Surviving Regret
Copyright © 2016 by Megan Smith Production, LLC.
All Rights Reserved.
This book may not be reproduced, scanned or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission from the author. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. All characters and storylines are the property of the author and your support and respect is appreciated. The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author.
The following story contains mature themes, strong language and sexual situations. It is intended for adult readers.
Cover Design: Marisa Shor/Cover Me Darling
Edited and Formatted by Elaine York/
Allusion Graphics, LLC/Publishing & Book Formatting
If you’re a new reader of mine be sure to check out the added
FULL BOOK BONUS
at the end! Enjoy!
“You just do it. You force yourself to do it. You force yourself to put one foot in front of the other, and God damn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about your business of living. There is no other way.”
Elizabeth Taylor
Table of Contents
How everything changed
December 3, 2010
Macy
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
I look over at the clock on the wall—three minutes have passed since the last time I looked at it. I glance around the classroom and notice no one else is really paying attention to Mrs. Bishop, our Calculus teacher, as she goes on and on about transcendental functions.
Who the hell is ever going to use this in the real world?
This is the last class before the big pep rally for the football championship game that is being held in Portland. We are set to play Lake Oswego High School and we are the favorite to win this game. There is so much excitement pumping in the air that no one is concentrating on much of anything. Everywhere you look everyone is dressed in our school colors to support our players.
I glance back over to the clock again, five minutes have passed, though it feels like an eternity. Groaning, I sit in my chair and blow a piece of hair out of my face.
I sigh and Landon Hayes, my boyfriend, chuckles and raises an eyebrow at me, “One might think you were playing in the game tomorrow, babe.”
I turn my head smiling, “I feel like I am.” Landon’s eyes are an obsession of mine. All he needs to do is give me a look and I melt into a puddle. I shouldn’t because God knows that Landon uses those piercing blue eyes on every girl on this Earth to get what he wants. If it’s not his eyes, it’s his delicious body. He never has a shirt on. An eighteen-year-old should not have a body like Landon does. All the hours that he spends in the gym shows, he’s not huge but he’s got defined muscle in all the right places, which gives him good reason to walk around without a shirt on.
Landon reaches into his pocket and pulls out a folded piece of paper. He looks up to make sure the teacher has her back toward us before slipping it into my hand. Yeah, he could have texted me but the chance of getting caught is greater and I secretly love the little notes. They’ve been our thing for years. I stare into his penetrating eyes wondering how I got so lucky with a boy like Landon. He’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of, and then some.
With a sly smile, I unfold the small piece of green paper then glance up to make sure I’m not going to get caught reading it. When I know I’m in the clear, I look down at the note that simply says, “I love you.”
Grateful now that I touched up my lipstick before class I bring the piece of paper to my lips and kiss it. Landon isn’t watching me, he’s looking straight ahead acting like every once in while he isn’t stealing glances my way. I fold the note back up then place it in his lap leaving my hand on his thigh for a few extra seconds. He throws me a look, one I know well. The one that tells me he is thinking of us, alone, locked behind a closed door and stripped bare.
This has become a tradition between us this year. He slips me the piece of paper, I kiss it and then he tucks it into his football pants right before game time. Canby High School is undefeated so far this year, Landon says it’s because of our notes. It’s his lucky charm.
Landon shifts his body toward mine but not enough to cause anyone to look his way but enough for me to know that I’m affecting him.
“Don’t start what you can’t finish, Macy.” His breathing getting faster. “I’ve warned you before.”
I squirm in my seat remembering just last week when I pushed him too far in gym class.
We were playing baseball out on the back field behind the high school and I was up to bat. I knew Landon was watching me, he always does. He gave me a few pointers on how to hit the ball that Mr. McCoy was throwing. I listened but I also didn’t like being told what to do. I had a few pointers of my own I was about to show him. Right before I was up to bat I rolled the waist of my shorts up just a little higher than I normally would have worn them before grabbing a helmet and bat. When I walked up I got into position and heard Landon yell, “Come on, Macy, I know you can do it.”
Oh, I could do it alright.
I bent my knees and stuck my ass out knowing I was giving Landon a show as I glanced over my shoulder. Landon was standing there with his mouth open; I winked and faced Mr. McCoy. Needless to say, I hit a double on the first try.
Landon was quiet the rest of the game but he watched my every move with dark, hooded eyes. I knew I was in trouble. When Mr. McCoy called the game and everyone headed for the locker room, Landon had other plans for us. He grabbed hold of my arm and dashed behind the dugout.
“Landon,” I said. “What are you doing?”
“Showing you that two can play your little game, Macy.” Then he slammed his mouth against mine and the rest of the world quickly faded away. We were twenty minutes late for our next class and earned a detention because we didn’t have passes.
Since Landon has a big game tomorrow I didn’t want to distract him anymore than necessary so I moved my hand away and placed it on my own lap. He groans softly but does nothing because he knows he doesn’t need the distraction as well.
Mrs. Bishop turns to look at the clock just as the bell rings. Everyone jumps up quickly as she yells about studying over the weekend for the test on Monday. It is useless really considering no one is paying attention in class. Besides, who the hell assigns homework over the championship football game weekend? She better plan on curving the grades for the majority of the class if she’s actually expecting any of us to crack a book this weekend.
Landon grabs my book bag, his jersey riding up slightly exposing his back, and then reaches for my hand. We walk out of the classroom just as our friends Steven, Alexa, Madison, and Cash walk out of theirs. Landon turns in my direction to lean down and place a kiss on my lips. I’m not one for PDA most of the time, but when he touches me it’s like he casts a spell over my entire being and nothing else matters.
He leans his forehead against mine, “I’ll see you in a little bit, babe.”
“Okay,” I whisper leaning forward to kiss him again. His body inclines against mine with each passing second. It’s just the two of us in our own little world.
I barely register someone clearing their throat until Landon smiles against my lips. He places one more kiss on my lips before pulling back.
Leaning against the wall with my shoulder, cheeks flushed, I slowly die of humiliation at having been watched. I feel my twin sister, Madison, and my best friend, Alexa’s, eyes on me but I don’t look at them. I can’t. Instead I glance over at Landon who is doing his guy handshake with Cash, my sister’s boyfriend, and Steven, Alexa’s boyfriend.
“You ready?” Cash asks Landon, watching Madison walk toward him.
“Oh, yeah,” Landon reaches out to lightly punch his shoulder, “you?”
“Yep.”
“No one cares about me?” Steven fakes looking hurt that no one asks him if he’s ready.
Landon and Cash start laughing, “We don’t need to know if you’re ready, you
always
are.” Landon answers.
The guys laugh as Cash pushes Steven down the hall, “Let’s go before coach bitches about us being late again.”
Yeah, they’re always late but this school would wait forever for these guys who play with their hearts and souls out there on the field.
The three of them make their way down the hall to the locker room. I catch up with my sister and Alexa who are watching them walk away.
Alexa sighs watching Steven retreating. “How’d we get so lucky?”
I huff, “I was just thinking the same thing a few minutes ago.”
“Don’t you girls mean how did
they
get so lucky?” Madison pipes up.
Alexa shakes her head and reaches for the lock on her locker beside me. She opens it and tosses her books inside. Stacey, one of the cheerleaders, is coming down the hallway heading for the gym. She’s one of those girls who think just because she’s a cheerleader she owns the school. Little does she know, she doesn’t, and mostly everyone here at Canby High hates her. Stacey is always walking the halls with her nose stuck up in the air, something none of us can stand.
Madison stands up straighter when she notices and squares her shoulders. Alexa looks over at us then turns her head in the other direction just as Stacey stops in front of us. I place my hands on my hips and square my shoulders preparing for another battle.