Surviving Passion (11 page)

“How are they with
moving
targets?” he prompted.

“Well they’ve both been able to hit a few birds. Gina even got a quail,” she explained.

“That’s pretty impressive,” Clint said directly to Selena. “Those things are fast.”

He was talking like they had some kind of camaraderie between them, she realized, and wondered with a stab if anyone thought they were actually seeing each other.
No one could possibly believe that,
Selena thought. But Clint had her socially pinned. There was no way she could disconnect herself from him without being rude. That was why he was so mellow, so relaxed and confident. No one could claim that he was saying or doing anything wrong. He was giving her no opportunity to rebuke him or even disassociate herself at this point. All she could do was respond to him as minimally as possible and wait it out. She hoped her quiet discomfort wouldn’t be mistaken for some kind of shy acquiescence, if it was apparent to them at all.
Living around people is so complicated
.
I’m no good at this
, she thought, bemoaning her situation yet again.

Still, the food made it worth the trouble. A very tasty bite of the juicy pork that Blaire had slow-cooked in the ground helped to remind her of this. The dinner was especially delicious tonight. Selena guessed it was meant to boost morale, but somehow, it felt like a last meal. A sidelong glance at Bear indicated that they probably slaughtered one of their pigs for the purpose. Then again, it could be the impending battle that had his features so drawn. Selena decided that it was probably both. She couldn’t feel too bad about the pig. It might have been the best meat she had ever tasted, and she wondered which animal had the misfortune to be culled.

“When we get out there, everything will be explained carefully, but the plan is simple. As long as you do as you’re told, we’ll have the best chance. If this is going to happen, it has to be organized and precise. That means no one moves unless they are supposed to,” Dan explained with a very pointed stare at Clint. The other man tensed a little before pretending to ignore the warning gaze.

Selena was fairly happy with her role. Still, it would be hard waiting out there and not knowing what was happening to everyone else.

When dinner was finished, Selena was the first to jump up from the table. She began clearing the plates with Blaire and Susan when, to her miserable surprise, Clint joined them. Dan saw this and actually paused for a fleeting second. His expression was a mask, as always, and in another moment he was gone. Selena sighed audibly and resolved to finish cleaning up whether Clint was there or not. When they were finished, however, she left in a hurry and hoped that would make things clearer to the tenacious man. She wasn’t walking out of there with him. He followed, but by the time he came out the door, she had hurried off in the direction opposite her cabin. As she saw his figure move the wrong way, she felt a wave of relief.

Knowing that he would check her cabin first, Selena wandered to pass the time. Her feeling of well-being was short lived when she spotted Dan in the dimly lit storeroom. Selena steeled herself and strode forward before she could change her mind.

“Hey Dan,” she greeted, leaning against the doorframe. He was facing the other way selecting supplies for the following day and stuffing them in a pair of old leather bags.

“Hey,” he replied, casting a brief sideways glance in her direction.

“So I’m guessing you have worked it out so you will be taking on the riskiest jobs.”

That did turn him. But he didn’t look bothered. “Yes,” he replied simply, slowing his foraging to watch her.

“Why?” Selena asked him, fiddling with one of the unlit lanterns lined up near the entrance. She was careful to keep her voice emotionless so he would not become defensive.

“Because I’m the most likely to do them without getting killed.”

She mulled that over before posing the same question, “Why?”

This time he stopped what he was doing to give her a searching look, clearly trying to figure out why she was asking. When she held her neutral expression, he sat back on an old, empty steel oil drum before answering.

“I was trained for it.”

Selena looked up, quirking a brow skeptically. It sounded a little contrived, but she knew Dan was not prone to exaggeration. “Trained?” she repeated so he might elaborate. He didn’t. So she waited. When it became clear she wanted an answer, he finally started talking.

“My dad was a member of the United States Army Special Forces. That’s probably the only reason why he and I lived through the Crash. When everything fell apart, he trained me as much as he could. Passed on a lot of neat tricks.”

She frowned at his dismissive brevity. “Like what, exactly?” She knew she was being nosy, but if he didn’t like it, he would have to tell her so.

“Survival techniques, armed combat, hand-to-hand combat, some things that made hunting easier. Stealth training, obviously. Most importantly, he taught me how to kill.” As he explained these things, it occurred to Selena that Dan was more detached than usual. She hadn’t known such a thing was possible.

“Now why does this interest you?” He asked standing upright again and folding his arms.

“I’m just wondering how much of our success depends on you,” Selena scrambled. It wasn’t entirely true, but in retrospect, she knew it was a valid concern.

For a flash, she thought she could see the weight of it on his face, but then it was gone and she wasn’t sure if it was her own imagination trying to force the potential of emotionality on him.

“You worry about your job. I’ll worry about mine,” he told her before moving to resume his tasks.

Selena dropped her eyes, feeling tired. He had clearly misinterpreted her concern and she didn’t feel like keeping quiet at the moment. She chewed her lip and mustered the courage for an honest response. The tension between them was driving her mad, and she hoped that a little honesty would create some normalcy between them.

“I’m not worried about your performance, Dan,” she told him slowly. “Just hoping you don’t break your back trying to spare the others.” Here Selena swallowed. It was the most unguarded she’d ever been with him and suddenly she felt as if she was out on a very long and flimsy limb. Immediately she regretted her candor.

“Is that it? Or is Clint bitching that he doesn’t have a big enough job?” he asked, the mask returning.

She was right, she thought, feeling openly affronted. She shouldn’t have said it.

“I wouldn’t know, Dan.”

He gave her a skeptical look and she couldn’t suppress a laugh.

“You don’t honestly believe I’m involved with
him
.”

“None of my business,” he said, evenly.

Selena ran out of patience. She turned to leave before changing her mind and marching right up to him.

“You know what? It
is
your business, Dan. It
is
your business because you were the one that dragged me out here against my will and all my better judgment so that I would have to be subjected to that guy. What did you think was going to happen when you brought me here? I’m
really
curious. It looks like you’ve washed your hands of me. So what
did
you expect?”

“You have been free to leave since you got here,” he shrugged, looking nonplussed by her aggressive stance.

“My living here was your idea,” she pointed at him accusingly, and she knew she had him there. It was the truth and both of them knew it.

His eyes were unyielding as ever when he quietly answered, “You said you could take care of yourself.”

Selena stood there stunned as though she’d been slapped. She couldn’t decide if she wanted to cry or hit him or both, so just as her chin began to tremble, she whirled around and flew out the door.

“Selena,” he called behind her, but he would have to do a hell of a lot better than that if he wanted to make nice. If she said anything else to him, it would be laced with angry tears that she didn’t want him to see.
How could he be so insensitive?
she thought with bewilderment. She had never felt more confused in her life. He was wrong. She
could
take care of herself. She could until he came along and turned her life upside-down. It wasn’t
her
fault Clint wouldn’t leave her alone. Why was he blaming her?

When she was halfway back to the cabin she could no longer hold back the tears.
He’s right
. It
was
her responsibility to draw clear lines for men like Clint. It
was
her fault he wouldn’t back off. She hadn’t been firm enough with him. She had to adapt. The worst part, Selena realized, was that she had tried to kill Dan for less.

Selena decided she couldn’t blame him for what he’d said. He was probably having a hard time keeping up with what a mess she was. It was no wonder he kept his distance.

But was it wrong if some tiny part of her
did
want the security that she could only get from Dan? Their differences seemed insurmountable at this point, but that didn’t change the fact that he was always on her mind. When Selena reached her cabin, she went up the stairs slowly, turning around when her hand grasped the doorknob. Just as she’d known, there was no one there. For once, he hadn’t chased her, and for once, she wished he had.

Seven

The following morning, Selena resolved to be as clear with Clint as necessary to get him out of her face. Of course, that was assuming that they lived through the coming days. If they did happen to survive, she was going to be more like Gina. Honest, brave and direct. Just because she was living in a community of people didn’t mean she couldn’t do things her way. Things were going to change.

Today, they would all ride out together (Susan excluded), so there were much bigger concerns on Selena’s mind. Before setting foot out of her cabin, she decided firmly that last night hadn’t happened at all. It would be easy to forget. They were much too busy to think about inconsequential arguments now anyway. A war was about to begin.

At the morning meal, Selena’s expectations proved correct. Dan’s attention was entirely focused on the feverish preparations for the group’s departure.

It was still early when they were finally ready to set out. Susan had said her tearful goodbyes to Bear. The woman was terrified, but she did a very good job of keeping herself together. Selena would never trade places with her. She could not imagine staying behind alone while her whole clan rode out to meet their fate. Selena was mounted on Star while the others began to ride, and shook her head as she considered how Susan must feel.

Once again, the whole plan seemed completely insane. What would happen to Susan and the children if no one came home? Selena’s gut twisted as she wondered again why on earth they didn’t just relocate. What was happening made no sense to her.

Amidst the chaos of the horses and the moving people, her eyes found Susan who was staring not at Bear, but Dan. Mounted on Buck, he had paused to return her gaze. No one else seemed to take notice as they buzzed around obliviously, but for Selena, time seemed to turn strangely still. The horses’ movements faded with the voices of the others, and the golden morning light bathed the pair beautifully as the dust whorled slowly around them. Somehow, Selena understood the entirety of what was passing between them. Susan didn’t need to tell him to bring her husband back to her alive. Not out loud.

Selena knew that whatever happened in the days to come, she would never in all her life forget that moment and all that it meant. She stared at the ground as the moment passed, and found herself wondering how he could bear the weight of such responsibility. He hadn’t wanted any of this, Selena knew. Now he was leading them into battle. For the next few hours, Selena felt as though she were riding through a dream, lost in the overwhelming emotions of humanity that she had once separated herself from so completely.

Their pace was brisk as all the horses were fresh and rested. They followed Cal and Dan on a trek that kept them under cover of forest for most of the journey, which was appreciated not only for the security the trees provided, but also for the shade and cool air. It seemed like only yesterday she was riding in with Dan. Now she was riding out again, under a very different set of circumstances. She was willingly heading out to battle for people she had known for less than a moon’s cycle. But she and Dan were still the same two people, and oddly enough, they were on the same two horses. Gazing on the dark pair ahead of her more often than she liked to, Selena couldn’t hope to deny how beautiful they looked.
A magnificent animal
, she thought wryly,
and an equally lovely horse
. She couldn’t suppress a smile. Her mood sobered quickly and Selena found herself asking unanswerable questions. How many times throughout history had a man and his horse been so sublime to look upon, and the man so important to the people around him? She was sure there were countless many, and felt the smallness of these few lives around her now. They were only a handful of people, and their courageous deeds would be forgotten in the blank pages of history that their lifetime occupied.
Does everyone who rides into battle have thoughts like these?
Selena wondered with a shudder.

It was not until the following evening that the little band reached their destination. The riding would have been monotonous if it weren’t for the thick apprehension that clung in the air around them. Few had gotten any sleep.

When they reached their target spot, everyone dismounted. They couldn’t allow the sound of the horses to betray them. Ben had the lucky job of tending them until they were needed again. He led them away towards the river, which was far enough to prevent detection but not so far that it would be problematic to reach them later. Gina accompanied him, but she would return on foot. Selena guessed that Ben must not have the stomach for killing. Someone
did
have to take care of the animals, and Selena was hopeful now that one more life was out of harm’s way.