west. Our missions were to scour around the old jail, where Zack had been just days before, in our perspective directional areas. Needless to say, when we all met back at the camp that afternoon, no one had anything worthwhile to bring to the table. It was as if Zack and his people had vanished. I figured that would be the case, but the most disappointing thing to me was that we didn’t find Lee. Perhaps he hadn’t gone to the prison yet or he had already come and gone. I wish though, that I had been able to confirm that my family was doing well.

After the second failed mission, Erik pulled out a map and divided it up into sections… fifty-two to be exact.
It covered a twenty-mile radius of the area around the jail. With four teams covering one area each day, leaving two days off a week to rest. That gave us a four-week window – give or take a day – to complete. The further we went, the longer each mission took.

It had been a unanimous decision to use that method to patrol the area.
Unfortunately, when the last day came and went with nothing so much as a footprint to report, everyone became restless and agitated. Frustrated with our failed mission, we decided to go back to the drawing board and meet again this morning to brainstorm about what to do next.

I get dressed and meander down the hall, lost in thought, thankful to be by myself. I curl my hands inside the cuff of my sweater. It’s begun turning cold outside just like Audrey predicted. The leaves have already turned from yellow to orange to red. Now they’ve begun falling and filling the forest with their festive colors.

This past month has been excruciatingly lonely. I’ve found myself withdrawing from my friends as each day passed. Between planning, running missions, and training, I’ve had no time to spend with them. The aching in my chest hasn’t lessened at all over the past four weeks. Last night Claire had curled up behind me and brushed my hair as I cried over Tony. I haven’t heard from him, which could be a good thing I guess, but it’s hard not knowing. I’m pretty sure now that I’m hopelessly in love with the man. What hurts the most is the fact that I may never be able to tell him this.
Has he disappeared for good?

I round the hall and stop dead in my tracks.
Coming towards me are Alec and Marya. Normally I wouldn’t bat an eye at seeing them together, but if my eyes aren’t deceiving me today, they’re holding hands! I swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat. I try to move, to turn around, something, but find my feet firmly planted to the ground and my eyes fixed on the two of them.
When did this happen?

I watch the two of them together, seemingly unaware of my presence.
Alec tells her a joke and she laughs, throwing back her strawberry-blonde hair. She nestles her cheek on his shoulder and gives his hand a squeeze.

Across the hall, Alec’s eyes finally lock onto mine.
Like a deer caught in the headlights, he stops mid-stride and drops Marya’s hand. I purse my lips, wanting to look away but can’t. It’s not like he’s doing anything wrong. We aren’t together or anything. But there’s still a small amount of jealousy that’s bubbled up from deep inside that I guess I didn’t know was there.

Alec turns towards Marya and whispers something in her ear.
She nods her head and begins walking ahead of him, towards the mess hall no doubt. As she passes me, she gives me a small, meek smile and I’m not sure what to make of it.

I return my eyes to Alec, who has narrowed down the distance between us.
His hands fidget nervously at his sides. I watch as he plasters a smile on his face and greets me. “Hey there, Willow. Good morning.”

I guess it’s a two greeting kind of morning. I nod my head, not sure what to say.
Awkwardness creeps up and fills the space between us.

“You wanna go for a walk?” he finally says, breaking the tension.

I let out the breath I’d been holding and say, “Sure.”

He puts his hand on his hip, creating a triangle with his arm.
When he did this in the past, I always placed my arm through his, now I’m not sure what to do.

“As friends,” he insinuates.

A small flood of relief pours through me. “As friends,” I repeat, reminding myself this is what I had originally wanted. Now that Alec wasn’t vying for my attention anymore, things seem weird and distant. Darn it, I liked being the center of his universe!
Did I?
How selfish is that?

I place my arm in his and we walk outside, taking in the crisp air. The warm colors of autumn surround us. After a few minutes, Alec breaks the silence.
“Getting chilly out here,” he says as he rocks back on his feet. “Are you okay? Do you need a jacket?”

I smile at him.
He’s still the same Alec. Always making sure I’m okay.

“No, I’m good.
You’re keeping me warm.” He gives my hand a small tap with his. “So, you and Marya,” I say, cringing that I brought it up. I can’t for the life of me figure out why I’m so dang jealous! But I may as well talk about the elephant in the room.

I watch as Alec clears his throat.
The breeze rustles his hair, making him look strikingly beautiful. “Marya’s a very special girl,” he says, lost in thought. I watch his face as he talks about Marya and I can feel his happiness. He returns his attention to me.

“In some ways she reminds me of you.
She’s smart and kind. She never says a bad word about anyone. I guess you could say things are beginning to step away from the friendship realm, if that’s what you’re asking. Nothing’s official yet, of course. I did want to talk to you first.”

I bite my lip, not sure what to say.
I’m happy for both of them, really, it’s just, deep down, there’s an unsettled feeling and I’m not sure what to make of it. Is it because I miss Tony? Is it because I’m jealous of Marya and Alec or both? I want Alec to be happy and I want Marya to be happy as well. It’s in this moment that I realize I haven’t officially let go of Alec. I said it aloud, and I said it with my actions with Tony, but I never said it with my heart. “Are you happy?” I ask him. Because if he is, who am I to hold him back? That would be selfish of me and that’s not a character trait I want to possess. I watch a smile light his face.

“To be honest, yeah, I’m happy.
It took a while but I think things are finally looking up again.”

I cringe inside and let my eyes drop.
I want to be happy for him, I really do! I just can’t find it in myself. So I resolve to pretend to be happy for him. It’s the least I can do.

“Well, Alec, if you’re happy, then I’m happy.
Go get your girl,” I say playfully.

He laughs that laugh of his that I have always enjoyed and it sets me at ease.
The man I once loved, and probably always will, is happy. Who am I to take that away from him?

He gives my hand a pat.
“Can I walk you to the mess hall?” he asks.

I think for a moment but shake my head.
“No, I’m good. I’m going to take a walk first.” He gives me one of his million-dollar smiles.

“Don’t stay out too long.”
We part ways and I watch him walk back inside.

I take a deep breath and walk into the woods. I walk farther and farther in until I can no longer see the camp. Eventually, I find a large oak tree to sit beneath. Its leaves have almost all fallen off and I can see the overcast sky through the bare branches. I lean my head back and listen to the sounds of nature.

“
Where are you, Tony?”
A single tear rolls down my cheek. I miss him so much it hurts. I pull my legs up to my chest and squeeze, making sure I’m tethered to the ground. I let my mind wander with memories of Tony and me at the lake house. I remember how comfortable he felt hunting and gathering our dinner. How he played his guitar so smoothly and beautifully. How he held me in the dead of night after I lost my mother. Never once pressuring me to do anything I didn’t want to do. Always being the respectful gentlemen he is.

“
Willow?”
I hear my name so softly it’s as if it’s carried by the wind. I think it might be a figment of my imagination until I hear it a second time…then a third.

I look around me, “Who’s there?”
I ask aloud. The leaves on the ground and the few left in the trees rustle in the wind. I look in all directions but I don’t see anyone.

“
Willow, it’s me. Tony
.”

My heart skips a beat at the sound of his name.
Can this be real? I jump to my feet and look all around, desperate to see him. “
Can I see you
?” I ask him. I’m not completely sure that I haven’t conjured his voice up with my imagination, but still, I hope. I wait for a while with no response.

I realize that my mind is playing tricks on me but then I hear him come through my thoughts again.
“
I’m near, but I don’t want to accidently hurt you. Zack is very unpredictable and can take control at any moment; I don’t want you to be in the way when he does.
”

“
I want to see you,”
I reiterate, placing urgency in my tone. I want to see that he’s still alive. That he’s still fighting for me. “
Please, Tony. Just for a moment.”
I wait with bated breath. I wait with all hope that he will come through these trees...that I can see his beautiful face. I wait and search for him, biting my lip in anticipation. The consequences don’t even cross my mind. It’s as if I’ve put blinders on and can’t see the bad that could come from this.

Right when I think I can’t wait anymore, I see him step out from the trees.
My heart beats heavily inside my chest at the sight of him. Can this be a mirage or some type of fantasy that I’ve conjured up? I know the mind can be a very powerful thing. I want to run to him and jump in his arms. I want to kiss him with all that I’m worth and feel his comforting embrace encompass me. I lose myself in my thoughts and before I know it, my legs are moving faster than my mind. I cover the distance between us and run into his arms.
He’s really here
, I think as I crash into him.

He catches me and pulls me close to him.
“
We can’t be doing this, Willow. It’s too dangerous,
” he tells me, his lips kissing my hair.

“
One minute Tony…just give me one minute,”
I beg.

I feel his posture relax an infinitesimal amount, but it’s enough to know that he’ll give me this minute.

“I love you,”
I say to him aloud.

He places his hand in my hair and pulls my head back.
“I love you too,” he says back to me and immediately places his lips on mine. It’s a kiss like no other. The kind where your toes curl and every nerve ending in your body is heightened. I run my hands through his hair, never wanting it to end. He places his hand on my cheek and releases me.

“I have to go, Willow.
I don’t want to, but I have to. It’s not safe for me to be so close to you. Your life means more to me than anything and I can’t put it in the hands of Zack.” His yellow eyes are filled with love and fierce concern.