Surviving Raine 02 Bastian's Storm (28 page)

All right, I couldn’t argue with that. I could tell the assholes in Franks’ employ to get her some better quality food though. Of course, I had no idea what kids liked to eat—weren’t they supposed to be picky eaters or something? Was I going to have to spout a plethora of arguments about why vegetables had to be eaten?

I’m so unprepared for fatherhood, it’s not even funny.

As I sat there and thought about it, I realized just how correct that statement was. I didn’t know what I was doing. Raine seemed so natural with Alex, and I didn’t even know what he’d want to eat for dinner. I’d spent years of effort pushing the memory of his existence as far into the back of my mind as possible; I never even considered needing any information about children. I couldn’t exactly use my own past as a delinquent skipping from one foster home to another as a model.

I had no clue what a six-year-old was like. I didn’t even know where to start.

“
Fuck,” I muttered under my breath.

“
Bastian!” Raine snarled. “Stop it!”

I was about to take myself out of the room to let out a good string of cuss words when Alex spoke up.

“
You aren’t supposed to say bad words, Dad.”

That single word melted me. It flowed over my flesh like warm bath water and sunk into me so deeply, I could feel it in my core. My throat felt like it was closing up on me, and there was burning pressure building up behind my eyes. I felt Raine’s fingers brush over my thigh, and I forced myself to swallow.

“
You’re right, Alex,” I finally said. “I shouldn’t.”

Alex and Raine finished their sandwiches, and we spent the rest of the day sitting on the living room floor with Alex, placing little plastic bricks together in such a way that they ended up looking like little spaceships. There were astronaut figures to add to the cockpits, and Alex flew them around the room, sparking memories from my own fucked-up past.

With a plastic airplane in my hand, I make buzzing sounds as I hold it high above my head and run in circles around the room. It’s the very best plane from the box. All the others are scratched up or rusty.

Jared, the new kid in the foster home, finishes the wooden puzzle he’s been working on and looks over to me.

“
It’s my turn to play with the plane!”

“
No, it isn’t,” I say. My skin quivers through my body as I hold the toy close to my chest. He’d played with it all day yesterday. I’ve only had it for a few minutes, and I’m not about to give it up now.

It is a
something
. It is a something
important
, and if I give it to him, I have
nothing
.

“
It’s my turn!” Jared insists. He looks over to Miss Janet and yells to her. “Sebastian’s not sharing!”

“
Share the toys,” Miss Janet says without looking up from the crossword in the newspaper. She scribbles in a word then purses her lips and erases it again.

“
She said you have to share,” Jared says with a sneer.

My hands shake as I hold the plane tightly in my fingers. I won’t give it to him. I won’t.

Jared reaches out and tries to grab it from me, but I push him away. He lands on the carpet and cries out.

“
He pushed me!”

Miss Janet tells me to stop in the same, tired voice.

Jared stands and comes at me, and I shove him again—harder this time. The plastic wing of the plane is cutting into my fingers a little as I hold it tightly. I take a step forward and kick him in the side.

“
It’s mine!” I shout. “You can’t play with it!”

“
Sebastian!” Miss Janet yells as she looks over at me. “Give Jared the plane!”

The shaking in my hands travels through the rest of my body. It’s all I have. Jared has everything, even parents who are just waiting for the court system to say their house is in good enough shape for him to come home. He has
them
, he has a
home
, he has his own toys, and I have
nothing
.

Screaming at the top of my voice, I throw the plane against the wall. The shaking turns to pressure in my head and chest as I watch it fall in little pieces to the floor.

“
You see what you did!” I scream at Jared as I launch myself at him.

Shaking the memory away, I swore to myself again that Alex was not going to have the same kind of life that was forced upon me as a child. I wasn’t going to let that happen to him.

Promptly at eight o’clock, Raine coerced Alex into taking a bath. I watched as he floated little boats around in the water and Raine washed his hair. Seeing her with him made me feel proud of her but also extremely inadequate. How did she know how to do these things? I was at a total loss.

“
Can you grab some pajamas for him?” Raine asked.

“
Where are they?”

“
Second drawer.”

I went into his bedroom and dug around through the dresser until I came up with a faded pair of PJs with Spiderman all over the fabric in various heroic poses. Alex held onto my shoulder as he stepped into them, and Raine dried off his hair and handed him a toothbrush.

“
Can Dad pick out a story to read?” Alex asked.

I looked to Raine, nearly panicked. I’d never read a story to a kid in my life.

“
Of course he can,” Raine said. She grinned at me and leaned close. “He likes the one called
The Hungry Thing
.”

After a little digging, I found the book on the floor beneath Alex’s dirty clothes. I tossed the clothes in the hamper near the door and pulled one of the plastic chairs to the edge of the bed. Alex settled in, and Raine pulled the blanket up to his chin.

I held the book in my lap and chewed on the edge of my thumb, unsure of how to begin. Raine raised her eyebrows at me and nodded her head toward the book. I took in a deep breath, opened the cover, and began to read in a shaky voice.

It was a weird story about a creature coming into a town and demanding various things to eat, but it never said the words right. Only one kid in town was able to understand what it wanted. Alex laughed every time the creature demanded a new dish.

When I arrived at the end of the story, Raine kissed Alex on the forehead and told him goodnight before she walked out of the room. I stood there for a minute, not sure if I should do the same or not.

Apparently tired of my hesitation, Alex looked at me and held out his arms. Glad for the invitation, I reached down and gave him a hug.

“’
Night, Dad.”

“
Goodnight…son.” I choked.

Raine was standing in the hall with a grin on her face.

“
That was pretty good,” she said.

“
I’ve never done that before,” I admitted.

She placed a brief kiss on my cheek.

“
You’re a natural.”

I wanted to deny it. I wanted to tell her I had no fucking clue what I was doing, and watching how good she was with Alex was a little intimidating. That little, abused kid inside of me wanted to remind her that she’d be better off finding some dude with a regular job who could drink an occasional glass of wine without losing control of himself.

I didn’t.

Her hand brushed over my cheek, and I didn’t want to say those things. I didn’t want her to find someone else.

I wanted to be that man.

Well, probably sans glass of wine with dinner, but everything else.

Could I do that? Was there any chance I would be able to give her everything she deserved to have in life without my past always getting in the way? I’d dwelled on it for so long, allowed it to make me into someone who couldn’t handle a fucking dinner party with his girl’s friends, that I wasn’t sure I could ever be any other way.

Fuck that.

She deserved more, and I wasn’t going to deny her. I could never let her go, but I could change myself. I could be what she needed most. I could be a father to Alex, one worthy of the title, and in the process, I would make myself into a man she would be proud to call hers.

I would do it, but first, more than anything, I wanted to show her something else I was a natural at doing.

“
Get in that bedroom,” I said. “Now.”

Raine’s eyes darkened as she swept her tongue across her lips. She turned quickly to comply. I followed, closing the door behind us.

I grabbed her waist before she could even reach the bed, turned her around and covered her mouth with mine. I was hungry for her, the weeks of not having her body pressed to mine overwhelming me with sudden intensity. I needed her more than I ever had before.

Raine broke away, trying to catch her breath as I moved my lips down her neck. I grabbed at the bottom of her shirt and yanked it up over her head and down her arms. Reaching for her lace-covered breasts, I found her shoulder with my mouth and sucked at the skin there as she wrapped her arms around my head.

“
I missed you so much,” she said.

“
I’m going to make up for that right now,” I promised. I tore off my shirt and released my cock from my pants. Raine pushed them down my legs, and I kicked both the pants and my boxers out of the way.

Grabbing the waist of Raine’s jeans, I pulled them off and tossed them on the bed. Her panties and bra followed quickly, and I pulled her against me again, my cock pressing hard against her bare stomach.

Lifting her in my arms, I pressed her up against the wall. She circled my waist with her legs, gasping as I slammed into her with a grunt. I looked into her eyes as I pulled back and thrust forward again.

“
You feel so fucking good,” I said. “You ready to take this?”

“
Yes!” Raine cried out and then lowered her voice as she glanced toward the door. “Please, Bastian!”

“
Beg me,” I whispered against her ear. I sucked the lobe into my mouth. “I wanna hear you beg for my cock.”

I pulled out nearly all the way, just leaving the tip inside of her. I moved back and forth with shallow thrusts from my hips, teasing her.

“
Ugh, Bastian! Please…please…more. I need more!”

I pulled back again, then slowly buried myself inside of her, pinning her body to the wall with my own.

“
You want me to move?”

“
Yes!”

“
You want it fast and hard?”

“
Please!”

I wrapped one arm around her ass as I placed the other against the wall. I didn’t bother building up, just pulled back and slammed inside of her again as she tried to keep her cries low. I tightened the muscles in my arm with every movement, bringing her ass up to meet my blows. I could feel every tendon flex in time with the pounding of my cock.

Our lips meshed together, and our tongues found each other inside her mouth. I scraped her lips with my teeth, growling and pressing my hips hard against her body as she held on to me as tightly as she could. She flexed her legs with each thrust, bringing me deeper into her.

“
So fucking good,” I groaned. “Jesus, Raine…so good…”

“
More, Bastian…please…”

I could have sworn my dick hardened more at her words.

Stepping back from the wall, my cock slipped out of her as I turned us around and threw her face down on the bed. Raine scrambled to her hands and knees as I crawled in behind her, tapped her legs apart with my knees, and drove into her again.

Pulling back, I grasped her hips in my hands and shoved into her as hard as I could, making her jump and cry out. She pressed her forehead against the mattress and tried to stifle herself as I moved in and out, twisting and shifting my hips to change the angle and pressure. I wanted her to be sore in the morning. I wanted her to remember every fucking second of my cock being inside of her.

For all I knew, this would be our last time together.

I flipped her over on her back and entered her again. Reaching for her wrists, I held them both in one hand over her head as the other hand caressed the skin up and down her side. I gripped one breast, then the other, never stopping the strokes inside her body as she lay below me, gazing up with hooded eyes.

As we moved, I could see in her eyes everything she had been through since we were last together: her kidnapping and imprisonment in this little shed of an apartment; her forced motherhood; the willpower she maintained to embrace it all for my sake. Everything she had, she offered to me with her eyes.